by Sharon Sala
“He’s here and already ready to go. I expect he’s waiting in the living room.”
“Or in the kitchen, eating.”
Sophie laughed. “Well yes, there’s that. Now let’s get this dress on and pick out which shoes you’re going to wear.”
The dress had been hanging in her closet since the end of March. The fabric was pink with tiny white polka dots in a retro-style that suited Ellie Wayne—cap sleeves, a square neckline, and a tulip-shaped skirt. At the time it had seemed the perfect choice for her send-off to adulthood only to have it turn out she should be wearing black.
“You look like a picture,” Sophie said, as she zipped up the back of Ellie’s dress. “And speaking of pictures, don’t forget your camera.”
“Daddy has it.”
“You know he’s going to ride with us,” Sophie said.
Ellie’s jaw tightened. “Yes.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but at times like this I think a cease-fire is called for. It’s not every day a person graduates high school, and it’s a parent’s right to be there . . . if, of course, they’ve done their parental duties.”
“Oh, he’s been a very hands-on parent,” Ellie muttered.
Sophie beamed. “Then it will be fine. You’ll see.”
Ellie shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It will all be over soon.”
Sophie frowned. “That sounds so permanent. You need to be thinking of the future, not ending one.”
“I’m thinking all the time,” Ellie said.
“Okay. You’re zipped. Your hair is perfect. All you need is the cap and gown.”
“On a hanger by the door.”
“Then we’re ready to go. My, my, this has been quite an event to get ready for. I had no idea. Did I remember lipstick? Is my hair okay?”
“You look perfect,” Ellie said.
Sophie’s lips pursed. “Well, not perfect, I’m sure. Now let’s go find Wyatt and your Daddy.”
When they got to the living room, Daddy was wearing his best suit with camera in hand. He stood the moment he saw Ellie. “You look beautiful.”
“She does, doesn’t she?” Sophie said. “Where’s Wyatt?”
“I’m here.”
Ellie retrieved her cap and gown. “We need to leave. I don’t want to be late.”
Obviously keeping his distance, Daddy opened the door then stepped back. “After you.”
Ellie stopped, fixing him with a pointed look. “Wyatt and I are sitting in the back. Sophie will ride up front with you.”
His nostrils flared. “Whatever you want.” It was the only sign he gave of his displeasure.
The gymnasium was decorated with blue and gold, the school colors. Banners were draped along the sides of the bleachers while the floor had been set up for the graduating seniors. A temporary stage was at the far end of the gym where the school personnel would be sitting during the ceremony.
The energy inside was so high it felt like the air was buzzing. Memphis High School was about to eject another set of seniors out into the world with a pat on the back and a diploma that guaranteed nothing without some initiative to go with it.
Ellie had incentive, but her goal had been sideswiped. The lobby of the gym was awash with young girls on the verge of being women. Some wore their finery well. Others appeared awkward, as if they were playing dress-up and at any minute someone was going to call them on the charade.
Ellie felt like she was in a play and everyone around her were actors. Any minute someone was going to pop up and yell “Cut” and it would all go back to normal. She’d seen Cinnamon once on the other side of the gymnasium. She’d waved and then disappeared in the crowd. Ellie guessed it was a little awkward for Cin to be here. If she’d stayed in school she’d be graduating with them tonight.
But for Ellie, an even stranger event than graduation was taking place. Classmates who’d never passed the time of day with her were pulling her into their group photos, and then jumping into the shots Daddy was taking of her. It was surreal. Where had they been when she’d needed them? Her life was finally coming together while she was physically coming apart.
On top of everything else, there was a glitter in Daddy’s eye that made her nervous. She couldn’t help but remember the videos he was fond of making and wondered what he was thinking as he took pictures now. Finally, she called a halt.
“That’s enough, Daddy. We have to be seated. Come on, Wyatt. The program is about to start.”
“I’ll be right up there on the fourth row,” he said, pointing to the seat another parent was saving for him.
“And I’ll be with him,” Sophie said.
Ellie didn’t care where Daddy sat as long as it was a good distance away from her.
Within moments, the chaos out in the lobby began to wane. Students lined up in alphabetical order. When the processional began to play, they filed into the gym and took their seats.
Ellie stood tight-lipped with her head up and her eyes open as the class president opened the ceremony with a prayer. She wasn’t praying and no one could make her. She and God had already had a parting of the ways. It had taken a lot of years for her to accept that she was on her own.
The class valedictorian and salutatorian gave their speeches, talking about bright futures and looking onward and upward and how they would always value the bonds they had made at Memphis High. Ellie listened, but connected with none of it. It was as if she’d spent her entire educational experience in an alternate universe, popping in to this one now and then to take tests and move on to the next grade. Their voices began to drone. She was getting hot and a little sick at her stomach and wished this would be over. When she heard Wyatt sigh, she realized he was feeling the same thing.
When the presentation of diplomas began it was none too soon. Ellie wondered if anyone had ever thrown up on the stage and hoped she made it through without becoming the first.
“How many seniors are there?” Wyatt whispered.
“Two hundred and twenty-three.”
Wyatt groaned. Diplomas were presented alphabetically and with the last name of Wayne, they’d be here a while.
“Dad’s looking at us.”
“Let him look.”
“Sophie waved.”
“I can’t look, Wyatt. Stop pushing it.”
“Hang tough, Ellie. It’s almost over.”
Not quite, Ellie thought, but wouldn’t let herself go there. She could only handle one traumatic event at a time.
After a while, her mind began to wander from how she was going to get out of the house tomorrow without waking anyone up, to the color of the girl’s hair in the row in front of her. The red was so shocking and obviously artificial that she kept wondering if it came off on the pillow when she slept. She tried to remember her name but couldn’t, which was pathetic.
At that point Ellie had another revelation. She had no right to be pissed at her classmates for ignoring her existence when she didn’t know them any better. What was it Sophie always said about karma? Oh yes—everything you give out in life will be returned to you twofold. Since she’d made no attempt to befriend anyone, they’d definitely returned the favor.
Whatever.
“Hey Ellie, it’s time.”
Wyatt’s warning reset Ellie’s focus. She fussed with her gown as they stood up and filed into the constantly moving line. That was when she tuned in to the names being called.
“We’re almost there,” Wyatt said softly.
Ellie felt his presence as surely as if they were holding hands. Being twins was amazing—the ability to tune in to each other without a physical connection—a gift.
Ellie reached the steps to the stage.
Only two students ahead of her.
She began walking up the steps. Now only one more ahead.
Then she was standing on the stage, watching Principal Warden’s mouth forming the words that said her name.
“Elizabeth Ann Wayne.”
As she began
walking toward him, everything around her faded away. She didn’t hear the crowd’s applause or even hear them call Wyatt’s name. The only thing she saw was the diploma Principal Warden was holding.
It was physical proof that Garrett Wayne’s tenuous hold on her life was almost over. She had Momma’s money, her education and Wyatt. All she had to do now was get rid of her last tie to Daddy and start over.
Chapter Seventeen
To Garrett’s consternation, Sophie chattered all the way home. He wanted to talk to Ellie, to hear what she thought about this milestone in her life, but Ellie wouldn’t look at him.
“Didn’t Ellie look beautiful?” Sophie asked. “I swear pink is certainly her color. I suppose it’s her fair complexion and blue eyes, but it does complement her nicely. I hear Ellie and Wyatt got their complexions from their mother. It’s obvious they didn’t get it from you with your red hair and green eyes. Not that there’s anything wrong with red hair and green eyes, you understand. Wyatt and Ellie have your height, though. I know we’re not supposed to envy, but I always wanted to be taller.”
Garrett nodded in all the right places and kept on driving when in actuality, he wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up. Finally, they were home. He pulled into the drive and parked.
Sophie gasped. “Well my goodness, we’re already here. I had no idea.”
“And none too soon enough,” Garrett muttered.
“What was that?” Sophie asked.
“Nothing. I was just talking to myself.”
“Oh. Well, I’m hard of hearing now, you know.”
“So I’ve heard,” Garrett said, and got out.
Ellie bolted from the backseat with her door key in hand and was in the house before Garrett could lock the car. He cursed beneath his breath as he hurried to catch up. She was on her way out of the kitchen when he got inside.
“Ellie. Wait.”
She had a don’t-mess-with-me look on her face when she turned around.
“I have a graduation present for you.”
“I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from you.”
Garrett shoved a hand through his hair in frustration. “I know that, but if your Mother was still alive, she would have been the one doing this now and not me.”
That was the last thing Ellie expected him to say. “Doing what?”
Garrett took a small box from the top of the refrigerator and handed it to her.
“Nothing for Wyatt?”
“It’s a girl thing. When you see it, you’ll understand.”
“It’s okay, Ellie. Open it and see what it is,” Wyatt said.
Ellie gave Garrett a suspicious look.
“I swear this has nothing to do with me,” Garrett said, and took yet another step back. “Just look at the damned thing.”
Sophie clapped her hands. “Oh Ellie, hurry. I can’t wait to see.”
Ellie tossed her cap and gown over the back of a chair and then took the lid off the box. She recognized it instantly. The diamond ring that Momma always wore on her right hand.
“Your momma said it was a family heirloom and that her grandmother sewed it into the hem of her coat and smuggled it out of Poland just before World War I broke out in Europe. Ever since, tradition was to pass it down to the eldest daughter on her eighteenth birthday. If you remember, I was persona non grata on that occasion, so I saved it for graduation. You can have it sized if it doesn’t fit.”
Ellie slipped the ring onto the finger of her right hand and stifled a gasp when it fit. There was a moment of emotional connection to her mother that was so strong she wanted to weep, and then she remembered why Momma was no longer here.
“It would have been nice if Momma had been thinking of me before she swallowed that butt load of pills. I could have used her back-up instead of a three-carat diamond, but I appreciate the sentiment and will treat it with the reverence it deserves.”
Garrett didn’t know whether that was a thank you, or a brief lesson in parental failure. “Well, then that’s that.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of champagne. “I thought we would celebrate this night with some bubbly.”
Shock was evident in Ellie’s voice. “Seriously, Daddy? That’s illegal. I’m too young to drink.”
Wyatt hesitated. “I might try—”
“Indeed you won’t,” Sophie said, giving Garrett the evil eye. “I’m sorry, Garrett, but offering your own children alcohol is not appropriate.”
Having said her piece, Sophie exited with Ellie and Wyatt in tow.
“Right,” Garrett said, then turned around and popped the top on the bottle, grabbed a glass and walked out of the kitchen, leaving them all behind.
He stomped all the way down the hall while his sense of injustice continued to build, locked himself inside his room, poured a glass of champagne, popped in a video of Ellie and Wyatt at the age of ten and proceeded to get shit-faced drunk while Ellie lay wide-eyed and sleepless in her bedroom, waiting for morning.
It was just after daybreak when Ellie tiptoed out of the bathroom. She didn’t want to wake Wyatt and explain why she wasn’t sleeping in, but according to the checklist she’d gotten from the abortion center, there were things that had to be done before she arrived.
1. Shower.
Check.
2. Shoes with socks and a two-piece loose-fitting outfit.
Check.
She got the loose-fitting outfit, but the need for socks seemed odd. She supposed it would
all become clear after she got there.
3. Proper underwear for a sanitary pad.
Check.
That meant the thong underwear she didn’t own wouldn’t have worked. Goody for her.
4. Do not eat or drink anything for four hours before procedure.
Check.
No problem. At the moment, food was not a priority in her life.
5. You may bring a support person with you, but NO CHILDREN ARE ALLOWED.
Except for the one she was bringing with her.
Ironic, but logical. No children allowed, alive or dead.
6. You may bring a book to pass the time, which will extend from two to three hours.
Not so much.
So what kind of reading should one take to an abortion? War and Peace? To Kill a Mockingbird? Maybe Treasure Island because she definitely felt deserted.
Ellie got her purse, checking again to make sure the needed cash was still there. It was going to cost exactly $395.00 to remove her last tie to Daddy. Ellie had decided years ago that it wasn’t safe to be a child, and the easiest way to protect them was not to bring them into the world.
The first thing she heard when she opened the door was the sound of snoring coming from the end of the hall.
Good. He was sleeping in.
She walked quietly through the house, and then to her car. After the dry run she’d made last week, she knew the way and didn’t want to be late. The abortion clinic operated on a first-come, first-served basis and the sooner this was over, the better.
It was six minutes to eight when she pulled into the parking lot. When another car pulled in to the space beside her, Ellie got out and headed to the entrance. She hadn’t planned on standing outside for everyone to see, but she wanted to be the first in line. As soon as that became fact, she relaxed. She’d done her job just by getting here. The rest was up to the people inside.
She heard footsteps coming up behind her before being swarmed by the cloying scent of a very sweet perfume. At that point she caught a glimpse of the woman’s reflection in the front door glass. She had painted-on eyebrows giving her a look of permanent surprise, yellow-blonde hair tied up in a ponytail and lips that looked like she’d bitten into a hive of bees. A serious case of collagen overload, but Ellie knew it wasn’t proper to judge others so she looked away. She would have liked to spend these few minutes in silence, but it appeared that wouldn’t be the case.
“Hey sugar, how’s it going?”
Instead of turning
around to speak face to face, Ellie looked at the reflection. “Doesn’t the fact that I am here already answer your question?”
The woman laughed. “Sorry. Nervous chitchat and all that. So I’m Bev. What’s your name?”
“Alice. My name is Alice.”
Bev laughed. “As in Wonderland, I guess.”
“As in Wonderland.”
Bev stepped sideways, obviously to get a better view of Ellie’s face. “Wow, you’re young.”
“Yes I am.”
“Are you nervous?”
Ellie sighed. “Not anymore.”
“So I guess this is your first time?” Bev asked.
The question startled Ellie, enough so she actually turned around to face her inquisitor. “It’s not yours?”
“Naw. Third. Maybe third time’s a charm and all that.”
“Did you never hear of using protection?”
Bev arched an eyebrow. “Where do you get off asking me that? You obviously fucked up, too, or you wouldn’t be here.”
Anger shot through Ellie so fast it was all she could do not to hit her. “No. I didn’t fuck up. I was raped. Stop talking to me.” She turned around and unconsciously hunched her shoulders, trying to make herself as small as possible.
“Sorry, kid.”
“So am I.”
The last few minutes were passed in an uncomfortable silence. When they finally opened the doors, Ellie made a beeline for the check-in desk.
They wanted an ID and the cash before sending her to the lab. She wanted a life do-over so she supplied what they needed.
When she finished at the lab, she was sent to view the “informative video” about what to expect. After a few moments of viewing, she decided they had understated informative. She had an actual moment of shock at how the procedure would take place, but it didn’t lessen her intent. It did occur to her that the person who needed to be watching this was Daddy. He was the one who needed to live with this on his conscience, not her. She remembered Momma telling her once that in life, it was always the women who carried the burden because Eve had sinned in the Garden of Eden. Ellie mentally added Eve to the list of people who’d screwed up her life.
