by Laura Farr
“I wish you’d talked to me honey.”
“Me too Mom…” I trailed off. “Do you think Brody knows how I feel about Josh?”
She smiled. “I don’t think so—men don’t seem to notice these things.”
“Dad’s going to be mad, isn’t he?” I asked, nervous for her reply.
“He’s not going to be happy. You might be 21, but you’re still his little girl. He’ll come around though—he loves you. When are you going to tell him?”
“Tonight. No more secrets.”
“Was everything okay at the doctor? I’m glad Libby was with you.”
“Everything was fine. We heard the heartbeat and I got some pictures, would you like to see?” I asked cautiously. I knew she’d said she would support me, but I was still apprehensive to see her reaction.
“Yes, I’d love to.” She gave me an encouraging smile and I ran upstairs, digging in my purse for the pictures. Coming back into the kitchen, I laid them on the table for her to see. I watched her as she reached her hand up to cover her mouth. “My baby’s having a baby,” she muttered behind her hand, looking down in awe.
“I can find out the sex at the next appointment.”
“Will you let me come with you?”
I nodded, tears filling my eyes again. I didn’t know if it was all the hormones racing around my body or what, but I’d never cried as much as I had the past month. “Thank you,” I told her, grateful she was being so supportive. It wasn’t the reaction I had expected. “I thought you were going to hate me.”
“Savannah, I could never hate you—you’re my daughter. I won’t say I’m not a little disappointed. I would have liked to see you finish university and settle before you had a baby, but it’s happening and there isn’t much we can do to change that. Have you thought about what you’ll do about school?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I can’t see how I can have a baby and continue with my degree, but maybe I can pick it back up in a few years. I’ll need to get a job though.” I desperately wanted to finish school and graduate, but it was an hour-long drive to Austin each day and I didn’t see how I could commute once the baby came.
“There will always be a job for you on the ranch Sav, you know that.” I gave her a small smile, overwhelmed by her support. “Right, let’s get dinner cooked. Your dad and brother will be home soon.”
I watched as she busied herself in the kitchen. I offered to help but was told to stay put at the table and rest. My mind swirled with thoughts of how I was going to break the news to my dad and Brody. Glancing at the clock, I realized I wouldn’t have long to figure it out as they were due back any minute. I quickly gathered the sonogram pictures and slipped them into my pocket.
Ten minutes later, I heard the front door open. Nerves fluttered in my stomach and I tapped my fingers on the table. “Hey baby,” I heard my dad call out to my mom from the kitchen door. “Hey Sav.” I raised my hand in a wave, my back to the door.
“Hi honey. Jump in the shower, dinner won’t be long.”
“Will do, hope there’s enough for one more. Josh is tagging along, he’s just helping Brody put the last of the horses away.” I felt the color drain from my face. Thankfully, since my back was to my dad, he couldn’t see my reaction. My mom caught my eye and gave me a small smile.
“I always make more than I need, you know that,” she told him.
“Great, back in 10,” my dad called out as he headed upstairs to shower.
“Are you okay sweetheart?” she asked me quietly.
I shook my head. “I can’t tell Dad yet, not with Josh here. I’ll tell him later when he’s gone.”
“Okay honey.”
I stood up. “I’m going to my room. I’ll have dinner up there—I can’t sit and make small talk with him, it’s too hard.”
“Oh Sav, don’t. You can’t avoid him forever—he’s Brody’s best friend.”
“I can’t face him, not today. I’m sorry.”
She sighed. “Okay, I’ll bring you a plate up when it’s ready. I’ll tell everyone you aren’t feeling well.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly as I left the kitchen, wanting to get upstairs before Brody and Josh came in from the stables.
I spent the evening in my room. Mom brought me up a plate of food, which I barely touched. I just didn’t have an appetite. Libby texted me after she arrived, realizing I wouldn’t be joining them. My mom had obviously taken her to the side and talked to her, telling her she knew about the baby. She’d understood why I wasn’t at dinner and said she would come up and see me before they left.
I’d been in my room about an hour when I heard a knock on my door. Thinking it was Libby, I called out, “Come in.” I was lying on my bed reading a book Libby had been gushing about and I looked up as my door opened, only to see Josh walk in. “Josh!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here?” I quickly sat up, tugging my t-shirt down over my stomach. I was only wearing my pajama shorts and a top, and I felt self-conscious because they weren’t covering much. I watched as his eyes tracked over my body.
“Ermm…” he mumbled as he shook his head. “Your mom said you weren’t feeling well, so I just came to see if you were okay.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “You came to see if I was okay?” I asked in disbelief.
I heard him sigh. “Sav, I know things have been a bit weird between us since…” He trailed off.
“Since I threw myself at you and you rejected me?” I filled in as I looked him in the eye. He held my gaze before turning to close the bedroom door. He crossed the room and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Yes.” He paused. “Since then. I’m sorry if I hurt you Savannah. I never intended to.” He reached for my hand, holding it tightly in his.
I looked down at our joined hands, goose bumps erupting up my arm from his touch. “I couldn’t figure you out Josh. One minute we’d be having a great time, dancing and flirting, then the next time we’d all go out, you’d flaunt some girl in my face. In the end, it was easier not to be around you.”
“I’m sorry Sav. I’m an idiot.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter now. You’ve moved on, I’ve moved on…it’s just the way it is.”
“You’ve moved on? Are you dating someone?” he asked, sounding surprised. “Brody never mentioned it.”
“Brody doesn’t know everything,” I replied. I felt bad that I was lying to him, but there was no way I was telling him the truth. I knew he’d find out sooner or later, but I didn’t want to be the one to tell him.
“I’ve tried to talk to you so many times, but you’re always avoiding me. Are you up here because you didn’t want to see me?” he asked quietly.
“You think a lot of yourself, don’t you? I’m here because I have a headache. It’s been a long day.” I closed my eyes, sighing deeply. “It’s been a long few weeks,” I mumbled.
“Sorry, I just thought…”
“You thought I was sitting up here pining for you? Well I’m not—I’ve got bigger things to worry about.” I knew I was being a bitch, but I couldn’t help myself.
“What do you mean? What are you worrying about?” His voice was laced with concern. “You can talk to me.”
I pulled my hand from his. “Nothing Josh, and you’re the last person I can talk to. I think it’s best that you leave.”
I watched as his face fell and I felt awful, but I couldn’t be pulled back into whatever game he was playing. I couldn’t be that girl again, the one who was desperately waiting to be noticed. I had somebody else to think about now and I had to put the baby first. I subconsciously touched my hand to my stomach. Fortunately, Josh didn’t seem to notice as he stood up to leave.
“I’m sorry Sav,” he said again.
“Me too Josh.” A single tear slipped down my cheek and he dropped his eyes from mine, shaking his head as he saw it. I closed my eyes and when I opened them a few seconds later, he was gone. I lay down on my bed, curled up, and cried.
“It’s Mom, can I come in?”
“Yes,” I replied, watching as the door opened.
“Josh just left. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stop him from coming up here without making a scene. He looked upset when he came back down.” As she got closer to my bed, she frowned as she looked at me. “Have you been crying? What happened?”
I quickly filled her in on my conversation with Josh and she pulled me into a hug. “He sounds confused honey.”
“I don’t have time for confused. I have bigger things to focus on.”
“Yes, you do. Are you going to come down and talk to your dad?” she asked, giving me a small smile.
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, let’s get this over with.”
I followed her downstairs and into the sitting room where Dad and Brody were discussing something they needed to fix the next day. Libby and Mason were cuddled up on the loveseat. “Hey Sav, are you feeling better?” Lib asked as she saw me walk in.
“Hi Lib, hi Mason. I’m feeling much better. Sorry I couldn’t make dinner.”
“Ryan, Brody, can you listen for a minute? Savannah needs to talk to us,” I heard my mom say from behind me. I looked over at Libby and she nodded, smiling encouragingly.
“What’s up sweetheart?” my dad asked, turning to face me. I sat down on the sofa next to him, my hands fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” I closed my eyes, not wanting to see how disappointed my dad was going to be. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what!” he shouted, jumping up off the sofa. “Who’s the bastard I have to kill? Who’s the father Savannah?” I’d opened my eyes by then, but I wished I hadn’t. Looking up at my dad, I saw his face was like thunder, and what I had to tell him next was only going to make him even angrier.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?! How can you not know?” he bellowed in disbelief.
“Ryan, calm down, please,” my mom begged, walking over to him and putting her hand on his arm.
“Calm down? She’s pregnant Claire! Pregnant, and she doesn’t know who the father is! Did you know about this?”
“Yes, she told me earlier today. She wanted to tell us together, but she got upset and confided in me. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s happening and we need to face it as a family. She’s scared, Ryan, and she needs us,” my mom pleaded with him. Libby had left Mason’s side and was now sitting next to me on the sofa, holding me as I sobbed against her shoulder.
“Not ideal? She’s ruined her life!” he exclaimed, storming out of the lounge.
“Ryan, where are you going?” my mom shouted after him, following him out of the room.
“Sav,” I heard Brody say. I looked up to see him kneeling in front of me. “He’ll come around, he’s just in shock.”
“Do you hate me too?” I asked him quietly.
“No, of course not, and Dad doesn’t hate you either. You’re his little girl, and I think the idea that you’re having sex is enough to tip him over the edge, let alone you having a baby.” He smiled at me reassuringly. “It will be okay, I promise.”
“Thank you,” I said through my tears, throwing my arms around him.
“I’ll do whatever I can to help you Sav. You won’t be on your own. I’m going to be an uncle,” he said with a grin.
My mom came bustling back into the room. “Are you okay Savannah?” she asked, sitting down next to me.
I nodded. “Is Dad okay? I’ve never seen him like that before.”
She sighed. “He’s upset honey, but he’ll get used to the idea. It’s just going to take some time.”
“Where is he? Should I go talk to him?” I asked, desperate for him not to hate me.
“He’s in the stables, but I think it’s best you leave it until he’s calmed down, maybe tomorrow. I think we should all get some sleep. It’s been a long day, and everything will look better in the morning.” I nodded, hoping she was right.
We said goodbye to Libby and Mason, Libby hugging me tightly as she left. My mom walked me to my room. “Try to get some sleep sweetheart, this can’t be good for the baby. Everything will be okay, try not to worry.”
“Thank you.” I kissed her goodnight and climbed into bed. My hand cradled my tiny bump as the tears fell. I had known my dad was going to be disappointed, but I’d never expected him to react like that, and I prayed this wouldn’t ruin my relationship with him. My baby wasn’t going to know its father, but I wanted it to have a relationship with its Pops. I could only hope my mom and Brody were right, and he would eventually come around to the idea.
A week had passed since I’d told my dad about the baby, and things were strained, to say the least. I’d barely seen him around the house. He would make a point to be out before I woke up, and although he would be home for dinner, he struggled to look me in the eye, and our conversations were minimal. I was devastated; I had always been close to my dad and knowing I didn’t have his support made me question if I was doing the right thing in deciding to keep the baby.
Both my mom and Brody had tried to reason with him, but he’d brushed them off, refusing to talk about it. I’d wanted to speak to him too, but I hadn’t been alone with him long enough to try. The atmosphere in the house when we were all there was horrible, and I hated that I was causing problems in the family.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for my mom to come home. I needed to talk to her. I’d been thinking over the past few days about how I could make things easier for everyone. I couldn’t bear to be in the house knowing I was making everyone miserable; I knew my parents were arguing because of me, and I hated it. Despite my dad’s reaction, I’d decided I couldn’t terminate the pregnancy, and I also couldn’t go down the adoption route. As scary as it was, this baby was coming.
When Grandpa had died a couple of years before, he’d left me and Brody a fair amount of money each. I’d used some of mine when I bought my car, and the rest had gone into a savings account, which I hadn’t touched since. The plan had been to save it and use it as a deposit on a house when the time was right. I’d been thinking lately that I would need to dip into it until I was able to get a job.
Grandpa had lived on the ranch in a small cottage behind the main house. It had been empty since he’d died, and I wondered if my parents would mind me moving in there. It was small, but it had two bedrooms and would be an ideal space for me and the baby. It even had its own small garden. I’d met Libby earlier for lunch and told her about my plan to move in there, and she’d thought it was a great idea.
I heard the front door open and my mom poked her head into the kitchen. “Hi sweetheart. How are you feeling?” she asked, coming in and dropping her bag on the table.
“I’m good, thanks. The nausea is beginning to wear off, thankfully.” I watched her as she put the coffee pot on. “Mom, I’ve been thinking…how would you feel if I moved into Grandpa’s cottage?”
“Grandpa’s cottage?” she asked, turning around to face me. “Why would you want to move in there?” The surprise was evident in her voice.
“I need to stand on my own two feet, even if I do need your help to do it. I can’t stay here and have the baby crying all night. It’s going to keep everyone awake. I can’t afford to rent anywhere at the moment, and I thought with Grandpa’s cottage being empty, I could put it to good use.”
“Sweetheart, we don’t want you to move out. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want—this is your home.”
“I know Mom, but I need to do this.”
“This is because of your dad, isn’t it?” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Stubborn, pig-headed man, he’s going to lose his daughter and grandchild if he’s not careful,” she mumbled, although I heard every word.
“That won’t happen Mom, I won’t
let it. This baby won’t have a father, but I won’t let it not know its Pops. He might hate me, but I know Dad—he’ll love my child.”
“He doesn’t hate you Savannah.” She walked across the kitchen and pulled me into a hug.
“I’m not so sure Mom.” I sighed as I hugged her back. “So,” I said, stepping out of the hug. “What do you think about me living in the cottage?” I asked again.
“Well, I’m not happy about it, but I can see why you want to do it. If you’re really sure about it then the cottage is yours.”
“And Dad won’t mind?”
“He won’t have a choice. This is my ranch as well as his, and you’re my daughter. Your grandpa loved that cottage, and he loved you. He would have loved the idea of you living there, I’m sure of it,” she told me with a reassuring smile. “We’ll go have a look after dinner—it’s going to need some tidying up.”
“Have a look at what?” I heard Brody say as he came into the kitchen, flopping down in the seat next to me.
“Hi Brode, I’m just talking to Mom about me moving into Grandpa’s cottage.”
“Why would you want to do that?” he asked, frowning at me.
“Brody, I’m having a baby. It’s going to cry all night and keep everyone awake, and I know how much you need your beauty sleep,” I joked, nudging my shoulder against his. “Plus, things with Dad aren’t good,” I said quietly with a loose shrug of my shoulders. “Maybe if I move out, things will get better.”
He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side. “Dad won’t want you to move out Sav, he’s just having a hard time accepting what’s happening. He’ll come around soon.”
“I hope you’re right, I really do, but I need to do this for me. I can’t rely on Mom and Dad forever. I’m going to be a mom myself soon, as scary as that might be.”
He pulled me tighter into his side. “You’re going to be a great mom.”
“Thank you,” I sighed, wondering how on earth I was going to cope alone with a baby.
“We’re going to have a look around the cottage after dinner. I think it’s going to need some work before I’m happy for my daughter and grandchild to live there,” my mom announced as she began preparing dinner.
