by Laura Farr
“Count me in, I’m happy to help. I’m going to jump in the shower.” He stood up and headed to the door. “Dad won’t be back until later, he’s working out some problem in the guest house,” he said before making his way upstairs.
I sighed. Dad always made it back for dinner, so I knew he was staying away because of me. My mom gave me a small smile.
“I know what you’re thinking honey, but I’m sure he really is working out a problem.” I nodded, not wanting to upset her. The sooner I had my own place, the better—at least then my dad wouldn’t avoid coming home.
An hour later, Mom, Brody, and I were standing inside the empty cottage. It had been over two years since I’d been there, and it was more rundown than I remembered. I felt my shoulders drop as I realized just how much work would need to be done before I could move in.
Grandpa’s things had been cleared out after he died so the cottage was empty. There was a fine layer of dust on the floor and window ledges, and the wallpaper was peeling from the walls. Everywhere needed a good clean and a fresh lick of paint. Wandering into the kitchen, I looked around; it was small, but big enough for me. The cabinets were old and needed repairing, and some of the doors were loose. The whole thing could do with a coat of paint. I felt my mom come up behind me.
“Are you sure you want to live here Savannah?” she asked, squeezing my shoulder. “Your home is still your home. No one is asking you to move out.”
I nodded. “It’s not that bad. It just needs a clean and a freshen up,” I told her, trying to convince myself it wasn’t as bad as it looked.
“Just head around the back of the house and keep walking. You’ll see the cottage, we’re right inside. Great, see you in five,” I heard Brody say, obviously on the phone with someone. I made my way back into the sitting room, my mom following me.
“Who was that Brode?” I asked him as I watched him slip his phone into his pocket.
“Josh. I called him after I showered earlier. I asked him to come see what needs looking at, although I’ve got to say Sav, it’s worse than I remember. Did Gramps really live in it in this state?” My eyes widened in horror. “What’s wrong? You don’t mind me asking him, do you?”
I could feel my heart pounding and the nervous butterflies taking flight in my stomach. Josh was the last person I wanted working on the cottage, though logically it made sense—he worked for his dad’s construction company and while his main job was as a carpenter, he was handy when it came to most things. I had planned to be helping out around the cottage as much as I could, and having Josh do the work would mean being in this tiny space alone with him. I wasn’t sure my battered heart was ready for that.
“Does he know about the baby?” I asked Brody. I felt my mom reach down and hold my hand, and I watched as Brody’s eyes fell to our joined hands.
“No, I haven’t really seen him since you told us last week. What’s going on?” He crossed his arms, a frown forming on his face.
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “Nothing’s going on, I just wasn’t ready to tell him about the baby yet, that’s all.”
“What baby?” I heard a voice say from the doorway of the cottage, a voice I recognized as Josh’s. My heart dropped and I squeezed my eyes closed. Taking a deep breath, I turned around. Opening my eyes to look at him, my breath caught in my throat—he looked incredible. He’d obviously come straight from work and was dressed in his black work pants with his work belt slung around his hips and a tight grey t-shirt stretched across his chest. As my eyes met his, he raised them in question.
“Brody, come look at these kitchen cabinets—I think we can get away with painting them,” I heard my mom say to Brody as she released my hand and guided him out of the lounge, leaving Josh and me alone.
“What’s going on Sav? Brody said you’re moving in here…why?” he asked quietly.
Dropping my eyes from his, I fixed them on the floor; I hadn’t wanted him to find out like this, but I couldn’t see a way of not telling him now.
“I’m pregnant,” I said slowly, not knowing how he would react. It shouldn’t have bothered him whether I was pregnant or not, but even so, I was nervous about telling him. The last time I’d seen him was in my bedroom the night I’d told my parents, and we hadn’t exactly parted on great terms.
“You’re pregnant?” he exclaimed. I looked up to see him shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. I swore his eyes flashed with hurt, but I had no idea why. “Did you know last week when I came for dinner?” I nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I hadn’t told anyone other than my mom and Lib.”
“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asked. “Shouldn’t he be here helping get this place ready?”
“There is no boyfriend.” I shook my head. “There never was.”
“But you said you were dating someone?”
“I never actually said that…” I trailed off.
“Why would you want me to think you were dating someone Savannah?” he asked, shaking his head again. I shrugged my shoulders. “Well if you’re not dating anyone, whose baby is it?”
I turned away from him, not wanting to see his face when he realized what a terrible person I was. “Just someone I met in a bar,” I mumbled. “I don’t know his name.” I waited a few moments for him to say something, but when I was met with silence, I slowly turned back around to face him. He was staring intently at me.
“I need to go,” he said, sounding angry as he walked backward toward the door, his eyes dropping to my tiny bump.
“What? Why?” Panic swirled in my stomach; he looked so hurt and angry. I knew he didn’t feel for me what I felt for him, but he had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember, and before things had gotten awkward between us, we were friends. I couldn’t bear the thought that this one mistake could lead to our friendship being over for good. He took one last look at me before turning and walking out of the cottage, the door slamming behind him. I was left standing alone in the room, tears running down my cheeks.
Brody came rushing in from the kitchen. “Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?” he asked, looking between me and Mom, who’d followed him out of the kitchen. “Why did Josh just storm out?”
I dropped my head into my hands, letting the tears flow. I felt my mom wrap her arms around me as she pulled me into a hug. “I think Savannah’s just a little overwhelmed by everything Brody. Maybe we should head home and come back in the morning to have a better look around.”
He eyed me suspiciously. “If you aren’t going to tell me what’s going on, I’ll just ask Josh,” Brody replied, reaching in his pocket for his phone.
“No!” I shouted, pulling away from my mom. “Brody, please just leave it.” I watched him as he looked down at my stomach.
Lifting his hand, he pointed at me. “Is the baby Josh’s?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“What! No. I told you I don’t know who the father is.”
“What was all that then?” he shouted, gesturing to the door Josh had just left through.
“Leave it Brody,” my mom said sternly.
I sighed. “It’s okay Mom, it’s time he knew.” I turned to face him, dragging in a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down. “Brody, I’ve been in love with Josh since before I really knew what love was.” I watched as his face clouded with confusion. “He doesn’t feel the same and things have been strained between us for the past few months. When I told him about the baby, he stormed out.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Just one more person who hates me.”
“In love with Josh?” he repeated in disbelief. “And he knows how you feel?”
“Well I’ve never actually told him in so many words, but yes, he knows.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“You always warned me about going after your friends, and I thought maybe you wouldn’t bring Josh home if you knew how I felt. Are you angry with me?”
“I’m not angry Sav. You can’t help
who you fall in love with, I just wish you’d told me.”
“I thought you’d be mad.”
He walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me, and I heard him sigh. “I told all the guys to stay away from you. I remember how we only thought with our dicks back when we were kids. I didn’t want any of them treating you like that, but we’re all grown up now, and even though you’ll always be my baby sister, if you wanted to be with Josh and he wanted the same, I wouldn’t stand in your way. I just want you to be happy.” I felt his arms tighten around me and he kissed me gently on the head.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it doesn’t matter now,” I said into his chest. “He’s not interested, and after finding out about the baby, I doubt he’ll even speak to me again.”
“It doesn’t sound like he’s not interested—why storm out if he wasn’t bothered?”
“He sees me as his little sister. Maybe he’s disappointed in me—Dad certainly is.”
He squeezed me tightly again before releasing me and turning to Mom. “Did you know about this?” he asked her.
She nodded. “Since she was about 15, I’ve seen the way she looks at him, although she only talked to me about it recently.” She gave me a sad smile.
“Is that why you stopped coming out with us?” he asked.
I nodded. “You know Josh, there was always a different girl hanging off him,” I said sadly. “I’d have to watch him all over some skank, but on the odd occasion a guy would ask me to dance, he’d go psycho on me and pull me off the dance floor. I couldn’t stand it in the end, and it was easier not to come out.”
“I can’t believe I missed it—I didn’t have a clue!” Brody exclaimed. “And Josh has never said anything.”
“Please don’t say anything to him,” I begged, watching as he nodded his head at me. “I didn’t want you to know. I thought I’d hidden my feelings well, but obviously not that well,” I said with a small smile as I looked over at my mom.
“Moms know everything,” she said, giving me a wink. “Come on, let’s head home. We can come back tomorrow after work and have another look at what needs to be done.”
I nodded, linking arms with my mom, suddenly feeling exhausted after the emotional run-in with Josh. We made the short walk back to the ranch house in silence; I was lost in thought, replaying the conversation with Josh. Dad was home when we got back and I didn’t have the energy for any sort of confrontation with him, so I headed straight up to my room, leaving my mom to tell him about the cottage.
After a quick shower, I crawled into bed. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t seem to switch my mind off enough to fall asleep, and thoughts of Josh swirled in my head. I couldn’t be with him the way I wanted to, especially now, but my childhood memories were full of him. I couldn’t imagine him hating me; avoiding him for the past few months had been hard enough.
I rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. I was terrified that I had lost two of the most important people in my life because of one mistake. After my visit to the obstetrician and hearing my baby’s heartbeat, I wouldn’t change what was happening; I just wished the circumstances were different. I could only hope my dad and Josh would come around to the idea, and I prayed it would be soon.
The next morning, I stood in front of the cottage dressed in an old top and a pair of old jeans I could just about squeeze into. My stomach seemed to be growing with each passing day, and I was beginning to notice that my clothes were getting tight. The nausea had returned with a vengeance that morning and I’d been sick twice, unable to face eating any breakfast. I couldn’t let that stop me though—I needed to do what I could in the cottage so I could move in as soon as possible. Mom and Brody had already left for work and I didn’t have any classes, so it seemed as good a day as any to make a start.
I clutched a bucket full of cleaning products in one hand and a mop in the other. Setting them down on the floor, I pushed on the door to the cottage, hearing it squeak as it opened. I made a mental note to ask Brody to take a look at it then picked the bucket back up and walked inside. Looking around, I realized a squeaky front door was the least of my problems.
The door opened straight into the empty sitting area, where there was a fireplace on one wall and a small window that looked out over the front garden. There was a large crack in the glass of the window, and it was so dirty that you couldn’t even see the small garden outside. There was a damp, musty smell throughout the whole cottage, and I guessed it was from it being closed up for so long, so I left the door open for the air to circulate.
I walked through into the small kitchen. Other than cleaning, there wasn’t much I could do in there that day. The cupboards needed attention, and it was a task that was beyond me. I made my way up the staircase in the sitting room and looked around the two bedrooms. One was slightly bigger than the other, and they were perfect for me and the baby. Despite the state of the cottage, excitement bubbled in my stomach at the thought of making this place my own.
I hurried down the stairs, eager to get started. Grabbing the bucket, I emptied the contents out and went into the kitchen to get some water. Thankfully the water was still connected and I was able to fill the bucket, albeit with cold water. I mopped the wooden floor in the sitting room, having to change the water several times before the floor even resembled how it should look. With a rug down on the floor and a blazing fire in the fireplace, I could see how cozy the room would eventually be.
I was emptying out the dirty water in the kitchen when I heard a voice call out, “Savannah, are you here?” I dropped the bucket in the sink and groaned. After throwing up that morning and spending nearly an hour cleaning the sitting room floor, the last thing I wanted to do was have another run-in with Josh. I thought maybe if I stayed in the kitchen, he’d think I wasn’t there and would leave. “It’s me, Josh. Can we talk?” I heard footsteps approaching the kitchen door before it swung open and he walked in. So much for hiding. Sighing, I slowly turned around to face him.
“Hi,” I said quietly, my eyes fixed on his feet. “What are you doing here?”
“I came over to apologize. I shouldn’t have stormed off like I did yesterday. You just took me by surprise, that’s all. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay, you reacted better than my dad,” I said, fiddling with the cloth in my hands.
“What do you mean? Is that why you’re moving in here? Is your dad throwing you out?” he asked, a horrified look on his face.
“He’s not throwing me out—he’d actually have to speak to me to do that.” I sighed. “He’s barely spoken to me since I told him last week, and things at home are…difficult. My parents are arguing, and my dad is always working late, trying to avoid me. I’m making their lives miserable, but it’s my decision to move out. The cottage is the best option I have.” I was mortified to feel a single tear slip down my cheek, and I desperately tried to brush it away before Josh saw, but I was too late. His eyes lowered to my cheek, and when he spotted the stray tear, he crossed the room in two strides, wrapping his arms around me.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered, stroking my hair. I felt my body sag against his and he tightened his hold on me. The stress of the past few weeks had finally caught up with me and before I knew it, I was crying into his t-shirt. “Everything will be okay, I promise.”
“I don’t think it will Josh. Nothing is ever going to be the same. My dad is so disappointed in me,” I said between sobs.
“He’ll come around, he’s just getting used to the idea.”
That was what Brody and my mom had said, but I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen. I pulled myself out of his arms, embarrassed that I’d cried all over him. “Sorry, I’ve got your t-shirt all wet.” I gestured to the wet mark on his chest.
He glanced down. “Don’t worry about it.” He paused. “Are you okay?” I nodded and gave him a small smile. “Should you be doing that…in your condition?” he asked, glancing at the bucket in the sink.
“I’m pregnant,
not sick, and I’m only cleaning the floors.”
He nodded before looking around the room. “This room could do with some work. I’ll just grab my stuff.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen.
“What stuff?” I asked, following him into the sitting room.
Looking back over his shoulder, he grinned. “My tools. I’m helping you Savannah.” He disappeared outside before I could answer him.
Josh spent the rest of the morning fixing the kitchen cupboards. It was a small kitchen so it didn’t take long. Once he’d tightened the loose doors, it looked a whole lot better. I followed him around cleaning each cupboard after he fixed it, and it soon became clear that with new handles and some fresh paint on the walls, the kitchen would look great. There was hardly any conversation between us, and it was starting to feel a bit awkward. We were constantly brushing up against each other because of the lack of space, and I was beginning to feel hot and bothered by how close we were getting.
“I think I need a drink. I’m going to head back to the house and grab some water. Do you want anything?” I asked him, backing toward the door, unable to remove my eyes from his gorgeous ass, which was currently in the air due to him being on his hands and knees under the sink. He sat back on his heels and turned to face me, catching me staring at him. I felt my face flush as our eyes met.
“A bottle of water would be great, thanks.”
I nodded as I turned and stumbled through the door. “Be right back,” I murmured, hearing him chuckle quietly behind me as I raced out the door, desperate to escape him for a few minutes. I took my time at the house, gathering the drinks and a few snacks as well as using the bathroom before heading back. Josh was waiting for me in the small front garden of the cottage.
“I was getting worried. You’ve been gone a while, everything okay?” he asked, glancing down at my stomach.
“I’m fine.” I threw him his bottle of water and flopped down on the grass. It was an unusually warm day for the time of year, and I was beginning to wish I’d worn shorts. “I brought some snacks in case you’re hungry,” I told him, tossing him a bag of chips.
