All the Way to Shore

by CJane Elliott

  Gratitude? The usual: good coffee, good music, my place to myself, Bunny the killer cat, Sophia the killer sister. Glad she got the internship at Lambda Legal and got herself out of that stupid situation with that guy. She told me she’s bisexual and has her eye on a nice girl. Maybe there’s hope for me too. Amen.

  PART TWO

  ONE YEAR LATER

  Chapter ONE

  CAPE COD—December 2015

  “TELL ME again why going on a cruise, of all things, is such a good idea?” Jonathan noted with satisfaction his lack of breathlessness even though he and Anthony were jogging along the beach at a pretty brisk pace, Cantata bounding along beside them with a joyfully wagging tail. Six months ago, he’d have been huffing and puffing.

  “Doll, think! The Caribbean, sunshine, cocktails with tiny umbrellas, you emerging as a swan a la Bette Davis in Now, Voyager! It’s sublime!” Anthony fanned his chest. It was a gray December day on the Cape, but Anthony lit up the landscape in his Day-Glo pink top and purple jogging pants. The rainbow headband around his now silver-blond locks added the final fabulous touch.

  “Swan? Whatever. The last time I took a cruise, I was bored out of my mind.”

  “You were nine years old and with your parents, sweetums. I promise you, this cruise will thrill you to your toes!” Anthony slowed to a stop. “Isn’t it time to turn around? My word, since you lost all that weight I can’t even keep up with you. How much have you lost?”

  “About forty pounds.”

  “Unbelievable!”

  “Yep.” Jonathan swelled his chest and flexed his muscle under his Under Armour. “I’m an animal.” He picked up a stick and threw it for Cantata to fetch. “Go get it, girl!”

  Anthony laughed as Cantata took off. “You’re a dork, is what you are. But you’ve completely transformed yourself over this past year, and for that I salute you, dear cousin.” He made a mock bow, then studied Jonathan’s hair, hand on chin. “Yes, I’m glad I talked you into that hair color. You’re yummy as a blond. And the contacts are fab. Now everyone can see your blue eyes! Especially since Francois gave you a decent hairstyle that doesn’t fall all over your face.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy.” Cantata returned with the stick. “Good girl! Let’s go home, huh?”

  They turned and jogged toward the cottage as Anthony started to talk about the cruise clothes they were going to buy for Jonathan. He was so darn thrilled that Jonathan had finally let him make him over. And although modesty prevented Jonathan from getting too jazzed about his physical transformation, he had changed so much from the unhappy, overweight person he’d been a year ago that he barely recognized himself.

  “You know what I’m really happy about?” Anthony smiled over at him.

  “I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

  “I’m happy you found yourself that shrink.”

  “Dr. Lyman?” Moving away from Father and Boston hadn’t miraculously dispelled Jonathan’s habitual depression and sense of shame, but one day he’d said to himself, “I don’t have to feel this bad.” He’d been lucky to find a good therapist right there on Cape Cod.

  “Who else? It’s made a world of difference.”

  Jonathan thought about sitting on the couch in Dr. Lyman’s sunny office, holding the throw pillow like a binky as he unraveled the tapestry of his childhood hurts. In a weird way, the more he’d wallowed in those feelings with Dr. Lyman, the less hold they had on him. “I agree. So, you still coming out for Christmas Day?”

  “Absolutely. Is Uncle Frederick staying in town?”

  “Dunno. He’ll be spending it with Margaret Lawrence, wherever they go.”

  “Bully for Uncle Frederick.”

  Jonathan was mostly happy that Father had found a lady companion a few months after Jonathan had absconded to the Cape. Seeing another woman sitting in his mother’s place at the Boston house dining room table had been strange at first, but living at the cottage—filled as it was with his mother’s presence—helped. So did therapy. And Margaret had proved a useful buffer the few times Jonathan had had to be in the same room as Father. Bitterness suddenly filled him.

  “Do you think he even remembers the second anniversary of Mother’s death is coming up?”

  “I’m sure he does. He’s not that much of a bastard.” Anthony cast a worried glance at him. “Being in the islands will be good for you. It’s sunny and beautiful. I don’t want you to get downhearted, doll. Not after all the turning over a new leaf you’ve been doing this year. Plus, we’re going to find you a man! Shipboard romances are sooo romantic.”

  “Dream on.”

  Anthony halted, forcing Jonathan to stop after a few steps and jog back to him while Cantata circled around them, barking. “Jonny, you need to turn over one more leaf in this amazing transformation.” He stood, arms akimbo, and narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t so much as looked at a guy in ten years. Well, okay, there was that guy in college for like two seconds, and all those first and last blind dates I made you do. And here you are, all alone and hiding out on the coast. It’s not right. You can’t let what happened with Gregory make you into a monk for life. Especially now that you’re so smokin’ hot.”

  Giving a soft snort, Jonathan turned his eyes to the sea. As he watched the slate-gray breakers roll in to shore, he thought about the painful denouement of his one true love affair. He’d been young and awkward with Gregory, but Gregory had been sweet and patient and seemed to truly care about Jonathan. Jonathan had fallen head over heels in love and had been prepared to declare his feelings to the world. Then he’d come in from school one afternoon to find Father home from work, grim-faced and holding what Jonathan recognized as the love letters Gregory had written him. Father had already gotten Gregory fired from the music academy and threatened legal action if he didn’t leave the state. And what had crushed young Jonathan was that Gregory had done what Father ordered—left, never to be heard from again.

  After that, Jonathan had eaten to assuage his feelings, packing on the pounds as a way to build a protective layer. The heavier he had become, the less likely it had seemed that anyone would ever want him. Anthony had tried to talk him out of such self-defeating thinking, badgering him into going on all those ill-fated blind dates. But Jonathan hadn’t minded his singleness. Much. Being alone meant he’d never have to risk falling into another disastrous romantic entanglement. Being alone had also saved him from having to deal with Father’s homophobia. They’d never actually discussed the topic since that day. Jonathan had lived a half life, not exactly denying his sexuality, but not affirming it either.

  Anthony was right, though. Jonathan wasn’t that hurt teenager anymore. Especially not after months of therapy. And as he’d slowly reclaimed his life and his happiness, he’d become aware of a yearning—for connection, for intimacy, and ultimately for a life companion. When he was young, Jonathan had daydreamed about having a partner—someone who knew him and cared about his ambitions as well as his fears. He still had that dream. And the only way to find his life partner was to get back into the game.

  “You’re right.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Jonathan turned his eyes to Anthony, who smirked at him. “I’m ready to find a man. I doubt it’ll be on the cruise, but let’s just say… I’m open to it.”

  “Hallelujah!”

  MARCO’S JOURNAL

  I’M ABOUT done with Vallen Industries. I’ve given them a year—what I promised them—and increasing profits by 50% isn’t shabby. Time to move on to the next project. Vallen has started to look for the new guy to replace me, once I put in my 30-day notice. He no longer expects his son to come back to the business. Probably just as well.

  Glad it’s over with Ashley. Guess it was providential she issued that ultimatum last month: marry me or else. When put in those terms, “or else” is much the better option. I feel so much freer. Another stress off my back, which Mama would be happy about. Still not ready to parade around with a rainbow flag, but getting closer
to being who I am.

  For tomorrow: print out tickets, buy bathing suit, pack suitcase. Remember suntan lotion. Check on Sophia, make sure she has what she needs. Brief Jones to be acting CEO in my absence.

  Gratitude: Going on a cruise… getting to that sunshine in the tropics I promised myself last year. And it’s a gay cruise line! I’ve driven myself hard this year. I need this vacation. I’m ready for a shipboard fling. Also grateful Sophia agreed to go with me, to keep me company. I love my little sister and to spend a week in the Caribbean with her between Christmas and New Year’s is perfect.

  Chapter TWO

  FT. LAUDERDALE AND CARIBBEAN—December 2015

  “COME ON, cuz! Let’s get our picture taken!” Anthony hurried ahead of Jonathan to where a photographer took portraits as the passengers boarded the cruise ship.

  Jonathan squinted in the bright Ft. Lauderdale sunshine, gazing at the distracting crowd that included loads of guys and a smaller number of women, all around their age, walking up the gangplank to the ship. They didn’t remind him of the newlyweds and retirees who’d been the cruise passengers he’d seen so many years ago.

  Anthony waited for Jonathan to come up beside him. “Stop frowning. That outfit is divine!”

  Jonathan made a face. “You’re the one who made me buy it.” He cast a doubtful eye on his cool board shorts and hip T-shirt—skintight, the better to show off his “guns,” according to Anthony. Anthony had put product in Jonathan’s hair and styled it. Jonathan suspected he resembled a metrosexual tool, but Anthony swore he was “hotter than hot!”

  They posed for the photographer, who wore bright pink shorts and a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned to his navel. There seemed to be an inordinate number of rainbows everywhere. As he and Anthony grinned for their picture inside the cardboard safety ring cutout, it finally dawned on him.

  “Is this a… an LGBT cruise?” he asked after the photographer waved them on so he could pounce on his next victims.

  Anthony tried to appear outraged at the very question, but then broke up laughing. “The… the l-look on your face!” Pulling himself together, he added, “Of course it is! I may have forgotten to tell you that tiny detail.”

  Jonathan chuckled. “Why not? I’m ready to get laid.” Then he put out a hand to catch Anthony, who’d stumbled at his words. “Whoa, careful there.”

  “Be still, my beating heart!”

  After he’d finished laughing at Anthony’s reaction, Jonathan became aware that he was being cruised by any number of men, most of them fit and attractive. He put his finger to the bridge of his nose, an unconscious gesture to shift the glasses that used to sit there, then reminded himself he wasn’t the dork he used to be—at least not outwardly. Anthony had sworn to him that he was “a fox” now, but it was strange to be the recipient of so many blatant stares.

  “Come on, Jonny. They’ll be putting our suitcases in our stateroom for us. Let’s go get a drink.” Anthony sashayed away, resplendent in his bright yellow Capris and tank top with colorful parrots, his bleached-blond hair tipped with bright pink in a shaggy surfer’s ’do.

  Jonathan, suddenly embarrassed at being the object of so much attention, hurried after him, resolving to be someone new this week. Someone hot and confident and fling-worthy.

  MARCO AND Sophia mugged for the photographer, then continued their journey up the ship’s gangplank arm in arm.

  “This sunshine is glorious!” Sophia raised her face skyward and closed her eyes. “Ahh. I’m so happy to be out of the New York winter.”

  “You and me both, piccola.” Marco felt his face break into a smile, and the muscles in his shoulders relaxed. “Damn, I didn’t even know how much I needed this until right now. Let’s go check in to our staterooms and then explore the ship.”

  “Lead on, big brother. Oh, and get ready to dance with me all cruise.”

  “Not a problem, sorellina. At least until you meet a suitable dance partner.”

  Sophia surveyed the crowd. “Who knows? It’s a big ship.”

  Marco’s phone buzzed and he fished it out, squinting at the display in the bright sunshine. “Damn Frederick. He knows I’m on vacation.”

  “Your boss? How rude.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” Marco connected to the call. “Yes, Frederick?”

  “We’ve got a crisis. I need you to get into the office.”

  Marco’s stomach started churning. “I can’t. You know I’m on vacation. I just boarded a cruise ship in Lauderdale. You’ll have to carry on without me.”

  “You’ll be on e-mail, right? I’ll send you the situation summary, and—”

  “Frederick, I’m going to be in the middle of the Caribbean shortly. I won’t be checking e-mail, and I’m planning to turn off my phone. I briefed Jones on everything before I left, so use her in my absence. The world is not going to end in a week.”

  Sophia nodded, frowning. “You tell him.”

  “I need your expertise on this, Pellegrini!”

  Marco struggled to keep himself from ripping Vallen a new one. “Jones will be fine. Talk to her. I’ll see you in a week.”

  He hung up on Frederick midsquawk, shooting Sophia an exasperated glance. “I wish Frederick Vallen would get a life and stop trying to run mine. I’ve turned his frigging company around. The least he could do is let me have the vacation I’ve earned, dammit!”

  Sophia patted his arm. “Let it go, fratello. He’s in Boston, and we’re here in the sun. Disconnect from all that, and let’s party!”

  “Yes, ma’am!” Marco turned his phone off with a flourish. “There. No phone, no Wi-Fi, no nothing. And it stays off the whole week. Party on!”

  Sophia giggled. “That sounds funny coming from you, Mr. Bigwig CEO.”

  Marco made a show of peering around him. “CEO? Where? This week I’m just me. Marco. Ready to frolic and play.”

  Sophia gave a cheer, and Marco put his arm around her with a vague sense of misgiving. It had been an effing long time since Marco had frolicked. He hoped he remembered how.

  Chapter THREE

  JONATHAN STOOD with Anthony on the big deck at one of the ship’s gathering spots, a cup of sangria in his hand, the afternoon breeze ruffling his hair. They’d been on board less than twenty-four hours, but already the ship felt like a fabulous home away from home. This was a day “at sea,” as the itinerary said, with no island stop until tomorrow. Jonathan feasted his eyes on the ocean sparkling all around them, seabirds soaring and swooping. They’d even seen some dolphins leaping in and out of the water in a playful dance. He breathed in the ocean air, almost giddy with happiness. Anthony was so right to have made him come.

  The strains of a steel band mingled in the air with the tantalizing aroma of meat on the grill. Jonathan was thinking about getting something to eat when Anthony suddenly clutched his arm.

  “Jonny! Over there!” Anthony practically hissed the words as he jerked his head to the right.

  “What?” Jonathan took another sip of his sangria, not too concerned. Anthony got worked up about everything.

  “I think that’s Marco Pellegrini!”

  He lifted his head and stared in the direction Anthony indicated. A tall, dark-haired man in glasses stood surveying the crowd next to a younger woman bearing a strong resemblance to him. Both were stunningly good-looking. The man’s tousled curls were longer than Jonathan remembered Marco’s being. But when the breeze lifted them from his face, his Roman nose and defined cheekbones were unmistakable. So was the amazing body clad in a tank top and shorts ensemble that managed to combine elegance with sexiness. Damn. It was Marco. “On this cruise? I thought he was engaged or something. And straight.”

  “Guess not. I knew that guy was gay!”

  “I think you mean bi.” Jonathan’s mouth grew dry as Marco squinted in their direction, and the humiliation of their past encounters rose in his mind. “Oh, damn, damn it, Tony. What’s he doing here?”

  He was about to turn and flee to their stat
eroom when Anthony said, “He’s staring at you, Jonny. I think he likes what he sees. Stop fidgeting! Let’s go over and say hi.”

  “Are you kidding?” Jonathan whispered. “I never want to see that guy again. And he for sure doesn’t want to see me!”

  “No? Then why’s he walking over here? My God, the man is gorgeous! If you don’t want him, I get him.”

  “You—” Jonathan cut himself off because Marco was indeed strolling in their direction, the woman at his side.

  Anthony grabbed Jonathan by the arm and all but dragged him closer, then beamed at Marco. “Hello, there!”

  While Jonathan tried not to die a thousand deaths, Marco smiled and said, “Hello.” He showed no recognition that he’d ever met Jonathan before. What he did show, shockingly, was a rather blatant interest in him, running his eyes up and down Jonathan’s body before saying, “I’m Marco.” Jonathan had never seen Marco in shorts or a close-fitting tank before and was having a hard time breathing at the sight of his tanned shapely legs and muscled shoulders.

  The woman, who had to be his sister or cousin, nodded at them and smiled warmly. “And I’m Sophia. We’re also known as the Pellegrini twins, only we’re not really twins. Just sister and brother.”

  Before Jonathan could respond, Anthony jumped in. “Nice to meet you! I’m Andrew Arrington, and this is my cousin, Jonah Rutledge.”

  Jonathan felt his mouth drop open. Then he gave a weak smile, still poised to flee, sure that Marco was going to recognize him any moment. “Um, hello. Where are you from?” After they got through this fiasco, he planned to kill his cousin.

  Sophia, who seemed to be the chatty one, said, “From the cold hinterlands—New York for me, and Boston for him. How about you?”

  Anthony grinned. “We feel you. I’m from Fire Island, and Jonah here lives on Cape Cod.”