All the Way to Shore

by CJane Elliott

  Thinking about a future with Jonah led Marco to contemplate what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He knew he no longer wanted to work insanely long hours and climb corporate ladders. He’d done enough of that to last several lifetimes. Marco had long thought he’d one day start a charitable foundation to help low-income kids like he had been.

  As he glanced at his and Jonah’s hands twined together, a new idea took hold. He couldn’t wait to tell Jonah about it.

  JONATHAN FOLLOWED Marco to the small banquette and let Marco settle them in and then leave for the bar to order drinks. He didn’t mind following Marco’s lead. Probably vestiges of his passive Jonathan personality. He shook himself out of that train of thought and feasted his eyes on Marco, tanned and glowing in a red shirt and tight black shorts. Jonathan wanted to run his fingers through Marco’s dark curls.

  Maybe his Jonah Persona should show some initiative and force the issue about them going to bed. He wondered why Marco was delaying the inevitable—ever since their kiss in the gardens, Jonathan knew they’d end up there. And he’d expected Marco to be more demanding about it. Jonathan was telling himself to stop worrying when Marco came back and handed him a tall drink that looked like a milkshake.

  “What, no Caribbean Zombie?” Jonathan took it from him and felt the cold glass. “It’s like a Frosty!”

  “It’s called a mudslide. I have it on good authority from Sophia that it’s delicious, so I thought we’d try them. Well? What do you think?”

  “Mmmm. Oh wow, this is yummy!” Jonathan took another sip of the concoction. “There must be Kahlúa in here.”

  Marco pulled on his straw, then smiled. “Oh yeah, I can see where these could get addictive.”

  The woman at the piano started playing “Where or When.”

  Jonathan hummed along as he and Marco drank their mudslides, another “this is perfection” feeling washing over him. He sank into it, letting himself float in the fairy tale.

  Then the prince, aka Marco, spoke. “Tell me what you were thinking about in the cab.”

  “Hmm?” It took a moment for Jonathan to come down from his cloud enough to remember. “Oh. Well.” He took a fortifying sip and set down his drink. “I was realizing how much of my life I’ve been letting go by, passing up opportunities. It’s only been this past year that I’ve started to really live. As myself.”

  “Say more.” Marco’s eyes were warm and interested.

  “Um, a lot of it comes from having a father with a type A personality. He was always on the go, extroverted and entrepreneurial.” He was about to say He built his company from the ground up, but stopped himself. “He… he wasn’t easy to live with, but I had a brother who was a lot like him, so I let them buddy up and I hung out with Mother. But I always had the feeling that I wasn’t enough, not in Father’s eyes. The only time I really stood up for myself was when I went to Berklee instead of business school.”

  “And your father didn’t like that?”

  Jonathan stirred his mudslide with his straw. “He was pissed. But Mother stood up to him too, and even Ja—um, my brother told him to lay off.” He considered the fake fireplace on the other side of the bar. “Music school should have been my blow for freedom, and it was for a while. But then stuff happened, and I gave up on being a full-time musician.”

  “That’s rough.”

  “I quit to help out my family and… then my mother died, and… it’s taken me a long time to pull myself out of a gray place.”

  Jonathan gave a small shrug, embarrassed to be bitching about his failed dreams. He’d lived a completely privileged life, with everything he could ever need. No one had put a gun to his head and told him he had to make the choices he’d made. And even though he’d hated working in Vallen Industries, he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he’d ignored his father’s need at that terrible time.

  He chewed on his straw, remembering his shock the day Father had come into Jonathan’s music practice room and asked him to join the company. Why had he agreed? He’d been touched that Father would even ask. He’d wanted to finally do something to gain Father’s approval. Mother had tried to talk him out of it, as had Anthony and Jonathan’s musician friends. But Father had never asked Jonathan for anything before. He just wished he could’ve been who Father had wanted. But that wasn’t ever going to be possible.

  Marco leaned forward, studying him. “But you pulled yourself out. Give yourself credit for that.”

  “Yeah. I don’t mean to whine. I know I have it better than most people, coming from privilege and wealth. But that’s it—why haven’t I done more with what I have? Anyway, I’m going to have more joy and excitement in my life from now on. And think about ways to give back.”

  Marco moved closer. “What you’re saying reminds me of that quote I heard once. Something about ‘I came to live my life out loud.’ You’re not going to hide out anymore.”

  “I came to… live my life out loud.” Jonathan said the words slowly, trying out the feel of them in his mouth. “That’s it! Fucking yes!”

  Marco’s joyous laughter matched his own. “All right! So what are you going to do first?”

  “I’m going to start by getting a place in Boston.” He and Marco met eyes, and something passed between them.

  “Boston. I approve.” Marco lifted his eyebrow with a small smirk. “In fact, I approve highly.”

  Jonathan huffed out a self-conscious laugh. “Did I tell you I used to live there?” Marco shook his head, and Jonathan continued, “I grew up there. I’ve been living out on the Cape just for the last year.” He paused, suddenly worried that he might be giving away who he was with all these details. Then he remembered Marco was going to find out sooner or later. The later the better. He took another gulp of his mudslide. “So anyway, I belong to a chamber-music chorale in town, and I miss singing with them. And I need to be around other people more. I’m thinking about getting a townhouse. Something with a small yard, so Cantata isn’t completely cooped up.”

  “And you’d keep your Cape Cod house?”

  “Oh, yes. That’s my refuge. Always has been, and I’d never let it go. I might split my time between the two.”

  “Sounds good. It’s nice to have that freedom.” Marco settled back with a thoughtful expression.

  “What about you? You said you have no idea what you’re going to do next. Has anything come to you?”

  Marco beamed at him “As a matter of fact, it has. I’m thinking about spending more time on Cape Cod.”

  Jonathan gave a pleased laugh, feeling his cheeks warm, but the guilt lurking underneath rose up. You won’t be spending any time on Cape Cod once you find out Jonah is a lie. He pushed the thought away and let the Jonah Persona flow. “Cape Cod is a lovely place. I’d be happy to show you the sights. But first, how about another mudslide?”

  “Sure. And then I’ll tell you about my other plan.”

  “Oh?”

  “I’ve been wanting to start a foundation for underprivileged kids for a long time, but now I want to include a focus on LGBT youth.”

  “Wow. Let me get the drinks, then I want to hear more.”

  After Jonathan got back with the mudslides, Marco leaned in, eyes bright with enthusiasm, and began talking about his ideas for a foundation. Jonathan gave an inner wail. Why did his prince have to be so perfect? Maybe Jonathan could change his name to Jonah Rutledge and leave Jonathan Vallen behind for good. Right. Dream on. He couldn’t see a future with Marco once he knew the truth. And that made Jonathan all the more determined to experience it all before the fairy tale ended. He was getting that man in bed with him. Tonight.

  MARCO WAS floating as he and Jonah cuddled together on the banquette. Jonah had been taken with the foundation idea. They’d quickly come to the realization that if they combined their wealth, they’d have a foundation that could do something great. Marco was jazzed that the idea had expanded from underprivileged youth to include a focus on LGBTQ youth. The statistics of
homelessness and suicide for them were appalling. Just the thought of working together with Jonah to help those kids was making him all kinds of happy.

  All thinking vanished, though, when Marco felt Jonah’s hand caress his thigh. Jonah had been touching him more and more as the evening went on, driving Marco slightly insane. So why wasn’t he hopping into bed with Jonah, again? Marco shook his head to jump-start his fuzzy brain, but Jonah’s warm lips on his neck were making it damn hard to concentrate.

  “Let’s go to your room.” Jonah followed his whisper with an earlobe nuzzle.

  Marco shivered. His cock had gotten harder and more demanding, and now it was all but screaming for relief. Sweet anticipation had progressed to burning need. Yeah. Time to take care of business.

  Take care of business? Ugh. Marco had never noticed how much he’d turned sex into a business transaction. You get my rocks off and I’ll get yours off. Physical release. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. He could see himself going into that efficient mode now: (a) horny, need to get off; (b) sex; (c) orgasm. Okay, check that off the to-do list. Next!

  Making love to Jonah could be so much more. The question now was whether Marco could let what was happening between them inhabit his body as much as it did his mind and emotions. He dwelled on Jonah’s hopeful eyes, his sweet, open face, and tried to let go of his doubts. And calm the fear that always lurked around the edges when Marco entered new territory.

  Jonah’s expression shuttered. “Or we can call it a night.”

  Marco took Jonah’s hand and kissed each fingertip, then sucked on his thumb for a moment, watching Jonah’s face flush and his lips part. God. I am going to have him. Tonight. New territory, Pellegrini.

  “Let’s go to my room.”

  Walking down the hall to the room, they came upon Sophia on crutches, her right ankle wrapped and being helped along by Andrew and an attractive brunette woman in a white doctor’s coat.

  “What happened?” Marco ran the last few yards to his sister.

  “She sprained an ankle, but nothing’s broken,” said the woman. “I’m Melanie Parson, the ship’s doctor.”

  “I’m so stupid,” Sophia said with a moan. “I wasn’t even doing anything fun. I tripped when we left the show. I’m sorry you didn’t get your dancing, Andy.”

  “Don’t worry about me, doll. The disco stays open till all hours.”

  “Here’s my room.” Sophia paused in front of her smaller stateroom.

  Marco shook his head. “No, you’re staying with me tonight.” He hated to give up sleeping with Jonah, but family came first. Jonah stood beside him, hand on his back, and Marco could see him nod out of the corner of his eye.

  “No, no. I don’t want to be in the way.” Sophia swayed, then winced. “Ouch.”

  Dr. Parson spoke up. “I agree with….” She cast a questioning eye at Marco.

  “I’m Marco Pellegrini, Sophia’s brother.”

  “Nice to meet you, Marco.” She put a steadying hand on Sophia’s arm. “You shouldn’t be alone and having to navigate for yourself tonight. I want you off that ankle as much as possible, and those painkillers might make you woozy.”

  “Okay. Sorry, Marco.”

  “Don’t apologize.” Marco strode up to his room a few doors away and unlocked it, then held the door open for Sophia to hobble through. Dr. Parson and Andrew followed, but Jonah remained in the hall. “I’ll be right back,” Marco called into the room and then shut the door.

  He and Jonah took hands and faced each other. Jonah gave him a rueful smile. “Much as I hate that our plans were interrupted, your sister’s the priority.”

  “Thanks for understanding. Tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow.” Jonah pressed one sweet kiss to his lips, then pulled away. “Snorkeling and more.”

  “Mm, looking forward to it.” Marco let go of Jonah with much reluctance and a hint of relief. He had another day to study and discover Jonah before they took it to the next level. Marco had always been a dedicated student, and he badly wanted to ace this test.

  The door opened, and Andrew came out. “Sorry to have to separate the lovebirds, but Dr. Parson wants to speak with you, Marco. I’m going to steal Jonah here and go dancing.”

  “Okay. Good night, you two. Let’s meet for breakfast.”

  Jonah reached out and squeezed his hand. “Until then.” His fingers trailed along Marco’s palm. Then he walked away, leaving Marco hard and the future full of promise.

  MARCO’S JOURNAL

  WHAT A day. Baby sister screwed up her ankle, but it’s going to be okay. She’s bunking with me tonight. She snores. I’d rather be in bed with Jonah.

  Jonah and I spent one of the most amazing days of my life together. He’s everything I never knew I wanted—someone sweet, smart, kind, and completely in my corner. Someone I can see myself growing old with. Like, how bizarre is that? Am I serious, thinking long-term like this? Jonah’s affected my brain (along with the rest of my body, soul, etc.).

  Ha! I can hear Mama saying, “And how do you feel about that, Marco? Having a nice boy to love?” Well, Mama, I’ll tell you. It’s far too early to be throwing around the “l” word. “And why is that?” Because I’m not that kind of an idiot. Am I? I never believed those “love at first sight” stories. “I saw him and I knew that was the man I was going to marry.” So much rot.

  But I can say this much. Meeting Jonah has opened my eyes. I’ve been missing out on whatever it is this “love” thing is about. I’ve had my eye on the prize for so long, chasing after success and prestige. And guess what? Now that I’m there, big fucking deal. It means nothing.

  And now here’s this guy who I have so much in common with, who I can talk to, and we’re making plans to start a foundation together—and it’s all moving so fast.

  I’ve always liked adventures. Moving on to the next challenge. Conquering the mountain. But being with Jonah isn’t like that. I’m not some conquering hero. I’m just me, and that’s all I want to be. It’s scary as hell. It’s like he strips me bare. And what if he doesn’t like what he sees when he gets all the way inside me? Hmm. Never thought of myself as a bottom, but with Jonah I want to be. Wow. Want to top him too. Want to do it all.

  Gratitude: For new adventures. For the unexpected gift of Jonah Rutledge showing up in my life. For opening my eyes. Okay, and I’ll say the “l” word: I’m grateful for the possibility that I might finally find out what falling in love is like. Note to self: burn this journal before anyone finds out what a sap I am.

  Chapter ELEVEN

  “SHOULD WE snorkel with the stingrays?” A great deal more chipper this morning than yesterday, Anthony studied the cruise booklet list of excursions.

  Jonathan hadn’t been sure Anthony was even going to show, given he’d disappeared from the disco with a guy named Todd last night and never made it back to their room. But here he was in a neon-green bathing suit and a pink tank that matched the tips of his hair, along with Todd, who wasn’t nearly so colorful and seemed young and wide-eyed but basically a good guy.

  Todd gazed over Anthony’s shoulder. “Oo, that sounds like fun!”

  Marco shook his head. “No, the stingrays aren’t worth it.” Gorgeous and all grown up in black-and-turquoise swim trunks and a black tank top, he wore contacts today, as snorkeling masks didn’t accommodate glasses. His eyes were so stunning, it was a good thing Marco usually wore glasses—otherwise he’d be way too distracting. “It takes an hour just to get there from here, and then you swim with what amounts to a bunch of gray blobs with big flappers. Boring.”

  Anthony and Todd giggled.

  “The best snorkeling is right here, just offshore. Trust me.”

  “Have you been to Grand Cayman before?” Todd asked.

  “Yes. Many times.”

  “Ohhh. Why am I not surprised? Okay, babe, we’ll trust you. Lead on!” Anthony gave Marco a salute.

  Jonathan rolled his eyes at Anthony, then touched Marco’s arm. “I’m sorry Sophia can’t mak
e it. Is there anything we can do for her before we leave?”

  Marco caressed his shoulder. “Thanks for asking. She’s doing okay. I left her having room service breakfast, and she’s going to spend the rest of the day reading. Dr. Parson said last night she’d look in on her to see if she needed anything.”

  Anthony closed the booklet. “Aw, that’s sweet. I think Dr. Parson is into her.”

  “What?”

  Jonathan watched the frown come over Marco’s face with amusement. Big brother protecting his sister. “Would that be so bad?”

  “I guess not. Nobody’s ever going to be good enough, though.”

  “Of course not.” Jonathan put his arm around Marco. “Your sister’s growing up, eh?”

  “Yeah.” Marco rubbed his forehead, then grinned. “Okay, I’m over it. Off to the reefs! I’m going to run and check on Sophia one more time. Meet you on the dock, okay?” He kissed Jonathan and strode away.

  As Jonathan trailed Anthony and Todd, who were laughing and carrying on, he was ambushed by memories of James and how great it had been to have an older brother who’d always looked after him—the dorky younger brother James had loved in spite of their differences. Loss, bitter and bleak, swept over him, and the feeling ended as it always did—with the unchanging and irrevocable knowledge that James was gone and was never coming back.

  As they proceeded down the gangplank into a sunny, blue-skied day, Jonathan swallowed hard to push down the lump in his throat. God, dummy. Get back to the here and now. The sight of Marco coming down the gangplank and breaking into a smile when he found Jonathan in the crowd made that task easier.