Chaotic (Imperfect Perfection)

by Williams, C. A.

  “Wait, hold on,” I gasped out. Just because we were in the heat of the moment, I had certainly learned my lesson the first time. “Condom.” I held out my hand and waited. He must have known I meant business this time because he had one out of his wallet in record time, and I was once again wrapping my legs around his waist. With one thrust, we were both moaning out each other’s names and falling into a rhythm that seemed all too familiar.

  ***********************

  I flopped onto the middle of my bed, and Chris rolled in next to me, both of us catching our breath after the workout we had in the kitchen and then on the dining room table. I knew I had just made a huge mistake, but I felt guilty for thinking that by the dopey smile that was spread across his face.

  He laced our hands together and traced my bare stomach with his other. I avoided his eyes though. If I looked into them, I knew I would definitely do something a whole lot stupider than had just happened.

  If that was possible.

  “See, Addy, you and me just works. I knew if you just gave it a chance again, it would be like nothing ever happened.” I stifled a groan and squeezed my eyes shut. Of course he thought sex could solve everything. Typical guy. I think that was the whole problem to begin with.

  “Can we talk about this in the morning? My head is pounding, and I’m super tired.” I asked quietly, which really wasn’t far from the truth. Just thinking about what he said made me exhausted.

  “Sure, I’m just happy to be right here with you.” He turned to bury his nose in the crook of my neck and I instantly stiffened. Cuddling was certainly not part of the equation. “You know I won’t be that far away when the semester starts up.” I let out a loud sigh hoping he would get the hint, but he just continued talking.

  “We could always try a long distance thing or maybe you could get accepted to a college nearby. The place I have would be big enough for two, you could always move in there. We could have a fresh start; leave our past behind.” I cracked one eye open, my heart beating through my chest as he laid our whole future out in front of us. No grin crossed his face. He was being one hundred percent completely serious. Fuck me.

  “Mmm hmm, we’ll talk about things in the morning,” I murmured, turning onto my side to face away from him. He answered with a kiss to my bare shoulder, and luckily didn’t say anything else. A tear dripped down my cheek as I stared into the darkness of my room, and I soon heard Chris’s light snores behind me.

  I wish I could leave my past behind, but I knew if I tried to start any kind of new future, it couldn’t be with Chris. Every time I looked at him, I remembered the night that had changed my life. Tonight was supposed to be about forgetting, about letting go, but all that I really did was give him renewed hope for something that would never be.

  A crash woke me up from my restless sleep and I immediately sat up, pushing at Chris’s limbs that were tangled around my body. I looked up just in time to see my mother storming towards my bed with a look of fury that I didn’t know she had in her.

  “Get out of that bed this instant, Adelaide McGregor. I have had it up to here,” she screamed, her face turning beet-red, I was sure her head was about to explode any second like one of those cartoon characters. I casually made my way out of my bed, scooping my discarded bra off the floor and hooking it into place.

  “And you, Mr. Zander.” Mother poked Chris in the chest who had yet to even flinch and was still passed out. I watched as she stomped to the bathroom in her heels and returned with a tall glass of water, promptly throwing it straight in his face. “What the hell was that for, Addy?” He sputtered as he sat up and opened his eyes through the stream of water. “Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Conklin. I, uh, didn’t…we weren’t doing. We just fell asleep.”

  “Yeah, we just fell asleep…naked,” I added sarcastically. Geez, Chris be a freaking man about it. We are twenty years old. “What are you doing home so early, Mother? I thought you were gone through Monday.”

  “Well, that’s what the plan was,” she seethed, “until I got a phone call from Mrs. Weathersby about the noise coming from our house and the stream of teenagers coming in and out. So thanks for ruining our time away. What were you thinking Adelaide? That I wouldn’t find out? A mother always finds out.”

  Mrs. Weathersby, of course. Nosey old bitch with nothing better to do. “I’m an adult now, Mother. If I feel like having a few friends over, I don’t see what the issue would be.” I put a hand on my hip to challenge her. Poor Chris looked like a bobble head the way he kept looking back and forth between the two of us.

  “The issue is that you’re out of control and apparently not acting like an adult.” She jabbed Chris in the chest with her manicured finger. “Point in case being him. You can leave now, Chris. I believe you left your clothes in the kitchen.” I watched as Chris fumbled around awkwardly with my bed sheet until it was wrapped around him like a toga, and I couldn’t help but smirk. “Oh, and I’ll be making sure your mother hears about this at the club. I know she’ll be so disappointed.”

  “Sorry, Mrs. Conklin,” he muttered without looking back at me, practically running out of the room.

  I walked over to my dresser drawer and began to pull out clothes for the day. I really needed a shower. I could feel my mother’s eyes boring into my back and eventually turned around, knowing that she wasn’t leaving anytime soon, and I would just have to deal with her.

  She shook her head at me as soon as I whipped around and crossed her arms over her chest tightly. “I didn’t think it would have to come to this, Adelaide, but this was the final straw. I cannot believe I would catch you with him of all people. Did you not learn your lesson the first time?”

  “Oh, please, Mother. Do you think he has some kind of super sperm or something? I wasn’t being stupid about it, we were completely safe.”

  “That’s not the point and the fact that you can’t see it that way, only helps me know that I’m doing this for the best. As of tomorrow you no longer live here.” My mouth dropped open, and I gaped at her when I didn’t see any kind of humor in her face. “Excuse me?”

  “You’ve not made any attempt to change your ways, no plans for a job or to finish up school at a four year college when most semesters start next week. You’re on a downward spiral, and while I know I haven’t done the best job at parenting you, I think this will be for the best.” I thought I almost saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes but I was probably seeing things. My mother had turned all of her emotions off years ago.

  “Fine, I’ll pack my things and stay with a friend until you change your mind then.” I walked over to my closet and began to pull out my luggage. I would most likely only need one bag before she changed her mind and gave in. It always happened.

  “Oh, really? And who will you be staying with? Aren’t all of your friends heading off to school?”

  I froze as I unzipped my suitcase. Of course, I hadn’t factored that in at all. “That’s all right, I’m sure I can stay at a hotel or I could always rent an apartment. As long as I’m out of your hair, right mother?”

  She chuckled lightly and strode across my room, pulling dresser drawers open to empty them into a pile on the floor. “Well, I don’t know how that would be possible. All of your credit cards have been deactivated, and your car has been taken away.”

  “What the hell?” I screeched as I jumped up and literally stomped my foot on the ground. Yeah, I know I was acting like a spoiled brat but it wasn’t my fault. It was my mothers. “Why would you do that? Would you like to have your own daughter living on a park bench or something?”

  “Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic. Your father and I talked.” This made me pause from ripping all of my clothes off their hangers. She and my dad never talked. Like, ever.

  “We decided that you’re out of control and certainly aren’t acting like an adult. Drinking, doing drugs, and hopping from bed to bed. You barely made it through community college, and you and I both know you don’t have any plans as of right now for conti
nuing on with your education.” She took a deep breath while I remained silent. I really had no idea what to say. I was fuming inside, feeling like I was a ticking time bomb, about to explode any second.

  “It’s time for you to get your life together, Adelaide. As of tomorrow, you will no longer live here. You will be boarding a plane at six a.m., so make sure you have all of your things together, I’m not sure when you’ll be returning.”

  “Are you serious? You think you can just make these kinds of decisions without even including me when it’s my life?” She just stood there, silently, while I was pretty sure I was going insane. My life was being practically ripped out from underneath my feet and she just stood there, still as a statue, not one emotion crossing her face.

  “And where will I be going, Mother? Am I at least privy to that information or is that a surprise as well?”

  “North Carolina,” she answered simply before turning on her heel and shutting the door behind her.

  Chapter 5

  “Oh my, Della McGregor. Is that you?” I smiled when I heard the soft twang as soon I began to grab my luggage off of the rack and turned to see my Grams. She looked almost exactly the same as when I had last seen her, besides a few extra wrinkles.

  Her snow-white hair reached just the bottom of her chin, and her deep-green eyes glistened with a youthfulness that I’m sure made others her age jealous. She reminded me a lot of Betty White. A little flighty sometimes but she always managed to make me laugh.

  “Hi, Grams.” I hesitantly stepped towards her and she made up for the distance and wrapped her tiny arms around me, smashing me into a tight hug. I had felt guilty for not seeing them since I had left. We had talked on the phone plenty, but I knew that wasn’t the same.

  “Well, darling, you just grew up into a beautiful woman since the last time we saw you. And look at how tall you’ve gotten,” she peered up at me and I had to stifle a giggle. She was almost a foot shorter than I was, and today I only had ballet flats on. Normally, I had a pair of heeled boots on or something that added even more to my height.

  “Now, I know you at least got that from that son of mine. Everything else seems to come from Lillian.” She pursed her lips together as she studied my face for just a second longer and then began to help me with my luggage.

  “Let’s just hope her personality hasn’t rubbed off too,” she muttered ahead of me as she led the way out of the airport. She probably thought that I hadn’t heard her. Even the last time I had seen her, she had been a little hard of hearing and tended to talk loudly because of it.

  I began to worry that had happened as we inched closer to the familiar pickup truck that was parked alongside the curb, and my grandpa slowly made his way out of it when he saw us coming. My grandpa was a stern man but also had a soft side to him. And most of the time, that soft side only came out for my grandma and I. I’m sure my behavior as of late had probably disappointed him, and I wasn’t sure how warm his welcome would be.

  “Hello Adelaide,” he said in a gruff tone before relieving my grandma of the two bags she had helped bring out. Two words, that was all he said to me in the almost hour drive back to their house from the airport.

  It felt a little surreal, and kind of like I was dreaming, being in North Carolina. After my mother had informed me of where I would be going, I had a bit of a breakdown. My room literally looked like a tornado had gone through it by everything I had thrown at the door.

  By the time I finally calmed down almost two hours later, I had started to warm up to the idea a bit, even though my mother would never find out about it. This was the fresh start I was looking for. For whatever reason, I couldn’t figure that out on my own, but I knew leaving Connecticut would be for the best.

  I had crammed almost every piece of clothing that I owned into my bags and lined them up that morning, looking around my room one last time. I didn’t have any plans for returning here, so it would probably be the last time I saw it.

  Of course, my mother hadn’t been there to say goodbye to her only child before shipping me off. And she wondered why my grandparents disliked her so much. They never said anything in front of me since she was my mother, but I was a pretty good people-reader.

  I hadn’t seen them since I had moved away, so that would probably be a little awkward. I think I sort of blamed them for their son not wanting me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my grandparents. They lived about two hours away from my old hometown and I had spent almost every summer with them, and those were best I had ever had.

  I glanced out the window, looking at the scenic drive that was so different than Connecticut. I really didn’t even feel any kind of sadness for leaving the place that I had called home for almost the past five years. All I felt when I thought of it was guilt. Guilt for turning into the person that I had become and guilt for my actions. Now was the time to forget my past and just move forward.

  “Oh my, you look worn out.” Grams voice interrupted my thoughts. “I’m just so excited you’re here. I’ll zip my lips for the rest of the trip home so you can get some shut-eye.”

  “Thanks, Grams,” I managed to mumble before my eyelids drooped shut and I partially listened to my grandparents hushed conversation before drifting off.

  I was jolted awake when we pulled onto the gravel driveway, and I looked up at the log cabin that had always felt like home to me. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and rubbed my neck. Sleeping in the truck did not equal a very comfortable nap.

  “C’mon now, Della. Let’s get out of this truck and stretch our legs. I’m sure you’ve missed this place.”

  I looked up at the house again, and it was like Grams had read my mind. My grandpa had built it when he and my Grams had first gotten married, and it was simply stunning. The backdrop of the lake, that about a dozen houses were situated around, made it even more spectacular. They were always making some kind of renovations, never letting it get stuck in the past and always making it look modern with a rustic feel. My mom had hated this place.

  I quickly breathed in the fresh air, my lungs feeling relieved by it. Sure, Connecticut was great, but it always felt so suffocating to me. Here, I felt like I could breathe freely for the first time in awhile.

  I glanced over at the neighbor’s house that probably sat about a half a mile away, but my grandparents were friendly with all of them. The house seemed to be still with no movement, and I peeled my eyes away when Grams tugged lightly on my hand.

  “Right this way, Della. I can’t wait to show you your new room. I know you’ll only be staying with us for a week or so before you move into the dorms, but I figured you might need a place to get away sometimes. Hopefully, you come back and visit us old people on the weekends every once in awhile.

  I’ve been watching that HGTV channel lately, it’s like an addiction. I think your Grandpa’s tried to block it a time or two. He wouldn’t if he knows what’s best for him. Now your coming was a little short notice, but I hope you like what I fixed up for you, darlin’.”

  I followed her through the open living room and kitchen that still had the same furniture, for the most part, with a few added things here and there. The winding staircase led to an open hallway that overlooked the downstairs and three rooms that were normally set up as guest rooms and a sewing room.

  “Here we are. This used to be your fathers room, you know?” she called out over her shoulder before I followed her into the room. She had transformed it since the last time I had been there.

  The walls were painted in a pale pink with wide vertical white stripes placed around the bottom half. A full-size bed was pushed into one corner and a fluffy comforter that matched the pink paint covered it, along with a homemade quilt I recognized as one my Grams had made for me when I was a baby. A small antique looking desk was against the other wall and an overstuffed white chair that I recognized, sat underneath the wide window that overlooked the lake.

  I immediately went and sat down in the chair that had brought back so many memo
ries. It used to sit in the living room, and it was my favorite spot to sit when I stayed here. My grandpa would bring me breakfast almost every morning while I sat there watching cartoons, and Grams and I would snuggle up when I was younger and watch her afternoon soaps.

  “You really shouldn’t have gone to all of this trouble, but I love it Grams. It’s perfect. Thanks for putting all of this together on such short notice. It was kind of a surprise to me too. Dad didn’t even call to tell me what was going on.”

  “He didn’t?” Her brows bunched together in surprise, and she placed a hand on her hip. “Well, I think I’ll need to be giving that son of mine a call. You know I’m not making any excuses, but he is pretty busy with his job. He should always make time for his daughter though, and I think that’s one of his biggest regrets.”

  I knew that much at least. His job was pretty demanding, and he traveled a lot. Shortly after my mom handed him divorce papers, he was giving a promotion at the restaurant company that he worked for and now traveled all over the US helping new franchises get started up. It was kind of ironic that my mom had left him right before that happened. She had always wanted a better life and as soon as she decided to drop my dad, he was able to provide one.

  “No worries, Grams. I’m sure we’ll catch up eventually.” I crossed my fingers hoping that was the truth, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

  “Okay, Della. Well, I’ll let you get all settled in and then if you would like, you can come down and help me fix some supper.” I answered with a nod, and she quietly shut the door. I dropped down to the floor to start unloading one of my bags that I figured I would need for the week. I still hadn’t warmed up to the whole idea of living in the dorms. I hated to say it, but my mom was right when she said I was pampered.

  It was hard to believe that my life was all packed away in five suitcases, granted it was all pretty much clothes, so I guess it did end up being a lot. I’m not sure if my style would really fit in down here. Fashion was pretty much everything back home. The tag on a shirt pretty much guaranteed you a spot in society.