Summer I Found You

by Jolene Perry

  Right now I hope I can sleep, and I hope that when we’re together tomorrow it feels as good as I remember.

  19

  Kate Walker

  I’M AT SCHOOL LATE waiting for Jen, and about to head home to get ready for my date with Aidan tonight. It’s been an odd few days without him. At the same time, I know we have to talk when I see him again, so it’s also been a strange kind of relief.

  A girl’s sniffing around the corner. Not I-have-a-cold sniffing, crying sniffing.

  “Tamara, he’s a jerk, okay?” A girl’s voice comes through the hallway, but I can’t see her yet. “You can do so much better.”

  Tamara? Better than Shelton? Right. She’s just a girl who looks good in a cheerleading uniform.

  Wow, I’m a snob.

  And he broke up with her? That makes no sense. He’s not the kind of guy to use someone for…whatever he and Tamara had. But it felt like he broke up with me to be with her, so I would’ve thought they’d last a bit longer.

  More sniffing and quiet voices.

  I know this is one of those situations where I need to turn around and walk away, but I don’t. I stop my feet; I stop my breathing, and wish that I could stop my heart on the off chance it

  might be beating loud enough for them to hear.

  “You guys only went on a few dates,” a girl says.

  “I know, but…I never thought I could be with someone like him, you know? Smart. Sweet. I’m just…”

  “Come on, let’s go get some ice cream or something, okay?”

  There’s this whiny-like, “Umm-hmm.” And now, again, is when I need to turn and move. Or run. But instead I stand like an idiot, staring at the corner as they come around.

  “Oh.” Tamara wipes her face with her cheer sweatshirt. “Perfect.”

  “Well, he broke up with me too.” I shrug, amazed that I have something to say to Tamara. Here are my ugly snobby thoughts again.

  She looks at me all wary-like as her friend leads her away.

  I was just trying to be nice. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m one of the girls who roll her eyes every day they wear their cute little uniforms.

  Still. Shelton breaking up with her is bizarre.

  I follow Jen out to her car, and I start to reach out to open the door when I remember I’m trying to go one-armed. Just to test it out. I use my other arm, but it means my pack falls off my shoulder.

  “Crap,” I mutter.

  “What are you doing?” Jen’s brows go up as she gives me this odd smile.

  “One arm,” I explain, as I jerk open the car door. But when I get in, I have to find a spot for my pack before I can even think about pulling my seatbelt across my lap or closing my door. It all takes a couple minutes. Just to get in.

  “How’s it going there?” she teases as she starts her car. She’s buckled, lip-glossed and her bag is tucked in the back seat.

  “This really sucks!” I start to laugh, but also feel this little pang of sadness for him. Even the everyday stuff is a pain.

  “Are you doing this just so you have an excuse to stick a needle in his stomach when you tell him you’re diabetic?” she asks.

  “Hmm. I hadn’t thought of that.” I start to laugh, but the tragedy of his accident sort of hits me again. “They’re not really comparable, and besides, I bet he’s had a lot of needles stuck in him since he got hurt.”

  Jen puts the car in drive. The silence between us feels a bit heavy and sad. I’ve been really stupid not to tell him. We’d understand each other better—or maybe he’d just see that I understand him a little more than most people. What a hypocrite I’ve been—if that’s the right word. Being all open about his problem, and so closed off about mine.

  “You okay?” Jen asks.

  “I’m going to talk to him tonight.” I say it with determination, even though this subtle shaking starts in my core, and I’m already wondering how much harder I’ll be shaking by tonight.

  “It’ll be fine.” She gives me her best reassuring smile. “Just tell him why you didn’t. I think he’ll understand.”

  I slump in the passenger’s seat, and barely remember I can’t cross my arms, ’cause I’m pretending to only have one. “I hope so.”

  Let me just say that it’s a good thing Aidan’s not a girl, because makeup and a straightener? Not easy with only one hand. I poke my eye twice with my eyeliner pencil, and now my eye is all red. I give up after burning my ear and temple with the straightener. At least I tried—that has to be worth something. But now that Aidan will be here any minute, I’m more than just freaking out over talking to him. The shaking is definitely worse.

  I draw in a deep breath and take a minute to calculate out the carbs in the Subway he said he packed. I allow myself the use of both hands while I do my shot in the bathroom, and I’m glad I thought of doing this before we get together so I don’t have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom later. Though, I’m telling him. I totally am. So even if I hadn’t done this now, it would still be okay. Hopefully.

  I stare in the mirror after I put my pharmacy away, knowing he’s on his way here. If I’d known we were going to get so close, I probably would have told him the night we met. I just didn’t expect to like him so much.

  “Okay. You can do this. Easy.” I raise my brows and give myself a look like my mom would give me. Then I sigh. I’m just not feeling the confidence I want to.

  Wait. I focus on the mirror again, and put on what I think is a sweet, sympathetic face, but instead I look constipated.

  I’m crap at this. Whatever. Just say it.

  “I know I should have said something sooner, but it was nice having someone who didn’t know this about me, because it feels like my family and friends treat me different.” It sounds so contrived, and I still look constipated. Ugh. I suck. I spin away from the mirror disgusted when I hear a knock at the door.

  My heart jumps, and my stomach flips over. Then I realize that if I don’t get the door, Dad will get the door.

  “Don’t stay out too late,” Dad says as I run up the hallway and grab the bag with snacks waiting on the floor.

  “I won’t.” I slow as I try to step past him in the living room.

  I reach for the door, but Dad leans back and gets it first. No doubt wanting to check Aidan out again. Curse this small house.

  “Hello, Dr. Walker.” Aidan stretches his hand out, looking a lot more sure of himself than he did when he came by a few days ago.

  His smile is pretty awesome—even when it isn’t directed at me.

  “Nice to see you again, Aidan. It’s a school night, so not past nine or so. Maybe ten if I get a phone call.” Dad’s voice is friendly enough, but it’s just going to be another reminder for Aidan how young I am. I’ve already not been able to see him for the last day and a half because of my parents.

  “No problem.” Aidan’s eyes wander to mine briefly, and then meet Dad’s again.

  “See you soon, sweetie.” Dad kisses my head, and I roll my eyes, which gets a grin from Aidan.

  “Finally.” I breathe out as Dad closes the door.

  “Ready?” he asks.

  “Very.”

  Aidan’s arm comes around me, and it’s like my body folds into his. Into his warmth. Into the way he feels against me.

  “Glad to see you.” He smiles wide and gives me a soft kiss.

  “You too.” And as I pull slowly away from his arm, and his eyes hit mine, I know I’ll tell him. Just not right now. Later. But tonight. Almost for-sure definitely.

  20

  Aidan Connelly

  KATE’S BEEN QUIET ON the whole drive, and fidgety. Neither is like her.

  “What’s up?” I ask, wondering if I want to know.

  “Do you ever wish you could hide the loss of your arm?” she asks.

  I open my mouth, but I’m not sure how to answer. It makes me realize that already, it’s sort of become part of who I am. I mean, I’d like to have my arm back, but would I try to hide the fact tha
t it’s missing? I don’t think so. Not anymore. Especially not if she’s going to touch my scars like she did last time we were together.

  She pulls in a deep breath. “There’s this thing I’ve needed to tell you about.”

  With how weird she’s being I’m starting to feel like I can’t breathe, like something might really be wrong between us. After my couple days with Roberts, I really want my night with Kate to go right. “You still like me?” I try to tease.

  “Of course.” Her smile is wide, and her cheeks pink, allowing me to take a breath in. This girl has really gotten to me, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

  “We’re okay then. I’m gonna pay for parking, and we’ll take our food down to the beach, okay?” I stand out of the car into the blissfully empty parking lot—grateful not everyone is as brave about low clouds as we are.

  “Okay.” She stands up, and holds the doorframe with white knuckles.

  I watch her for a sec. “You okay?”

  “Just dizzy.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s nothing.” Her voice is so quiet.

  “Okay.” I jog toward the pay slots. I can’t believe I’m going on a picnic, outside, with a girl. It’s seriously something straight out of a movie. But I’m looking forward to it—hanging with Kate. I fill out the envelope, and stuff the money in.

  When I turn around, Kate’s sitting on the hood, looking very pale. I start to jog back.

  She turns, and blinks a few times. Her mouth opens, but she just makes this weird humming sound.

  My heart starts to pound. “Kate?” Something is definitely weird here.

  “I shot. Was in a hurry at home.” She sounds drunk, slurred. “Too long. No food.” She pulls in this deep breath as her eyes fill with fear.

  I sprint, but she’s still on the opposite side of the car.

  Her mouth opens a few times before she pushes out a word.

  “Help.”

  I grab her just as her knees buckle against my legs.

  “Shit, shit. Kate.” My whole body’s shaking. She went from dizzy to this in just a few minutes?

  I have her under one arm, but I’m only holding her up because she’s pressed into my side. What the hell just happened? I’m trying to walk, and she’s trying to walk the three steps back to the car door, but her legs keep buckling, and each time they do, she slides farther down my side, and I’m losing my grip.

  I can’t lose my grip.

  “I…ospital…sho-ot…foo…” Her voice sounds like she’s talking through syrup. Sinking dread hits me in another wave. I don’t know what to do. What’s wrong with her?

  “Can you grab me? At all?” Oh, shit. I’m not going to be able to do this with one hand. My head is nothing but fuzz. There’s no thinking. Just anger and frustration. I have to do this faster. Get her in the car faster. I scan the parking lot, which was awesomely empty a few moments ago. Now I’m pissed that a few clouds are keeping people away.

  Her fingers feebly pinch my shirt as she pushes into me, trying to help me hold on.

  “What’s happening, Kate? What do I do?”

  She’s trying to form words, but nothing’s coming out right.

  We’re to the door, but I don’t know how to get her in. She’s a near rag-doll right now. I lean her against the car, using my body against hers to keep her from falling over, and pull open the door.

  If she hits the ground, I’m not sure if I could lift her with one arm. She slumps farther just as I get my arm back around her. “Kate. Kate!”

  Each second pushes me further and further into frantic mode. I know I need to call 911, but I can’t let go of her.

  I use my leg and my arm together, trying to balance her body. I need my other damn arm! I need to call 911!

  “Fuck!”

  I manage to slide her in the seat, using my arm, my leg, and my body, even though I’m shaking. She helps only slightly, and now she’s in, but limp, and just blinking a bit, like she’s fighting to keep her eyes open. I push her leg inside with my foot before closing the door, pulling out my phone, dialing 911. Now I have to set the damn thing on speaker so I can drive and talk. I’m shaking. This is like the nightmares; I can’t help, only way too real. I leap in the car and tear out of the parking lot. We’re headed back to town at about ninety when 911 answers. Kate’s breathing, but almost completely unresponsive. Her eyes half blink a few more times. I can’t lose her. Can’t.

  “Nine-one-one. Please state your emergency.” A woman’s voice answers.

  “My girlfriend passed out. I don’t know why. I’m in the car. She said something about a shot. I think.” Kate. Shot? My heart’s pounding so hard I’m worried I won’t be able to hear the woman at the other end.

  “Is she using drugs?”

  “No!” I yell.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I—” Shit. I don’t know anything. “Just help her!”

  “I need you to pull over until an ambulance can get to you.”

  Fuck that. “I’m ten minutes away, tops.” My foot’s hard on the floor. Kate’s eyelids are still twitching.

  “I need you to check for a pulse. Is she still breathing?”

  Holy shit this is all too real. “She’s breathing.” I can’t believe I’m saying these words.

  “Can you check her wrists for a bracelet or a necklace that might indicate a medical condition?”

  “What?” No. I can’t. “I only have one arm and I’m using it to drive.” Tears are streaming down my face, and I’ve never been more frantic and angry about my handicap than I am now. I jerk on the steering wheel a few times. “Shit!”

  “I need you to calm down.” This woman’s calm voice is pissing me off. “I need you to pull off the side of the road. We’ll find you.”

  “I’m not stopping the damn car!”

  “Do you have her full name and date of birth?” The woman’s voice stays calm.

  “Kate Walker, and…fuck, I don’t know!”

  “I need you to breathe, okay? Where are you now?”

  “Five minutes away, tops.” But I still can’t control my breathing. I don’t even care about crying. I just need my other arm. I want to touch her. Touch her hair. Her arm. Feel her breathe. Check for some bracelet or something.

  Can’t be, though. She can’t have some medical condition. Kate would have said something.

  Would she? Maybe she was just using you, Aidan. You know this started out as you using her for distraction.

  No! But I’m shaking. Right now anything and everything feels possible.

  “I’ve warned the hospital you’re coming,” the woman says.

  “What do I do?” I’m now weaving through traffic, and the hospital’s in sight. I keep glancing over at Kate, but I’m afraid to steer with my knee to touch her when I’m driving this fast.

  As I screech to a stop in front of the ER, they’re waiting for me. Two guys, both with two arms, pull her out, set her on a bed, and run her inside. I want to go in with her, but I’m yelled at to move my car so I jump in, my body tensed and shaking.

  I dial Jen on my way inside and try to tell her what happened, but my voice keeps quivering as the shock of the situation this me again and again.

  “Kate’s really bad about staying on top of it,” Jen says. “I’ll call her parents.”

  “On top of what?” I yell.

  Silence.

  “Dammit, Jen! I’ve just had one of the shittiest experiences of my life. What the fuck is going on!”

  “She’s diabetic. Takes shots. All of it. If she passed out, maybe she did her shot at home guessing what you guys were going to eat, and messed it up. She’s not very good at—”

  I hang up. Numbness sweeps through me just before disbelief, and then my insides shatter.

  The nurse comes out and asks me a million questions I can’t answer. When did Kate last have a shot? When did she eat? Do I have any information that’ll help? All I get to do is relive watching her face go slack, her voice get funny, and the weight o
f her in my arms, and me feeling desperate to help her, having no idea how to do it with only one arm.

  My body’s heavy, exhausted, filled with disbelief.

  “When can I see her?” I ask the nurse, half ready to bolt around her and start checking rooms.

  “Are you family?” The nurse looks over her glasses.

  “I, no, but I brought her in.” That’s got to count for something.

  “Sorry. Family only.” She shakes her head and turns away. “You can have a seat and wait.”

  Wait.

  Wait.

  I still can’t stop the damn tears. Kate’s so close. So close. But I can’t talk to anyone. Can’t see her. Can’t touch her.

  And how the hell did she think it was okay not to tell me this?

  She has to do shots. It’s not something that slipped her mind. It’s something she kept from me. Had to plan to keep from me.

  I stare at a fake fire in the waiting room for what feels like an eternity.

  Kate’s parents come in, and I jog toward them, hoping for answers.

  Her dad puts his arm around me. “She’ll be fine. Come on.”

  I barely know the guy, but he’s about to get me in to maybe see her, or to at least know what’s going on. “Thanks.”

  “Aidan. Thank you. You have no idea.” His voice shakes, and his hand pats my back once before letting me go.

  We’re ushered to a waiting room where I’m pelted with the same questions from her father as I got from the nurse. He explains that she took her insulin before leaving the house, and then when she didn’t eat soon enough, her blood sugar dropped. Like Jen guessed. He’s been on the phone with the doctor at the hospital and Kate will be fine. Her low isn’t as dangerous as a high, but is still a big deal. All I can think is how she hid this from me. How I could’ve talked with her. I’d understand probably better than most people she knows, and she didn’t trust me with it. It doesn’t make sense.

  Her dad stands up and talks quietly with a doctor then disappears into Kate’s room at the end of the hall.