Love Beyond Destiny
Page 13
“And how is this different with Marcus? I can see ye are figuring this out on yer own as ye speak of it. Keep going, lass.”
I laughed and furrowed my brows suspiciously at her. “Are you sure you’re not secretly some twenty-first century therapist?”
She shook her head, obviously confused. “I doona know what that is, but aye, I’m quite sure. Now, go on. How is it different?”
“He hasn’t swept me off my feet, Freya. I don’t feel like a different person from having known him. If anything, I feel like I’ve become just a little bit more of who I am. I don’t need him to get through the day, but I enjoy my days so much more when he’s around. Everything about this is so much gentler than before. It’s like a warm breeze that’s slowly warming me through, not a giant tsunami intent on sweeping me away.”
Freya snorted—something I’d never heard her do. I was actually surprised to learn that she was capable of making such a noise since she didn’t have an actual nose for air to pull through.
“I doona know about ye, lass, but all of that sounds much more appealing than what ye described before.”
It felt more appealing, too. It wasn’t intense. It didn’t overwhelm me. But there was an ease and natural build to my relationship with Marcus that felt so much more real.
“It is.”
Freya nodded, knowingly. “And that ’tis precisely why it frightens ye. I doona believe ye are near ruining things with Marcus. He’s a patient man, and I am fair certain he feels just the same way ye do, but it might make ye both feel better if ye share with him what ye just told me.”
For weeks, all of this had been building. She was right.
It was time to tell Marcus how I really felt. It was time to let him into my heart.
Even after all these months, the only time I’d ever stepped foot in Marcus’ bedroom was the night of the wedding. We spent time in the garden or wandering the castle grounds. We would sit in the library or by the fire in my cabin, but I never dared venture into his room. I suppose we both knew what it would mean when I did.
We had no plans this evening so I hoped as I knocked gently on his door that he wasn’t already sleeping. It took him no time at all to answer.
His eyes widened as he looked down at me. “Silva.” He smiled and my nerves relaxed just a little. “Do you…do you want to come in?”
I nodded and stepped inside.
The entire room smelled like him—like the modern aftershave he had Sydney send along with the various modern supplies she sent monthly for us modern residents. It had quickly become one of my favorite scents in the world.
“I need to tell you something.”
Finally, she was in his room once again. The sight of her standing near his bed flooded his mind with memories of him pressing himself into her in the darkness of that night so long ago.
He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her until she surrendered to him. He wanted to make her scream out his name and tremble beneath him. He wanted her to bite his shoulder as she came.
Was her presence in his room because she wanted that very same thing? Was that what she was here to tell him?
Of all the nights for her to come here, she couldn’t have picked a worse one.
Laurel was right. If The Eight had been unable to find a solution for Machara’s defeat in the past two decades, what made Marcus think the solution was ever going to be found in this century? The solution lay in the future—in his own time—and he knew it.
He had to leave for Boston, and he had to do it soon.
It was possible he would be gone for months.
It wouldn’t be right for him to take Silva to his bed, to confess his love for her and then turn around and leave her alone for such a long period of time.
Better to keep things how they were—committed but casual—where they could go several days without seeing one another and it was fine.
He stilled as she told him she needed to tell him something, and after a breath to suppress his need for her, he hurried to interrupt. “I need to tell you something, as well. I’m leaving for Cagair Castle in the morning, and from there I’m traveling back to the twenty-first century, and then onto Boston. I’ll be able to research things much more easily from there. I’m hoping I can find something that will help us save Freya.”
Silva spun toward him, her expression as shocked as he knew it would be. “Is Brachan going with you? Surely you’re not going alone. I know in the twenty-first century things are likely to be fine, but it’s not safe for you to travel the length of Scotland alone.”
He shook his head. With Paton still stuck in the land of the fae, they could only spare one member of The Eight without their powers weakening.
“No. I’m going alone. I have magic, remember? If I run into any trouble, I’ll use it.”
She stared at him, and he could see that she was holding back from saying what she truly thought.
“How long will you be gone?”
“Months, possibly. I’ll not return until I’ve found a way to end all of this for everyone.”
Her arms came around him in an instant, and it was all he could do not to lift her in his arms and carry her to his bed.
“I’ll come with you then. I promised once that I’d never return to my time, but I’m not sure that matters so much anymore.”
Panic seized him. Ross was in the twenty-first century, and Marcus intended to find him. He couldn’t risk Silva coming and learning that her husband was still alive.
“You can’t.”
She pulled away from him, her head cocked to one side.
“Why? I have no real responsibility here. Liv will be fine without me. Give me one good reason why I can’t go.”
He didn’t have a good answer for her. He’d never been good at lying. “It just wouldn’t be a good idea, Silva.”
He watched as her jaw clenched, and his stomach tightened uncomfortably. He could see where this conversation would lead. Everything was about to come undone.
“I’m not sure you can actually tell me that, Marcus. I’m not a prisoner here. I can go to the twenty-first century on my own if I want to. Maybe I will. Maybe I’m just feeling like a trip to Boston.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “Silva, I’m begging you to drop this. You know that I’d love to have you at my side, but there’s a very good reason why you shouldn’t come with me.”
Silva threw her hands up in exasperation. “Then tell me what it is.”
He exhaled and looked down at the stone floor. “You don’t want to know. We tried to tell you, and you told me you never wanted to hear his name again.”
He watched nervously as her face paled and her hands began to shake. Somehow, some part of her expected what he was going to say—even if she didn’t realize it yet.
Her voice shook as she spoke. “I’ve changed my mind. I think you’d better tell me now.”
“Silva…” Never had anything been so difficult for him to say. “There’s a very good possibility that Ross might be alive.”
Chapter 26
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
My mind repeated the word as I paced around Marcus’ bedroom.
It wasn’t possible.
I’d watched him die.
I’d watched his body burn as we placed it on the pyre.
I’d visited his grave once a week for months.
But just as quickly as my mind rejected Marcus’ words, other thoughts began to appear—thoughts that made me wonder—thoughts that made me shake with rage that it just might be true.
I’d never been able to feel Ross after he was gone.
I’d always found it strange that an illness of the chest could take down someone so powerful.
And finally, the thought that made me know it was true, and it broke my heart all over again, was my memory of the promise Ross had so desperately wanted me to make: that I would never travel forward in time again.
He’d known about Cagair. He knew I could return to
my old life easily.
He simply didn’t want me to. And I could think of only one reason for that.
He was there.
He’d left me to return to his life before me.
He’d allowed me to believe he was dead so he could live without me in another time.
A cocktail of anger, heartbreak, and betrayal coursed through me as I sunk to the floor and began to sob.
“I’m so sorry, Silva. I should’ve told you anyway.”
I leapt to my feet, still shaking and unsteady, but not wanting to be in Marcus’ presence a minute longer.
“You think?”
I ground out the question as I headed to the door. I didn’t need to hear his answer. I didn’t want to see his face. All I wanted was to be alone.
“Silva, wait.”
I held up a hand to stop him, but I didn’t turn around as I swung open the door.
“No, Marcus. I just need to be alone. Don’t come after me.”
By some miracle, I was able to make it to my own bed before I started screaming.
Marcus didn’t stop until he stood outside of Laurel and Raudrich’s bedchamber. This time he didn’t care what he interrupted. Raising his fist, he banged on the door as loudly as he could.
Raudrich’s voice bellowed through the door. “Whoever ’tis better have a good reason to be disturbing us this late in the evening.”
“It’s Marcus. Silva knows. I’m leaving in the morning.”
“Silva knows what?”
Marcus groaned at the sound of Olivia’s voice approaching him from the hallway. Sighing, he faced her. She would find out eventually, and Silva needed someone. He knew she wouldn’t let him inside, but maybe she’d let Olivia.
Olivia repeated herself as she came to a stop in front of him. “Silva knows what?”
“It’s possible that Ross might still be alive.”
He expected the young woman’s eyes to bulge out of her head. Instead, he found himself impressed by her calmness.
“And ye knew this?”
He gave Olivia one quick nod before she quickly began to shake her head in disgust.
“Men are fools. Every one of ye. Where is she?”
“She ran off to her cabin.”
“And where are ye leaving to in the morn?”
“I’m going back to my own time to search for some information.”
She surprised him by ramming a finger deep into the center of his chest. “If ye go anywhere before Silva has a chance to deal with what she’s just learned, I shall steal a horse from the stable, ride after ye, and break yer nose. Do ye understand me? I’m sure she is angry with ye, but she needs ye. If ye leave come morn, ye will be no better than Ross.”
“Okay.”
Olivia was suddenly bearing a disturbing resemblance to his late grandmother. She was the only other person on earth who’d ever been able to make him feel so small.
“So ye willna leave?”
“No. I’ll wait a few days.”
She patted him on the shoulder like he was a small child. “That’s a good lad.”
She walked off without another word. By the time Marcus turned to face Raudrich and Laurel’s bedchamber once again, Raudrich stood in the door with both of his cheeks puffed out uncomfortably as if he was stifling a laugh.
Marcus stood silently as he waited for Olivia to disappear down the stairwell and out the main doors of the castle. The moment she was gone, Raudrich doubled over in laughter.
“Christ, man, Jimmie doesna understand what he’s in for with that lass. She should be master of her own castle. She looks as innocent and daft as a wee lamb, but ’tis only a façade, is it not? She’s wiser and tougher than she looks.”
Marcus nodded in agreement. “Yes. I haven’t been spoken to like that since my grandmother died. I’m pretty sure she bruised me.”
Raudrich laughed again and clasped him on the shoulder as he stepped fully out into the hallway. “Now…I agree that ye should go to Boston. Laurel told me about yer conversation. How did Silva come to know the truth?”
“She wanted to come with me. So I told her.”
“Ah. And ye intend to find Ross while ye are there?”
“Yes. Even if I didn’t want to kill him, I would still need to find him. What if Brachan’s right? If he’s the one that can save Freya, I have to seek him out.”
Raudrich watched him carefully for a moment before speaking again. “Silva will come around, Marcus. ’Tis good that she knows. In truth, I shoulda told her the moment she told me of his magic. I bear some responsibility in this chaos.”
Marcus couldn’t agree more. He closed his eyes as a heavy weariness pulled down over him.
Anger always made him tired. He wasn’t angry at Silva, of course, but seeing the heartbreak wash over her face as she learned about Ross’ betrayal had sent fury coursing through him.
“Yes, you do, but I understand why you didn’t do it. I’m leaving in three days, and I’m not coming back until I know exactly what we have to do. This brotherhood—all of us bound to one another and this place—it’s not how I’m meant to live my life forever. It’s not how any of us are meant to live. It’s time for this to end.”
Chapter 27
I didn’t hear Olivia enter the cabin. I only noticed her once she slipped into bed next to me and silently pulled me into her arms.
I allowed her to hold me for what felt like hours, although I suspected it was really closer to a handful of minutes before I pulled away and sat up in the candlelit room.
“You know?”
“Aye.”
I suspected everyone in the castle knew by now. If they didn’t, I imagined I would have had more than one person knocking down my door to check on me from the way I wailed and screamed for the better part of an hour.
It had been a necessary thing—a visceral reaction that enabled me to survive the soul-crushing betrayal I now felt. I honestly believe that if I hadn’t allowed myself those moments to scream at the top of my lungs, my heart would’ve burst from the pain.
“How could he do it, Liv?” I choked on the words as tears spilled over my cheeks again.
When I looked into her eyes, I could see that she was crying, too.
“I doona know. There is not a reason on earth that could justify it, so no matter how it feels in this moment, ye must know ye are better off without him.”
In time, I knew I would feel that way, but now, I hurt too much to know anything.
“I loved him.”
“Ye still love him.”
I nodded as I closed my eyes. “I do. I still love him, but I hate him just as much.”
Liv reached for my hand and gently bent to kiss my palm. “Aye. I hate him, too. I canna wait to see him again so I can bloody his nose.”
I allowed myself one soft chuckle at the image of small, petite Olivia hurling her fist toward Ross’ perfect face.
“Liv, we’re not ever seeing him again.”
She reached for my chin and lifted my face so that I sat up a little straighter.
“Aye, we are. Once ye realize that ‘tis not Marcus’ fault and ye forgive him, we are going with him to the twenty-first century, and we are finding yer arse of a husband.”
I wouldn’t have been any more shocked if Olivia had railed back and bloodied my nose.
“You think I would go anywhere with Marcus after learning that he kept this from me?”
She narrowed her eyes. “And why precisely did he keep it from ye? Be honest. I’ve already heard the answer.”
“I know what I told him, Liv, but this is different. He shouldn’t have listened to me.”
She shrugged. “Mayhap so, but can ye blame him for not wanting to tell ye? He cares for ye. Not only would he not wish to see ye hurt by such news, but he also wants ye to be his and his alone. He is not a stupid man. He knows that as long as ye know that Ross still lives, ye willna truly be his. He made a mistake, but ye woulda done the same. I’m almost certain of it.”
“Okay, say I can get past what Marcus did. Why would I want to go after a man who literally moved to a different century to escape me? He doesn’t want me. He didn’t want me so much that he was willing to make everyone believe he’d died. I’m inclined to let him think that I still believe that.”
The little bit of my voice that remained after my screaming session cracked, and Olivia sighed before crawling out of the bed to fetch us both some water.
“Ye may feel that way now, but ye willna feel that way forever. If Ross lives, ye are still married to him. And whether ye’ve decided to admit it to yerself or not yet, ye are in love with someone else. What if one day ye wish to marry Marcus? Ye couldna ever bring yerself to do so when ye know that Ross lives. There is now too much unfinished business between the two of ye. We have to go, Silva. We have to go and find him so ye can get the answers to the questions ye havena even had time to form yet. We have to go so ye can tell him goodbye.”
“You keep saying ‘we.’ Even if I do decide to go, Liv, there’s no way you’re coming with me.”
She crossed her arms and straightened up a little taller. “Aye, I am. ’Tis not even a question. Ye are the one who told me to keep my head with Jimmie. Going with ye will give me the perfect opportunity to do so. Jimmie is perilously close to asking me to marry him. I can see it in the way he looks at me when we take our walks in the evenings, and I am not ready for that yet. How can I be when I’ve seen so little of the world? I am going whether ye wish it or not. I shall use my time away from him to search my heart for an answer. I canna be more sensible than that. I’m doing precisely as ye advised me to do.”
I couldn’t argue with that. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t argue with any of it.