Vampire Taxonomy

by Meredith Woerner

  Vampire Craniums

  Many of the vamps who don’t transform sport a scaled-back version of the lanky and mutated fist from centuries ago. Modern vamps have appendages that appear delicate but are in reality quite strong, all the way down to the tip of the sharp-as-a-knife fingernail. So be careful even around the fey vampires of late; they can still, most likely, throw you up against the wall, one delicate arm behind their back.

  Eyes

  More diverse than any other part of the vampire anatomy is the nosferatu eye. These blinking beauties come in all shapes and sizes, depending on the vampiric lineage or strain. Usually the maker’s color and anatomy will be passed on to his vampire spawn.

  Similar to a litmus test (or a mood ring), the eyes of a vampire can also tell you what the specimen is feeling; for example, if he’s hungry, angry, or tired (all emotions to look out for when dealing with a vampire). The eye color change commonly reflects an increase in adrenaline, be it positive or negative. When you see a vampire eye flash, someone is excited—possibly in a very unhealthy (for you) way. There can also be a dietary-induced color change; the Twilight vampires, though they possess many questionable (even among vampires) and unique vampiric traits, have an interesting and sound reason for their optic irregularities.8

  COMMON VAMPIRE EYE COLORS

  Often optic color changes are paired with a few other facial tics and features. You may see a Cro-Magnon-esque forehead grow to accompany the eye flash, or the mouth may increase in size. The Buffy series introduced the world to the not so easy to hide S.V.F., “Sexy Vampire Forehead.”9

  Fangs

  Similar to the eye, the vampire species has racked up quite the canine collection over the years. From the mangled overgrown incisors to the actual absence of a pointy-toothed grin, vampires and their fangs have been evolving since the first mention of that sharp smile in Varney the Vampire: The Feast of Blood in the 1840s. A great way to chart the evolutionary process of the vampiric race is hanging right from the mouths of the species.

  It’s no mistake that more and more vampires are popping up in the media and in pop culture without extended canines. The lack of fangs allows the creatures to blend in. If you look back over the years, the further back you go, the more exotic the teeth become. Think of the first set of movie fangs from Nosferatu. They were large and placed in front of the vampire’s mouth, great for getting your lips over the puncture marks and sucking to your heart’s desire, but terrible for speaking. Plus who’s going to look at those chompers and not suspect that this person is a child of the night? The slow and steady reduction of the fang is a great representation of vampiric evolution.

  Remember, the presence or absence of fangs is not enough information alone to classify a vampire. Nosferatu bites with both sharpened canines and dull teeth into the sweetest of victims. So do not think for a second that an absence of fang means you’re safe.

  Retractable Fangs

  The most common set of fangs among the vampire community is the retractable canine. The teeth actually grow out of the vampire’s gum line when the vamp is excited, angry, or hungry. Of course, many vampires prefer to leave their fangs bared at all times, but generally, when they’re not in use, the fangs shrink back into the gums.

  1. The classic overextended rattler or retractable fang set.

  2. An earlier form of the front fang; you can imagine the difficulty the owner would have conversing.

  3. The double fang, with a bottom set, highly decorative and unnecessary, but intimidating nonetheless.

  4. The mangled mouth: not aesthetically appealing, but useful for intimidation.

  5. Classic double fang, common among the retractable mouthed vampires.

  6. Dagger jaw: this set of fangs is used more for mutilating and eating rather than the common delicate neck work a vampire attempts.

  7. Mutated vampiric mouths can take on many shapes and sizes, with a little help from science. This vampire jaw can actually detach from the skull and attack its victims from the side.

  WHAT ARE THESE VAMPIRES OVERCOMPENSATING FOR?

  If you’re ever in the mood to check out some footage of some truly stunning sets of fangs, pop in a few of these fangophilia flicks. Each vampire has a mouth full of glimmering beauties so large you’d think they were trying to draw attention from elsewhere. Fangs: the vampire Ferrari.

  Vampire Circus

  Sylvia, Lair of the White Worm

  Kah, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires

  Dracula’s brides, Van Helsing

  Fright Night

  Dwight Renfield, The Night Flier

  Katrina, Vamp

  From here the retractable-fang look begins to vary depending on the bloodline and vampire preference. Some members of the undead species wield a double fang.10 That’s two sets of canines in the top half of the jaw. Others pair bottom and top fangs for extra fierceness, although the tendency to start looking like a bottle opener is possible. Usually whatever his maker has will be passed on down to the ward, but one quick stop in the dentist’s chair and a vampire can change his smile entirely.

  The Rattler

  The vampires from the Southern Vampire Mysteries book series underwent an interesting translation from page to tele-vision (the series True Blood). The fangs designed for these vampires are possibly one of the more realistic combinations of nature and supernatural beasts. The fangs were based on the structural makeup of the rattlesnake jaw: The fangs are hidden from view behind the teeth and flick out when an adrenaline rush kicks in. This is what we like to call the “fang flick.”

  The teeth are covered in a saliva that contains vampire venom (more on venom later), which (depending on the vampire) is stored in a pouch near the cheeks or freely flows through the saliva.

  Fangless Species

  Vampires without fangs are much more common than you may think; in fact, some of the species most beloved by hard-core enthusiasts don’t have a toothed spike to speak of. (So no, Twilight wasn’t the first set of defanged vampires.) In fact, neither Béla Lugosi nor Frank Langella felt the need for excessive fang use and ditched the fake teeth for their famous interpretations of Count Dracula. It makes more sense in today’s world to ditch the fangs and go for the more subtle approach.

  But just because these vampires lost their teeth doesn’t mean they lost any powers. Many of them still retain superior strength throughout their body (fists that can punch though torsos and jaws that can bite through steel), along with super speed and any other unseen mental abilities they may have been blessed with along the way.11

  A Mouthful of Ugly

  For every vamp with pearly white cuspids, there’s another vamp with a mouth full of mismatched, yellowing, gangly fangs. The wretched mouths of the vampire kind are not just an easy joke for the paranormal bully, they’re also one of the most diverse and interesting facets of the vampire anatomy. It’s a veritable rainbow of depleted and deformed calcium all twisted and warped into different shapes. Truly these vampire smiles are an unappreciated art of diversification.12

  The gangly grin finds its home predominantly among Villainous Vampires, and it’s dangerous and rare to see some of these ancient grins out on the street. But seeing as some of the earliest vampires were suggested or represented in the media as having dilapidated fangs, seeing one in today’s times is like jumping back in a time machine. It’s almost impossible to describe all the horrendous delights of this type of fang: They can be long, spaced out, different sizes, broken, twisted, or sticking out the side of a vampire’s mouth. But mind you, they’re deadly, and this type of vampire has no desire to show you his fillings if he’s not going to get a meal out of the exchange.

  An interesting subsection under twisted fangs is mutated jaws. Again, mostly prevalent in Villainous Vampires, this strange anatomical quirk allows the entire jaw to expand or crack open in order for the vampire to feed. This can be seen in the Reaper vampires in Blade II, who used this scientific advantage to feed on other vampires. Unlike th
e feelings of pleasure often reported by those bitten by the typical fanged vampire, this type of feeding appears to be incredibly painful and invariably fatal for the victim (except in the case of the Reapers; anyone bitten by a Reaper immediately begins the transformation into one).

  Dabbling in science and basic evolution has brought changes to the vampire species. Over time, we will see a more advanced breed of fangs, or perhaps the phasing out of canines altogether, as the author Guillermo del Toro suggests in his novel The Strain, in which viral vampires use stingers instead of their teeth to attack their victims.

  Venom

  Be it supernatural juice or a poisonous pathogen, vampires secrete a powerful substance that will turn you from human to immortal—unless they kill you first. This fluid is commonly called venom but can also be considered a virus. It’s hard to make too many generalizations regarding vampire venom because it has mutated so quickly and violently over the years.

  VAMPIRES AND DRUGS

  In the Southern Vampire books and TV spin-off series True Blood, the vampire drug-trafficking industry is booming, and humans get an ethereal high from ingesting V-Juice (vampire blood). But what happens when a vampire bites the neck of a pot head? Do mortal drugs even pack a kick for the undead?

  All signs point to yes. The Count from Norman Spinrad’s Vampire Junkies novel develops a mean heroin addiction after feeding on the blood of a junkie in New York City. In the Preacher comics, the vampire character Cassidy battled some pretty terrible drug dependency problems, going to some serious lows to get a fix. Buffy’s Angelus spits out the blood of a Sunnydale High School swim team member, which we first suspect is due to steroid use, but later discover was something more mischievous flowing in his veins. Still, his reluctance to drink tainted blood proves that perhaps they are influenced by what they eat. More to the point, Spike in the Buffy episode “School Hard” explains that while at Woodstock he “fed off a flower person and spent the next six hours watching my hand move.” It would seem, according to pop lore, that vampires can indeed be influenced by mind-altering drugs, and in some cases, snake venom.

  Some believe that the less human blood a vampire drinks, the less potent his venom is. This has yet to be proven without fatal consequences. Others believe that certain strains of the vampire virus have diluted the venom so far as to allow vampires to bite their victims and not fully turn them without other measures coming into play (such as a full blood exchange). Whatever the reality is, be aware that in most cases, when you are exposed to vampire venom, it will take time to get it out of your system, unless you are unlucky enough to be infected by a rare strain that initiates a transformation immediately. Frankly, it is not worth the risk of seeing just how far your body can go before the venom begins breaking down your genetic makeup and turning your body.

  Vampire Siring

  Just like the spectrum of fangs seen in the vampire world, there’s also a spectrum of ways that vampires turn humans. Most involve some sort of blood exchange with a vampire, but there are exceptions even to this rule, so it is important to be familiar with the various rituals so that you are prepared to defend yourself should you find yourself on the verge of being turned.

  Swapping Blood Types

  The most common vampire siring ceremony is the simple act of the vampire drinking from the human, and in exchange, the human drinking the vampire’s blood. In most cases, humans will need to be drained of almost all of their blood, which will leave them in an intensely weakened state. If not fully drained, the humans, if they survive the blood loss, will remain mortal but will pick up a few nasty habits along the way (repulsion to sunlight, hissing, carnal thirst for blood). But in order for complete transformation mortals will most likely need to be placed on the brink of death, so that copious amounts of vampire blood can revive them into immortals. This practice is not particularly new; in fact it’s been around since Bram Stoker’s Dracula, The Vampire Chronicles , and even the modern-day The Vampire Diaries. The key to this transformation is that the mortal shell must, in a way, die, so the vampire can emerge.

  Patience Is an Undead Virtue

  A few turning rituals seem to take a lot of time, days even, and several blood exchanges. Southern vampire Bill Compton explained it best to girlfriend Sookie Stackhouse in Dead Until Dark: “I would have to drain you, at one sitting or over two or three days, to the point of your death, then give you my blood. You would lie like a corpse for about forty-eight hours, sometimes as long as three days, then rise and walk at night. And you would be hungry . . . Other vampires have told me humans they habitually bite, day after day, can become vampires quite unexpectedly. But that requires consecutive, deep, feedings. Others, under the same conditions, merely become anemic.”

  In the TV series True Blood, the maker and his ward are actually buried together in the ground while the process occurs. Burial is not uncommon, as the process takes time. Many midturns are actually considered dead by the human race and given a proper burial, only to emerge Buffy-style in the middle of a cemetery. Thankfully, the superhuman strength you’ll gain from becoming a vamp should help you claw your way out of the dirty grave, as it did for the teenaged Gina Covella from Vamped, who woke up (surprise!) in a coffin.

  Just a Bite

  Some vamps need only one bite to make them yours. Twilight vamps work under this principle: Bella, when bitten, gyrates and flaps about on the ground, withering in pain from the vampire venom, well on her way to becoming a vamp after just one bite. But this isn’t a new legend. The also-fangless vamps from Near Dark can turn a mortal to the fang with a simple nibble.

  This Blood’s for You

  Be warned, siring blood doesn’t always come from the neck, wrist, or sliced-up chest of an oversexed vampire. Sometimes it can come in the form of a bottle. The Lost Boys (in both I and II) tricked their new vampire gang members into sampling a little household wine. And by “wine” they meant ancient vampire blood that turns the unsuspecting, underage drinkers. Similarly, in A Taste of Blood, the main character is sent two bottles of Slivovitz brandy from an old ancestor, and after pounding through the drink, he becomes a vampire. So be wary when vials of mysterious liquids are being passed around a vampire party. That could be the one drink that puts you eternally over the edge.

  Virus Versus Curse

  A lot of people question how it’s possible to reconcile the idea of a vampire who has evolved from a religious curse to the more scientific notion of “vampire mutation as virus” that we see in the media today. However, whatever the true reason, the ideas aren’t mutually exclusive.

  Before recent advances in modern science, the only plausible explanation for vampirism to most people was a supernatural curse. The various strains that do react adversely to religious arti facts only seemed to confirm these beliefs.13 But whether or not the initial trigger for the creation of the first vampire was mystical, these days the commonly accepted belief is that most vampires are infected with a virus that is present in the blood and transmittable to humans. As a scientist in Blade II explains, “Vampirism is a progressive virus that’s spread through the saliva of various parasitic organisms.” Such a theory also explains the potential for animals to be infected as well.14

  VAMPIRE ANIMALS

  People are not the only creatures who can fall under the fang. Rare and strange reports have been found in popular culture regarding many a mysterious Animal Vampire. Forget the adorable carrot juice-sucking rabbit Bunnicula—we’re talking animals that go in for the kill. Possibly the most famous of animals turned vampire is Hell Cow, who was transformed by Dracula in the Howard the Duck comic book.

  This by no means disregards the notion that vampires are supernatural beings. The very fact that there is a viral strain that turns people into half-dead, bloodthirsty monsters is a magical thing, but hopefully, once we get a better and longer look at various specimens, we can have a better understanding of where vampires came from. We may find the boundaries of what’s supernatural and what’s sci
ence shrinking over the years thanks to technology.

  So remember, just because some people are infected with a nosferatu strain or vampire venom, that doesn’t necessarily make them cursed by God—it may just make them very unlucky.

  ABILITIES

  Vampires are supernatural creatures, and when you start delving into what makes each of them unique and different, you’re going to encounter a lot of variety. Like hair color in humans, vampiric special abilities vary widely. Some vamps are turned into psychics or gain the ability to glide upon transformation; others wake up in their new vampire life with just the bare necessities, like super strength and speed. We have determined that telekinetic powers seem to be class specific—you’ll find more information on each class’s ability in the following chapters. Beyond that, their abilities seem to be present across the board, and are most likely evolving rapidly.

  CAN VAMPIRES FLY?

  Vampire expert Anne Rice let her darling Lestat soar through the air, and Dracula has been reported to take on the form of a bat to frighten the ancient townspeople of Transylvania. But close examination of the myths, legends, and lore reveals that it is typically only the most powerful, oldest, and most influential vampires who possess the power of levitation. Perhaps this is because the younger vampiric generations’ power has been diluted over time. Either way, who needs flight when you’ve got enough power in your body to scale rooftops and glide about like a superhero?