“He talked to me. Just me, John. Everyone out front waited and waited, but he talked to me.”
“Did he touch you?” John asked.
“Touch... well...”
John stepped towards Carrie. He looked down and his eyes were on fire. They were eyes of rage and jealousy.
“Did he touch you?”
“Yes,” Carrie whispered. “He touched my face. Nothing else. What do you want me to do, John?”
“I don’t know,” John said. “I think about it and it makes me want to hurt people. I want the deal. I want to send the pretty boy rockstar packing back to where he belongs. But if he fucking touches you...”
Carrie swallowed. The look in John’s eyes was scary. It was beyond jealousy. It was beyond rage. He was in love with Carrie. That’s what those eyes were. He had found a woman that would listen to him and a woman he could enjoy all the time. A woman that would sign a contract and comply. And that meant the hole Carrie had dug was only going to get deeper. Her feelings for John were only on the surface. He provided a contractual service. Carrie provided a contractual service. That was their relationship. There maybe existed a time when Carrie wanted more, or had more feelings, but not now. Her heart and mind were for Alex Slader. She’d wait for him to come back. Until then, she’d string John along... that’s all there was to it...
“Here, let me show you what it’s like to be touched,” Carrie whispered.
She lowered herself to her knees and touched John.
This was just part of the job now. She would keep John happy yet confused and she would keep her eyes shut when she could. Everything was about Slader and soon she would have him to herself.
I’ve never tried so hard.
I’ve never cared before.
I’ve never fallen with pain.
I’ve never loved more.
I’ve never taken so much.
I’ve never hated my breath.
I’ve never asked for this.
I’ve never courted death.
.13.
Slader entered the cabin and headed for the stairs. He rushed to the bedroom and opened the door to find Jessica in bed, sleeping. The smell of lavender lingered in the room. He stood and watched her, the sheets up to her shoulders, her hair spread across the pillow. He stood over her and let the inspiration of life come to him. This was what it was all about. The second chance at a life first lived a long time ago.
After a few minutes of silence Slader felt his fingers tingling. It was time to create something. He left the bedroom and went to the room next to it. The room was filled with instruments and recording equipment. His sanctuary. He could hear the sound of each instrument he looked at. Today was the kind of day for the piano.
Slader stood at the black piano and put his left hand on top of it. He rested his head on his hand and let his right hand work first. He gently touched keys, waiting for that first note to come to him. There weren’t endless notes in music, so the first note dictated it all. He closed his eyes and he found comfort... his right hand started playing something new. Sad, with purpose.
The world was still trying to tear them apart. Jerry was under strict orders to ensure everything with Richie would be buried soon, including Richie. Jerry didn’t know what the comment actually implied, and to a point, neither did Slader, but the way he felt about Richie...
Slader lifted his head and put his left hand to the piano. He began to play. It was a new song. It was important. It would change people’s lives and make a bad day better. A song that would stop people and force them to focus on the words.
After running through all his mind had to offer, Slader reached to his right and turned on some recording equipment. This was how he loved to record. It was the only way everything to be organic. He could go back and listen, get a feel, and see what needed to be changed.
The equipment was on, recording.
Slader sat in silence, allowing it all to come back to him. He hummed a few notes, picking up the melody, sending it to his fingers to find on the piano. He started to play and couldn’t stop. He stared at the keys with intense eyes, playing the same thing over and over. The song gained life each time he played it. He began adding an extra note here and there. A fill between the first chorus and second verse. A bridge that became quiet, which would allow his voice to fill the song, the venue, and the fans hearts and souls. Then a solo that would only be complemented by...
He took his hands off the piano and the song died. That was the amazing power of it. He controlled the song. Without his fingers, and his mind, there would be nothing. The piano needed him. The song needed him. The fans needed him. Jessica needed him.
Slader reset the recording for playback and switched to guitar. He played the guitar flawlessly, his fingers smooth against the strings and the neck. At the solo, he waited for the piano part to end and with the press of a couple foot pedals, he had reverb and wah-wah. The sound was filled with echoing cries of notes. This was where people would hear the song without vocals and be able to create their own images of the song. That was the key to soloing during these kinds of songs.
By the time he was done, Slader stood to find his body shaking. It had been a long time since he wrote something so poignant. His mind raced trying to pick up on the inspiration of it all. It was certainly something about the second chances life seemed to give.
Jessica with the second chance. The woman finding him for a second time... the one who looked scared and seductive. Even Richie. His second chance at suckling off the power of Slader.
Slader turned the recording equipment off. He’d wait a few hours before listening to it. Then he’d tear it all apart and do it again. Because it could be better. It deserved to be better.
“That was amazing,” a voice said.
Slader hadn’t expected the voice, momentarily forgetting that other people in the world existed. He turned to see Jessica standing outside the door, Slader appreciated the beautiful woman for respecting his beautiful room.
“Something new,” Slader said.
He looked at Jessica, dead in the eyes, and he could tell something was different. It pained him because it was the reason why he hated separation.
“Are you in trouble?” Jessica asked.
“Is that what’s bothering you?”
Jessica adverted her eyes. Slader rushed to her, his hands needed to touch her. He held her by the waist and placed his head to hers. She wouldn’t look away, not again. She couldn’t.
“Jessica... everything will be okay. I have everything under control.”
“I know that,” Jessica whispered.
Silence fell and Slader waited to see if Jessica would say something. She didn’t say a word. She was holding back. Closing up. Letting go. That was how fast people changed. Slader had been watching it his entire life.
“I can’t handle this again,” he whispered. “Look at me. Tell me something honest.”
Jessica looked at him. “Honest... I’ve been waiting for you to touch me since you left.”
Slader slid his hands down to Jessica’s ass and pulled at her. He forced her to jump up and wrap her legs around him. They stared at each other. Slader needed Jessica. He needed her body, her love, her desire. It would fix anything broken because that’s what it was supposed to do.
He walked to the bedroom without speaking a word, without taking his eyes away from Jessica. He lowered her and himself to the bed. He felt her legs pulling at him, wanting him. Jessica opened her legs and Slader stood from the bed. He touched her pants and opened them without breaking the intensely beautiful stare he and Jessica shared. Something was very wrong. Yet something was very right. This was the only woman to come close to cracking his shell. He wouldn’t let her get away again. Look what time had given him for another try...
Slader slid Jessica’s pants and panties off her body with a gentle force. He didn’t have time for seduction and foreplay. That’s what the song was for. If Jessica heard it then she already knew everything
rushing through Slader’s mind.
Jessica quickly sat up, her legs slightly open, revealing herself as she reached for Slader’s pants. She worked as fast as he did, opening his pants and forcing them down. His thick erection popped free from his pants but Jessica didn’t touch him. It was subtle moves like that that made her so beautiful and deadly all at the same time. She knew what to do without him commanding her.
Jessica slowly moved back down to the bed. She put her feet to the bed and opened her legs. Slader looked at the moist center of his beautiful woman and smiled. The gentle folds of her skin. The pinkish hue of her skin. Everything so delicate and innocent yet had the wild scent of erotic desire.
Slader came forward to the bed and positioned himself over Jessica. He grabbed her hands and interlocked his fingers to hers. He forced her hands high over her head and then thrust forward, penetrating her with a hard thrust. He sank deep and let out a long groan. Jessica tried to moan but she had no breath. Her back arched and Slader felt her body touching his. They both still had their shirts on, which was different to Slader. This wasn’t just about the pleasure... this was pure lust and unfiltered sex.
As he pulled back, Jessica thrust at him, finally able to moan. She let out a moan and when Slader thrust at her again, she cried out. The sound of her cry was so hopeless, and it told Slader that she still needed him, no matter what was going to happen next. He wanted that sound in his mind and heart forever, so he began to thrust at Jessica with the same intensity and feeling. He couldn’t waste it. He couldn’t let it go. He needed it.
With Slader’s feet on the floor and Jessica so willing and needy, the sex became fast and sweaty. Slader refused to let Jessica break his grip on her hands. He squeezed and kept her in place, fucking as hard as he could. With each thrust he swore he could feel himself going deeper inside Jessica, reaching new warm places that maybe never existed before.
His eyes studied everything Jessica did. How she opened her eyes. Closed her eyes. Arched her back. Lost her breath. Found her breath. Parted her lips. How her mouth looked when she made noise. How she curled up when she started to come and held there, her body throbbing so tight around Slader.
When it was time to come, Slader thrust deep and hurried to move down. His lips touched Jessica’s, his tongue then seeking hers. Slader was hard, throbbing, spilling inside Jessica. He allowed her to move her lower half in small movements only to keep him coming.
By the time Slader took himself from Jessica’s body, his erection was gone and the sweet taste of Jessica’s mouth lingered his mouth. They dressed in silence and Slader found himself standing in the middle of the bedroom.
“You should go finish that song,” Jessica said.
“I don’t care about the song,” Slader said. “Not when you have guilty eyes.”
“Then don’t look at them,” Jessica whispered.
“Tell me... tell me everything... what happened again?”
Jessica looked at Slader. He could feel the stare cutting through him. She almost made him feel vulnerable, which was part of the reason he took her to the cabin. If Slader was going to give in, he couldn’t do it anywhere else.
“I want to know everything,” Jessica said. “You kidnapped me here... you... my cell phone...”
“Jessica,” Slader said.
He stepped towards the bed and Jessica turned her head. Slader froze. That She looked away. Just like before... always looking away. Looking away until it was time to leave.
Slader closed his eyes and swallowed enough pain that would have killed a normal man. But he wasn’t a normal man. He was a billionaire rockstar, and that meant he controlled everything, including himself. All it took was a second to shut it all down, and just like that Jessica became just another woman... even if his heart wanted to believe she was the woman...
Go away, fly, feel free.
I won’t watch, you won’t care, will you?
The heavy hand comes down.
Count once.
Count twice.
Count to three for the darkness.
The day becomes night without the command of routine.
Just go and fly away. It’s what we’re all meant to do.
.14.
Jessica sat on the bed, her body still tingling from the feeling of Slader inside her. When she had woken and saw him recording, playing, being the rockstar he was, she realized that he was a man so dark and deep with pain it would take a lifetime to figure him out. A lifetime she was willing to give and a lifetime she was willing to share.
But now he stared at her with an empty set of eyes.
“I needed you here,” Slader said. “I needed you to trust me and I needed to know the truth.”
“You read my messages,” Jessica said. “You wanted to know how I felt... so you found out.”
“You’re hurt,” Slader said. “You’re mad at me. You feel I’m not good enough.”
“Nobody said such words,” Jessica said. “You’re making things up.”
“Then what is it, Jessica? What is it you see?”
Jessica looked at Slader. What did she see? Someone so powerful, so beautiful. Someone so heartbreaking yet heartbroken. Someone so hidden.
“What’s it like then?” Jessica asked. “The life. All the stuff that happens...”
“Are you talking about music?”
“Not just the music,” Jessica said. “But the life. The rooms with the parties. The drinking. The drugs. The women.”
“That’s your interest?”
“I didn’t say that. I’m asking you. I want to know everything, Slader.”
“I create to give life to those who don’t have life,” Slader said. “I touch you Jessica to make sure you’re alive and so am I. But it doesn’t seem to feel that way right now. You’re questioning everything which, in turn, is questioning my trust. Our trust.”
“I found the cell phone, Slader,” Jessica said. “What am I supposed to do?”
Slader put his head back and let out a growl. “This is why... this is how it happens. They take us apart, Jessica. They tear at us. They hurt us. They want us to walk away.”
“Who is they?” Jessica asked.
“The fucking world,” Slader said. “And if that’s what it wants... then leave me... leave me again...”
Slader backed up to the door and opened it. He stood and stared at Jessica. She moved from the bed to her feet. Each step she took became a defining moment. In her heart she felt it. Her feelings for Slader were love, but to take on a billionaire rockstar, to take on all this...
“You want me to leave?” Jessica asked.
“The world does,” Slader said. “So, fine. It can win one. I can suffer again. I’ll create and wait for death.”
Jessica walked to the door. Her intentions weren’t to leave. She could never leave Slader. She could stay and push him. She could stay and submit to him over and over.
“Wait,” Slader whispered.
He took Jessica’s left hand and placed it to his chest.
“You go this time,” Slader said, “you’re taking this with you...” Slader curled Jessica’s fingers at his chest, right over his heart. “I don’t need it without you.”
Jessica felt herself starting to shake as she stared at Slader. She didn’t want his heart ripped from his chest. She wanted his heart presented to her with the care they both deserved.
“I’ll come with you,” Jessica said.
“Where?”
“Wherever we need to go. If the world is going to try to tear us apart then we’ll just be together anyway.”
“It’s not always that easy.”
“Yes it is,” Jessica said. “I’ll be right there. On your tours. At your shows. Before and after.”
“You want to be my groupie?” Slader asked.
His eyes were deep and serious. There was no look of emotion. No love. No lust. Nothing.
“Yes,” Jessica said. “I’ll be your groupie then. I’ll be anything you want me to be
for your shows. I’m pretty sure I’m fired from my job anyway. So I need work. I need a job. I’m desperate, Slader. For you.”
“You know rockstars don’t just have one groupie,” Slader said.
Jessica felt her heart ache. She would never expect to share Slader, but then again she didn’t have him. She had the rockstar standing before her. Something was better than nothing sometimes.
“I don’t care,” Jessica said. “I’ll fight the world with you, Slader. I’ll trust you with my body, my heart, and even my soul. If that’s what you want.”
“It’s what I need,” Slader whispered.
“Your needs are my needs,” Jessica said. “My life is now yours.”
Silence came again as his eyes burned into Jessica. Gone was the intense look of Alex Slader. He was suffering, more than Jessica could understand. But she would be there, right there, with him until it all came out. Even if it meant hurting her in the process. Because just touch alone of Slader was worth all the pain in the world.
“What comes next?” Jessica asked.
“We leave here,” Slader said. “It’s time to play shows and see the fans. To see those who are dying to see me. To give them what they all desire. For those who waited to see me today that didn’t. For the woman who waited for me... you should have seen her, Jessica. So desperate and hopeless, almost like you. Maybe she’ll be at another show. Maybe you’ll meet her.”
Jessica swallowed more pain and more jealousy. She was now a groupie for Alex Slader. This was where feelings were kept in the dark and life was lived loud.
Jessica managed to collect herself, and after a deep breath, she walked by Salder. “Let’s go right now.”
Don’t miss the next book in the With the Rockstar series – A Groupie with the Rockstar
Jessica is once again unemployed. Fired from the magazine and not allowed to be ‘with’ Alex Slader, she takes the next best job... she becomes a groupie for Alex Slader. But being a groupie means seeing things and doing things she never thought possible. Things only get worse when her roommate – Carrie – begins to show up and treaten the strong feelings Jessica has for Alex Slader.
In Bed with the Rockstar (With the Rockstar #2) (rockstar romance series) Page 8
