Smolder: A Devil Chaser's MC Romance

by Wilder, L

  I’m fighting with myself to wake up. I can’t take anymore. I need to wake up. “I love you, son.” I keep hearing my mother’s last words over and over. When I’m finally able to pull myself from the nightmare, I jerk up in bed. I’m drenched in sweat and my heart is racing. Taylor doesn’t wake up as I ease my way out of the bed. She’s lying there so peaceful, so innocent. I shouldn’t be tainting her with my touch. She deserves better than this. She has no idea what a monster I really am. I know she thinks she wants to be with me, but she doesn’t even know who I really am.

  Looking at her hurts me. I can’t stay. She’s sleeping soundly as I pull on my clothes and walk out the door. I know that if I let myself, I’ll just take her again, dragging her down even further.

  Seems all I do is hurt her. I messed things up again last night. I let my own selfish hunger for her overrule my better judgment. There’s no way I can drag Taylor into my shit. She deserves better than that. Me? I’ve never been anything but twisted up and worthless. She doesn’t need me suffocating her in the darkness that has marked me. Taylor is light, she’s all good things--- way too good for me.

  I ended up taking a ride out to the cliffs. I had taken Taylor there years ago. I couldn’t help thinking about that first kiss we shared. There was so much hope in her eyes that day. I hated hurting her like I did, but I didn’t see any other way.

  I called Bishop and volunteered to go on a run. He had a couple of cars that needed to be picked up, and I told him I’d go with Otis to make sure everything went okay. I could tell he was suspicious of my offer, but he didn’t give me a hard time about it. He learned a long time ago to stay out of his brothers’ personal lives. I respected that about him.

  I needed to say goodbye to Taylor before I left on my trip, but she was already gone by the time I made it back to the clubhouse. That was probably for the best. I wasn’t sure how to see her and not claim her again just yet. I needed distance. I decided to check in with Bobby before I left. I needed to make sure he was still keeping tabs on Gage. After I got the all clear, I found Otis waiting for me in the garage. He had the trailer loaded and ready to go.

  “You about ready to head out?” Otis asked.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be. Did you get the address from Bishop?”

  “Yeah, it’s on the invoice. We should make it more than halfway tonight. It’s about a nine hour drive. I thought we might find a place to stay outside of Chicago.”

  “When are they expecting us to be there?”

  “Tuesday morning around 9:00 a.m. That’ll give us plenty of time to make a few stops if we need to.”

  “Good. Let’s get going. I don’t want to drag this out.”

  Before we left, I tracked down Bulldog and gave him a note for Taylor. I told him to go hang it outside my door, so she could find it. I wanted to have a chance to explain, but I didn’t want to do it in a note. It was a coward’s way of doing things, but I had to sort some things out in my own head first.

  Otis took the first shift driving while I tried to catch up on some sleep. I didn’t get much rest last night, and it was going to be a long drive. The longer I could sleep through it, the better. I started feeling guilty about leaving without really telling Taylor goodbye. We’d had an amazing night together, and I wanted so much more. I knew though, I had to stay away – no matter how hard that was going to be.

  Chapter 18

  Taylor

  I was alone in Ren’s bed when I woke up. I wasn’t sure where he went, so I didn’t know if I should wait for him to come back or just go home. I had an eerie feeling that something was wrong. My gut was telling me that it was time for me to go. I slipped out of bed and grabbed my clothes off of the floor. I’d wait until I got back to his place to take a shower. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get home, though. I had ridden with Courtney last night, and I was sure she was off somewhere shacked up with Bobby.

  I decided to just call myself a cab. I was digging in my pants pocket for my phone when there was a light knock on the door. When I opened it, Courtney was standing there with a shit eating grin on her face.

  “Well good morning, hoochie momma. How ya feeling this morning?”

  “I’ve been better. Have you seen Renegade?”

  “He didn’t tell you?” Courtney asked with a confused look.

  “Tell me what? He was already gone when I woke up. What’s going on?”

  “Bobby told me that Renegade was going with Otis to make a run for Bishop. He had to pick up some cars that they bought to restore for some rich guy up north. They’re supposed to leave sometime this morning. You wanna go see if we can find him before he leaves?”

  “No, he didn’t tell me. I guess he’s back to pushing me away, again. Damn it. I can’t catch a break with this guy.”

  “I know what will make you feel better. Waffles! Nothing helps a hangover and a broken heart like a big breakfast with waffles!”

  “Actually, that sounds really good. There’s no use in waiting around here for him just to avoid me.”

  “Maybe he was just trying to let you sleep. Maybe you should go see if you can find him before we leave.”

  “No, let’s just go. He can call me if he wants to talk to me.”

  After breakfast, Courtney dropped me off at Renegade’s place. My car was sitting in the driveway, and there was note hanging on the front door. I guess he came by here before he left.

  Taylor,

  Sorry I missed you. I had to head out early this morning for work. I won’t be back before you head home. There’s a new security system at your place, so you should be okay once you get there.

  Ren

  ASSHOLE! As far as love letters went, that one sucked. I felt like a total idiot for thinking things might have changed. Apparently, last night didn’t mean a damn thing to him. I held the note, feeling so many different things… sadness, shame, hurt, anger. I decided to cling to the anger. At least I could go home knowing I’d tried everything. It was time to put Noah ‘Renegade’ Hudson behind me. I wished that thought didn’t hurt so much.

  I spent the day cleaning up and packing all of my things, until I remembered Tessa’s surprise party. I decided to run by the convenience store and pick up a gift card. I thought she might like to buy some romance novels for her Kindle. She’d told me she liked to spend her free time reading, and I wanted to give her something she’d actually like and use.

  I didn’t bother to dress up. There was nobody there that I needed to impress, so I just threw on some jeans and a t-shirt. I also decided to go on and pack my car. If I didn’t stay too long, I could head on home after the party. I was ready to sleep in my own bed for a change.

  Most of the guys were already there when I pulled up. After I made my way upstairs, I saw Goliath standing at the bar. He gave me a welcoming smile before he pulled out a chair for me.

  “You don’t look like a happy camper. Everything okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  “How’d things go with Renegade the other night? Did he ever pull his head out of his ass?”

  “I thought he had for maybe a minute, but he’s right back to avoiding me like the plague. I’ve given up.”

  “I thought you were a fighter, Taylor. You don’t seem like the type to give up so easily.”

  “Doesn’t seem to matter if you’re the only one fighting, Goliath. I tried everything I could.”

  “Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?” he said with his eyebrow raised like he was scolding me.

  “Not exactly. He always shuts me down before I get the chance. I know there’s no point in making him talk about things. He’s just going to tell me to let it go.”

  “I call bullshit on that. You’ve gotta let him know how important he is to you. Lay it all out there. You have no idea what’s really going on in his head. You need to talk to him.”

  “Tell you what, Goliath. I will talk to him, of course I have
no idea when or if I’ll see him again, since he disappeared, but if I do, I’ll it all out there. Satisfied?”

  Goliath took a drink of his beer, watching me. Then, his face broke into a grin and he winked at me. “That’ll do, girl. That’ll do.”

  I couldn’t hold my smile back. Goliath is so different than I’d initially thought. There’s a really good heart behind that sexy exterior.

  Tessa was completely surprised when she walked into the bar. Everyone cheered and gave her a warm welcome. It was nice to see how the guys had embraced her as one of their own in such a short time. It was wonderful really, but I felt so out of place. I was hurting more that I wanted to admit over Ren. I decided to just give it up and leave. I gave Tessa the gift card and told her that I was heading home. She made me promise to keep in touch, and I told her I would try to come visit over the holidays, but I know that I’m lying. If I’m going to have any hope of getting over Renegade, I need to stay away-- at least for a while.

  On my way out the door, Jessica blocked my exit. She had her arms crossed with an evil grin and snide expression on her face.

  “I told you that it’d never work. You had him one night, and he’s already left your bed and jumped right back into mine.”

  I felt the air rush out of my lungs as doubt filled my mind. That couldn’t be right. Would he really go to her after he’d been with me? Was he with her this morning before he left? God, I really was an idiot.

  “I tried to warn you, but you wouldn’t listen. I hate that it had to be like this,” she sneered. “You seem nice and all. Maybe you can find a new guy back at home. Renegade is just not the man for you.” She stood there smiling as she knocked the wind out of me with her words. I really hated her. I wanted to punch her right in the face, but it wouldn’t change anything.

  “Fuck you, Jessica,” I told her as I shoved her to the side so I could leave. I felt my heart breaking as I made my way to my car. I fought back the tears until I’d made it onto the main road. Once I hit the highway, the tears began to stream down my cheeks. It was hard enough to face the fact that he’d left me without saying goodbye. Now, the whole Jessica thing? That was the final straw. I was done.

  Chapter 19

  Renegade

  We decided to drive straight through on the way home. It was after midnight by the time I made it back to the house. I could’ve just stayed at the clubhouse, but the night with Taylor was still fresh on my mind. I couldn’t go back to that room yet. I needed to be in my own bed for a few days.

  The house was spotless when I walked in. It was hard to tell that Taylor had ever even been there. I admit I was disappointed. A part of me wanted her to be there waiting on me. I wanted her to give me hell and make me…. Hell, I wanted her to force my hand, so I could keep her here with me. I was a goddamn idiot. Fuck. I hated staring at this empty house even if it did look better this way. I was doing this for her, so she could have the family and home she deserved. A life I had never even seen, let alone knew how to give her.

  After I took a hot shower, I crawled into bed. Every inch of that bed smelled like Taylor…pillows, sheets, covers. Her face flashed across my mind, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay in that room without thinking about her. I got up and headed for the couch.

  After a long night of no sleep, I headed back to the clubhouse. I knew it was wrong and fucked up and a hundred other things, but I got Bulldog to agree to keep an eye on Taylor for me. I was disgusted with myself, but I just couldn’t see her. I’d call her later, after I gave us a little space. Then, I’d go see her. In the meantime, Bulldog would go to Eddyville a couple times a week to see how she’s doing. He was still prospecting, so he was willing to do just about anything we asked him to do.

  I had several bikes that needed to be sandblasted before they could be painted. We also had the two cars that needed to be restored with a tight deadline. At least I would have work to keep me busy over the next few weeks.

  It took two weeks for us to get caught up in the garage. They all turned out better than I’d expected. The 1966 Chevrolet Impala was by far the coolest car I’d ever worked on. Goliath wanted to keep the 1972 Buick Skylark for himself, but the owner refused to sell it. We painted it yellow with a thick black stripe down the center. I have to admit, it was pretty awesome, but I still favored the Impala.

  We were all sitting at the bar having a beer, when Bobby came up to me with a terrified expression on his face.

  “Renegade, I need to show you something,” he said sounding panicked.

  “What’s going on, Crack Nut? You look like shit,” I told him.

  “It’s not good. Come to the back, and I’ll show you.”

  I followed Bobby back to his room. He had his laptop out, and I could see the Red Dragons’ clubhouse on the screen. My heart stopped, and it felt like it lodged in my throat. I knew instantly that Taylor was in danger.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, forcing the words out. It hurt to breathe, and it didn’t help that I could tell he was really worried.

  “I was bored, so I decided to look through some of the video stream we’ve been collecting over the last few weeks from the Red Dragon’s clubhouse. At first, it was just some of the same old stuff. They’d been making their drug shipments, and everything seemed to be going on like usual until two days ago.”

  “OK…. What happened two days ago? Spit it out, Bobby!” He was starting to piss me off. He needed to get to the goddamn point.

  “One of their guys found the hole in the fence where we cut our way through. I have no idea how he even found it, but he did. After he showed some other guy, they started looking around the compound. They ended finding the cameras we set up on the exterior of the clubhouse, and they weren’t happy about it.”

  “Well, fuck. Have you told Bishop?” I asked.

  “No, and there’s more,” Bobby said apprehensively.

  “For Christ’s sake. Tell me all of it!”

  “They haven’t figured out that I linked into their cameras inside the clubhouse, which is good-- but I heard their President tell that guy, Tank, to go get Taylor. They know it was us that broke in. He wanted him to get Taylor, so she could tell them everything she knows about us. The president told Tank to find information by any means necessary. That was two days ago. I checked the cameras at her apartment, and she’s been a no show for the past 24 hours.”

  “Goddamn it! Bulldog was just there a few days ago, and she was fine. We need to find her. Go through every minute of that surveillance. See if there is anything we can use to find her. I gotta let Bishop know what’s going on. Fuck, we have to hurry, Bobby. We can’t let them hurt her.” I growl as I race out of the room to find Bishop. He’s going to be pissed, but I can’t worry about that now. I have to save my girl.

  “You got it!” I heard him call out. Damn it! I should have been monitoring this shit closer. This is a total clusterfuck. I thought keeping my distance would be the best thing for Taylor, but if I had fucking claimed her like I wanted, she would be here now, safe with me.

  “Fuck! FUCK!” I’m yelling at myself, oblivious to who is around me. I screwed this all to hell, and I’ve got to make it right. I can’t let anything happen to her.

  Bishop must have heard me yelling. How could he not? I have no control right now. He was at the bar talking with Doc and Sheppard, but he stood up as I got closer.

  “We’ve got a problem, Pres,” I told him.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “The Red Dragons found the surveillance cameras we set up a few weeks ago. Their president was pissed and sent Taylor’s ex to go get her. They plan to get information from her about us,” I said. My hands were shaking. I was a mess. I needed to get a hold of myself, but all I could think about was Taylor, alone and defenseless.

  “I knew this was going to come back and bite us in the ass. Damn it. The good times never seem to last around here. If it’s not one thing, it’s ten others,” he shouted as he slammed his fist on the bar.
He took a moment before he turned to me and said, “We’ll figure this out, Renegade.”

  “We have to, man. I can’t lose her,” I said, pushing my hands through my hair, trying to clear my head. “I’ve got Bobby going through the surveillance videos that we’ve collected over the past few weeks. Hopefully, we can find something that will help us. We’ve got to get up there. The longer we wait, the more time they have to hurt her.”

  “Take Sheppard, Bulldog, and Otis with you and head over to her place. I’ll help Crack Nut go through the videos to see what we can find out.”

  “I know a few guys from another MC in the area. I’ll get a hold of them and see what they know,” Sheppard said, standing up.

  I nod, a little calmer because I know my brothers have my back. We’re a family. They’ll help me save Taylor… and I will save her. I can’t forget that. I fucking needed to hold onto that.

  “Thanks man, we’re going to need all the help we can get.”

  Chapter 20

  Taylor

  It didn’t take long for me to get back into my old routines. After I got unpacked, I made a run to the grocery store. I owed my neighbor, Louise, a batch of cookies. Who knows what would have happened to me if she hadn’t called the police! I baked a huge plate of chocolate chip cookies and took them over to her place while they were still warm. She was tickled that I was finally back home and invited me to dinner later in the week.

  I called my boss the following morning and told him I was ready to get back to work. It would be a little difficult to type with my cast, but I could manage. He even said I could work from home for as long as I needed to. Being a book editor for a small publishing company had its advantages. Paducah was only a thirty minute drive, but it was nice to work from home when I could.