by Angel Hunter
“Go where?”
“To the past. Let’s leave it behind and concentrate on the here and now. Yes, I did go to California to pursue the arts. I did a couple of commercials and got a part in a movie that’s coming out next year.”
“Well, if you were having so much success, what brought you back out this way?”
“My niece has cancer and my sister needed my support,” Janay answered bluntly.
“Oh, and you’re here bartending?”
“No, this is my bar.”
Elsie was impressed.
“You still look good,” Janay told her.
“Thanks. So do you.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” Janay wanted to know.
Elsie hesitated. “Yes. Yes, I am.”
“Are you happy?”
Again Elsie hesitated. “Yeah, considering.” As soon as she said that she regretted it.
Not one to beat around the bush, Janay said, “So, that’s a no.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Elsie picked up her drink and started sipping.
“Well, would your friend mind if we hung out?”
“Probably.” Elsie knew the answer was more like “Hell yes.” Summer would freak.
“How about I give you my number? If you can sneak away or just want to go to lunch or something, you give me a call.”
“I’d like that,” Elsie said, knowing she was dead wrong.
Later that night when Elsie arrived home, there was a message on her answering machine from Jewell. “Call me. I don’t care what time it is. I need to talk.”
“What’s up?” Elsie asked Jewell the second she heard her voice. “Is everything okay?”
“Dinner with Evan’s parents did not go well at all. I don’t know what he was thinking, talking about we should meet,” she told Elsie.
“Why? What happened?” Elsie asked.
“It’s not that anything happened. It was more about the look on their faces when they met me. I told Evan that he should have told them about us, but no, he didn’t want to listen. ‘My parents are open-minded’, he insisted. Open-minded my ass.” Jewell was pissed at Evan. She felt like he put her on the spot. The whole night was one of discomfort.
After they left, Evan had the audacity to say, “I told you they would like you.” Even he couldn’t be that blind, Jewell thought.
“So, are you going to continue going out with him?” Elsie asked.
“Yeah, I think so. He’s just scaring me a little. It’s like he’s moving too fast, wanting me to meet his parents. Who knows what’s next? And on top of that, King asked me if Tyson could come live with him.”
“Wow, that’s a big one. Are you thinking about it?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
“I’m the wrong person to ask. I mean, I don’t have any children, and well, off the top of my head, I’d say you should.”
“Why?”
“Well, he is his father, and you are in school. You work full time, and it’ll allow you time for you. You’ll be able to concentrate on school more and get yourself together without the disruptions of a child. Plus, it’s not like you’re giving him away. I’m sure you’ll have all the access you want to Tyson.”
“I have to be honest and say I’m actually considering it, I can’t help but feel like I’m abandoning him, though.”
“Girl, please.”
“I know it sounds silly, but I can’t help it.”
“It doesn’t sound silly at all. It’s understandable.”
“So, what’s been up with you?” Jewell asked.
“Well,” Elsie said, “I ran into my old girlfriend tonight. Actually, she was the love of my life.”
“Get out of here.”
“Yeah. She’s moved back into the area.”
“Did you tell her about you and Summer?” Jewell wanted to know.
“I did.” Elsie wanted to talk more about Janay and how she realized she still had feelings for her, but she wanted to be in denial about it too.
Jewell could read in Elsie’s voice that something was up. “And?”
“Girl, I think I still have feelings for her.”
“How long ago did you two break up?”
“A little over two years ago. We were together in college, broke up then reconnected years later. She left me to pursue the arts, and because she felt like we were headed in two different directions.”
“Damn, so y’all never had closure?”
“Nope.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I have no idea.”
IT’S OVER
When Crystal arrived home, the first thing she did was check the messages on her answering service. There was one from Lange. They had not had a chance to talk since the day he came over and Roger was there. She wanted to call him, but had gotten caught up at work. She didn’t want him to be angry with her for having Roger over, especially when it was obvious that he stayed the night. She knew she shouldn’t feel this way, because it wasn’t like they were a couple. After all, he was married, she was not. She had to keep telling herself this.
“I’m sorry for the way I ran off that day. I should know better than to just pop up like that. It was selfish of me to think you would be available at the drop of a dime. I need to see you. Some events have taken place, and well, I need to talk to you. Call me at home.” He left his number and then there was a click.
He needed to speak with her, not wanted to but needed to, and on top of everything else, he’d left his home number. She didn’t know if she felt comfortable calling him at his house, but since he’d left the number, it must be okay. Crystal picked up the phone and dialed his number.
“Hello.” It was Lange.
“Lange. Hi, it’s Crystal. I got your message. Is everything okay? It sounded important.”
“Are you busy?” Lange asked.
“No, I just walked in the door.”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes.”
“Do you mind if I stop by?”
“Come on. I’ll be here.”
They hung up.
Crystal wondered what was going on. Lange didn’t sound like himself. She wondered if he’d found out about Lena’s affair or if Lena had found out about them.
“Stop trying to guess and be patient,” she told herself.
Crystal didn’t know what to do with herself until he arrived. She tried to sit down and relax, but it didn’t work. She found herself glancing toward the door every few minutes.
“Stop it,” she told herself. “You’re getting yourself all worked up and it could be something petty.” But she knew it wasn’t.
“Billie!” she called out. She decided to take him for a short walk. That way she’d get some of the nervous energy out of her system.
Thirty minutes later, she and Billie were approaching the house as Lange pulled into the driveway. She tried to appear calm, cool and collected as she approached the Jeep.
“Hey there,” she greeted.
“Thanks for letting me come by at the last minute.” He kissed her on the cheek.
“Anytime,” she told him then led the way inside her house.
He followed her through the door into the living room.
“Have a seat. Do you want something to drink?” she asked.
“Rum and Coke.”
Crystal went into the kitchen and returned with a rum and Coke for him, water for her.
She passed him the glass and sat next to him. “What’s causing a brother to drink?”
“Lena and I are separating,” he announced.
Crystal wasn’t surprised. “Why?”
“She had an affair.” Lange put his drink down and dropped his head. “She’s been having one for quite some time, actually.”
“How did you find out?”
“She told me.”
“She told you?” That was the last thing Crystal expected to hear.<
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“Yeah, and you know what?”
“What?”
“I kind of suspected it all along.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, women aren’t the only ones with intuition, you know.”
Crystal stood up and told him she’d be back. Heck, she needed a drink as well. When she returned with her drink in hand, he continued, “Our marriage has actually been falling apart for quite some time. I think we were both in denial.”
“I don’t know what to say, Lange.”
“There isn’t anything to say.”
Crystal could see that Lange was hurt, and she knew that all she could do was be there for him. “What exactly did Lena say to you? If you’re willing to share.”
“She said we have to talk. Now, when a woman says we have to talk, you know it’s something serious. Im mediately, I thought she knew about us or maybe suspected something. So, we decided to talk over dinner. She picked our favorite spot.”
“When did all this happen?” Crystal asked. She wondered if it happened before the day he popped up.
“The night before I came over here and you had company.”
Crystal ignored his snide remark.
“Anyway, she asked me if we could have an honest conversation. Of course I told her yes. She asked me if I was happy. I told her I was comfortable and content, that happiness comes and goes. She went on to tell me she’s not happy anymore, and that she’s not even comfortable. She said she doesn’t like her life, where she’s at or where she’s going. That this was not the life she had planned. Then she blurted out she wanted a separation.”
“Damn, just like that?”
“Not exactly. I mean, we exchanged dialogue but that was the gist of it.”
“How did that make you feel?” Crystal wanted so bad to wrap her arms around him.
“Surprised, maybe a little hurt, even a sense of relief. I mean, if I were all that happy, you and I wouldn’t have made love. So of course, me being a man asked her if there was someone else.”
Crystal almost feel off the couch. “And?”
“She told me there was, but that her wanting a separation had nothing to do with this person. She just needed to come clean with me.”
“Wow! That was bold.”
“As much as I wanted to be angry and cause a scene, I couldn’t. I had no right to, but I’ll tell you what. I feel like I’ve failed. When I first knew the marriage was in danger, I should have stepped up to the plate, suggested counseling or something.”
“It’s not too late for that.” Crystal was trying her damnest to be a good friend, but that shit was easier said than done, especially when her attraction for him was involved. She wanted to say, “Forget about her. You can have me.” But could he really have her? Would she trust him not to cheat on her? Damn it, friendships become complicated when you put sex in the picture.
Finishing off his drink, Lange told her it was too late. “When I got married, I thought it would last forever.”
“Most people think that.”
“Yeah, well, I believed it.”
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. What am I supposed to do other than move out of the house I paid for?”
“Is that what Lena wants?”
“Actually, no. She said she’d move out into an apartment or condo until we could figure out what we’re going to do as far as dividing up our assets.”
Crystal didn’t understand. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I can’t allow that. It’s just as much her home as it is mine.” Lange grew quiet and Crystal could tell he was deep in thought. “You know what? When Lena and I first got together we were teenagers, still in high school, actually. I was her first love, her first lover, and I have to admit I wasn’t the most well-behaved back then. She came from a single parent family, her mother was an alcoholic, and I rescued her. She used to say I was her hero, and that’s just what I wanted to be. She told me she lost herself in our marriage, that she never got a chance to grow up.”
“That sounds like a bunch of crap. I believe it’s the woman that allows her individuality to be taken away. We allow ourselves to get so consumed with our partner that we forget about our wants, our needs, and ourselves. The second she realized this, she should have said something,” Crystal said.
“I never held a gun to her head and said do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that.”
“Look,” Crystal said, “let’s get to the heart of the matter. Do you still love her? Do you still want to be married to her?” That’s what Crystal wanted to know. That’s what she needed to know.
Lange was honest and said, “I really don’t know. I’m not in love with her anymore, but she’s familiar. You’re single. You know how hard it is to put yourself out there. I don’t think I can go through that process again.”
Trying to ease the mood, Crystal shoved him and said, “Believe me. You won’t have problems with the ladies.”
Lange passed Crystal his glass. “Can I have a refill?”
She took his glass and said, “Listen, I rented a couple of movies. Do you want to watch them with me?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
DECISIONS, DECISIONS
Susan was sitting in the waiting room of the therapist’s office. She’d canceled two of her appointments so far. It wasn’t because she was busy. She was just afraid. What the hell was she going to talk about for an hour? Other than, “I’ve been getting high for over ten years and have decided it’s time for me to stop,” she couldn’t think of a damn thing. She already knew that she was angry about her childhood, angry with her mother for not being there for her during her teenage years when she needed her most. She already knew that she was an overachiever and that she obsessed over everything being perfect and in place. If she knew these things already, why the hell was she going to the therapist?
When she posed this question to her friend, Crystal told her, “Although you know these things, you don’t know how to deal with them. Maybe getting high is your way of numbing yourself, of pretending that things are better than they actually are. Counseling will help you figure that out.” Crystal’s theory sounded good, but who knew what this would do for her?
Earlier that day, when she’d spoken to Crystal on the phone, she told her, “Girl, I don’t know what to do. I feel so much pressure with this wedding thing, and on top of that, I’m trying to stop getting high. I don’t know if I can do it.” Ever since Susan got busted, they’d talked openly about her addiction.
“If you feel that way, maybe you shouldn’t get married,” Crystal advised.
“That’s what my mind says, but my heart is saying something else. I can’t imagine myself growing old with anyone other than Timothy. I don’t want him to be with anyone else, and I’m not looking to be with anyone else.”
“Then what’s the real problem?”
“I just have so many other things going on. All this mess is taxing. It’s draining me.”
“Have you spoken to Timothy about it?”
“I’ve tried to.”
“And?”
“And it goes nowhere. I might as well be talking to myself. I mean, I end up feeling how I felt in the beginning of the conversation, and he ends up being upset.”
“Maybe the therapist can help you out.”
So, here she sat in the waiting room. The door to the office opened and out walked Dr. Elliot. Susan felt a sense of reassurance the second she saw her. Dr. Elliot possessed a motherly, caretaker’s air. Susan had searched high and low to find an African-American therapist. She hoped for someone older because she felt that with age came wisdom. She sensed a whole lot of it from the woman who told her to “come on in.”
Susan stood up and entered the room. She took a quick glance around, taking in the homey feeling of the room. It was definitely decorated for comfort. The color scheme was various shades of blue. Susan knew what Dr. Elliot was trying to accomplish—serenity. It
worked with her. On top of the navy blue plush carpet sat the most inviting looking sofa. It was a couple of shades lighter than the carpet. There were also two chairs, pictures of the sunset, oceans, and people at play. There were plants in every corner, and a coffee table in the center of the room. In front of the window was Dr. Elliot’s desk. It was the neatest desk Susan had ever seen.
“Where are your file cabinets?” Susan couldn’t help asking.
Dr. Elliot pointed toward two closed doors and said, “Behind there. Have a seat.” She went toward her desk, opened the drawer and pulled out a micro-cassette recorder.
Susan sank into one of the chairs. “This is nice.”
Dr. Elliot sat on the sofa, close to Susan. “So, Susan, what brings you here today?”
Damn, I didn’t think she’d get straight to the point. “Um, I’m here because I need help.”
“In?”
“In my life. It’s falling apart,” Susan told her.
“Falling apart how?”
Susan looked at the doctor and wanted to say, “You know, forget it. I’m out of here.” Dr. Elliot must have seen this, because she told Susan, “Listen. You only have to tell me what you want to. Nothing more, nothing less. We can talk about your day, the people in your life, or we can just jump right into what you feel you need help with.”
Susan thought jumping right into it would be best. “I’m here because I’ve been doing cocaine for over ten years and want to stop, because I’m engaged and terrified of the whole marriage thing, because I’m an attorney and after years of education and starting my own business, I’m not sure if I want to continue doing it.” Now, that revelation shocked Susan. She didn’t even know she was thinking that. “Because I’m tired and feel like I’m going crazy.”
Susan held her breath and waited for Dr. Elliot’s response. She waited to be told that she had too many issues, that maybe she needed to go to NA. Dr. Elliot said none of this.
“What we’ll work on first,” Dr. Elliot said, “is getting you clean. As that happens, solutions to all the other issues you seem to having will become clearer.”
Susan breathed a sigh of relief. “So, there’s hope?”
Dr. Elliot smiled. “There’s always hope.”
The hour Susan spent in therapy left her feeling exhausted. Once she started talking, she couldn’t stop. It was weird to Susan how she exposed herself to a stranger, but between Dr. Elliot’s kind eyes and reassuring smile, she felt for the first time in a long time that her life just might be okay. It wasn’t anything the doctor said. It was more of what Susan felt from releasing all that had been pent-up in her for so long.
