GreekQuest

by Herbie Brennan

  Paris looks round at you in panic. “I don’t know what to say!” he wails. “You’ll have to advise me!”

  Ever get the felling that whatever you say is going to be wrong? You can advise him to pick Hera at 133, Athena at 124 or Aphrodite at 115.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  140

  Ignoring the bawling baby, you start to walk away in the direction of the valley.

  “Waaaah!” shrieks the child.

  “Shut up, Kid, I’ve got problems of my own,” you mutter hard-heartedly.

  “Waaaah!” shrieks the child again, but the noise is definitely fading as you make your way down the hillside and by the time you’re approaching the tree line, you can’t hear the bawling at all. You start to wonder where you are and what sort of training Zeus has planned for you.

  Suddenly five muscular young men step out of the trees, led by a plumpish woman of about thirty-five. She fixes you with a gimlet eye. “Have you seen a baby anywhere?” she asks.

  Oh-oh! How do you answer that one? If you admit you have (at 40) she’s going to ask why you left the poor thing defenceless. If you deny it (at 90) it could be the sweet little mite’s last hope of rescue.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  141

  You make your way down the tiers of seats to the training ground below. “I’d like to have a try at that,” you tell the man in charge, nodding towards an area of grass on which two young men seem to be trying to strangle one another.

  “Spoken like a Spartan!” he exclaims. “Off you go then.”

  You blink. “But what are the rules?”

  “There aren’t any,” he tells you. “Just try not to kill anybody.”

  Well, that seems clear enough. Once you step onto the field, roll one die to find out how many opponents you’ll be facing. Each has 20 Life Points and since nobody’s supposed to be killed here, bringing anybody - including you - to 10 Life Points or below counts as a win and the fight stops, with that opponent at least. If somebody accidentally brings your Life Points to zero, go to 13. If you win all your fights, or lose even one of them by having your Life Points brought to 10 or below, you’re free to go back to 61 to select another destination. But before you do, you’re entitled to one free bottle of medicine and two free jars of ointment from the vendor, that being why you get yourself into this mess in the first place.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  142

  “Here,” says a gruff voice by your ear, “how did you get here?”

  Since you’re not entirely sure yourself, you say nothing. You seem to be standing outside an impressive temple on the slopes of a picturesque mountain.

  You shake your head to clear it of clutter. “Where am I?” you ask. “What’s the name of that mountain?”

  The gruff voice belongs to a tall thin man in priestly robes. “The mountain is Parnassus,” he tells you, “and you’re at the Temple of the Oracle at Delphi.”

  Which is where Zeus said he was sending you, so that makes sense. But what has the old geek let you in for? You decide to play dumb. “The Oracle at Delphi?” you repeat dumbly.

  The priest nods his head impatiently. “That’s right. You know - the one founded by the god Apollo.”

  “God Apollo?” you echo dumbly.

  “You might know him by his first name, Phoebus,” the priest says. “Sun god. God of divine distance.” He catches your imbecilic expression and says, “Well, anyway, Delphi is at the exact centre of the earth, as you’re probably -”

  “Exact centre?”

  “- well aware and there used to be an oracle here to the Earth goddess Gaea. But Apollo threw her out because one of her snakes annoyed his mum when she was pregnant. Set up his own oracle in her place. I suppose you’ve come to consult it?”

  “Yes,” you say quickly.

  “Well, you can’t,” the priest tells you firmly. “We only do oracles on the seventh of the month, that being Apollo’s birthday, and we never do them at all during winter because he’s off visiting the Hyperboreans in the north and can’t talk to anybody. So you’d better just go home and call back at a more convenient time.”

  This is not going according to plan. Since you obviously can’t take the priest’s advice, you’d better decide on an alternative course of action. You might, for example, try arguing with him at 157. Or you could simply beat him to a pulp at 123. Or maybe you should pull rank and simply tell him Zeus sent you at 106.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  143

  Dappled sunlight. You’re in a clearing in the woods.

  Paths lead north east to 135, and south west to 99.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  144

  The guards march you off to the largest of the tents, which has guards of its own at the entrance. A muscular, grey-haired man looks up as you’re marched in.

  The guards salute smartly. “Barbarian, Your Majesty,” one says. “Found it sniffing round the outskirts of our camp.”

  Your Majesty? Oh wow, this must be King Menelaus, Helen’s husband, who started the war when Paris nicked his wife. He looks you up and down, frowning thoughtfully. “You aren’t the youngster working for Zeus by any chance?” he asks.

  “Yes, I am,” you nod with a distinct feeling of relief. Maybe you aren’t going to be executed after all.

  The king stands up. “Good. So you can tell me how to shorten this war. What I want to know is if I should fight that villain Paris in single combat or try some other tactic. What do you think?”

  Interesting question. If you think he should fight Paris go to 129. If you think he should try something else, turn to 108.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  145

  “Haven’t seen you here before,” remarks an elderly but muscular man sweeping the doorstep of this low-rise building.

  “That’s because I haven’t been here before,” you tell him.

  “Obviously not Spartan,” he mutters.

  “Is it my accent?” you ask, by now well accustomed to being taken for a barbarian.

  “Well, you do talk a bit funny, but that’s not it. If you were Spartan, you’d be living here from the age of seven, getting trained for military service. Means our youngsters aren’t as soft as the big girl’s blouses from the other city-states. Matter of fact, we call the other city-states sissy-states. That’s the Spartan philosophy, kid. That’s what makes us strong and famous. Want to find out more, you go see what’s happening at the Military Barracks. If you’ve got a map, it’s the furthest numbered building from this one. We do that on purpose so the recruits get a good run every morning.”

  Consult your map at 61 and see if you can find out what this silly old fool’s rambling on about. And of course if you don’t want to visit the Military Barracks, you can always pick another destination.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  146

  “Let’s have a look at you,” he says, peering into your eyes and pulling out your tongue. “Now, as you know, everything in the world is made up of four elements, Earth, Air, Fire and Water, while your body is composed of four humours, blood, phlegm, yellow bile and black bile -”

  “What’s yellow bile?” you ask.

  “Vomit,” he tells you tersely.

  “And what’s black bile?”

  He shakes his head. “You wouldn’t want to know. Now, disease occurs when the humours get unbalanced. Summer, which is the season of the element Fire tends to produce too much yellow bile, for example, while spring influences the humour of blood. Once we get you balanced, according to the principles of Hippocrates, the father of Greek medicine, you’ll feel wonderful. Chew this.”


  With which he hands you a bunch of dried leaves.

  You may feel a bit of a goat munching dried leaves, but these old Greek herbal treatments really worked, even if their theories were a bit batty. The treatment will restore a double dice roll of Life Points and leave you free to skip along the path north to 78 or north east to 18.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  147

  “Sorry, lads,” you say pleasantly enough, “not my bag. Besides which I’ve got this thing to do for Zeus and you know how gods hate to be kept waiting.”

  “You mean you’re not going to take the job?” asks one child, staring up in wide-eyed innocence into your face. A tiny tear escapes and begins to trickle down his cheek.

  You reach over to pat him on his curly little head. “Afraid not,” you smile wistfully.

  “Kill him!” snarls the boy.

  “Kill him!” screams the crowd gathered around you.

  As one man they hurl themselves upon you.

  You can make a fight of this if you like. There are 7,000 students at this military academy, each with 50 Life Points and access to a +3 sword. But when you get tired of rolling dice you can always accept your fate by moving on directly to 13.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  148

  “Wrong!” shouts the huge man, casually hurling you all the way to 61.

  So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and select another destination from your 61 map.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  149

  “No, sorry,” you say prissily. “I’m afraid I simply can’t.”

  “But if you don’t, you can’t consult the oracle!” wails the priest. “Are you sure you won’t reconsider?”

  Well, are you? If you truly, deeply, madly want to consult the oracle, it looks as if you’re going to have to get your gear off at 11. But if you’re the sort of adventurer with the courage to stand on principle, strike a noble pose and turn to 126.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  150

  To your irritation, the Brief Guide informs you that while Sparta was famous in the ancient world and gave us our modern word spartan, little is actually known about it. It was one of the ancient Greek city-states, the capital of somewhere called Laconia, situated in the foothills of Mount Taygetus, which is apparently where you are now.

  You can also make a stab at guessing when you are now from the fact that Sparta was much like any other city-state in its early days, but from the 6th century BC on, the Spartans turned to military discipline in a big way. Deformed or just plain weak children simply weren’t allowed to live and boys started learning to be soldiers at the age of 7 - all of which makes some sense of your first impressions.

  But apart from that and the fact that the city was eventually destroyed by the Goths, the Guide has nothing else to say.

  It occurs to you suddenly that you should have asked the woman how to get to the city, but when you look up from your book, she’s disappeared.

  Leaving you with no other option but to trudge off disconsolately to 130.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  151

  “No, thanks,” you say politely. “I’m afraid I have to be getting on.”

  “My home not good enough for you?” he asks belligerently.

  “No, nothing like that,” you tell him placatingly. “It’s just that -”

  “Not good enough for a smelly barbarian, then? Not good enough for somebody who can hardly speak Greek without baaing like a sheep? Not good enough for some sweaty, ugly -”

  At which point you punch him on the nose.

  Thus removing five of his 45 Life points and giving you an automatic first strike in the fight that’s sure to follow since these Spartans seem ready to pick a fight at the drop of a hat. The other employees of the little shoe factory won’t let either of you use weapons, so you’re just going to have to batter each other to death with your bare fists. If either of you is brought below 10 Life Points without dying, that will count as a win for the opponent and you can stagger off to 61 to select another destination. If you’re killed, you can only stagger off to 13.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  152

  Dappled sunlight. You’re in a clearing in the woods.

  But not an empty clearing. There’s an old guy with a high forehead and a long white beard standing to one side of the starting line of what looks like a hundred yards race track. Beside him, on the line itself, are an athletic-looking young man and a tortoise.

  “Ah,” he calls out when he sees you. “Just what we need - a young person with brains. Are you interested in an intellectual challenge?”

  Good question. If you’ve time for an intellectual challenge, turn to 24. If not, you can always refuse politely at 43.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  153

  Dappled sunlight. You’re in a clearing in the woods.

  Paths lead east to 48 and south west to 128.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  154

  You can tell at once Zeus is the boss around here. Not only is the temple enormous, but the statue in it is nothing short of gigantic - the sort of thing that gets listed as one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, or at very least merits a small mention in the Guinness Book of Records.

  You walk over to the big toe, which towers above you in its own right. A little overawed at how well thought of the old boy seems to be round here, you cup your hands to your mouth and shout up towards the head, “I’m here, Great Zeus. I’ve made it!”

  With a curious grinding noise, the statue bends down so you are nose to nose. “Where’s my statue of Aphrodite?” it asks stonily.

  There’s an unexpected turn-up. If you happen to have a statue of Aphrodite about your person, lay it at the feet of Zeus and move on to 4. If not, you’d better get back to your map at 61 and see if you can find one, not forgetting to get your pass back from the temple guard so you can get back in again.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  155

  “Three obols seems quite reasonable,” you tell the man. “Perhaps I will have a new pair of sandals after all.” You point to a pair in the heap beside him that have some ornate thonging. “Those, perhaps.”

  “Why bless you,” he says kindly, “you can’t have those - they’re in for repair. Besides which, we couldn’t guarantee a good fit if you just picked a pair ready made.”

  “So what -?” you ask, confused. You’ve bought shoes ready made all your life.

  “I can tell from your accent you’re a bit of a barbarian, but never mind that. You just come in here and we’ll soon sort you out.”

  You walk through the entrance into the open courtyard and the young boy rushes across to lead you to a low wooden bench strewn with various pieces of leather. “Just put your foot up here, please,” he says.

  For the next half hour you’re treated like a king. Using a metal-tipped wooden-handled tool, the boy carefully traces outlines of your feet on matching pieces of leather. Then you’re handed a goblet of foaming purple wine to drink while one of the women cuts the leather.

  Another of the men comes across to try various thongs against your ankles. There’s a lengthy discussion about style and decoration and finally you get to watch while the second woman stitches your new sandals together. You slip them on, tie them up and they fit perfectly.

  “Worth every penny,” you tell them as you hand over the obols.

  Better get out of there quickly before you’re tempted to leave a tip. Now walk comfortably back to 61 and select another destination from your map.

 
Please select an option from the previous page.

  156

  Dappled sunlight. You’re in a clearing in the woods.

  Paths lead east to 128, south east to 103, and south to 87.

  Please select an option from the previous page.

  157

  “But look here,” you argue, “don’t you ever make exceptions?”

  “Did once,” says the priest thoughtfully. “Cadmus, his name was. He was son of the King of Phoenicia, though, and on a very important mission. Trying to find his sister - they say Zeus kidnapped her. Anyway, he turned up in winter and we let him have an oracle. Not that it did him any good. The pythia ordered him to stop looking for his sister, follow a cow, and build a town wherever the cow lay down. That’s how we got Thebes. He brought the alphabet to Greece as well. Very important man.”