Zero Degrees Part 1

by Leo Sullivan

  All I knew was that the first time I saw El my pussy started jumping. I knew that I had to stay away from him. If I let my pussy get the best of me like Princess did, I would be a dead bitch. So I ignored my physical attraction to him.

  It was a Saturday night and El was on my mind for some reason when I was on the way to visit my sister. Maya lived in a Section 8 apartment in Bankhead with my six month old niece Lexus. I tried to get her to move to a better neighborhood, but she said she liked living there. No matter how much Vernice tried to keep my influence away, Maya still ended up getting knocked up. She was nineteen and crazy over this dude named Jamel, who ended up being the father of her child.

  Maya had grown up to be a very attractive young woman. She was an even five feet tall, and after having Lexus weighed about 135 lbs. She was what men considered “thick” and the extra male attention blew her head up. I knew that she wanted to hang out with me and the Cue Girls, but I tried to keep her away from that shit. She had a daughter to take care of.

  Maya was a little bit lighter than me and kept her curly hair cut short. Her cute round face, deep dimples and big hazel brown eyes made her look innocent, but innocent she was not. Jamel was a fellow Cue Boy and was deep in the streets. Maybe Vernice’s intentions of keeping me away from Maya were good. I should’ve stayed away, but I couldn’t turn my back on my blood.

  “Come in!” Maya yelled after I tapped on the door. “It’s open.” She was expecting me.

  I opened the door and walked inside. The smell of fried chicken greeted my nose and my stomach started talking.

  “You don’t live in the best neighborhood girl. You better start lockin’ the damn door. Damn, lil’ sis it smells good in here,” I said walking into the kitchen.

  “Hey Yanna, what’s up?” She kissed my cheek.

  “Ain’t nothin’. Livin’ that’s all,” I said and sat down at the table. “Where is Lex at?”

  “Wit’ her tired ass daddy.”

  “Uh huh. He’s tired now, but last night when I called you were breathing all hard. I heard Jamel talkin’ ‘bout, mmm, damn Maya, damn girl, this shit’s good as hell. The heard board was bangin’.” I laughed.

  Maya laughed and sat down. “I said he was tired. I didn’t say he couldn’t fuck.”

  “True. You know what they say ‘bout those Cue Boys.”

  “You heard from ma?” Maya asked.

  “No, but we gotta go see daddy tomorrow,” I reminded her.

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said and got up to turn the chicken over.

  “Maya, he needs us. He’s gonna die soon.” Our father had been diagnosed with heart disease about seven years prior and his health was deteriorating.

  “I know,” she sighed. “But what about us? Shit, we needed him.”

  “I know Maya, but he’s still our father. Sometimes payback ain’t the answer,” I said.

  “When isn’t payback the answer Miss Cue Girl,” she smirked knowing that “payback’s a bitch” was my motto.

  “When it involves family,” I stated.

  “Well anyway, did you hear about what happened to Ju?” She asked.

  Ju, also known as Julian McNeil, was Maya’s ex-boyfriend. He was a professional car thief that ran with a crew from College Park.

  “Yeah, you told me that he popped up over here when Mel was here and they got into in,” I recalled.

  “Yeah, but yesterday Mel was on the block with Ace when Ju and his boys pulled up. That was violation number one. Then Ju ran up on Mel talking shit. That’s when the Cue Boys ran up deep as hell and stumped Ju and his boys out. When Mel came to get Lex I asked him about it. I was kinda scared to let him take Lex, but he told me that he was taking her with him to Decatur to see his Auntie Roseanne. You know, his auntie that raised him?”

  I nodded my head and she continued.

  “Well that eased my mind a lil’ bit, ‘cause you know Ju and his boys goin’ retaliate sooner or later. I don’t want him to have my baby when some shit goes down.”

  “Ju and Mel’s always beefin’. That ain’t new. You can’t blame Ju though Maya. You did cheat on him wit’ Mel. Then two months later you dumped Ju and a month later you said you were pregnant. Ju was hurt, and and you know it,” I reminded her.

  “Yeah, but Ju cheated on me with Peaches ugly ass. After that I just didn’t feel the same about him. That shit wit’ Ju was just puppy love anyway. I fell outta love wit’ him and Mel came along and rocked my fuckin’ world,” she sighed and stared off into space.

  “Uh huh, your ass is dick whipped, not in love,” I laughed.

  Maya playfully mushed me in the face.

  “You hungry?” She asked.

  “Naw, Ablo fried some fish. I want a plate to go though. I can save it for later.”

  “I envy you,” Maya sighed.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “‘Cause you got Ablo wrapped around your little finger. How the hell you get a nigga as hard as him to do whatever the hell you want? You snap your fingers and that nigga runs.”

  “Believe me sweetie, it takes time. I have been wit’ Ablo for almost seven years. That nigga loves me and that’s why he’ll do anything for me. You and Mel have only been together for a year and a half. It takes time to train a man. Still don’t stop him from cheatin’ though. They’ll do that regardless of how much they love you,” I schooled her.

  “Yeah, but he looks at you like you’re all that he sees. That nigga could be in a room wit’ his boys talkin’ shit, but when you walk in his whole tone changes. He respects you so much and you wouldn’t expect for somebody like Ablo to be like that. Mel wanna have control over every part of our relationship.”

  Although Maya had been a witness to crime and drugs, she went on to graduate from high school with honors. I was so proud of her, so I decided to get my GED. She was always very smart and well spoken. I often wondered if she would’ve gone off to college if I hadn’t been in her life. I tried to steer her in the right direction, but who was I to advise her on life. She looked up to me and I didn’t know how to show her anything else.

  “Maya, you gotta put your foot down and let him know that you’re strong. You can’t let him control you. Just because you got his seed don’t mean he owns you,” I said.

  “I know, but I ain’t never been as strong as you, or as brave.”

  “But you have always been smarter,” I pointed out.

  “And you’re so pretty. You look like mommy…used to,” she choked up.

  Our mother had spent years in and out of rehabs. Three years ago Diablo gave me the money to put her in a halfway house for women with mental and drug problems. She’d been clean for the past year and a half. However, her health wasn’t all that great.

  “And you’re prettier. You look like daddy’s mom with her high cheekbones and big pretty eyes. God I miss Nana.” I smiled and patted my sister’s hand.

  “Thanks Yanna. I love you,” Maya said with tears in her eyes. I hated when she got all mushy on me. She’d always been the sensitive one. She got up to check on the chicken before we both broke into a pool of tears. Life was different when Nana was living.

  “How’s Princess hot ass doing?” Maya asked attempting to lighten the mood.

  “A’ight I guess. She went to Charlotte wit’ Rahkmon yesterday. She should be back tonight.”

  “Rahkmon? Oh my God! She’s fuckin’ him too? Man, Princess be playin’ wit’ fire. Ain’t he still with Reshonda?” Maya asked.

  “Uh huh, but you know how Princess is. As long as I got her back she’s goin’ do her thang.”

  “Mmmm, as far as I’m concerned you need to stop having her back. Maybe then she’ll learn.” She drained the chicken wings on paper towels that she’d placed inside a huge bowl.

  “That’s our cousin Maya. Regardless of what she does I ain’t goin’ let nobody fuck wit’ her,” I said.

  Maya shrugged her shoulders. “Well, that’s just how you are Yanna. You look out for your peeps and that’s real. Yea
h and what’s up wit’ that Prada dress you s’posed to be gettin’ me huh? That was weeks ago.”

  “Girl, I got the damn dress. You didn’t see the bag that I had wit’ me? I put it on the floor, right there,” I pointed.

  Maya’s eyes widened as she opened the bag and pulled out the rust orange Prada dress that she’d begged me to get for her. I’d stopped stealing because with my man by my side I could buy anything that I wanted.

  “Yanna, you know you my bitch right!” She held the dress up to her body and looked at the size. “Just makin’ sure bitch.”

  “I know your size hoe.” I grinned.

  I loved making my sister smile. It was always my first priority to take care of her. I didn’t want her to ever know how it felt to be neglected, like I did.

  * * *

  I was lounging with Diablo on the living room sofa watching “Baby Boy” and smoking a fat ass blunt when Princess started banging on the door.

  “Who is it?” He asked.

  “It’s Princess!” She yelled.

  “Man, it’s yo’ girl,” he said looking pissed. He wanted to spend some quiet time chilling at the crib. Sunday was his rest day.

  I got up and opened the door.

  “What?” I asked her.

  “What the fuck you mean what bitch?” She asked. “Ain’t you goin’ invite me in?”

  “Hell no,” I said giving her the evil face.

  “Shit, I’m sorry for disturbin’ ya’lls groove, but I need to talk to you.”

  “What happened? Huh? Shonda wanna beat your ass now?” I asked.

  “Fuck you wit’ a sick dick Yanna. Let me in,” she said pushing pass me. I rolled my eyes and closed the door.

  “What up Ablo,” she said.

  “What’s going on?” He asked not taking his eyes off the TV. “Wanna hit the blunt?”

  “Of course,” she said and took the blunt from his fingers.

  “What’s up Princess?” I asked. I wanted to be alone with my man and she was fucking up the mood.

  “Look, I need you to roll wit’ me to see my moms tomorrow,” she said.

  “Princess, don’t even try it. You know how Vernice feels about me.”

  “Yeah, but she’s gonna be on my case. If you come I’ll have an excuse to leave.”

  “What you goin’ over there for?” I asked.

  “I need to get something,” she said blowing the smoke out of her nose. “She owes me some money.”

  “I don’t know,” I sighed.

  “You can’t go ‘cause we gotta go to North Carolina tomorrow to pick Mont up,” Diablo said.

  “Oh yeah, that’s right,” I said glad that he’d rescued me. “And I gotta go see daddy in the mornin’.”

  “So? You can go by yourself Ablo. C’mon Yanna, please…please,” she begged.

  “Nope, you know my license is revoked Princess. So that means Yanna gotta drive,” he said reaching for the blunt.

  “Oh shit, fuck Mont! Can’t his bitch ass find his own way back?” she asked.

  “Princess it ain’t all about you,” I said.

  “So Mont’s more important than your blood?” Princess asked.

  “You can be so fuckin’self-centered at times P. Mont’s uncle was murdered. We took him up there, so we’re goin’ to get him,” I said with an attitude.

  Princess cut her eyes at me and lit a cigarette. “C’mon now Yanna, you’re just using Mont as an excuse. Ablo’s ass drives everywhere else he wanna go,” she said cutting her eyes at Diablo.

  He laughed and gave Princess one of his evil glares.

  “Tell your girl not to talk about me in my own crib like I ain’t here Yanna,” he said.

  Princess rolled her eyes and grunted. “I’m gone,” she said and walked to the door.

  I didn’t want any beef between me and my cousin so I followed her to the door.

  “I’m sorry Princess, but I already promised Ablo that I’ll drive for him,” I said attempting to make peace.

  Princess gave me a half smile and opened the door. “It’s cool Yanna. No hard feelings. I’ll just wait ‘till you get back,” she said and winked at me as she walked out.

  I closed the door behind her and went back to join Ablo on the sofa.

  “Your cousin got some fuckin’ issues,” he said putting his arm across the back of the chair behind me.

  “That’s my girl though,” I said kissing him on the neck softly. I could smell the sweet aroma of the weed smoke as he blew it out.

  “Yeah baby doll,” he said and caressed my cheek. “But I’m your man and I think your she’s a bitch.”

  “Ablo,” I whined shoving him away. “Why are you always bein’ nice to her then?”

  “‘Cause, you’re my baby and I’ll do anything to make you happy. I think she be usin’ you though.”

  “How?”

  “C’mon, your man is the leader of the Cue Boys. That gives you and whoever you roll wit’ clout. Princess use your rep to boost hers. You always got her back. She smokes for fuckin’ free and when you go shopping she shop too. Shit, I don’t give you money to spend on her. On top of all that she’s a fuckin’ hoe. I hear ‘bout how she be getting down. I don’t know if I want you hangin’ around her like that. She might influence you,” he said in a cocky voice.

  “Nigga please, influence me to do what?” I asked. “You don’t trust me?”

  “I do trust you, but if you be ‘round Princess long enough she might rub off on you. You might start thinkin’ its okay to get your thang on wit’ a bunch of other niggas. You know I don’t play that bullshit Yanna.”

  “I ain’t been wit’ nobody but you Ablo. I know that you ain’t thinkin’ I’ll cheat on you. Do you really think I’ll let Princess or anybody else fuck up my relationship wit’ you?” I asked with a shocked look on my face. I couldn’t believe him.

  “I don’t know Yanna. You know what they say. Birds of a feather flock the fuck together.”

  “Oh, that’s bullshit and you know it! I can’t believe you Ablo! So in that case you’re just like your sorry ass boys!” I yelled angrily. Shit, I was pissed off. I’d been faithful to him and that was how he repaid me? The nerve of his ass.

  “I’m just sayin’ baby, even if you’re not a freak like Princess, who’s to say that when niggas see you wit’ her they ain’t thinkin’ you get down too?”

  “Who gives a flyin’ fuck what niggas be thinkin’? I’m wit’ you so it don’t matter how many niggas wanna get down. I love you Ablo and I hate it when you doubt me. I don’t accuse you of cheatin’ on me, although you have,” I said attempting to calm the situation down.

  Diablo turned the television off and kissed me softly on the lips. It was his little peace offering.

  “I love you too sweetheart and I’m sorry for doubtin’ you. Forgive me?” He asked.

  “Of course papi,” I giggled as he tickled me.

  “Mmm, damn, you smell good as hell. Can I make love to you?” He asked.

  “Do you have to ask,” I said nibbling on his earlobe.

  * * *

  Early that Monday morning me and Maya went to visit our daddy. For the past eleven years we’d taken the same route to the state prison he was in. We made it through the metal detectors and other security measures. I went in to see daddy first. Me and Maya would always see him separately first and then go in together.

  I hated to see my daddy’s handsome face become so frail and hopeless. He’d become a Muslim in prison and was totally different from the gang banging drug dealer that I’d remembered. We hugged.

  “Hi daddy,” I said sweetly.

  “How’re you doing sweetie?” He asked. His eyes looked all moist and I had to look away. His caramel complexion didn’t look as clear as I last remembered and his hair was prematurely covered with gray.

  “I’m okay daddy. How’re you?” I asked.

  “As good as can be expected. How’s Freida?”

  “Fine. She’ll never be the same though,” I said r
eferring to my mother.

  “And my baby girl?”

  “She’s fine daddy. She’s right outside waiting to see you.”

  Maya was less forgiving of our father. I’d forgiven him a long time ago. I was a daddy’s girl for life.

  “You stayin’ out of trouble?” He asked.

  “Daddy, you know the streets. I’m holdin’ it down.”

  “You still runnin’ around wit’ Diablo?”

  My daddy had known Diablo since his own hustling days. Diablo had been dealing with drugs since he was a young boy. Although daddy was cool with the young Diablo, his new way of life caused him to disagree with Diablo’s lifestyle.

  “Don’t mention his name daddy. I didn’t come here to talk about him,” I shot back with defiance. I sometimes wondered if Diablo was with me because he used to idolize my father. After his own father passed my dad and his Uncle Pete were all he had to look up to.

  Daddy shook his head sadly, but changed the subject. “How’s my grandbaby?” His eyes lit up at the mention of Lexus.

  “Fine wit’ her pretty self. She’s wit’ Vernice.”

  “Baby, have you ever thought about taking some classes or something?”

  “Daddy,” I whined. “You’re ruinin’ the mood. Look, I’m okay. I hate to defy you, but my life is fine the way it is.”

  The sad look returned to his face. “Don’t end up like me,” he whispered and started coughing.

  “Are you okay daddy?” I asked with deep concern in my voice.

  “Mmm hmm,” he said and cleared his throat.

  “Daddy don’t…”

  He cut me off and continued. “You’re so beautiful Yanna. I want more for you and Maya. More than your ma and me were able to do. I’m not gonna be here long…”

  “Don’t talk like that,” I said feeling the tears sting my eyes. The thought of him dying was unbearable. Regardless of what he had done he was still my father. I forgave him for what he did to our family. He was only a man doing all that he knew how to do. His mentality back then was to react instead of thinking first. It had put him in a fucked up position, but he was man enough to deal with it. I admired his strength.

  “I don’t want to leave you knowing that you’re out there with the wrong man. I was the wrong man for your mamma. Get yourself an education and find a man who won’t end up here or in a pine box,” he said.