West of Nowhere

by KG MacGregor

  “It isn’t as simple as that, not for me.” There was a lot of baggage she could unpack to explain what was stopping her, but those six years she’d lost with Syd weren’t Amber’s fault. The lessons she’d learned, however, were ones she’d never forget. “I’m a lesbian. I never made a choice to be this way. I just discovered it in myself and accepted it. I need to be with someone who understands that, and who feels the same way.”

  “So I’m not gay enough.” Amber was clearly offended.

  Joy sighed. “Being gay isn’t just about sex. It’s a whole lifestyle. We see the world differently.”

  Amber abruptly rose and wrapped the towel around Skippy. “Got it. Maybe I can take a course and get certified.”

  She didn’t even bother to close the door as she sprinted into the house beneath a downpour.

  * * *

  Joy was probably right after all, Amber realized. All she’d accomplished with her daring kiss was to put her job at risk. There was an uneven distribution of power between them—Joy had it all. And as usual, she couldn’t just accept Joy’s reservations with maturity, or even a dose of humor, which would have defused the awkwardness. No, she did what she always did, which was to get off a parting shot that made rational discussion impossible. No wonder she’d been fired from practically every job she’d ever had.

  After making sure Shep wasn’t home yet, she pulled off her wet shirt and pants and slung them over the shower rail to dry. If Joy didn’t like her mess in the bathroom, that was just too damn bad. Wrapped in only a towel, she’d started for her room when the back door suddenly opened.

  “I just got a call from Pop. He’s at the hospital with Barbara. She had a reaction to something she ate at dinner.” Joy was still in her jeans but now with a dry shirt and a raincoat. “I need you to come with me so you can bring Pop home. I’ll wait until we see what’s happening with Barbara and then I’ll drive her car home…with her in it, I hope.”

  Concern for Barbara trumped everything else on the short ride to the hospital, and neither of them brought up the incident in the camper or how it had devolved into a spat. Joy adopted her usual take-charge persona, making sure Amber knew to park beside the ramp when they got home if it was still raining instead of in the carport. Then she scanned the hospital layout and indicated the best place to transfer her father into the car so he wouldn’t get wet.

  In the emergency room waiting area, Shep sat at the end of a long row of chairs, his hair and jacket still damp from the rain. He was clearly distraught.

  “Is she okay, Pop?”

  “Jesus, I’m glad you’re here. Yeah, they gave her a shot. They want to keep her a little longer but she’s already better.”

  “That’s good, Shep,” Amber said, draping her arm around his shoulder as she took the chair next to him. Regardless of her situation with Joy, Shep was her primary responsibility, and this was where she needed to put her energy and focus. “How about you? Are you okay?”

  “Fucking useless is what I am,” he grumbled. “There she was—turning purple, for Christ’s sake—and she had to help me into the car before she could drive herself to the emergency room.”

  Joy squatted in front of him and took his hand. “You’re not useless, Pop. You know this is just temporary until your shoulder gets better. Then you’ll be back to doing everything for all of us again, just like you always have.”

  “She’s right, Shep. Any other time, you would have had it all under control. You’re already a lot stronger than you were a few weeks ago and it’s only going to be a couple more months before you’ll be back to your old self.”

  If he was placated at all, he didn’t show it. Instead, he looked at Joy and tipped his head in the direction of the nurses’ station. “Go check on her again, will you?”

  As he dismissed their words of reassurance, Amber’s heart broke for the old guy. For the first time since she’d known him, he seemed to be feeling sorry for himself.

  “Would you like to go home? I can take you. Joy said she’d wait and bring Barbara’s car.”

  “I think I’d rather stick around if it’s okay with you. I want to make sure she’s all right.”

  “That’s fine too. What about if when we get home, I stay over at Barbara’s tonight just to keep an eye on her? Joy could sleep in my room.”

  He looked up and nodded, finally showing a bit of eagerness. “That’s good. And maybe I should stay over there too. She has a recliner in the living room I can sleep in, but I’ll need some help getting this chair up the back stairs.”

  Joy returned looking visibly relieved. “The doctor said the antihistamine did exactly what it was supposed to, and she’s doing just fine. They want to watch her for another thirty minutes or so and then she can come home with us.”

  Amber walked Joy to a private area of the lobby and filled her in on their plans for the night, expecting a pushback. Joy would probably want her father in his own bed, and would be just as adamant about being the one to take charge of Barbara…since she always took charge of everything else.

  “He really wants to do this, Joy. It’ll be easy. I can sleep on the couch over there in case either of them needs help.”

  “That was good thinking. He’d be up all night if he wasn’t right there watching over her. It’ll put his mind at ease, and it’ll put mine at ease if you’re there with both of them.”

  There was something different in Joy’s expression, and it was more than gratitude. It was respect.

  “Look, Joy…about what happened earlier. I’m sorry I spouted off. Whatever reasons you have…they’re okay, and you don’t have to explain them to me. You guys have been really nice and I should have left well enough alone.”

  Joy put her hand on Amber’s shoulder—like a big sister. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I won’t. From here on out, I’m just going to focus on doing my job.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I don’t get it, Madison. You’ve always gotten good grades in math. What’s different this year?”

  “I hate it,” the child whined from the computer screen. Joy had never seen her so disgruntled about school. “It’s too hard and my teacher gives too much homework.”

  Though Joy felt bad about giving Madison grief over school, especially on a Saturday morning, it was obvious Syd wasn’t helping her over this rough patch. From where she was sitting, she wasn’t even sure Syd was doing anything at all.

  “School’s supposed to be hard, honey. If it weren’t, you’d already know everything and you wouldn’t have to go.”

  “But it’s not fair. Even when I try real hard, I still get the answers wrong. Luke says I’m stupid because I’m half black.”

  Joy bit her tongue to keep from saying something obscene about Luke, who had been in Madison’s class since second grade. “Someday Luke will grow up and be ashamed of himself for saying that. In the meantime, all you have to remember is that I’ve known you a lot longer than he has, and I think you’re very smart.”

  She was visibly cheered by the praise, grinning into the camera of her tablet. “I got a B-plus in spelling. I missed ‘protein’ because I thought it was supposed to be ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’. What’s the point of memorizing all the rules if you’re just going to break them?”

  “Good question. If I knew the answer I’d be a genius.” Joy didn’t want to spend any more time nagging Madison about school. “What are you doing today? Is the sun shining?”

  “Yeah, but I can’t go outside. Mom and Mitch went to get some new tires for his Camaro. He loves that car like it’s a person.”

  “You’re home by yourself?”

  “It’s okay,” she said, emphasizing the word. “I’m not a baby. Besides, it’s just for a couple of hours and I’m not allowed to do anything but play with my tablet and watch TV.”

  Joy didn’t like it much, but it wasn’t entirely unreasonable to leave a nine-year-old alone for a little while in a familiar place. “Fine, but what are
you supposed to do if there’s an emergency?”

  “Call you.”

  “I’m too far away to help. What if the toilet runs over and you can’t get it to stop?”

  “Ewww!”

  This was exactly what worried her—Syd hadn’t even prepared her for the simplest of problems. “Is Tara’s mother home?”

  “I guess.”

  “And you have her number?”

  “Yes!” Madison made a face and groaned.

  “Okay, okay, okay.” Except it wasn’t, and Joy would follow up with Syd to make sure there were plenty of procedures in place if something went wrong. The trick would be doing it without coming off as critical, since Syd would deal with that by telling Madison not to call her anymore when she wasn’t home. The important piece was Madison’s safety, not their prickly relationship.

  Madison asked, “Where’s Grandpa Shep?”

  “He’s over at Barbara’s.” She related the story from the night before, including the fact that her father had stayed to keep an eye on his friend. That let her segue into introducing Amber. “Did I tell you about Grandpa Shep’s helper? Her name’s Amber Halliday, and she’s from Kentucky.”

  “When did she come?”

  “Uh…right when he got out of rehab.” She didn’t want to trigger too many questions, hoping to avoid the whole story. “He needs help getting around in his chair because he can’t use his bad shoulder. What would happen if he tried to wheel himself with only one arm?”

  Madison placed a finger on her chin as she thought about it. “He’d spin around in circles!”

  “And he’d drill a hole all the way to China. So Amber helps him get in and out of his chair, and she pushes him wherever he needs to go.”

  “That’s why you’re always in the camper when you call me.”

  “Correct-o! Amber sleeps in your room so she can get up if your grandpa needs anything. And she helps him with all his exercises, which means she stands over him and cracks the whip until he does them like he’s supposed to.”

  “Is she mean?”

  “No, she’s nice. He taught her how to play backgammon, just like you.”

  “Aww, that makes me want to be there. I tried to show Mitch how to play, but he didn’t like it. He only plays stupid video games where soldiers shoot people or blow them up.”

  Joy’s dislike of Mitch was now cemented, as was her loss of respect for Syd. Whatever those two were doing together, it wasn’t conducive to raising a child, especially one who was struggling in school.

  “You know, I haven’t talked to your mom for a while. How about if you ask her to give me a call?”

  “You won’t get me in trouble, will you?”

  “How would I do that?”

  “I’m not supposed to tell you stuff about Mitch…and I can’t say anything about you either when he’s here. I don’t think he knows Mom used to have a girlfriend.”

  That was Syd in all her self-loathing glory. Of course she hadn’t told Mitch about the nature of their relationship. “I won’t get you in trouble. I just want to ask if you can come out to visit for Thanksgiving, and maybe Christmas too. Would you like that?” Since Syd was head over heels about Mitch, she’d probably welcome the chance for more time alone with him, and Joy wasn’t above taking advantage of it.

  “Please…please! That would be so cool.”

  “Just tell her to call me when she gets home.” It was all she could do to keep a pleasant smile on her face as her anger toward Syd roiled. “I guess I need to go check on Grandpa Shep and Barbara. I want you to get Tara’s number right now and keep it by the phone in case you need it.”

  “Okayyyy,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If I come, do I get to sleep in the camper too?”

  “That depends. Do you really want to get up at four o’clock in the morning when you’re on vacation?”

  “On second thought…Amber can sleep with you and I’ll take her bed.”

  “You think so, do you?”

  “You need a girlfriend, Joy.”

  She hoped Madison’s screen didn’t show off how deeply she was blushing. “I’ll be sure to warn her that you like to play matchmaker. I love you.”

  In their usual signoff, she kissed her hand and touched the screen, and Madison did the same.

  As she closed her laptop, she heard voices outside the camper door. Barbara, looking rested in a casual knit pantsuit, was pushing the wheelchair up the ramp.

  “Hey, how are you today? Did that reaction clear up?”

  “Good as new,” Barbara answered. “The restaurant neglected to let their customers know the secret ingredient to Friday’s potato chowder was Thursday’s leftover lobster bisque. At least I had only a taste before I started getting a reaction.”

  “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Joy held the back door open. “Where’s Amber?”

  “She had class today,” her father answered. “Not that she doesn’t have class other days. She’s a classy gal.”

  Joy glanced back at the carport. “But the car’s still here.”

  “She took the bus…not the brightest move considering it’s supposed to rain again this afternoon, but she didn’t want to take my car in case I needed to go somewhere. Some people are too stubborn for their own good.”

  Stubborn, indeed. This sudden flash of independence likely had nothing to do with leaving the car in case they needed it. It was probably left over from their episode in the camper last night, and it bore Amber’s usual stamp of immaturity. If she couldn’t have the relationship she wanted, she wanted to prove to Joy how far she could go in the opposite direction.

  * * *

  Instructor Lee Bowman was cute in a teenage heartthrob sort of way, short brown hair with a matching mustache and trim goatee, and the longest lashes Amber had ever seen on a guy. It was easy to imagine the girls in his high school social studies class going gaga over him. He certainly seemed to like the young women in the adult education class, bending low to help with problems in their workbooks, while standing upright to help the men.

  He’d been over twice to check on Amber’s work, but hadn’t spoken to her because she was in the midst of a timed practice test. Now she’d finished and was waiting for him to tell her how she’d done on the parts she had taken earlier in the week. Today’s tests were hard but she felt good about her work. The only subject she was really worried about was math, the test she had taken on Tuesday. She’d spent the last seven years forgetting almost everything she’d ever learned about numbers other than what it took to make change.

  It irked her to watch Lee hanging over Wendy, a girl of about twenty who’d failed the GED test twice already. Even more, she was bothered by Wendy’s flirtatious response, as if sucking up to Lee would help her do better on a standardized test. If she was dumb enough to think that, it was no wonder she couldn’t pass.

  Considering what she’d told Joy about her previous relationships with Archie, Molly and Corey, Joy had probably been right to worry about what was behind Amber’s advance the night before. Not long ago she might have been just like Wendy, trying anything to get an advantage in the form of extra help. Guys especially were so easy to manipulate. Wendy had only to smile and cross one pretty leg over the other, and Lee would practically sit down and do the workbook for her.

  Joy wasn’t so gullible, and she didn’t answer to sexual urges the way guys did. She just gave of herself out of the goodness of her heart. No one had ever offered Amber security the way she had without expecting a piece of her in return. It was one of the main reasons her feelings had grown the way they had. What she wanted from Joy was free from any sort of trade-off.

  “So, Amber,” Lee said, smiling in a way she decided was sleazy. “How did you do?”

  “Not too bad, I think. I’m more worried about the test I took the other night.”

  “Yeah, lots of people have trouble with math, and it looks like we’ve got some catching up to do. But the good news is you did great on your grammar and writing section
s, so I don’t think we’ll have to work on that anymore. You should be able to pass that part of the test on the first try.”

  At least there was one thing she didn’t have to worry about. But the other… “How bad was my math score?”

  “You did all right on the basic parts…addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Not so good on algebra and geometry. We can start on that next week, but in the meantime, you should take the workbook and skip all the way to Chapter Six. That’s only five chapters you have to master.”

  Five chapters actually seemed manageable. “Let’s just hope I did okay on the tests I took today.”

  “I’ll have those graded when you come back on Tuesday. If you can’t wait that long, we could meet for coffee on Monday.”

  His seedy invitation wasn’t much of a surprise, but her surging anger was. A person in his position shouldn’t be hitting on a student, not when he had the power to withhold his help, even though it was his job. But for once, she controlled her temper.

  “I can wait until Tuesday,” she said as pleasantly as she could.

  “Oops, I probably should have asked if you had a boyfriend.”

  “No, I really don’t go for guys.”

  “Oh.” He looked wounded for a second, and then mildly amused, as if her statement was the only way to reconcile her rejection. “See you Tuesday then.”

  Lee Bowman was officially an ass.

  * * *

  Despite the hoodie Amber wore over her head as she stepped out of the Alameda Free Library, Joy recognized her from the tight, ragged jeans and flimsy sandals. Someone needed a trip to the shoe store before the wet winter set in.

  She had been mildly surprised when Amber accepted her offer of a ride once it started raining, but she knew better than to assume things between them were rosy again. Their text exchange had been short and to the point, not the playful back and forth they usually shared.

  Once in the car, they traded a few clumsy pleasantries, with Joy asking about the test and Amber asking about her father. It was strained and subdued, not unlike the call she’d gotten from Syd, who didn’t want to talk about the holidays today, probably because Mitch was there. She’d promised to call back later in the week, and Joy was bracing for a confrontation over losing even more time with Madison.