Lawson

by Diana Gardin

  I lift a brow. “You want a pass? Fine. But if you pass, you take off an article of clothing.”

  She rolls her eyes. “You want to play strip questionnaire?”

  Shrugging, I let my eyes sweep over her body once. This is a bad idea, Lawson. Remember the decision you made not to get too close?

  “Why not?”

  Her lips turn upward in a tiny smirk. “I’m in.”

  Oh, shit.

  She gnaws on her bottom lip, scrutinizing my face. Finally, she nods. “Shoot.”

  “First question: what were you drawing in your sketchbook earlier?”

  She blinks. “I didn’t realize you noticed me doing that.”

  Cocking my head to one side, I look her straight in the eye. “There’s not much I don’t notice, Indy.”

  She puffs out a breath of air. “I’m starting to see that. I draw when I’m stressed. It’s something I’ve done since I was a kid. I designed all my own tattoos.”

  So my suspicions were correct. But instead of saying that, I just tip my head toward her. “Your turn.”

  Her question rolls out just as easily as mine did, making me wonder if she’d already been thinking about it just like I had.

  “Why the Navy?”

  Relief rises, because this one’s easy to answer. “I grew up landlocked in Nebraska. My sister and I were both on the swim team growing up, and I ended up pretty good at the sport. I got a scholarship to the University of Nebraska, but at the last minute I decided to enlist in the Navy. I knew I needed to be near the water, but just never had the opportunity. To me, the Navy was going to give me that shot. I never once regretted it.”

  “Nebraska.” She wrinkles her nose. “I remember you telling me that earlier. I wouldn’t have guessed you grew up there. How’d you end up in Wilmington?”

  “This is where my SEAL brothers Grisham and Ben were when I got out. We weren’t stationed too far from here and after my last tour, I decided to opt out and stay. My sister moved here as soon as she graduated from college to be close to me.”

  Indigo shoves a lock of hair behind her ear. She turns her body, mimicking my position. Her knee brushes against mine, and just that slight graze of skin against skin sends a surge of interest straight to my cock. Her slight intake of breath and the way her eyes dart down to our knees lets me know that she feels the same spark I do.

  “That was two questions,” I inform her.

  Her eyes widen. “Wait, what? Dammit. Can’t we count that as a question and a half?”

  My chuckle rumbles between us. “Yeah. My turn.”

  She props an elbow onto the back of the couch, and her head drops into her hand. “Go for it.” Her mouth opens in a wide yawn.

  Swallowing a smile at how cute she is right now, like this, I sift through my mind to pull out one of my most burning questions. “What’s your favorite color?”

  She smiles, a rare thing for her, and it’s so bright it almost hurts to look at it.

  Fuck. Does she know she’s beautiful?

  “Blue. The color of the ocean.”

  Her sienna eyes sparkle, and I almost drown in them as I swallow. “Mine too. Exactly like the ocean.”

  We’re quiet for a minute, me falling into her eyes while she refuses to break our stare. Finally, she glances away and grabs her beer again. “My turn.”

  I’m not prepared for the depth of her next question, so when it falls from her lips, it hits me like a punch to the gut.

  “What’s the one thing that you regret the most?”

  The sound of water rushing fills my ears as the room fades away and a memory takes its place.

  She’s stunning, even though she keeps her beauty hidden from the world because her culture tells her she has to. Her eyes are almost always downcast, but her big, bright personality can’t be contained. The love inside her heart can’t be held down. She’s bursting with it.

  “How is it that you see me, when no one else ever has?” she asks, her delicate palm resting against my face.

  I close my eyes, relishing her rare touch. “No one else has bothered to try. But I can’t help but see you, Hadara. And the fact that they haven’t? That’s their loss.”

  We have less than an hour to spend together before I have to get back to my team. I shouldn’t have snuck away in the first place, but this woman? She’s worth it. She’s worth everything.

  “How did this happen?” she asks. “How did I become so lucky as to have met my soul mate? And an American soldier, no less.” Her smile, soft and warm, melts me from the inside out.

  Exactly one hour later, I’m kissing her goodbye as I finish putting my clothes back on. I take one last look at her, sprawled out on the bed, her long, black hair splayed out on the makeshift pillow.

  “Listen to me,” I murmur, leaning down beside her to take her lips one more time before I go. “When I leave tomorrow? You’re coming with me. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving you behind. Pack your bags, baby. Kiss the desert goodbye.”

  Her smile lights up my world.

  “You are saving my life. Do you know that? Not just by taking me away, but by loving me.”

  I kiss her softly before straightening. “You saved my life when you decided to love me.”

  I suck in a deep breath, attempting to shake off the flashback. It’s a happy memory, one that I should cherish beyond all others.

  Expect that six hours later, Hadara was dead. And the sight of her blood splattered around her bedroom will haunt me for the rest of my life.

  Without pausing, I stand and rip my shirt off over my head. Dropping it down to the floor, I don’t even look at Indigo before my voice escapes, not sounding anything like me.

  “Next question.”

  Silence blankets the air around us while Indigo scrutinizes me. She absorbs the expression in my eyes with her own before letting them travel down my bare chest. Taking a step closer, she places a palm on my skin, right over my heart.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice is soft, husky. “I didn’t mean to push.”

  Swallowing, I nod. “It’s okay, Indy. One day, I might be able to share that part of my life with you. But right now…it still hurts too fucking much. You know?”

  Her eyes never leave mine as she dips her chin in understanding. “I know. I have a past too. But working with you like this…it’s starting to make me think that keeping it bottled up all the time only holds me back. And for some reason with you…holding back is a struggle.”

  She leans in and brushes her lips against my chest, just a light touch of skin on skin, but it makes my entire body tremble with the restraint it takes not to grab her and take what I so desperately want in this moment. When she pulls back and glances up at me, there’s fire in her eyes mixed with defiance and a little bit of tenderness.

  “Good night, Lawson.” She walks away.

  My quiet “good night” only reaches her back.

  11

  INDIGO

  Six days. That’s how long it takes until we hear anything from Eli.

  On the fifth day, we find ourselves at a coffee shop grabbing a muffin after our morning run. During the walk back, as I sip my coffee, Lawson’s thumb brushes the cluster of star tattoos scattered over my left shoulder.

  “Tell me about these.”

  As the days go by, I’ve caught him staring at some potion of my body or another, the question in his eyes about my tattoos becoming clear. The fact that he wants to know more about me should make me want to turn and sprint in the opposite direction, but this assignment makes it impossible. Instead, I find myself wanting to crawl even closer to him.

  A small smile crosses my lips as I glance at the art, but it isn’t a happy one. “Every night when I was younger, probably between the years of seven and fourteen—when I was old enough to be afraid—I would lie in my bed, awake, hoping that whatever dude my mom had over at the time would stay put and not open my door.”

  He stops walking, his coffee and muffin forgotten, as he stares at
me. My face heats as a blush creeps up from my neck. “And did they?”

  I shrug. “Sometimes. I’ve never been violated—in that way—but there’ve been a few who tried. I would either scream my bloody head off because I refused to listen to their threats about staying quiet or they’d be caught by my mom.” I glance to the right, not looking at him. “It didn’t matter, though. She kept inviting guys over, or she’d leave me alone at night so she could go with them. It was like she was desperate for their attention, for someone to take care of her.”

  Lawson steps toward me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I relax into him, not caring that he’s still sweaty from our run, and sigh. Allowing myself to feel safe in a man’s arms isn’t something I’ve ever done before. But I’m finding it impossible not to when it’s Lawson whose arm is wrapped around me. “Eventually I got some of those glow-in-the-dark stars and moon and stuck them on the ceiling in my closet. I figured that was safer than lying in my bed. When she had a guy over, I’d bring my pillow and blanket into my closet and lie in there, staring at the stars on the ceiling and wishing they were real and I was anywhere but there.”

  His lips caress the top of my head. “You were so fucking strong, even then. Jesus, Indy. Thanks for telling me that.”

  We start walking again, his arm still wrapped around me as we continue our walk back to the apartment.

  During this week, we’ve been doing our best to keep our days busy, but it’s been hard. We’ve mostly been working out, training together, and playing fucking house every night.

  So, when a knock sounds at our apartment door midday the next afternoon, the spoon I’d been using to mix up tuna salad clatters back into the bowl.

  Lawson’s on his feet, creeping to the peephole while my heart beats double time.

  He glances at me and then crosses the room in a couple of strides.

  His hand lands on my hip as he pulls me toward him. It’s the first time he’s touched me since the kiss on the head yesterday. And I’ve been craving that touch. But I ignore the automatic pull that happens between us and search his expression instead.

  “It’s Hawke. I’m gonna sit on the couch, casual. You open the door. Okay?”

  His voice is low, insistent. Lawson has gone into mission mode, and I can’t pretend like the fact that he’s got my back isn’t reassuring.

  “Got it.”

  Smoothing my hand over my jeans, I walk to the front door. With one last glance behind my shoulder, I note that Lawson’s settled himself on the couch and flicked on the television.

  Taking a deep breath, I arrange my face in a neutral expression and pull the door open.

  “Hawke.”

  I open the door wider after glancing left and right, ensuring there’s no one with him, to allow him inside. With one last look across the quiet street beyond our front yard, I close the door behind him.

  “It’s been six days, Brandon. What the hell?” My voice escapes in a hiss as I focus on my CI.

  Hawke takes in Lawson where he’s still seated on the couch, although his probing gaze is aimed at me. When Hawke turns to me again, his expression is apologetic. He rubs a hand down over his sand-colored beard as he eyes me. “I’m sorry, Indigo. Look, I’ve been talking you up to Eli, trying to build his trust in you. It was only this morning that he finally told me to pay you a visit.”

  When I don’t speak, Brandon’s expression becomes pained. “Look, I’m sorry. I know how much you’ve done for me. I just want this shit to be over. But hard as I try, I can’t rush Eli. Motherfucker runs on his own time. But I’m here with news.”

  Cracking, I wrap my arms around Brandon’s neck. I’ve known him for a long time, and I know how hard he’s worked to go straight. Once upon a time, Brandon Hawke ran drugs out of his garage. But it’s been a long time since he led that life, and he’s been working hard to clean up his act. The last thing he needs is his cousin rolling into town and forcing him to house his illegal activities. I want Eli behind bars for Brandon’s well-being. For his future.

  He squeezes me tight to his chest before releasing me, and when he pulls away there’s a genuine smile on his lips. “You doing okay, Indigo?”

  I nod, glancing at Lawson. The tight clench of his jaw lets me know exactly how he felt about the embrace I just shared with Brandon, and a twinge of excitement shoots through me.

  So he does feel…something.

  I’ll return to explore that later. But for now, I need to know why Brandon is here.

  “What do you have for us, Brandon?”

  His gaze flicks toward Lawson, who folds his arms across his broad chest. My eyes stick there for a minute, picturing that chest beneath the snug T-shirt he’s wearing.

  “Come sit,” I say, and allow Brandon to follow me around the edge of the couch.

  I sink down beside Lawson, who doesn’t relax at all, while Brandon perches on the edge of an armchair.

  “Nice place,” he remarks, glancing around with a smirk. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you two were actually making a little love nest here.”

  Lawson tenses beside me. “Get to the point,” he snaps.

  Brandon holds up his hands, surrendering. “Fine.” His gaze lands on mine. “Eli wants to see you tonight. Just you. He’s going to give you your assignment.”

  Lawson tosses the remote control onto the floor and jerks to his feet. “There’s no way in hell.”

  His voice comes out in a guttural growl I’ve never heard before. When I glance up at him, he’s practically quivering with fury. When I glance back at Brandon, he looks uncomfortable.

  “Hey, man, I didn’t come up with the terms. This is one of Eli’s twisted tests of loyalty. He wants to know that you two can separate and still operate according to whatever plan he’s got in place. He wants to give orders to Indigo, and then he’ll let her share them with you. If you want to go through with this, you’ll follow his rules.”

  Silence descends, no sound but the television droning on with sports stats in the background. Finally, Lawson’s eyes drop to meet mine. He shakes his head and the expression I see in his eyes is dismal. “I don’t like it, Indy.”

  I grab his hand and pull him toward me. “I don’t like any of this. But if it’s what we have to do to bring this bastard down, then I’ll take a meeting with him on my own.”

  “Atta girl,” Brandon cheers from his seat.

  When Lawson’s glare hits him, his mouth snaps shut.

  Lawson turns to me. “If you do this, you don’t do it without me. We just let him think you’re without me. I’m parked down the street, Indigo. You use your burner phone if anything is off, just press send and let me hear you. I’ll be there, and if I need to, I’ll call the rest of the team to raise hell in that garage. You’ll never be alone. You got that?”

  You’ll never be alone. Warmth floods my belly as his words wash over my soul. How often, growing up, had I wished someone would say that to me? How many times had I cried myself to sleep, wishing I wasn’t alone in this world?

  I’d stopped crying a long, long time ago. But that wish, that deep desire not to be alone, never went away.

  My eyes burn and prickle with the impending rush of tears, and I blink rapidly to keep them at bay. “I hear you.”

  He holds my gaze steady. “Good.” There’s a fierceness in his eyes and his voice that I can’t understand.

  But not for the first time since we started this assignment, I’m damn glad that Lawson is in it with me.

  I lean forward, shoving my pistol into the holster hidden in the ankle of my boot.

  “They’re going to take that from you,” Lawson remarks when I straighten. “What else are you strapped with?”

  I pat my other boot. “I have a blade in here.” I tap the side of my head with a smirk. “And I have all kinds of wits in here.”

  Lawson doesn’t smile the way I expect him to, and a frown crosses my lips. “I’m going to be fine, Lawson. This is a cake walk for me. We’re bringing Eli
down; it’s only a matter of time.”

  “Don’t get cocky,” Lawson snaps.

  When my brow furrows, his expression softens. Muttering a curse under his breath, he crosses the room to me. Taking my chin between two fingers, he tilts my face up to meet his gaze.

  “Listen to me, Indy. I know you’re strong. But don’t miss a damn thing when it comes to Eli. There’s something about him…letting you walk into that lion’s den on your own is killing me. So I need you to go in with your eyes wide open. That way, you’ll come out intact. Okay?”

  Blinking, I send him all of the assurances I can manage with a look. “Okay. Don’t worry.”

  Instead of assuring me that he won’t, he turns away. Grabbing his keys off the hook beside the front door, he tosses back over his shoulder, “Let’s go.”

  The drive to the other side of town is quiet. When Lawson stops and parks two blocks away from Hawke’s, I offer him a confident smile as I repeat my earlier statement.

  “I’ve got this. See you in a bit.”

  He grabs my wrist, pulling me as close to him as he can with the console between us. “Be careful.” And he wraps his large hand around the back of my head and pulls me into him. I inhale his spicy scent just a split second before his lips land on mine, unyielding and yet soft. I’m so startled, I open up to him and his tongue slides in, massaging mine with a deftness that’s all Lawson. I can’t stop the moan that escapes me, the way I nearly crawl over the center of the console just to get closer to him. I breathe him in, and I swallow him whole, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop my reaction to him.

  Just as fast as it happened, it’s over. Lawson releases me but holds on tight with his gaze. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

  With that, I climb out of Lawson’s Acura. As much as I want to, I don’t look back as my high-heeled boots take me toward Hawke’s and my meeting with Eli.

  12

  LAWSON

  My fingertips beat against the steering wheel, a relentless rhythm flowing straight from my heart to my hands. My eyes are aimed straight forward, honed in on the spot where Indigo disappeared from my view, but my spirit is restless as it thrashes inside of me.