Scrooged

by Keeland, Vi

  “She told you to go up to a stranger and start babbling…”

  I cringed. “Not exactly.”

  “What then?”

  “I’m supposed to…kiss you.”

  He didn’t respond aside from narrowing his eyes.

  Great.

  Laughing nervously, I said, “I told you it was crazy.”

  He finally spoke. “What do you get for kissing me?”

  “Nothing. I just get to prove that I’m…adventurous.”

  Silence lingered in the air for a few seconds before he suddenly got up.

  Lovely. I’ve scared him off.

  “Where are you going?”

  “If we’re going to kiss, I should at least buy you a coffee. What do you drink?”

  Oh. Oh. My heart sped up. This is going to happen, then?

  “I already had a latte, but thank you.”

  He continued to the counter anyway, and after a few minutes returned with the most hideous green drink I’d ever laid eyes on. It was in a gigantic cup with a candy cane straw and had what looked like red sparkles immersed throughout. Pretty sure I got a cavity, or diabetes, from just looking at it.

  “What is that?”

  “It’s their iced Christmas tree-ccino. Bought it for my nephew last season. Kept him on a sugar high for three days.” He handed it to me. “Tell you what, if you can drink all of this down, we can kiss.”

  “What’s the point of making me drink this first?”

  “Well, it’s going to take you a while because it’s so sweet. That will give us enough time to at least get to know each other properly before I’m supposed to apparently shove my tongue down your throat. But mostly, it will amuse me to watch you drink it. Bonus?” He looked over in Nancy’s direction. “Your friend looks really confused right about now. Serves her right, if you ask me.”

  “That is sort of a bonus,” I said, looking back at her and smiling. “Alright. It’s a deal.”

  Taking the first sip, I tried to down it fast without really tasting it. Unexpectedly, I got brain freeze and had to stop. “Ugh!” I rubbed my forehead.

  He chuckled. “You okay?”

  Coughing, I said, “Yup.” I slid the cup toward him. “Want a sip? It tastes like Juniper—like a Christmas tree. Maybe a little hint of sap.”

  “I’m good.” He held out his palm. “So…” he said. “What do you do for fun when you’re not propositioning strangers in coffeehouses, Margo?”

  “I….” Sadly, I couldn’t remember the last fun thing I’d done. My shoulder’s slumped realizing Nancy was absolutely right—I had no life anymore. “I work a lot. I’m pretty much married to the job.”

  “Job is a lucky man.” There was a hint of a glimmer in his eyes. It was the first time I realized that maybe he wasn’t totally turned off by my ludicrous request for a kiss.

  Jesus. My nerves had consumed me so much that I hadn’t even asked his name.

  “I’m sorry…I didn’t get your name?”

  “Chet.”

  “It’s nice to meet you.” I took another long sip of the drink, and once again, it went straight to my head.

  “I’d slow down on that if I were you. My nephew was bouncing off the walls. Wouldn’t want you to do anything to embarrass yourself.”

  “Pretty sure I’m already there. But thanks.”

  We shared a smile.

  “You know what?” he said. “I admire your willingness to step out of your comfort zone.”

  “Well, just think of the story you can tell your colleagues when you get back to the office.”

  He laughed, showcasing his beautiful smile before his phone rang.

  Chet looked down. “Shit. I have to take this.” He held up his index finger. “One second.”

  I continued to sip the sickeningly sweet drink while he spoke on the phone. The tone of the call seemed urgent.

  When he hung up, I asked, “Is everything okay?”

  “Bit of a crisis back at the office. I’m gonna have to head out, unfortunately.”

  Disappointment washed over me. This wasn’t going to happen after all. “Oh…okay. We can just forget about the whole thing, then.”

  I stood up as he did the same.

  I held my hand out. “It was nice meeting you.”

  He took my hand, but instead of shaking it, he suddenly pulled me toward him. The next thing I knew, I felt the friction of his warm lips enveloping mine.

  Everything went oddly silent, like the world just stopped as I became immersed in his taste, in his smell.

  When his tongue first slipped inside my mouth, it was gentle. Within seconds, it became demanding as something inexplicable ignited between us. Soon, our tongues were colliding. We might have just met, but this just felt right—like I was made to do this.

  My fingers raked through his silky, thick hair, touching this man freely as if we’d known each other for months, not mere minutes. The baritone groan of pleasure that exited his lips vibrated through me and made my body quiver.

  I didn’t even know this guy, and yet suddenly, all I wanted in life was to continue doing this. You just know a man who could use his tongue like that for a kiss, could use it in other amazing ways. Couldn’t say I’d ever gotten wet from just a kiss before now.

  He suddenly pulled away. His eyes were hazy. Both of us were out of breath.

  I wanted more.

  Come back.

  I stammered, “That was…

  He sighed deeply. “Yeah…”

  Holy hell. That kiss was amazing.

  After a bit of awkward laughter, we looked around and noticed that all eyes were on us. Nancy’s mouth was hanging open.

  “Can I call you sometime?” he asked.

  Not even having to give it a second thought, I said, “I would love that.”

  He handed me his phone. “Enter your number for me?”

  Flustered, I typed it as fast as I could, as if maybe I was going to wake up from this dream before I had a chance to add all the digits in and he’d disappear into thin air.

  “I wish I didn’t have to run like this. But I’ll call you soon.”

  “Good luck with whatever you have to deal with.”

  “Pretty sure I might be a little distracted the rest of the day.”

  I felt my face heat up.

  Me too.

  He winked. “Bye.” He was just out the door when he turned around and said, “It was like kissing my Christmas tree, by the way.”

  I’d forgotten that my tongue must have tasted like that hideous green drink. “Bye…Chet,” I whispered to myself after he was already gone.

  When I returned to the table, Nancy was fanning herself. “That was…interesting. Holy shit.”

  “Yeah.” I smiled. “That was…it was…he was…” The words escaped me.

  She was utterly amused. “Look at you. I’ve never seen you like this.”

  I mindlessly sipped on the remainder of my green drink. “Pretty sure I’ve never felt like this.”

  Margo

  Nancy and I were sitting on the steps of the courthouse, waiting. I lifted my chin to the coffee truck at the corner that we’d just bought two coffees from. “I dare you to go inside and start taking orders.”

  The owner had stepped out a minute ago to run into the store across the street. He hung a sign that said Back in Two Minutes, but a line started to form as people waited for him to return.

  “Oh my God. I could get arrested.”

  “Good thing you’re a lawyer, then.”

  She gulped back the contents of her Styrofoam coffee cup and stood. “I guess I owe you one since the kissing bandit never called you.” She sighed. “I had such high hopes for him.”

  Her and me both. I’d checked my phone every hour for the days that followed that amazing kiss. I thought for sure hot coffee guy would call me—the chemistry had been off the charts. At least I’d thought so. But the jerk never did.

  I watched as Nancy approached the food truck, looked around
, then slipped inside. A few seconds later, she had a little notepad in her hand and waved to me from the window as she took her first order. I couldn’t stop laughing watching her make coffees and collect money from people. Although my cackling came to a halt when I heard the owner yelling from across the street. He held out a hand to stop cars from crossing, nearly getting himself run over.

  “Shit.” I stood.

  Nancy disappeared from the window just as the owner ran around to the back of the truck. By the time I got to them, she already had the situation under control.

  “Thanks, Ahmed.” She leaned forward and kissed the man’s cheek.

  He groaned and climbed into his truck. “You stay in courtroom. Keep out of truck!”

  I laughed. “What the hell happened?”

  She shrugged. “Nothing. I told him I was a solo practitioner like him, and we had to stick together and help each other out.”

  “I swear. Only you could have me hysterically laughing on the day I’m coming to court for my final divorce proceeding.”

  Nancy looked at the time on her phone. “Shit. We better get going. Judge Halloran is a stickler for time.”

  The security line to get inside was a mile long. Guess everyone decided today was a good day to get divorced. Nancy went through the attorney line so that she could at least be there when the case was called. It took me a solid fifteen minutes until I made my way to the right courtroom on the second floor. The door was closed, and when I opened it, the judge looked right at me. I froze in place, and every head swung in my direction. It felt like a blaring record came to a screeching halt. I thought perhaps I’d walked into the wrong courtroom, but that was definitely our judge sitting up on the bench.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Ummm. Yes. I mean…I’m supposed to be in here…with my lawyer, for my case this morning.”

  The judge took off his glasses. “And what time is your calendar call?”

  “Calendar call?”

  He sighed and looked over at where Nancy was standing. “Miss Lafferty? Did you or did you not inform your client that my court starts at 9:30?”

  “Yes, Your Honor. I apologize. The security line was pretty long this morning.”

  He put his glasses back on and lifted a paper. Nancy caught my eye and motioned for me to get to her table fast. The judge didn’t bother waiting for me to take my place. He started reading some legal mumbo jumbo as I did my walk of shame. Approaching the gate that separated the players from the spectators, I made the mistake of looking on the other side of the courtroom. My soon-to-be-asshole-ex-husband flashed a phony smile. Such a dick. But it was the man standing next to him that made me lose my focus.

  And…apparently I needed that focus to put one foot in front of the other. Because as I pushed the little wooden gate open, I lost my balance and tripped.

  Shit.

  Sprawled out on my ass, I looked up. The judge did not look amused.

  The man whom had been the cause of my distraction crouched down next to me and extended a hand to help me up.

  I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  The Adonis from the coffee shop.

  The asshole who’d never called.

  Was apparently, Rex’s lawyer.

  I knew his attorney’s name: Chester Saint. Never apparently knew he went by Chet. I had so many questions. Did he not know it was me that day? Or had he been playing some kind of evil game?

  He whispered in my ear as he helped me up. “I guess the joke was on me. Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?”

  Flustered, I stood. Chet—the Kissing Bandit, Esquire—returned to his table, yet I continued to stand there staring at him, dumbfounded. The judge sighed again loudly. “Ms. Adams? If you’re not injured, could you possibly take your seat? I think you’ve made your grand entrance at this point.”

  I blinked a few times and looked over at Nancy. She gave me a look that said get the hell over here, you idiot.

  “Ummm. Of course. Sorry about that, Your Honor.”

  The judge continued. “Mr. Saint? Why are you requesting a continuance today? This is an uncontested divorce, and the asset settlement seems to be in order.”

  Mr. Saint rose and buttoned his jacket. “Your Honor, we’ve only just recently found there is a potential discrepancy in the valuation of Ms. Adams’ assets, and we need a little bit of time to further investigate the matter.”

  The judge looked at Nancy. “I take it this is acceptable to you?”

  “No, Your Honor.”

  The judge mumbled, “Of course not.”

  Nancy motioned to the defendant’s table. “I only received the Motion to Continue five minutes ago, when you did, Your Honor. As far as we’re concerned, there is no issue on asset valuation. My client and Mr. Adams came to an equitable agreement in good faith.”

  The judge looked over at the other table. “What seems to be the issue, Mr. Saint?”

  “We’ve been made aware that Ms. Adams has an undisclosed bank account with a substantial sum of money.”

  I craned my neck out past Nancy to get a good look at my ex. “What? What money? You spent everything we had on that little tart you hired as your secretary—who couldn’t type or answer a phone, but apparently had other skills that met your hiring criteria.”

  Nancy shushed me.

  The judge wasn’t as polite. “Ms. Adams. Aside from being on time in my courtroom, you’ll also keep quiet unless asked a direct question. Do you understand?”

  “But…” Nancy put her hand on my arm, an unspoken warning. I sucked it up. “Yes, Your Honor.”

  “Since today has been so much fun, let’s do it again.” The judge put on his glasses and looked down. “Motion for Continuance granted. We’ll reconvene three weeks from today.” He looked up over the bridge of his glasses. “And be on time, Ms. Adams.”

  My head was spinning. I had no idea what had just happened. Hot coffee shop guy is my ex’s lawyer, and I have hidden assets?

  I turned to Nancy. “What the hell?”

  “I was about to ask you the same question.”

  Mr. Saint approached our table with his client and spoke to only Nancy. “We’ll need information on the co-owned TD accounts.”

  She looked to me. “TD accounts? I don’t have any accounts at TD Bank.” Then it hit me. I glared at Rex. “You mean Nana’s accounts? You know those aren’t really mine. They’re only jointly titled so that I can go to the bank for her since she’s been sick.”

  Rex said nothing while his attorney glared at me. “We’ll need those accounts by the end of the week.”

  Chet

  Two Weeks Later

  Under the glow of dimmed red and green lighting, I stood like a fish out of water in a sea of people—who all looked ridiculous. I’d wanted nothing to do with this holiday party, but one of my biggest clients invited me, so I’d felt obligated to show up. My plan was to show face for an hour, then leave.

  It wasn’t so much the party I had a problem with. It was the fact that it was Christmas costume-themed, which wasn’t really my jam. Who the hell has a costume party in December anyway? I had to get something at the last minute and was none too happy with what I ended up with. Apparently, there were only two costumes in the store big enough for me, and because I’d put it off until the absolute last minute, there had been no time to go anywhere else.

  After downing the second Jingle Juice Spiked Punch, my night was starting to seem more promising, though.

  That was…until I spotted her.

  And it was clear she had noticed me sometime before, because her stare was already burning into mine.

  What the hell is she doing here?

  Margo.

  Margaret Adams.

  My client, Rex Adams’ soon-to-be ex-wife.

  She looked gorgeous as ever. Her long, blonde hair was ombre, darkest at the roots and platinum at the tips. She wore a sexy, long-sleeve red dress with a hint of sparkle, the neckline cut down to her navel. Christ. She had on matching hig
h heels, looking every bit like the woman I’d fantasized about for days on end—before I realized who she was.

  How the hell did she get out of wearing a costume? Now I wished I hadn’t been so stupid to assume coming meant I absolutely had to wear one. Margo looked like a normal human, whereby I was standing here trying to save the last of my dignity while dressed as Buddy the Elf.

  I wasn’t supposed to have to see her again until our next court date. I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Margo from the café—was Margaret Adams.

  I glanced over at the door. It was too late to slip out of here because she’d already spotted my ass. The next thing I knew, she was right in front of me.

  “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Buddy the Kissing Bandit…Chester Saint. Hardly a saint if you ask me. More like the devil. What are you doing here?”

  “This is my client’s holiday party. I was invited. Although, a costume-themed Christmas party is a pretty awful idea.”

  “Thanks. It was my idea. I planned this party.”

  Shit. I’d forgotten she was an event planner. That explained what she was doing here and why she wasn’t dressed like a fool.

  She glared at me. “And Carl Rhodes is your client? He’s my client, too. Does he realize how crooked you are? That you have no heart?”

  I gripped my glass tighter. “Excuse me?”

  “Going after my grandmother’s money? An eighty-year-old woman’s life savings that she uses to pay for her healthcare. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you’re such a good detective, how about making yourself useful and going after the money Rex stole from me. I was an idiot to believe the balance of my stocks took such a nose dive last year.”

  “This is neither the time nor the place to be discussing the case. I don’t make a habit of discussing legal matters dressed as Buddy the Elf.”

  “Really? I think the idiocy suits you well. And it figures Rex would find a lawyer who’s as dirty as he is.”

  Before responding, I downed the rest of my drink, wishing it had quadruple the amount of alcohol. I needed something a fuck of a lot stronger than this spiked jingle juice right about now.