Home With You

by Everhart, Allie

  "Raine, you can't stay out here tonight. It's too cold."

  "I have to get used to it. It'll be winter soon and it'll be a lot colder than this."

  "You'll be off the streets by winter. You won't have to deal with the cold."

  "Maybe, or I might still be here," I say, knowing I probably will. The past six months I've had no luck finding a job. I don't even know where to start looking.

  "We need to work on that," Miles says. "For now, you're coming with me." He walks to the tent. "You can have my bed. I'll take the couch."

  "Wait, what are you doing?" I ask as he goes in the tent.

  "What do you want in here?"

  I join him in the tent. "I'll get it myself. You need to get out. You're not supposed to be in here."

  "Why not?" He lies on his side, smiling at me. "I like it in here. It's like camping when I was a kid."

  "Believe me, it's not the same." I lie down and stare up at the tent. "I never thought I'd be living like this."

  "Hey." He moves over until he's right beside me, propped up on his side, looking down at me. "It'll get better. This is only temporary."

  "You keep saying that but what if it's not?"

  "I'll help you. I know you don't want my help but you at least need to consider it."

  "Even if I wanted you to help me, you couldn't. I need a job, and that's something I need to find myself."

  "Yeah, but you're more likely to get a job if you have a place to shower and sleep and wash your clothes."

  "I'm not living with you, Miles."

  "It would only be temporary. Until you can save up enough for your own place."

  "That could take forever."

  "It'll take even longer if you're living on the streets. All I'm saying is to think about it."

  I look into his eyes, feeling his body beside mine, and a heat surges through me. The kind that makes me want him to kiss him, or do more than that. His face is right above me. If he lowered it by just a few inches, he could kiss me. But he won't because he doesn't think I Iike him that way. Or maybe he does, but he doesn't think he should make a move. I really can't tell what he's thinking. I just want him to kiss me.

  "I'll let you pack your stuff," he says, backing away and crawling out of the tent.

  I pack a few things in my backpack and we walk to his building.

  "You care if I take a short nap?" he asks as we go in his apartment. "I only got like three hours sleep. I can barely stay awake."

  "Go ahead," I say, dropping my backpack on the floor.

  "Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Or if you want to take a shower, there's extra towels in the bathroom."

  "Where's the bathroom?"

  "Over there." He points to a door that's partially closed, just below his lofted bedroom.

  "Your bedroom's up but the bathroom's down?" I glance around the open room. "This is an odd setup. I mean, I like it but the layout is a little strange."

  "It's supposed to be hip and cool, but I agree, the layout could be better. Need anything before I go upstairs?"

  "No. I'll just hang out down here. I promise I'll be quiet."

  "Don't worry about it. Watch TV if you want. I can sleep through the noise."

  He goes up to his bedroom. He hasn't put a curtain up yet so I can see the entire room, which is just a bed, dresser, and nightstand. He collapses down on the bed. He's exhausted. I am too. I wish I could go up and join him, and I would if we were a couple. A dating couple. But we're not, so I stay downstairs and go sit on the couch.

  Turning on the TV, I lower the volume and flip through the channels. I stop on a travel show, drawn in by pictures of white sand beaches and turquoise water. I've never been to a beach but always wanted to go. Rob promised me he'd take me someday but it was just another one of his lies.

  I shut off the TV and walk to the window to look out at the city. From the view from his window I can see the park where I used to hang out during the day, waiting for the office workers to toss their trash so I could take whatever they didn't eat. I haven't done that for weeks now. Miles has given us enough food that I haven't needed to sort through the trash. But it won't last. He can't feed Gladys and me forever.

  Grabbing my backpack from the floor, I bring it to the bathroom and pull out some clothes. The bathroom is small but nice with a granite topped vanity and walk-in shower. It reminds me of the house I used to live in. I quickly shake those memories away and tell myself it's not the same.

  I grab a towel from the cabinet and start the shower. The last time I showered was right before I left the hospital. Since then, I've had to wash off using sinks in public restrooms. I've gotten pretty good at getting clean that way but it's nothing like the feel of a hot shower. I step inside and take a long deep breath as the water runs over me and steam surrounds me.

  I used to take this for granted. A shower was just something you do every morning. Sometimes it seemed like a chore and I just wanted to hurry and get it over with. But now? It's a luxury. Something I will never take for granted again. Same with laundry. I used to hate doing it but now I'd give anything for the chance to wash my clothes. Miles said I could use his machine and I might take him up on the offer.

  The shower has two shelves but only one of them has stuff on it. There's a bar of soap and I reach for it, then wonder if maybe I shouldn't. Would Miles care if I used his soap? It's my only option so I take it and begin lathering up, breathing in the fresh scent and savoring how great it feels to be clean again. The type of clean that comes from a shower instead of just wiping myself down with hand soap and paper towels in a public restroom.

  As I rub the soap over my skin, I realize this same soap has been all over Miles' body. Over his muscular arms. His hard lean chest. Below his waist. The thought causes a tingle of pleasure in my lower abs, extending down between my legs. I close my eyes and tip my head back into the stream of water, letting myself imagine what it would be like to be with Miles. If that kiss we shared is any indication, then what I'm imagining isn't even close to what it'd be like in real life.

  I miss being with a man that way. Rob and I had no issues in that part of our relationship. The sex was explosive and passionate, and I was always left satisfied. But I never felt love when we did it. There was lust and attraction, but never love. We had sex. That was it. We never made love.

  Shutting off the shower, I grab the thick white towel and wrap it around me, breathing in the warm steam. It's pure heaven, and makes me want to just stay in here for the rest of the day. If there was a tub in here, I'd do just that. I love taking baths even more than showers.

  After I dry off, I put on my jeans and t-shirt, wishing I'd washed them first. I've worn them several times and I don't like putting on dirty clothes now that I'm clean from the shower.

  I towel off my hair and look at myself in the mirror. I usually try to avoid mirrors because I don't want to see how I look.

  Staring back at myself, I see that my face is thin. Much thinner than it used to be, my eyes sunken in and my cheekbones more visible than I remember. I'm not sure how much weight I've lost since being homeless but it has to be at least 15 pounds, maybe more. My jeans hang on me. I have to use a belt to keep them up. If it were just me trying to feed myself, I wouldn't be this thin. But feeding Gladys before myself means that I often go hungry. There just isn't enough food for the two of us.

  Leaving the bathroom, I go back to the living room and set my backpack by the door. I keep feeling like I need to leave. Like I don't belong here. Like I should just go and let Miles have his apartment to himself.

  There's a knock on the door and I startle at the sound. Was Miles expecting visitors?

  They knock again. I glance up at the bedroom and see Miles is still sleeping. Should I wake him up or just answer the door?

  "Miles," I hear a voice say. "You in there?"

  I unlock the door and open it just a crack. Two guys are standing there along with a young woman in a suit.

  "Hey, is this
Miles' place?" the one guy asks. He looks a few years older than me and has really dark hair and thick eyebrows.

  "Yes, but he's sleeping," I say.

  The dark-haired guy looks at the other guy, who looks just like him only younger.

  He looks back at me. "Can you tell him I stopped by? I'm Devin. I work with Miles. I'm helping my brother look at apartments. We just did a tour here and I thought I'd stop by and say hi to Miles."

  "Oh. Okay, I'll tell him you were here."

  "Should we go back to the office and discuss the rental terms?" the woman asks Devin's brother.

  "Yeah, sure." He follows her to the elevator but Devin remains at the door.

  "So are you Miles' girlfriend?" he asks.

  "No. I'm just here for the night."

  He smiles like I meant something else. Seriously? Like I'd really come out and admit I was just here for sex if that was my reason for being here?

  "We're just friends," I say. "I'll tell him you came by." I go to close the door but he stops me.

  "Hey, could you also tell him we're going to the bar by the firm at seven tonight? It'll be Mark and me and Lucas, my brother, and some of his friends. Oh, and tell him Giselle will be there."

  "Giselle?"

  "The woman he likes at the office." He grins. "He'll know which one I mean."

  "Yeah, I'll tell him. Bye."

  "See ya."

  I shut the door and lock it, then lean back against it.

  So Miles likes a girl at the office. Is it the girl he was telling Gladys about? But he didn't seem that interested in her. Maybe it's a different girl.

  All this time I've been thinking he likes me as more than a friend, when he's actually been trying to date someone else. How did I misread him like that? Or maybe he used to be interested in me but now he's not. He only kissed me that one time and hasn't done it since. He's had chances to but hasn't even tried. That should've been my clue he'd moved on to someone else.

  I should get out of here. I don't want him staying home tonight because of me. Should I tell him or just leave a note and go?

  A noise comes from his room and I look up and see him turning on his side, mumbling in his sleep. I'll just go tell him.

  Walking up the short the flight of stairs, I see his eyes open slightly as I reach the bed.

  "Raine?"

  "Yeah. Sorry to wake you up."

  His eyes flicker open and he sits up slightly. "Did you need something?"

  "I just wanted to let you know that some guy stopped by. A guy from your office. Kevin? Darren? Something like that. I can't remember his name."

  "Devin stopped by?" He sits up more and the covers drop down, exposing his chest. I was trying to ignore the fact that's he's shirtless but now it's all I can focus on. That smooth chest. Those muscles. The images I had of him in the shower flash in my head and I feel a heat rushing through me.

  "Devin," I say, taking a step back. "Yeah, that was it. He was with his brother. They were looking at apartments. I think his brother was getting ready to sign a lease."

  "Why'd he stop by? Just to say hi?"

  "Yeah, and to tell you that he and some other guys are going to a bar by your office tonight at seven. He said Giselle would be there."

  I've never met Giselle but in my head, I'm picturing a tall blonde with long legs and long flowing hair, wearing a suit and high heels.

  "Anyway," I say, turning toward the stairs, "I'll see you later. I'm going to go hang out at the coffee shop."

  "Raine, wait!" I hear the sheets ruffling, like he's getting up.

  "What?"

  I turn back and see Miles sitting on the edge of the bed. My eyes go to his bare chest, then drop lower. He's wearing black basketball shorts. When did he change clothes? When I was in the shower?

  "Why are you leaving?"

  I shrug. "I don't really have anything to do here."

  "You don't have anything to do at the coffee shop. At least here you can watch TV. Or why don't we go somewhere? You want to go to a movie?"

  "No. I'm kind of tired. I think I'll just go home and sleep."

  "You can sleep here."

  "I tried, but I couldn't get comfortable on your couch."

  It's a lie. His couch is fine. I just need an excuse to get out of here.

  "Then sleep here. Just let me get dressed and the bedroom's yours." He gets up.

  "Miles, no. You're exhausted and you've slept for less than an hour. Go back to sleep. I shouldn't have woke you up. I'm just gonna head out."

  As I'm leaving, I hear him say, "I won't sleep unless you do."

  I turn back. "I will. I'll sleep when I get back to the tent."

  "And I'll be awake because I won't be able to sleep knowing you're out there freezing in that tent."

  "It's not that cold."

  He gives me a look that says we both know that's a lie.

  "Okay, it's cold but I have the new sweatshirt you gave me. I'll wear that."

  "You're not going," he says, walking to his dresser. "Take the bed. It's yours." He takes out a t-shirt and puts it on, then comes over to me. "If you need extra blankets, just let me know."

  "I'm not—"

  "You need to sleep," he says, taking my arm and walking me to the bed. "You can barely keep your eyes open."

  "Same for you." I sit on the bed, already loving the feel of it. The firm mattress topped with some kind of soft squishy topper. The down comforter. The soft sheets.

  "I'll sleep on the couch." He stands over me, smiling. "Do I need to tuck you in?"

  "No." I look down at the white sheets and feel dirty just sitting on them. "I'll just sleep on top. I don't want to get your sheets dirty. My clothes are...well, they haven't been washed for awhile."

  He holds his hand out. "Give them to me. I'll put them in the washer."

  "I can't. I won't have anything to wear."

  "Go in my dresser and take whatever you want. I'll wait downstairs."

  He's gone before I can figure out what to do. I decide to do as he suggested and find something else to put on. I open one of his drawers and find a stack of t-shirts. I pull one out and quickly change out of my clothes. The t-shirt is so big it hangs down to my knees, making it more like a nightshirt.

  "Done yet?" Miles calls out from below. I can't see him so he must be in the kitchen, which is right below the bedroom.

  "Yeah. I'm done."

  "I'll be right up."

  I gather my dirty clothes and wonder if I should add my underwear. Washing it in the sink, I never feel like it gets very clean. I hear Miles walking downstairs and quickly slip off my panties and hide them in my dirty clothes.

  "Here you go," I say, handing him the clothes as he reaches the top of the stairs.

  "Anything else? This isn't very much for a load."

  "That's all I brought. If you have stuff of your own to add, go ahead."

  He goes back downstairs and moments later I hear the washer running.

  "Need anything else?" he asks, appearing in the bedroom again. I'm now snuggled in his bed, lying on the soft sheets, under the warm comforter.

  "I'm good," I say, smiling as I pull the comforter over me. "I like your bed."

  He chuckles. "I'm glad."

  "Wake me up when you need to go. I'll get out of here."

  "Where am I going?"

  "To the bar. To see Giselle."

  He walks over to the bed and sits beside me. "Raine, I'm not going to the bar."

  "Why? Because of me? Because I'm staying here?"

  "No. Well, yes, that's part of the reason. But even if you weren't here, I wouldn't go. I'm not really friends with Devin, or the other guys at the office. I get along with them at work but they're not the type of people I'd want to hang out with outside of work."

  "What about Giselle? Don't you want to at least go there and have a drink with her? See if there's something there?"

  "There's nothing there. I already went out with her."

  "You did?" I sit up. "When?
"

  "We had lunch last week. It wasn't planned. We just happened to be at the same restaurant and she asked if she could sit with me."

  "And what happened?"

  He shrugs. "We just had lunch and talked. I thought I made it clear to her I wasn't interested but I guess not if she's wanting to meet up at the bar tonight."

  "Why don't you like her?"

  "Because I—" He stops and takes a breath. "I just didn't feel anything for her."

  "But you don't know really know her. You should give it more time. Go out with her again."

  "Why are you trying to set me up?"

  "I'm not. I just think you need more time before deciding if you like a person."

  "I don't need time. I know right away." He pulls the comforter over me and I lay back down. "Get some sleep."

  He gets up to leave and my heart jerks forward, like it's reaching for him, trying to get him back. I want it to stop but it won't. My heart wants Miles. It likes him more than it should. It has feelings for him it shouldn't have.

  "Miles?" I call out as he's about to go down the stairs.

  "Yeah?"

  "I'm worried about Gladys." It's true, but it's also the only thing I could think of to make him stay. I want him here with me while I sleep. Before, when I thought he had feelings for me, I wouldn't have dared to even consider having him lie next to me, but knowing he only sees me as a friend, I want him beside me.

  "I know you're worried," he says, walking back to me. "Can I do anything to make you feel better?"

  "Will you stay with me?" I swallow and look down at the bed. "I don't want to be alone right now."

  "Um, sure," he says, sounding uncertain. He goes around to the other side of the bed and lies on top of it. "This okay?"

  "I guess, but you might be cold without the covers."

  He looks at me. "You sure?"

  "We're just napping," I say, tossing the covers back. "What's the big deal?"

  He gets in beside me and pulls the covers over us. I slide up next to him, resting my head on his chest but keeping the rest of my body a safe distance away. I'm not worried about him making a move. I'm worried about me. Worried I'll act on my attraction to him.

  He's warm. He smells amazing. And his muscular body is right beside me in bed.