Light Dream

by Adalind White

  "I'm fine when I know the audience cares about the content, if it's a boring school report or our very excellent music. But not when they are looking at me, you know? I'm not like my mother. She's a lot like you. She doesn't give a damn, and she shines brighter than everyone around."

  "Wow, you think I'm like your mom? The world famous supermodel Lara Pellerin?"

  "And like the world famous archeologist Lara Lewis. From what you told me about the Jungle, you acted exactly like she does when she's on an expedition."

  "And you're like the world renowned philanthropist Adeline St. Croix -Cesara. Do you think we were switched at birth or something?"

  Alice laughed. "I doubt it. Unless our parents or our grandparents were swingers, this is the chin of Alexander Lewis," she said, tapping her protruding chin.

  "And those are the eyes of Tatiana Wasiliewa," Vy said, brushing the bangs from Alice's eyes. "Everyone talks about Clara, but your other grandmother was stunning."

  Alice smiled sheepishly and drew back. She felt on the table beside the couch for her cigarettes. She took one out and played with it in silence. Alice was pretty in her quiet way. Everyone saw Lara and Tatiana's beauty. Everyone knew Clara Pellerin's dresses and professor Lewis's books. She knew Alice. Until that mess with Carter at least.

  "When is the auction?"

  "Next week."

  The ivory colored dress Alice had chosen for her was all lace and silk and gorgeousness.

  "I feel like I'm a Degas ballerina," she said when she pulled up the zipper gingerly.

  A glimpse in the mirror reminded her of the gracious ballerinas in the paintings they had seen together at Musée D'Orsay years earlier. Sebastian would have made a joke about her non-existent dancing abilities, but Alice knew better than to comment on something that would make her anxious. At least the ballerinas' dresses were short. She was beginning to wonder how she was going to walk in that exquisite cloud of lace.

  "Grandmama would be thrilled to hear that," Alice said, and helped her to the zipper all the way up.

  "Your grandmama is a bitch," she said and her friend puffed small laughter that tickled the back of her neck.

  "She gets that a lot," Alice said. "Umm…"

  That was never a good sign. Alice did not do umm-s.

  "What is it?"

  "I thought you were going to wear the other shoes," Alice said. "I need to hem the dress a little or you'll be dragging it on the ground."

  "These are literally the only nude shoes I own," Vy said. "Which other shoes did you think I was going to wear?"

  "If you didn't get here at the last possible moment, or come to the atelier to try on the dress… it doesn't matter. Just stay here," Alice said and rushed off.

  She bunched the silky lacy cloud of a dress and tiptoed to the edge of the stage to peer at the ballroom from behind the curtain. Over a hundred people were in that room, some sitting at tables, other circulating among them, Andrew King stood out from the crowd as if the rest were under some sort of veil. She was going to strangle Alice.

  Her friend ran back with a sewing kit in her right hand.

  "Why is King here?" she asked immediately.

  "Because I asked, no, I begged him to be here."

  "For fuck's sake, Alice, you didn't mention this when you told me about this stupid thing."

  "Firstly," Alice said counting on the fingers of her left hand, "you didn't ask. Secondly, I didn't think that would be a selling point. And thirdly-"

  She grabbed Alice's hand smushing her fingers together. "Enough with the playground stuff!"

  "Fine," Alice said shrugging innocently. "You would have liked third, but fine. I'm not saying anything."

  She stomped her foot annoyed. Those heels were going to be the death of her on the stage.

  "What was the third?" she muttered.

  "Can I have my hand back?" she asked and she realized she was still holding Alice's hand.

  "Thank you," Alice said tartly. "Thirdly, I asked him to bid for me."

  She wrapped her arms around Alice's shoulders, and closed her eyes. "Thank you."

  Alice put an arm around her waist and shook her head. "Are you sure?"

  "About?"

  "You shouldn't be glad I kept him away from you. This is a stupid thing, as you said. A pale replica of less civilized times re-created for the amusement of cynical rich people, as my parents would say. But it would allow him to express-"

  "No," she said. "He had plenty of chances if he really wanted."

  Alice kneeled to fix her dress and she heard her muttering. "Like Andrew would ever take what he wants."

  "What?" she asked.

  "Forget it," Alice said, her hands working with dizzying speed on the bottom of the exquisite dress. "You're both stupid stubborn."

  She stood up and looked her up and down pleased with the result.

  "I have to do something about this," Alice said, waving her hands over her rumpled dress and disheveled hair, and slapped her lightly on the ass. "Now go on that stage and bring home the money. Mama needs a new hospital wing."

  When the presenter finished reading her introduction, she walked onto the stage smiling. There was something about Alice that always put her at ease.

  Andrew

  He never wanted anything in his life as badly as he wanted the woman on the stage. Her tanned skin contrasted beautifully with the light colored dress she wore. It would be warm and smooth under his hands.

  Ford and Carter were already engaged in a bidding war that had escalated so rapidly that all the other bidders had given up.

  They made it look like one of their duels over a contestant they both wanted on Sing, and the crowd loved it. He could do a massive overbid to signal the others he was serious. The money would go to a good cause. The audience would be entertained. The magazines would buzz about it, bringing the event more sharply into public consciousness.

  Vy seemed to feel his eyes on her, because she searched for him in the crowd. They locked gazes for a moment, before her eyelids slid slowly closed, and she shook her head.

  The signal was painfully clear. Stay away.

  It made his blood boil. He had stayed away long enough. She wanted him. She couldn't deny this. Every time they met, sparks flied and they ended up a hairsbreadth from stumbling in bed. He clenched his fists and he overruled his heart and his body. She wanted him out of her life.

  Besides, he had promised Alice to bid for her. His assistant hadn't asked for anything before. If he didn't count asking him to let her out of her contract on Sing. To which he had said no.

  A muscle in his jaw twitched. He had kept her tied to the obligation she had undertook. Like he had once been kept tied to his contractual obligations.

  He downed his scotch and signaled a waiter for a refill. Being on television again was toxic. He watched Ryann take Vy's hand, then turned his head to check on Carter. If he had won Vy, he wouldn't be allowed to bid for Alice. He put down the second glass half full. He needed to be sharp. With Carter still in the race, he might have say something witty or snarky as part of the bid for Alice.

  Anything to keep from thinking about Vy. It was all for publicity, and he knew that Ford's heart belonged to Lauren, but that didn't mean they wouldn't end up comforting each other.

  Alice stepped onto the stage half an hour later. To his relief, Carter was nowhere around so he won a date with her easily enough.

  He went to the stage and offered her his hand. He was used to her puppy displays of affection whenever he did something nice for her band, but when he held her hand, he felt how deeply she was trembling.

  "Thank you," she whispered when he accompanied her out of the ballroom.

  "He will calm down," he said, referring to Carter. "He could have been a dick and bid tonight. Maybe he's not so far off the deep end."

  The pitying look on her face was new.

  "What?" he asked, vaguely annoyed.

  She blinked and her face changed back into the girl he kn
ew.

  "I need a cigarette," she said, and looked behind him at someone who had entered the room.

  He turned his head in time to see Christian Sinclair leave on the door to the terrace.

  "Enjoy your vice," he said, and smiled after her as she went to join her secret boyfriend.

  He left the party and he was waiting for a cab outside when he saw Carter's car speed out of the parking lot.

  Chapter 15

  Vy

  HER PHONE BUZZED. She tried to stop the alarm but when she looked at the screen she noticed it was a message. From Carter. She groaned. They had stayed in the studio past 3 in the morning. She hadn't even tried to pretend she wasn't going to sleep in the control room when he left.

  What could he possibly want from her? She was in the studio already! Ever since the whole Alice revelation, she played along with his whims more willingly. As if it was somehow her fault that Alice had messed him up. Even more than the already was.

  She managed to open the message on the fourth attempt, she found a link. She followed it and dragged her feet to the bathroom down the hall.

  Why would Carter send her a link to Kent's morning show? She was in the bathroom down the hall, splashing water over her eyes when she remembered that being a national holiday, Kent probably have a special edition of his gossip show.

  "Welcome our next guest." Kent was saying while Vy tried to rub with toilet paper the mascara smudged all around her eyes. "Our very own Sing Captain and Illyrian rock legend, Tim Carter!"

  Carter on Kent's show? Did IBC have a sniper with his rifle trained on his head? Carter had made it clear that he wouldn't be caught dead on that show outside his contractual obligations for Sing.

  Five minutes into the interview, she forgot all about fixing her makeup. She bolted to her car and drove straight to Andrew King's studio where she knew Alice had band practice that day.

  She parked car badly up the street and ran inside the old building which housed King's studio.

  "I need to talk to Alice Lewis," she said to the guy on the door. "It's an emergency."

  Her wild woman look must have been convincing because the security guard stood up.

  "Miss Lewis is with the others in the recording booth," he said, and pointed toward the corridor on the left. "At the end of the hallway, make a right. You'll see the door to the control room and recording-"

  "Thank you," she said and rushed the way he pointed.

  "If the light is on, don't go in," he shouted after her.

  The red "Do not enter" sign was lit, but Vy opened the door anyway. The music screeched to a stop and she heard Andrew King's angry voice from the control room. She ignored everything other than her friend.

  "Alice, I need to talk to you."

  Alice stood up and Vy grabbed her hand, pulling her outside.

  King had stormed out of his control room and rounded on her. "What do you think you're doing? They were recording."

  "I'm sorry, Mr. King," she said. "She needs to hear this."

  He must have sensed the acute fear in her, because his anger abated.

  "What?" Alice asked in a whisper.

  "Can we go somewhere?" she said.

  "Vy, seriously, what the hell!" Sebastian asked getting out of the recording booth.

  "What?" Alice asked again, her voice even fainter.

  Vy clenched her jaw and took her phone out.

  "TC was on Kent today." She turned on the screen and pressed play. "I had no idea he was going to do this. It's all over social media already."

  Her hand shook so much, Sebastian took the phone from her and all four of them watched Carter's interview.

  "Are you ok?" she asked Alice when it was over.

  "I... don't know. I need to think." She tried to offer her support, but Alice added. "Alone."

  "Go into my office," Andrew said. "Take as long as you need. No one will disturb you."

  "What the fuck was that?" Sebastian asked as soon as Alice was gone.

  "It's complicated," she said.

  "He's out of control," Andrew said.

  "What would you know?" she said angrily.

  Sebastian was looking from one to another, bewildered, but before she could tell her brother anything, Andrew's reply distracted her.

  "You can't be defending him."

  "What do you know about what she did to him?" she fired back.

  She didn't condone Carter's behavior, but anyone could get unhinged after finding out he'd been lied to for months.

  "I bet I know more than you," Andrew said, and took her by the hand.

  He dragged her along the corridor until they got into another recording booth. He slammed the door closed behind them.

  "How much do you really know about Alice?" he said when they were alone again. "How much do you know about any of us? We're all gravitating around you like planets around the sun. Even Carter is orbiting around you since you showed up in his life. And you take it for granted that it's how it's supposed to be."

  "When has this become about me? What do I have to do with what they do to each other?"

  "Things are never black and white, you spoiled child! Your choices affect other people. When you came to Sing, you left a void in Alice's life. You matter to people more than you think. Do you know Diane cried when she saw you get hurt in the Jungle? Do you know Bryce feels he doesn't belong because he thinks he can't replace you? Do you know Helen hasn't picked a bridesmaid outfit because you didn't have time to go with her dress shopping? Do you know Sebastian wanted to meet Carter and you didn't even introduce them?"

  She stared at him open mouthed. All she wanted was to cut herself from him. She wanted to stop hurting. She hadn't meant to hurt anyone else.

  "No," she said. "I didn't know."

  "Don't worry, they don't hate you," he said sarcastically. "Everyone makes excuses for you. She's busy. She has to take care of her career. Carter is working her too hard. You're leaving a trail of bodies behind you. I hope it's worth it."

  All the hard work, the sleepless nights, the hundreds and hundreds and miles spent driving up and down the country, they seemed to be worth it up to that moment. She had thought she was doing everything perfectly.

  Her parents were pleased she was not flunking all her classes at Salona.

  Carter was content that she kept to his unreasonable work schedule.

  She vented her frustrations singing in a few night clubs in Orsino and the neighboring cities.

  Most of all, she had kept her word. She stayed away from the man who was now shaking with anger in front of her.

  She had considered that missing her friends was the price she had to pay. It had never occurred to her that they were paying it alongside her.

  Andrew

  No, of course she hadn't knowingly hurt her friends. She had done to smart thing. She stayed away from him and that hurt. So, he hurt her back. He was turning into the very thing he feared. He saw immediately how much his words distressed her.

  "I'm sorry," he said. "It wasn't fair."

  She shook her head. "No," she said. "It was fair. They're supposed to be my friends and I…"

  "You matter to them because you are the way you are. Please, don't feel bad." He took in a deep breath. "It's my fault you stay away. I know that."

  "You kept me from going dress shopping?" she asked with a bitter laugh. "I actually forgot we were supposed to go, and I was the one to choose that time for a practice with Carter. And Alice… We grew up together and you know her better in a few months."

  "Vy," he tried to find something to say, something that would take away the pain, that would erase the past few minutes.

  "Speaking of fair," she said, not looking at him. "Don't use my name again. I'm not allowed to use yours, after all."

  Her words came like a punch into his chest. His lungs stopped working. He closed his eyes, and he took a controlled breath. Yes, my Queen.

  He couldn't hear his name on her lips. He'd crumble to dust.


  "Thank you for telling me," she said. "I'd take a painful truth over a sweet lie any time. As you had ample chance to see, I don't do subtle."

  He watched her leave, frozen in the middle of the room, unable to utter another word. He'd lashed out at her because she could do what he could not.

  Stay away.

  Maybe that was the way to recovery. Staying away from her. She had brought up too much darkness from his past. Too many of the ugly things he thought he had buried had come out of their graves.

  The next week he heard Vy updates, and he stopped attending Vanilla Velvet rehearsals. He liked Bryce and Helen, but if he hadn't agreed to be their godfather, he wouldn't have attended the wedding. He could no longer trust himself not to hurt her.

  Stalking her at Dusk had been creepy enough, but he had crossed a line. He had purposefully hurt her. Everything he told her was the truth, and she probably should have known those things, but his intention hadn't been to help her see. He wanted her to suffer.

  Diane's arrival helped him find resources to stay functional. He performed his duties for the last week of Sing on auto pilot. Diane came with him on set for the live episode and it gave him strength.

  The morning of the wedding found him in a state of relative calmness. He arranged his tie in the mirror when he heard a whistle.

  "You should wear formal clothes more often," Diane said appreciatively. "You look really good."

  "I'm glad you like it," he said.

  Diane looked like a princess in the long blue dress they had bought together. She'd been delighted to have him follow her around in fancy dress shops, and carry her bags, and he'd been happy to do it. She was catching up with him in height. Maybe it was the makeup and the dress, but he realized she wasn't a little girl any more. She was a teenager, like the ones he trained on Sing.

  "When did you grow up so much?"

  Her eyes welled up, and he gathered her in a bear hug. He had just reminded her of all the months he'd been absent.