Finding the Edge

by Debra Webb

  “I spent most of the first eighteen years of my life being tossed from foster home to foster home.” He exhaled a big breath. “You were the first person I ever really wanted to please—beyond physically, I mean.”

  Struggling to keep her hand steady, she set the suturing tools aside and reached for antibacterial ointment. She applied a thin layer and then prepared a proper bandage with gauze and tape. All the while her heart pounded at his confession.

  “I’d never wanted to make anyone happy like that before. I wanted to give you everything...to be everything you wanted.”

  Anger sparked. “I never wanted everything.”

  He shook his head. “Even if you’d said so at the time, it wouldn’t have changed what I wanted.”

  Her work complete, Eva closed her eyes and dropped her hands to her sides. When she could say the words without her voice trembling, she opened her eyes and asked, “What changed your mind?”

  “One morning I woke up and you were still sleeping.” He turned his face up to hers, his blue eyes begging for forgiveness or understanding. “I stared at you for so long, wondering how I would ever be the kind of man you deserved. I had no pattern to follow. How could I be the kind of man you could depend on when I wasn’t sure I could depend on myself?”

  On some level she wanted to understand his reasoning, but she couldn’t. How selfless of him to throw away all her hopes and dreams to ensure he didn’t hurt her. Ha! Outrage flamed deep in her soul, raging instantly out of control. “Wow. You really gave up everything to save me, didn’t you? And all this time I thought you were a selfish ass for leaving without a word.”

  He looked away. “I needed to grow up. To learn to trust myself before I could let you put all your trust in me.”

  Incredible. “What a shame your timing was about six months too late.” Eva moved away from him, threw the supplies back into the case. “I’m so glad we had this talk. I totally get why you left now.”

  He pushed to his feet, moved in on her and stared at her in the mirror when she wouldn’t look at him. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Leaving you tore me apart.”

  Eva glared back at him. It would be so easy to believe him. To fall back into loving him, just like before. “So you went off to the military and let them make a man out of you, is that it?”

  “Pretty much. That and time.”

  “Well, I’m glad I was a part of your learning curve.” She scooted away from him and headed for the door.

  She was halfway across his room before he caught up with her. His fingers curled around her arm and pulled her to a stop.

  “What?” she demanded. The sooner she was out of here, the better. She should never have gone down that path with him. Now he knew that a part of her still pined after him. How pathetic was that?

  * * *

  TODD HAD MADE a mess of his explanation. Every damned word had come out wrong. Rather than explain himself, he’d excused himself. Not what he’d intended. “I was wrong. What I did was wrong. There is no excuse.”

  She glared up at him and the hurt in her beautiful green eyes made his chest ache. “Glad you’ve seen the error of your ways. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get some sleep.”

  He released her but he wasn’t ready to let her go. “I thought you wanted to talk about a plan for getting Robles.”

  She hesitated at the door. “I already know what to do.” She turned to face him. “I tell the police I’d like to help set a trap for him. The sooner the better. It works in the movies all the time.”

  He moved toward her, choosing his words carefully. “This isn’t the movies. Real life rarely works that way.”

  “I’ve run out of ideas and I refuse to be a party to another day like this one or like yesterday. I want to finish this thing I set in motion when I killed that son of a bitch.”

  When she would have turned to walk out the door, he reached over her and closed it. “I won’t let you do that.”

  She turned and glared up at him. “You can’t stop me.”

  He moved in a step nearer, trapping her against the door. “Watch me.” He cupped her face in his hands and leaned in close. “I will not let you do this.”

  She tried to back away, but the door stopped her. “Is this your way of making up for the past? You’ll keep me safe and assuage your guilt?” She shook her head. “Like you said, this isn’t the movies, this is real life. You can’t repair the heart you shattered all those years ago by being the hero today. I can’t forgive you for what you did, Todd. If that’s what you’re expecting, you’ve overestimated your worthiness.”

  Her words were like daggers twisting in his chest. “You hate me, is that it?”

  She blinked. “Maybe.”

  “You hate me so much—” he braced his forearms on the door and leaned into her, putting his face right up to hers “—that you came over and over in my arms last night.”

  She stared at his lips a moment and he longed to taste her. “That was sex,” she argued. “Nothing more.”

  “Sex?” He traced her cheek with his nose. “Just sex?”

  “Yes.”

  The feel of her lips moving against his jaw made him so damn hard he could barely breathe. “Then you won’t mind if we do it again, just to be sure it was only physical.” He brought his mouth around to hers. She gasped. “It doesn’t mean anything.” He nipped her bottom lip. “Just sex.”

  She stilled, lifted her eyes to his. “I’ve already experienced all your parlor tricks, Christian. I doubt you can show me anything new. I’d suggest you save your strength for helping me take down Miguel Robles.”

  Parlor tricks, eh? “Give me a minute to change your mind.”

  When she would have argued, he dropped to his knees. He reached for the waistband of her lounge pants and slid the soft fabric down her thighs, letting them fall to the floor. No panties. His body reacted with a rush of need that rocked him and had his cock pushing against his fly. He kissed her belly button, traced over her belly with his tongue. She pressed against the closed door as if to escape the exquisite torture, her hands braced on either side of it.

  He lifted her right leg and settled the crook of her knee onto his left shoulder. Let her try to escape. He was only getting started. She gasped as he bent his head toward the tender flesh between her thighs. He kissed every part of her, slid his tongue along that delicious channel. She whimpered softly. Still she kept her hands plastered against the door. He delved deeper, using his mouth to draw on that place that caused her to cry out. He dipped a finger inside her, savored the moist, sweet heat and then tested her with another.

  Her fingers suddenly dove into his hair as if to hold him back. He stilled and then she gasped, surrendering as her body started an instinctive, rhythmic undulating. He used his fingers, his tongue, his lips to explore all of her most intimate places, to bring her to orgasm. She cried out with the pleasure. He kissed her belly, moved up her torso, letting her leg slip down, her foot land on the floor, as he tasted his way to her breasts. He wanted to memorize every inch of her. He savored her breasts with his mouth while he used his fingers to draw her toward climax again. Hot, firm nipples peaked for his attention while those sweet feminine muscles tightened around him. He pressed the pad of his thumb harder against her clitoris. She fought to restrain her cries, but he could feel how hard and fast she was coming undone all over again. Her fingers found his fly and struggled to unfasten his pants. She managed to push his jeans down, releasing his aching cock, but he refused to give her what she wanted just yet. She whimpered with need, rubbed him wantonly with her hands.

  When she reached that edge...so very close to exploding with pleasure yet again, he turned her around so fast she lost her breath. He pushed between her thighs, reached around her small waist with one hand and down to that wet, pulsing place to guide himself into her. She screamed with pleasure as he pu
shed deep inside her. He kept one hand focused on that hot, pulsing nub and the other on her breasts, kneading each one in turn, tweaking those perfect hard nipples. He pressed her against the door as he thrust in and out. This position took him so deep, stretching her to the very limits and she cried out for more.

  One more hard, deep thrust and they came together.

  With her back pressed against his chest and his cock deep inside her, he carried her to the bed. When he would have pulled out of her, she arched her bottom, keeping him deep inside that hot, wet place as they started that sweet, slow rocking motion all over again.

  Chapter Twelve

  Saturday, May 12, 8:00 a.m.

  Eva couldn’t blame the wine this time.

  Todd had broken through all her defenses, lowered every wall she had so carefully erected over the past ten years to protect her battered heart. Bared her every vulnerability, revealed her rawest emotions. By the time they’d both collapsed, utterly exhausted, she couldn’t have argued about the best course of action to take against Robles any more than she could have crossed the hall to her own bed.

  When she’d awakened, he’d already been downstairs. She was glad. She’d needed the past forty minutes to gather her scattered composure. This morning she intended to get straight down to business. She had a life she wanted to get back to. She wanted this ugly situation cleared up before her sister returned to Chicago. She needed distance from Todd before she lost her heart and soul to him all over again.

  A quick shower had washed his scent from her skin but nothing could scrub those hours from her memory or the sweet ache from her muscles. The way he touched her, as if he knew every part of her and understood how to reach her deepest desires. He had explored every inch of her and she had done the same, relearning his lean, muscled body. Tasting him, touching places that had haunted her dreams for so very long.

  She wasn’t the only one who had been pushed beyond all carefully lain boundaries—she had given as good as she got. She had made him groan with need, watched his fingers clench in the sheets, made him beg for more. He’d whispered her name over and over. They’d climaxed together so many times, she felt weak with pleasure even now, overwhelmed with the need to touch him again and again.

  Todd Christian was a drug she would never be able to resist.

  With that undeniable knowledge tucked away for later contemplation, she left her room and headed for the stairs. The smell of bacon lingered in the air as she descended the staircase. Her stomach rumbled and she suddenly realized she was starving. More often than not she grabbed a cup of yogurt and a piece of fruit for breakfast. After what she’d been through the past few days, she had every right to splurge with a self-indulgent breakfast.

  Todd looked up from the stove as she walked into the room. His grin was sexy as hell and made her heart skip a beat. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.” She headed straight for the coffee pot and poured a cup. The rich aroma had her immediately lifting the cup to her lips. Bold flavor burst on her taste buds and she made a satisfied sound. “So good.”

  “I hope you still like pancakes.”

  She turned to him, the warm cup cradled in both hands. “The ones with nuts and whole wheat flour?”

  “That’s the ones.” He paddled three pancakes onto a plate and slathered a pat of butter on top, then piled on the bacon. “Since we discovered this recipe, I’ve never made pancakes any other way.”

  She wondered how many other women he’d made them for after a long night of hot sex. None of your business, Eva.

  She claimed a stool while he prepared his own plate and poured them both a glass of orange juice. This could be her last breakfast. After what happened yesterday, it was clear Robles didn’t intend to back off. She should claim whatever pleasure available. She blocked more images from last night and focused on the aromas making her mouth water this morning.

  “Wow.” She dismissed the foolish and wholly unfounded worry about other women. “I can’t believe you remembered how I like my pancakes.”

  He reached around her and poured on the syrup. “You’re the only person I’ve ever made pancakes for.”

  She smiled, ridiculously pleased by his comment as she lifted a forkful of deliciousness to her mouth. Another of those happy moans vibrated inside her. The pancakes were so good. She grabbed a slice of crisp bacon and devoured it before reaching for her juice. “I might just die right here.”

  He laughed. “Then I’d have to face the wrath of Lena.”

  Eva put her hand over her mouth to prevent spewing orange juice. “True.”

  He fell silent for a minute but she sensed he had more to say. Had he learned something new about her case?

  She set her fork aside and turned to him. “Did something else happen?” Please, don’t let anyone else be dead because of her.

  Realization dawned in his eyes. “No. No, nothing else has happened.” He dropped his fork onto the counter. “I was thinking about your mom and how sorry I am that I didn’t get a chance to apologize to her for what happened. She must have hated me after...after I left.”

  Eva picked at her pancakes. “No. She didn’t hate you. She adored you.”

  Surprise replaced the sadness she’d seen in his expression only moments ago. “Are you sure about that? I mean, Lena made it pretty clear how she felt.”

  She would not—could not—tell him all her mother said. “Lena is Lena, but trust me when I say my mother adored you until the day she died.”

  “Thank you.” He reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. “I appreciate you telling me.”

  Eva blinked, then looked again. The shine of emotion was heavy in his eyes. She turned away. Maybe slaving over a hot stove had made him teary-eyed. “It’s true. She loved you.” She clamped her teeth together, could have bitten off her tongue. She hadn’t meant to use the L word, though her mother made her feelings about Todd clear on numerous occasions. He was the son she never had.

  He drew his hand from hers as if her blurted words had stung him almost as badly as they had her. It was definitely time for a change of subject.

  “So you joined the army.” Her voice sounded too high-pitched and she cursed herself for even speaking again.

  He shifted his attention back to his plate. “I did. My specialty was communications at first.” He shrugged. “Apparently there was a shortage in the field since I expected to be an eleven bang-bang—an infantry soldier.”

  “You were an officer?” He’d just graduated with his degree in science. For hours on end he would talk about how he wanted to be a teacher. A few teachers were the only people who had ever made him feel as if he could be more than what he’d come from.

  “No.” He shook his head. “They offered me the opportunity but I didn’t want to be an officer. I wanted to do what all the other enlisted soldiers had to do.”

  “Really?” Surprised, she munched on another slice of bacon. “Did you travel the world?”

  “Not so much at first.” He reached for his coffee. “A couple years after my enlistment, I was recruited by Special Forces. Everything changed then.”

  She laughed in hopes of lightening the moment. “I suppose you went on all sorts of exciting top secret assignments in Special Forces.”

  “Now and then.” He poked at the pile of pancakes on his plate.

  “Is that where you got the scars?” She touched her cheek in the same spot where the scar was on his. It was such a small one, but there were several larger ones on his back. Not a single one detracted from his good looks. She bit her lips together for fear she’d throw in that part, too.

  “Shrapnel. I was one of the lucky ones.”

  Shrapnel meant a blast...a bomb. He could have been killed—probably numerous times. The realization made her angry. Why had he worked so hard in college to achieve his degree—not to mention he’d been accepted into
a master’s program—just to throw it all away? “What happened to the teaching career you talked about?”

  He stared at his plate once more and lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “I guess that was another one of those things I figured I didn’t deserve.”

  Why had she never once noticed that deep-seated worry about his self-worth when they were together? Had she loved him so much that she couldn’t see the pain? The idea made her sad. But she’d been so young...

  “What about Kevin? Have the two of you kept in touch?”

  He smiled, and the beauty of it took her breath away. “He graduated law school last year. He just got married. I was his best man.”

  “That’s great.” How many times had she planned their wedding before he ran away?

  The rest of the meal was eaten in silence. Eva had said more than enough. So had he. She couldn’t decide which was worse: all the things she’d told him, or the things she allowed herself to do with him.

  Or maybe it was all that he hadn’t told her when it mattered most.

  With every fiber of her being she understood one thing with complete certainty: when this was over—assuming she survived—she would be heartbroken once more because he would leave again.

  Some people just never learned.

  * * *

  EVA INSISTED ON cleaning up. Todd tried to help but she shooed him away. “You cooked. I’ll clean.”

  He held up his hands and backed away from the sink. “Have it your way.”

  A break would do him good. He’d been on edge all morning. Well, no, maybe it started last night after hours of incredible lovemaking. He’d lain awake for hours just watching her sleep. No one had ever made him feel as important and as helpless at the same time as Eva did. She made him yearn to be more...to give her more.

  “I’ll be in the office.” He hitched a thumb toward the hall. “We can have that talk about Robles and where we go from here when you’re done.”