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Rough Living

Page 22

by Vago Damitio


  Everyone loaded back on the bus. It was silent for the rest of the trip. They passed several mosques when they approached the outskirts of Medan, but no one had anything left to give.

  The Polynesian Hostel Beach Club Waikiki, Hawaii

  (After four months in Asia I returned to the Pacific Northwest and lived in my Volkswagen until shortly after September 11th, 2001 when I bought a ticket to Hawaii and somehow became the manager of the coolest hostel in Hawaii.)

  ”Hey girls, wanna drink some beer, don’t worry, I’ve got condoms.”

  It made everyone laugh except the Japanese girls walking by, who walked a little faster in their high platform sneakers and frayed denim skirts, fanny packs accentuating their perfectly shaped asses as they moved in that shuffling pigeon toe walk they all seemed to share. They didn’t really understand what had been said but correctly assumed by the raunchy laughter that followed it that it was inappropriate.

  ”Keep trying Nick, it’s bound to work someday…” Andrew, the bald Englishman slapped Nick on the back. The fog of cigarette and marijuana smoke in the air brought a stale cloying scent that somehow conveyed the feeling of a party in the works.

  Nick sat down, slightly embarrassed by his own sudden outburst. After a moment of examining the half empty bud light bottle in his hand he lifted his shaggy head and laughed with everyone else. Sipping his beer with his right hand and pushing his bangs back with his left, he revealed his slightly acne scarred face. Early twenties, not too tall, he wasn’t a bad looking kid. He just had bad lines.

  An assortment of odd characters sat around him on the ramshackle furniture in the parking garage. They weren’t any odder than him, but then he wasn’t any odder than them either and who would ever believe that this group would even exist. There was Andrew, a 28-year-old real estate broker from London. His girlfriend, Kirsten, a Georgia peach who still looked good but must of been pushing 40. Locky, an Australian mining engineer seeking a better life in America. Ludwig, the German importer. Tokyo Joe, a retired Japanese schoolteacher from Osaka. And the cast kept going in a never ending stream of new faces, names, careers and countries.

  It wasn’t just an ordinary parking garage they were in. It held a coke machine, picnic tables, payphones, and laundry facilities. Above it were the fifteen split units that made up the studios, dorms, and semi private rooms of the Polynesian Hostel Beach Club in Waikiki, Hawaii. A constant maelstrom in perpetual flux housing a hundred people that were almost certainly going to be a different group the next night. A place where strangers become friends, friends become lovers, and exotic destinations got exchanged like laundry gossip.

  Hostels are usually interesting places, but the Polynesian was something different. It brought the people it wanted, forced them to interact, and brought significant change into the lives of nearly everyone fortunate enough to be touched by it.

  It was born when the manager of another hostel, Tina, was accused of stealing. She was a Vietnamese refugee who had landed there after several years of voyaging with the poverty jet set. She landed there with nothing, saved, and planned on staying forever…then she was accused out of the blue. She quit and started the Polynesian Hostel Beach Club. She got the ball rolling and tried handing it off unsuccessfully to a series of managers who maintained the status quo until the right person was ready.

  When I was ready, whatever spirit was in charge brought me to Hawai’i. Right on time. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing until I was handed the keys to the Polynesian. What were the odds of a homeless anarchist being given an opportunity like this..miniscule unless something else were at play. Something else was definitely at play.

  ”You must say Kunbanwa…” this came from one of the tiny Japanese girls sitting with everyone else. "It mean good evening." Everyone laughed again.

  A young Japanese-American with a Texas drawl came around the corner laughing to himself. ” Oh maaan, y’all ain’t gonna believe what just happened in the staff room.” His laughter was uncontrollable. "Grant just took a sleepwalk and pissed all over Jason and Allison while they were laying in bed. Fuck man, I can’t believe I just saw that shit."Again, laughter filled the garage and echoed down the block to Waikiki beach.

  ”He peesed on theeem?” Daniel, the 20-year-old Polish guy stood up.

  "Hey man, those are my shorts you’re wearing!" Nick stood up too pointing at the blue surf shorts Daniel wore. ”Why are you wearing my clothes?”

  ”I think it’s okay because all my clothes dirty and I have no money. ..okay?” ”What?” Nick’s voice got higher in pitch. ”You can’t just wear my clothes man…those are my clothes. Aw fuck it, just make sure you give em back.”

  THE END — OF ROUGH LIVING ANYWAY…

  MAYBE NOW YOU ARE READY FOR

  SMOOTH LIVING: BEYOND THE LIFE OF A VAGABOND

  LIMINAL TRAVEL

  OR IF YOU WANT TO LAUGH

  DOUCHEBAGS, FAGS, AND HAGS

  ASK FOR THEM AT DISREPUTABLE BOOK DEALERS OR COME BUY THEM AT VAGODAMITIO.COM

  APPENDIX 1: SMART QUESTIONS

  The following are some questions you can ask yourself to figure out where you are going or what you want to do. I like to use these questions periodically to check up on myself or to inspire myself to write or learn something…..

  1) What is my provocation? Why am I doing what I do?

  2) What do I need?

  3) What are my abilities?

  4) What are my accumulations?

  5) What kind of access do I have?

  6) Who are my major influences?

  7) How do I get cash?

  8) What do I want?

  9) What do I always have?

  10) Where do I want to be in a week, month, and year?

  11) Is this the best use of my time?

  12) What seems like it might work?

  13) What isn’t working?

  14) What is working?

  15) What makes me happy?

  16) Why?

  17) What do I love to do?

  18) How do I define success?

  19) Who am I doing what I do for?

  20) What is my standard for success?

  21) What are my three Mojo daily dos?

  22) What are my three daily don’t’s? (Mojo killers)

  23) What are three ambitions I feel good about?

  24) What do I do?

  25) What am I doing here?

  26) What is my mission?

  27) What is my biggest life failure?

  28) What can I learn from that?

  29) What three tools make my life easier?

  30) Is my vision moving me?

  31) What do other people think I do?

  32) What do I think I do?

  33) What do I really do?

  34) What can I do to take the next leap?

  35) What do I want to accomplish next?

  36) What are my top three short term goals?

  37) What are my top three long term goals?

  38) What can I do instead of worry or complain?

  39) What is the most important to me?

  40) How can I focus on that (#39)?

  APPENDIX 2: ROUGH RECIPES

  Here are some of my favorite recipes using a variety of cooking methods. Most of them can be prepared anywhere. They are simple and easy to make. I’m not a Top Chef, but I’ve eaten a meal made by a couple of runner’s up.

  Vago Scramble

  This is my favorite breakfast recipe. Like all of the recipes in this section, most of the ingredients can be whatever you find or have handy. Use your imagination or your host’s pantry to fill in the blanks.

  Ingredients

  4 eggs

  2 large potatoes

  3 tbsp cooking oil

  garlic

  small onion

  various vegetables and herbs (whatever you can find)

  shredded cheese

  spices

  Directions

  Cut the potatoes into small cubes (1/4 inch) w
hile you allow the oil (or butter) to melt in a skillet. Drop the potatoes in and cook on high heat for 5-10 minutes allowing them to brown and or burn slightly. Mince garlic, onion, vegetables, and herbs. Pour off the excess oil. Drop in your minced goods and cook 3-5 minutes adding spices (like a pinch of cinnamon, salt, pepper, and cayenne). Beat the eggs in a small dish. Pour eggs over the top and cook 1-2 minutes before flipping the entire thing. If you fail to flip it in one piece,just scramble the whole thing until all the egg is cooked. Put shredded cheese on top, cover for 1 minute, and serve it up.

  Two-Dog Tom Sandwiches

  This is a fun meal to make. I like to use Hot Spicy Spam but any meat will work.

  Ingredients

  1/2 lb. cooked meat, cubed

  1/2 lb. cheese, cubed

  2 hard boiled eggs, chopped

  1/2 c. olives, chopped

  1/2 c. mayo

  3 Tbsp. chili or bbq sauce

  1/3 c. onion, chopped

  12 hotdog buns or folded pieces of bread

  Directions

  Mix all together and fill hotdog buns with mixture, wrap in foil, and heat 10-15 minutes.

  Uncle Larry’s Hobo Supper

  The Hobo Supper or Hobo Packet can be made about 5000 different ways. This is the first version I learned. The following is my current favorite.

  Ingredients

  3 pounds ground beef

  4 medium potatoes, quartered

  3 carrots, sliced

  1 medium onion, sliced

  Salt and pepper to taste

  1 can cream of mushroom soup

  Directions

  Form ground beef into patties and place each on a square of aluminum foil. Divide potatoes, carrots, and onions equally and arrange on top of patties. Add salt and pepper to taste. Place a spoonful of mushroom soup on top of vegetables. Seal foil tightly and place on grill or directly on coals for about 45 minutes to an hour. Can also be cooked in the oven at 350 degrees F. for 45 minutes. Delicious and easy

  Uncle Morris’ Hobo Packet

  Ingredients

  1 lb of sliced pork

  4 medium potatoes, quartered

  2 sweet potatos

  1 large onion, sliced

  Salt and pepper to taste

  Chopped red chili peppers

  Juice of half a lemon

  Clove of garlic, chopped

  Directions

  Same as above, lay out your foil. Chop up your pork. Put equal parts in the packets. Divide potatoes, sweet potato, garlic, pepper, and onions equally and arrange on top of meat. Add salt and pepper to taste. Seal foil tightly and place on grill or directly on coals for about 45 minutes to an hour. Can also be cooked in the oven at 350 degrees F. for 45 minutes. Delicious and easy

  Uncle Murray’s Onion

  Ingredients

  Large onion

  1/4 C. (1/2 stick) butter

  Salt

  Pepper

  Directions

  Score onion across the top several times and place in aluminum foil. Put butter, salt and pepper on top of onion and close the foil securely. Set directly in the fire and cook approximately 30 to 45 minutes. Unwrap and enjoy!

  Boudreaux Potatoes

  Ingredients

  2 cups potatoes, peeled & cubed

  1 cup chopped onions

  1/2 cup thinly sliced carrots

  1/2 cup diagonally sliced celery

  2 T. water

  1/2 tsp. salt

  1/8 tsp. pepper

  8 slices bacon, crisply cooked and cut into 2" pieces

  1 T. butter or margarine

  Directions

  Combine potatoes, onions, carrots, celery and water. Boil until vegetables are hot and just beginning to cook, stirring once or twice during cooking time. Drain, then stir in salt and pepper. Place potato mixture on a large sheet of heavy duty aluminum foil. Top with crumbled bacon and dot with butter or margarine. Bring up ends of foil to wrap securely and fold top of foil to seal. Place on grill, 4" to 6" above medium coals. Cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until vegetables are tender.

  Izak’s Cattail Salad

  Cattails grow along the road in ditches and standing water throughout the United States. They are those tall weeds with the bulbous brown tops that grow in thick patches.

  Ingredients

  As many Cattail stalks as possible (peeled down to the soft white centers)

  Bacon (minced)

  Fine Mustard

  Vinegar

  Directions

  Boil the hearts of cattail for 30 seconds. Heat the bacon in a skillet. Add the mustard and vinegar. Add the cattail hearts

  Hopalong’s Favorite Cheese Steak

  Ingredients

  Cheap sandwich meat

  Onions

  Cheese

  Rolls

  Pickled Peppers

  Directions

  Mince onion. Cut baloney into long strips. Sauté onions till slightly browned add meat. Cook till the meat is slightly brown. Stuff the rolls with your "steak". Top with peppers cheese. Wrap in newspaper and enjoy.

  Pork Pie

  Ingredients

  Shredded pork

  Blue sweet potatos

  2 baking potatos

  3 small red onions

  ½ clove of garlic

  Salt and pepper

  Snap beans

  Cilantro

  Small hot peppers

  Butter

  Milk

  Directions

  Cook the pork onions garlic cilantro in a frying pan. In a kettle boil the baking potatoes and blue potatoes(thinly sliced or minced) and snap beans until soft. Drain the water. Add butter and milk. Whip. Add the pork mixture. Serve with salad.

  Sunshine Pasta Pesto

  Ingredients

  1 package of pasta

  1 bunch of cilantro chopped fine

  Half a clove of garlic, peeled and minces

  3 small red onions peeled and minced

  Ginger, shredded and minced

  Calimansi (Philippine Limes)

  Olive oil

  Vinegar

  Salt and pepper

  Directions

  Cook your pasta. Meanwhile heat olive oil in a cast iron pan. Add all the other ingredients to the oil. Turn off the heat. Mix thoroughly. Drain water from pasta. Add cilantro pesto to the pasta and mix until mixture is evenly distributed over the pesto.

  Kev-Can Pork Adobo

  Ingredients

  Garlic

  Vinegar

  Soy sauce

  Onion

  Salt

  Pepper

  Pork 1 lb

  Kalimansi (small lime)

  Directions

  Cut the pork into bite size pieces and marinate it in a mixture of 2/3 vinegar, 1/3 soy, and finely minced garlic and onion. Allow to sit for several hours. Cook in a frying pan or skillet on medium heat in olive oil. Create a dipping sauce from 2/3 vinegar, 1/3 soy, juice and seeds of 2 Kalimansi, and small hot peppers minced. Red onion and garlic in sauce is optional. Serve with rice.

  Tim’s Fish Taco’s

  Ingredients

  Fish fillets

  Eggs

  Flour

  Corn tortillas

  One head of cabbage

  A lemon

  Ranch Dressing

  Pico de Gallo Hot Sauce

  Salsa

  Guacamole

  Directions

  Beat the eggs in a bowl. Lay the four on a flat surface. Dip the fillets in the egg and then into the flour. Cover both sides. Fry the fillets in oil for approximately one minute per side.

  Heat the tortillas. Slice the cabbage into slivers approx. 1/8 inch wide. Mix the ranch dressing and a healthy amount of tapetio.Fill tortilla with fish, cabbage, salsa, and guacamole. Top with special sauce and lemon juice.

  Quickie Recipes

  Fried Ramen with Egg .

  Boil a package of ramen. Drain. Fry in oil for a minute or so. Add season package. Drop an egg or two into the wat
er with the noodles. Cook for another minute.

  Other Special Ramen Meals

  Add vegetables, meat, or peanuts to ramen to make it special. Anything livens up ramen.

  Spam Eggs and Rice

  This is a favorite in Hawaii. Slice your spam thin and cook it like bacon. Serve scrambled eggs with rice and spam.

  Smoked Salmon Chowder

  Cook a can of cream of potato soup and add in a piece of smoked salmon shredded into bits. Cook for five minutes more. Use plenty of black pepper.

  Smoked Salmon Hash

  Fry potatoes and onions in small pieces. Add smoked salmon.

  Stick bread

  Mix flour, salt, baking soda, butter , and water to make a thick dough. Flatten it with a can. Wrap it around the end of a clean stick and hold it over coals. Pull the bread off after a few minutes and fill the hole with jam or peanut butter.

  Huevos Rancheros Especial

  Heat an opened can of black beans on the fire. Fry a couple of eggs. Heat a few corn tortillas. Toss the beans on the tortillas, the eggs on the beans, and salsa and sour cream on top of that. Chopped onions, garlic, and cilantro make this one ten times better.

  Perfect Rice Every Time

  The secret to making perfect rice is simple. Rinse your rice. Put it in the pan. Add enough water to go from the top of the rice leveled to the first joint of your first finger. Boil until water is gone. Leave covered for five minutes before eating.

  Tuna Melts

  Mix the tuna with onion, garlic, and whatever else you think will taste good. Put tuna and cheese on bread. Put mayo on the outsides of both slices of bread. Fry until brown on a dry pan. The mayo has enough oil.

  APPENDIX 3: MAKING GEAR

 

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