Remember Tomorrow

by Gabrielle Goldsby

  “I want to. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Can you just give me a minute to get used to it?”

  The worried look Þ nally faded from Arie’s face and she smiled. Cees felt herself constrict against the tip poised at her opening.

  “What were you thinking, just now?” Arie asked.

  “I was thinking how much I love when you smile.” Cees dipped her head, feeling suddenly shy and incredibly vulnerable poised as she was with her legs wide and only Arie’s hands on her backside keeping her abreast.

  “May I tell you something?”

  Arie’s lips were so close all Cees had to do was lean forward and their mouths would be touching. She moved her hips imperceptibly and kissed the tip of the dildo instead and was rewarded with a ripple of pleasure that sent gooseß esh up her arms.

  “Yes, tell me something,” Cees whispered as she dropped her head to look between their bodies at Arie’s small but alert breasts, the harness, and the short stub of the purple phallus.

  “I almost came when I saw what you had bought.”

  “Really?” Cees looked into Arie’s solemn eyes.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just kept thinking I wanted to wear it and I wanted to give you an orgasm.”

  “You’ve never failed to give me an orgasm. You don’t need that.”

  It was Arie’s turn to look vulnerable. “I guess the thought of it just turned me on.”

  • 46 •

  REMEMBER TOMORROW

  “You are so innocent sometimes, you know that?” Cees said and Arie moved imperceptibly closer, the tip of the dildo nudging her still wet folds farther apart. Cees stiffened again and Arie kissed her.

  “You’re so tense, sweetheart. I need you to relax so that I don’t hurt you.”

  “It’s okay, you won’t hurt me,” Cees said, but Arie was already moving. Small, imperceptible thrusts that weren’t meant to go deeper than the outer opening. Cees lifted her head, and Arie kissed her with a surprising amount of tenderness that sent a boomerang of arousal that caused her to inhale and hitch her legs higher. As if expecting the move, Arie moved closer, and the phallus slid an inch or so deeper inside Cees. Before she could stiffen, Arie had pulled it back out. This time when Cees gasped it was in pleasure and then disappointment. She found herself lifting for the invasion, waiting for it, and exalting in the pleasure that followed the receding sting. Arie was breathing as hard as she was. Cees could feel the muscles in Arie’s shoulders tremble as she lifted her higher and closer to her. Neither of them made any attempt to break the kiss.

  Arie’s tongue toyed with the tip of Cees’s tongue as she pulled the phallus back until only the tip lay poised at Cees’s opening.

  She waited, stock still, until Cees desperately latched on to Arie’s shoulder and pulled herself forward, gasping at the sound of their bodies coming together so suddenly and explosively.

  “Cees, be careful.” Arie’s voice was tense with effort, and Cees had the sudden realization that she was holding herself back. Cees grabbed her ass and, using her calves, pulled Arie closer. To her surprise, Arie moaned. “Cees, let yourself get used to it Þ rst. I don’t want you regretting this tomorrow.”

  “I won’t, I promise,” Cees said and dropped her forehead against Arie’s shoulder. She smelled the wonderfully heady scent of them making love and inhaled deeply. Her body tightening around the gentle invasion. Arie’s stomach shuddered in response.

  “You felt that?” Cees asked, and Arie nodded. Of its own accord,

  • 47 •

  GABRIELLE GOLDSBY

  it seemed the dildo slipped deeper, separating her farther, and Arie’s stomach was resting against hers. No longer afraid that Arie would walk away, Cees wrapped her arms around Arie’s shoulders. “It feels good,” she said and bucked her hips.

  Arie slipped her hands beneath Cees’s butt, holding her close. “Let me know if it’s uncomfortable.”

  A spasm of pleasure shifted through Cees, and with Arie’s support, she started moving against it, pleasuring herself against the unyielding apparatus. Arie’s breathing was becoming labored, and Cees wondered if it was from the effort of holding her or if it was because she was aroused.

  “Please, Arie, it won’t hurt.” As if she had been waiting for permission, Arie began to move, and the friction sent shock waves reverberating up Cees’s back. Arie used her upper body to tilt Cees back slightly and her hands to bring Cees’s ass to an angle. Arie looked at her for a long moment before kissing her with a passion that could have ended things before Cees was ready. Their bodies rocked rhythmically, Cees sighing with each long thrust. Her mistake was in opening her eyes to make sure Arie was enjoying herself. The pure, unadulterated lust she saw there was the beginning of the end. Arie must have felt it or seen it too because the muscles beneath Cees’s arms tensed suddenly and Arie was driving into her, taking full advantage of the few seconds where Cees felt anything and everything as the most exquisite pleasure. All thrusts were exquisite, all retreats were agonizing promises to be followed up by a friction so intense that Cees knew her cries of pleasure had become a long, soft wail.

  Arie’s kiss was passionate and rough. All Cees heard was the sound of their bodies coming together in a fury of orgasm. Cees had to turn her head away when her orgasm slammed through her, shocking her into an uncharacteristic silence that seemed to slow down her world. Arie slammed into her one last time and unbelievably, her orgasm seemed to heighten and arch, and she

  • 48 •

  REMEMBER TOMORROW

  cried out. Arie seemed to arch into her, releasing her butt and wrapping her arms around her back, holding her close.

  “Oh my God. That was….”

  “Intense?”

  “Yes. Very.”

  “I’m going to take it out, okay?”

  Cees nodded and braced herself for what she thought would be an uncomfortable withdrawal but wasn’t. Cees tried to stand so that she could help Arie unbuckle the harness, but her legs were so weak that she would have dropped to the ß oor if Arie had not caught her.

  There was a tense, almost angry look on Arie’s face.

  “What’s wrong?” Cees was almost too afraid to ask. Maybe the impulse buy hadn’t been such a good idea.

  “Nothing.” Arie helped her down from the back of the couch.

  “Then why the scowl?”

  “I just wish we had made it to the bedroom is all.”

  Cees laughed, relieved that she now understood. “Arie, you can’t plan for everything. Sometimes life throws you a curveball.”

  Arie raised a brow.

  “Okay, sometimes the curveball comes in the form of a big-ass dildo.”

  Arie sighed. “You sure you’re all right?” She put her hand on Cees’s hip and pulled her close. Their hips Þ t together almost perfectly.

  Cees’s lips tingled. “I’ll be all right in about two minutes.”

  Arie’s gasp was so soft that had Cees not been staring at her lips, had she not seen them part, not watched the tip of her tongue moisten them, she wouldn’t have heard it.

  “What happens in two minutes?”

  “That’s about how long it will take us to Þ nish this

  • 49 •

  GABRIELLE GOLDSBY

  conversation, get into the bedroom, and for me to devour you till you make me stop. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds like a fantastic plan. It would sound even more fantastic if I didn’t have to wake up at Þ ve in the morning just to make sure I get to Seattle by ten.”

  “Who says you’re going to sleep at all?” Cees asked quite seriously.

  v

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Lilly’s touch pulled Cees back from her painful memories. Despite being as close as sisters, the Nguyen family didn’t show affection by touching. The last time Lilly had touched her with such kindness, they had been standing in front of Cees’s father’s grave. She blinked and then blinked again because there was water in h
er eyes, and her normally carefree friend was gnawing at her lower lip and close to tears as well.

  “Everything’s Þ ne, Lil. I was just remembering something that made me sad.”

  Lilly stood up quickly. “You scared the shit out of me. I thought you got bad news about getting pregnant.” Lilly walked out of the room, and Cees heard her open the refrigerator. A few seconds later Cees heard the sound of a bottle cap hitting the ß oor, followed by the sound of Lilly scraping it up and tossing it into the trash. She reappeared, pressing the bottle to her forehead.

  “Sorry,” Cees said, and she did feel bad. She had put Lilly through hell over the last few years and her friend had stood by her side, being there for her through everything.

  “So, tell me what she said.” It took Cees a moment to realize what Lilly was referring to.

  “It was just a consultation. I have to go in for a physical.”

  Cees stopped speaking and stood up.

  “Why are you so quiet? I thought you’d be happier. You getting cold feet?”

  • 50 •

  REMEMBER TOMORROW

  Cees turned around and frowned at Lilly.

  “Lilly, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I’ve always wanted a family, and I won’t let my job or…or anything else change that.”

  “I know, but why do you have to have kids now? Why not wait a few more years? Who knows? You might meet someone and start the family together.” Lilly looked so doubtful that Cees didn’t know whether to burst into tears or laugh out loud. “Hey, I have an idea. Remember when we were kids and you used to play with those…” Lilly frowned.

  “Dolls?”

  “Yeah, dolls. You played with those baby dolls and stuff.

  Always dressing them up and changing their—” Lilly’s mouth turned down in distaste.

  “Diapers?”

  “I know what they’re called, you ass. Look, Cees, I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it. I’m just saying maybe you should get a doll, or better yet, rent a kid Þ rst. You know, try before you buy.”

  “Rent one?” Cees couldn’t keep the grin off her face. She had been stumbling into this kind of discussion with Lilly for over twenty years, and yet she was still bewildered at the turns her friend’s mind could take. “Lilly, you can’t just rent a kid.”

  “Yeah, you can. Hang on.” Lilly rifß ed in her enormous purse and pulled out a ß yer. “See? This paper says that Oregon has hundreds of kids in foster care. An enormous amount of them are from racially diverse ethnic groups. You could take in a foster kid, and if you don’t like it, well, no harm, no foul.”

  Cees started. “Lilly, we’re talking about a child. You can’t just…you can’t just insert yourself into their lives and then disappear.”

  “People do it all the time.”

  “Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t make it right.”

  “It’s better than having a kid and Þ guring out after the fact that you’re bad at it.”

  • 51 •

  GABRIELLE GOLDSBY

  “Is that what this is about?” Cees asked softly. “Do you think I’m going to be bad at it?”

  The question brought Lilly up short. “Of course I don’t think that. You’d be a fantastic mother. You’ll probably love washing out dirty diapers.”

  “They have disposable now.”

  “Yeah, whatever. That’s not my point. You’re happy now.

  Why bring in this uncertainty?”

  “It’s not an uncertainty for me. I want children, Lilly. I want to pass on some of the things that my dad taught me to my own sons. I want to hand his antique tool collections down to my daughters. I want them to have this house if they want it. I don’t get why you’re so bothered by this.”

  “Suit yourself, but Momma said childbirth felt like pulling your bottom lip over your head. She doesn’t recommend it. She said I should get a Chihuahua and dress it up instead.” Cees would have laughed if Lilly hadn’t looked so offended.

  “Aren’t you afraid of raising kids alone?”

  Cees sobered, sensing the very real concern behind Lilly’s question. “I won’t lie. I’m scared, but my dad and your mom did great with us. They were single parents.”

  “It wasn’t on purpose, Cees. They just did the best they could with what they had.”

  “And that’s what I’ll do too. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be doing this on my own either, Lil.”

  Lilly’s face hardened. Cees didn’t need to ask who she was thinking of, and she kicked herself mentally for having brought up Arie, however inadvertently. It would have been so easy for Cees to overlook the obvious opening to bring up her visit with Arie. Cees could only imagine the Þ reworks if Lilly and Arie should ever end up in the same room again. Lilly, at barely Þ ve feet, would probably hold her own against Arie’s Þ ve-feet-eight, but Cees would just rather not think about the outcome if she didn’t have to.

  “I saw her today.”

  • 52 •

  REMEMBER TOMORROW

  “I know. I was listening. The next step is the physical, right?”

  “I’m not talking about the fertility doctor, and my consultation was yesterday. I’m talking about Arie. I saw her.”

  As expected, Lilly didn’t take the news sitting down. She leapt up from the hard couch like a jack sprung from its box. Cees expected the long string of obscenities that Lilly was usually good for, but her friend surprised her and walked back into the kitchen. Cees heard her open the refrigerator door and then she reappeared carrying two more Heinekens and a bottle opener.

  Cees was shaking her head, but Lilly set the two bottles next to the still half-full one she had grabbed earlier and popped the top on each.

  Cees watched as she dumped half the contents of one into her mouth and swallowed it in three careful gulps. Again, Cees waited for the cursing, but none came. “You not going to say anything?” she asked Þ nally.

  “Why should I? You’re the one with a death wish.”

  “A death wish?” Cees laughed. “You’re threatening me with bodily harm because I saw my ex?”

  “No, I’m not the one that’s going to hurt you. She is.”

  “Lil, she was in the hospital. She was hurt. She doesn’t have anyone.”

  “Her decision, not yours. She made it clear that she could take care of herself. So let her.”

  Cees’s hand went to the heart-shaped locket hidden beneath her T-shirt. At one time the locket held two tiny photos: one of her as a baby and one of her mother, taken a year before an undiagnosed heart condition took her life. Now the locket held photos of both her parents.

  “If it were me lying in that hospital bed, I’d want someone to look in on me.”

  “Somebody would. Me, my mother, my family.” Lilly spoke so Þ ercely that some of her Heineken sloshed onto the couch and rolled tearlike to the ß oor.

  • 53 •

  GABRIELLE GOLDSBY

  Lilly and her family had been there when Cees’s father died, and they had been there to celebrate when Cees got the show and when Cees Bannigan Your Home went national. They had accepted her as family. And despite the fact that they didn’t understand why Cees would decide to raise a baby without a man, she knew they would be there for her and her child.

  “She has a problem.”

  “She had one long before she ended up in the hospital.”

  Cees laughed. Lilly, like any true friend, was still Þ lled with righteous indignation that anyone could dump Cees.

  “So what did the bitch say?” Lilly asked and took a swig of her beer, her mouth already tight.

  “She didn’t say much because—”

  “Because there’s nothing she could say. Did you tell her off like I said you should if she ever came skulking around again?”

  “Um, no. She’s not in any shape to handle that kind of drama.”

  “So why did you go see her, then?” Lilly’s patented scowl appeared, and Cees’s heart sank. Lilly wouldn’t be letting this one go an
ytime soon. “Who told you she was in the hospital?”

  “The police came to the set.”

  “The police? What happened to her? Someone bash her ass?” Lilly’s mother, Momma Nguyen, was always afraid that Cees would get gay-bashed. Despite the fact that Cees’s job as a TV host made it hard for her to be out. Although Cees didn’t exactly hide the fact that she was a lesbian, lack of any meaningful relationships in her future made it easy to stay closeted.

  “You really should stop reading those articles your mother cuts out. Portland’s a lot smaller and a lot more tolerant than she thinks.”

  “Momma says that’s what people thought years ago until the skinheads bought a freeway.”

  “They didn’t buy…” Cees shook her head, refusing to be pulled back into the old argument.

  • 54 •

  REMEMBER TOMORROW

  “So what did she say when you saw her?” Lilly was in her small-dog mode again, and Cees knew she wouldn’t let up until she had the whole story.

  “She didn’t say much. She doesn’t remember anything. The doctor—”

  Lilly was up again. This time she was stalking. “You mean the bitch has the nerve to forget that you and she were together?

  Well, ain’t that convenient? What hospital is she in? I’ll remind her.”

  “Listen, Lilly, it’s not just our relationship. She didn’t even remember her own name. They had to tell her. She has amnesia.”

  Lilly stopped mid-stalk and turned her scowl on Cees.

  “Have you lost your mind? Amnesia? That’s bullshit. She tell you that?”

  “No, her doctor did. That’s why I went to go see her.” Cees let the little lie come out because now that Lilly knew, she felt a little embarrassed. She hadn’t known about Arie’s amnesia until Dr. Parrantt had told her at the hospital.

  “Well, I could have told you she wasn’t right in the head when she left you. But I still don’t get why the police came to you.”