Elements of Fiction Writing - Scene & Structure

by Jack Bickham

  How far I have come! he thought in mute wonderment. Then, thinking of his lost mother and the baby, he added, And how far will I go, in honor of your memory!

  His real life's work began on that day. . . .

  So long ago, Partek thought now, still standing on the breezy, sunny pavement of his motel in Canada. He was filled with sadness. He wondered what he would have done on that day so long ago if he could have foreseen what he knew now, if he could have guessed the disillusionment and treachery.

  He had thought he was being clever enough in the way he cautiously contacted one of his counterparts in the CIA. He only needed to know at that point how a transfer of loyalties might be handled, how he might turn himself over, be hidden, get an eventual new identity and occupation so he could live out his life in the West.

  At that time he had not even been sure he could take such a horrendous step, despite the years of disillusionment with his Soviet masters. He was, in contacting the CIA acquaintance, only gathering information for a contingency.

  And he was so careful ... so circumspect.

  But not careful enough. The American FBI knew of it almost at once, and made a contact with him. That was not so bad, but somehow his KGB masters also got wind of his change of perspective . . . possibly a difference in his disposition at work, possibly something of more substance —not enough to justify stern action on their part, but a subtle warning.

  That was when they had allowed him to learn about his family, after all these years. So he would know what he had to lose if his loyalty ever faltered.

  They must have thought they were being very clever, letting him uncover the old archival information "by mistake." But in reality their ploy had backfired. Rather than frightening Partek, the ruse had disillusioned and enraged him. They knew this for years, and never told me. And it was my right to know! His shock was profound.

  His American contacts pressed him for a final decision.

  He agonized and delayed.

  "They suspect you, Dominic. Better to come over now."

  "I cannot defect now! They will retaliate in Belgrade!"

  "What if we could fix that?"

  "Fix? Fix what? How? You cannot control the Soviets!"

  "What if we could get her out, so there could never be any reprisals?"

  "You could do that?"

  "We can try. ..."

  So Partek had fled, buying time. But that had been a mistake, because now, by his actions, he stood convicted by his KGB masters. He knew they were looking for him. To make matters worse, both the CIA and FBI were also chasing him "for his own protection."

  So that now all he could do was keep hiding . . . see if the CIA's promises were fulfilled. If they were, there was hope. If the CIA failed him, he was doomed, like his family.

  A truck horn sounded on the highway beyond the motel entrance. The sound jarred Partek out of his reverie, reminding him of the danger and the need to move. He closed his motel unit door, tossed his cigarette into a puddle on the pavement, and climbed into his truck.

  He had to keep moving —do the unexpected.

  It was the only thing he was sure about right now.

  Commentary

  This is a very complex sequel which not only has to reestablish the character's whereabouts and planned next moves after a disaster several chapters earlier, but for the first time must explain to the reader at least two portions of the character's earlier life: his youth and recruitment into the KGB, and his much-later disillusionment and temptation to defect to the West. Thus the sequel must contain variations from classic sequel pattern.

  Lines 2-3. Reestablishes the place where action resumes.

  Lines 5-6. Establishes Partek's viewpoint.

  Line 9. Shows that Partek has entered the thought segment of his sequel, and establishes his intention to find a new goal.

  Lines 10-11. Establishes Partek's emotional state.

  Line 12. Makes it clear that Partek's sadness is not in response to his last disaster, but to some earlier ones.

  Lines 13-15. Stimulus and response: The land reminds him of his former homeland . . . thus setting off the memories which follow. He does not remember without having a physical, outside reason.

  Lines 19-21. Fill-in action that took place "between chapters" involving this character.

  Lines 21-27. Repeat his need for a decision in this sequel, and show that he truly faces a dilemma.

  Lines 28-29. Here Partek's present emotional state is given. These two lines could just as well as started the entire sequel.

  Line 30. Begins the lengthy segment in which Partek's background, previously hidden from the reader, is brought out in detail. The segment starts with narration.

  Lines 75-76. Begins a portion of a scene imbedded in the sequel.

  Lines 95-97. The scene fragment ends and we return to narration.

  Lines 167-168. Another part of a scene begins to play inside the sequel structure, which has continued to be narration of Partek's past as he recalls in the review segment of the thought portion of his sequel.

  Lines 188-191. This scene fragment ends and narration resumes.

  Line 202. Begins a brief flashback to a sequel Partek had long ago.

  Lines 206-207. Returns to the present, Partek still standing on the pavement, no present story time having elapsed.

  Lines 211-212. Begins a segment of the sequel in which Partek still reviews past history —but of much more recent vintage. This segment serves to tell the reader a lot about how Partek got into his present predicament.

  Line 237. A quick description of one or more sequels long ago.

  Lines 239-245. The fragment of another scene, this from the more recent past and italicized for added emphasis.

  Line 251. Back to the present, and the sequel decision.

  Line 259. A refining of the sequel decision, clearly showing what he will do next.

  Thus the varied pattern of this sequel has been:

  Sequel:

  Present time, establishment of place.

  Thought segment begins.

  Narrative move back to character history.

  Scene fragment in sequel. (With Mother)

  Resumption of memory narrative.

  Scene fragment in sequel. (With recruiter)

  Resumption of memory narrative.

  Return to present sequel time.

  Narrative move back to more recent memory.

  Scene fragment in sequel. (With CIA)

  Resumption of memory narrative.

  Return to present sequel time.

  New decision and immediate new goal.

  APPENDIX 6

  SPECIALIZED SCENE

  TECHNIQUES

  This appendix contains one excerpt. Commentary follows.

  Excerpt is from chapter 5 of Katie, Kelly and Heck, by Jack M. Bickham. Doubleday & Co., © 1973 by Jack M. Bickham.

  This excerpt is from a comic novel in which Katherine (Katie) Blanscombe goes to a remote frontier town in the old West to claim her half of an unspecified inheritance from a long-lost uncle. Upon arrival, Katie and her young ward, Heck, meet Mike Kelly, who was the dead uncle's business partner and co-inherited with Katie. Katie is attracted to Mike, but denies it to herself, and quickly takes a dislike to him. The following action takes place on the evening following her noon arrival on the stagecoach; she has just answered a knock on the door of the hotel room she shares with young Heck; it is the desk clerk.

  l

  2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

  10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

  "Beggin' your pardon, ma'am, but you have a caller in the lobby."

  "A caller?"

  "Mister Ray Root, ma'am. He said to say, if you don't know who he is, he runs a cafe and casino that's in competition with Mike Kelly."

  Katie hesitated. She had no idea what the man might want. But if he was in competition with Mike Kelly, she thought, he might not particularly like Mike Kelly, and that gave them something in common. Besides, she was curious. />
  "Tell Mister Root," she said, "that I'll be there directly."

  In the small front room that served as a lobby, only one person was in evidence: a tall, dark-coated man with rather long black hair that glistened under a heavy layer of oil. He wore a flowered vest and wide mustaches, thin-legged pants and slightly muddied black boots that shone, nevertheless, like patent leather. His flatbrimmed hat, beaded, was in his hands.

  "Miss Blanscombe?" he said, showing a great number of

  small, even white teeth.

  "Yes," Katie said, extending her hand.

  "Enchanted," the man said, clicking his heels and bending from the waist to kiss her fingers. "Allow me to present myself. I am Ray Root."

  The finger-kissing was shock enough; Katie had never expected continental manners in Salvation when she had only read about them in a civilized place like Cleveland. But Ray Root's entire appearance and manner quietly bowled her over. He was tall and slender, and given to a flinty kind of handsomeness that was modified slightly by wrinkles which, on close inspection, hinted he was either older than he first appeared, or more dissipated. He smelled of tobacco and clove and coffee, and although his smile was friendly, there was something behind his quick dark eyes that made Katie's pores shrink as if his eyes were undressing her. Katie made some tentative decisions about him: (a) he was attractive, (b) he was aware of it, and (c) he was a cad. In her mood, this did not necessarily make her dislike him.

  "How do you do, Mister Root?" she asked formally.

  "Three things," Root said, continuing to smile brightly. "First, allow me to add my small welcome to an attractive newcomer to our fair city. You'll find, Miss Blanscombe, that first impressions indicate a raw, frontier hamlet; but Salvation has much beneath the surface, including a small but active cultural life."

  "Indeed?" Katie said, surprised again.

  "Indeed," Root said. "Second, may I say that I have heard about the lawsuit you have brought against certain, ah, establishments, and if I may offer my support, please don't hesitate to ask."

  "In view of the fact that you said you compete with Mike Kelly," Katie said, "I can understand your interest."

  Ray Root frowned and his mustaches twitched. "Yes, yes. But actually, Miss Blanscombe, my interest is not in eliminating competition. Far from it! I believe competition is at the heart of America's progress, the kernel of her way of life, if you will. But I must say that I share your concern for establishments which fall under suspicion of operating, ah, shall we say . . . less than in a manner that is aboveboard."

  "I assume, Mister Root, you'll get to the point."

  "Call me Ray," Root urged. "I hope to be your friend."

  "The point, Mister Root."

  "The point. Yes, of course. The point is simplicity itself. I offer support. I have no ax to grind. If I can help, you have but to ask."

  "And the third point?" Katie probed. Ray Root blinked. "The third point?" Katie was amused. She had the feeling he was harmless enough. "You mentioned three points you wanted to make."

  "Oh, yes. The third point, Miss Blanscombe —may I call you Katherine? The third point, Katherine, is that I wish to offer to make myself available to you tomorrow, at your convenience. I feel sure that a comprehensive tour of Salvation and its environs would interest you, and enhance your understanding of the general situation. I understand you have a young brother, and he, too, of course, is invited."

  Katie hid her frown. He was going a little too fast for her. Her natural caution asserted itself. "I appreciate the kind offer, Mister Root. However . . ,"

  The front door slammed open and rain gushed in. Katie turned, startled, and saw Mike Kelly, hatless and muddy to the knees, charge into the lobby. He caught her with a fiercely angry glance, swung toward her and pointed a shaking finger at her.

  "There you are!" he bellowed. "By God, the two of you are in cahoots already!"

  Ray Root blanched slightly. "See here, Mike —"

  "Shut up, Ray!" Mike stormed, stalking toward them.

  Katie stiffened as her own anger rose magically. "What, may I ask, is the meaning of this? What are you doing here, Mister Kelly, and—"

  Mike Kelly towered over her. His face was red and his eyes bulged as if they might explode. "I just heard about that silly blankety lawsuit, that's what it's all about! What the hell kind of person are you, anyway? What are you trying to do? If you think you'll get to first base with some stupid maneuver like that, you've —"

  "Mister Kelly," Katie cut in sharply. "I'll thank you, sir, to take your bad manners elsewhere, or my attorney will have another charge to file against you, that of battery."

  "Battery!" Mike bellowed. "I'll battery you! I'll charge your — I'll —"

  Katie turned icily to Ray Root. "You were saying—Ray?"

  Root smiled uncertainly. "I was saying that a tour —"

  "What are you pulling here?" Mike Kelly cut in just as loudly as before. "Listen, woman! You get to town at noon, and the same day you file some stupid idiot lawsuit against me and then start getting thick as hops with the worst gambler and drink-watering—"

  Ray Root said huskily, "Don't go too far, Mike."

  Mike Kelly ignored the threat in his voice. Mike was past worrying about threats. "I'm talking to her, Ray. You keep your face shut, see?"

  "But I am not talking to you," Katie told Mike. "My attorney has said all I wish to say to you, sir."

  "What do you want to do this to me for?" Mike cried. "I run a nice place and I never had a cross word with Hank in my entire life! I loved the guy! And then you come in here and start plotting with this no'count card sharper —"

  "That," Katie clipped, "will be enough."

  Mike stared at her in disbelief. "I came here to talk."

  "You came here to bluster and threaten. It won't work. I have nothing more to say to you."

  "You won't even listen to me?" Mike Kelly asked, and he honestly looked like he could have wept in frustration.

  "You've turned an honest business into a den of thieves,"

  Katie told him.

  "I —!"

  She turned to Ray Root. "I don't know what my schedule will be tomorrow — Ray. But possibly a tour of the area with you would be not only informative, but very pleasant. Could you call about noon?"

  Ray Root's grin was oily enough to fuel a tanker. "Be my pleasure, little lady."

  "You're going out with him?" Mike Kelly gasped, stunned.

  "Is it any of your business?" Katie shot back imperiously.

  "You're crazy!" Mike groaned. "I come over here to talk sense, and you —"

  "Good night, Ray," Katie said warmly to Ray Root. "And thank you."

  Root grinned and shook her hand this time. He looked awfully pleased.

  Mike Kelly, however, looked like someone who had just been run down by a freight train. His face drained of color.

  In a voice that was almost inaudible he whispered, "I came to talk."

  Katie turned her back on him and marched toward her room.

  She was delighted. So he thought he was a ladies' man, did he, with his hotel full of nasty girls and his lovely wavy hair and beautiful blue eyes! Well, she had showed him a thing or two —and she wasn't finished yet by a long shot!

  Commentary

  My problem long ago as the author of this segment of the novel remains fresh in my mind: Ray Root is obviously a "cad," as Katie so archaically puts it, and even in his comic exaggeration here it's pretty obvious to the reader that he's not a man to be trusted, and is up to no good. Why, then, would Katie ever agree to go out with him? (And I needed this to happen in my plot!) Analysis of the excerpt shows how I managed it.

  Lines 4-6. Introduce the other character who will be in the scene to come. Again here, on a smaller scale, why would a young woman in a strange, scary frontier town go downstairs to talk with a perfect stranger? The answer: Provide her with a specific stimulus, the words "in competition with Mike Kelly."

  Lines 7-10. Katie's internal
ization to that stimulus, ending in a decision to go do what she otherwise would not have done.

  Lines 13-24. Exaggerated comic description of Root. But the comic description can be — and is — also used as stimulus.

  Lines 25-37. Katie's internalization to Root's appearance and manners. But in her angry mood, she will talk to him.

  Line 38. Her response.

  Line 39. Root launches into his game plan with the first of his "three things."

  Line 44. Stimulus.

  Line 45. Repetition of the word to start Root's response. Line 58. Katie starts a comic stimulus and response with Root over "the point" —"the third point."

  Line 65. Root looks stupid. This is a stimulus.

  Lines 66-67. Katie's internalization-conclusion about Root, natural enough, but as the reader knows from other earlier parts of the novel, dead wrong.

  Line 67. Katie sends a new repetitive stimulus.

  Line 68. Root again repeats wordage and launches his real scene goal, to get her to go out with him.

  Lines 75-77. Katie's internalization. She is about to say no. She would never go out with this stranger under ordinary circumstances. (How can the author make her do it?)

  Line 78. New stimulus. Scene interruptus. Mike Kelly arrives to interrupt the Katie-Root scene with a Mike-Katie scene.

  Line 84. Root tries to make the scene a threesome. This as we know can be confusing.

  Line 85. So Mike Kelly shuts him up, effectively making most of what follows the desired one-on-one conflict.

  Lines 89-94. Mike in effect tells about one or more scenes that he has had in the hidden story recently.

  Lines 95-99. Their conflict sharpens.

  Line 100. Katie calls Root by his first name for the first time, obviously to get back at Mike and further infuriate him. This sets the pattern for her decision to follow.