by Blue, Kaye
“I want to find him and chop him into tiny pieces, but that won’t help me get Erin back,” I said.
“It won’t, but I have some ideas. You look like shit, but if I told you to get some sleep, you wouldn’t listen,” Etienne said.
“I wouldn’t,” I responded, knowing that I would only take a breath when I knew she was okay.
“In that case, go shower and change. I have to make a few calls,” he said.
“And then?” I asked.
“You tell me,” Etienne said.
“And then I’m going to get my woman. And I’ll kill anyone who tries to get in my way,” I said.
Etienne smiled.
Sixteen
Erin
I’d lost track of the hours I had been in this room but knew it had been many.
The guard who watched me or, more accurately, completely ignored me, had dozed off a couple of times and then began playing on his cell phone.
This should be terrifying.
And make no mistake, I was terrified.
I could remember how Denis had looked at me and knew what he was capable of.
But the hours and the monotony had smoothed off some of the edge of the terror and left me time to think.
I knew what he wanted and prayed to God I could keep myself from giving it to him.
As if conjured by my thoughts, Denis opened the door, and the guard, who had been so inattentive before, sprang to attention.
“You enjoying the hospitality?” he asked.
I was sitting on the concrete floor, fortunately not bound, and more importantly, I knew his question was bullshit.
But I would play his game until I figured something out.
“Everything’s fine,” I said.
“Too bad.”
He glared at me, his eyes angry, reminding me of what I’d seen as a child, what I’d seen so many times after.
It was the look of an abuser, one who wasn’t ashamed of what he’d done but offended because someone had dared deny him anything. It was the look of a man who would never even consider the fact that he was a monster.
“Whatever you think, Denis, I’m not worth all this trouble,” I said, deciding that being direct was the best—and only—way I might make it out of this.
“Don’t be so modest. In a lot of ways, you should be grateful,” he said.
I didn’t want to engage with him more than necessary and knew that what he had to say was of no value.
But I also knew if he was talking, he wasn’t doing anything else, so I much as I hated the sound of his voice, I wanted him to continue.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I was going to do whatever it took to get you to tell me where they are,” he said, his voice edged.
That terror that had started to fade came back full force.
“I know how it would have played out. You’d try to be strong, make the whole experience that much more unpleasant for yourself, take all that pain and degradation, until you finally broke and give me what I wanted.”
He was right.
I had been preparing myself for just that, hoping that I’d have the strength to endure whatever torture he had in store for me.
“But,” he paused dramatically, gauging my reaction before he went on, “because of your friends, I won’t have to put you through all that.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t have to ask you shit. I mean, I wouldn’t mind a couple of hours with you to ensure you got the punishment you deserve for trying to get between a man and his family,” he said.
He was livid, so much so that he paused, and I could see him fight to regain control. After several long, tense moments, he pulled himself together and glared at me again.
“Sasha is going to bring my family back to me,” he said.
“Why would he do that?” I didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to believe Sasha would do that, but I needed to know.
“Because he couldn’t care less about my kid and my bitch of a wife. This is about business,” he said.
“Then why take me?” I asked.
“Incentive, not that they needed it.”
“So why not let me go?” I asked, the question flowing naturally.
“Just in case I need a little sweetener. And besides, I was hoping they’d let me keep you. You kept me from what was rightfully mine. You have to suffer,” he said.
The expression on his face was one that froze me. I’d seen him angry, had seen him saunter into my home like he owned it and take me out of it like he owned me.
But I hadn’t seen this calm from him, a clarity in his eyes that only made the malice in them that much more potent.
He thought I needed to suffer, and he intended to see that I did.
“Don’t worry, darling. That’s a long ways off. We have other business to attend to first.”
Not even a second later, there was a knock at the door.
“Enter.”
Before the man barely got the word out, the door opened.
Sasha stepped in, my heart lifting with joy when I saw him, then dropping when another man walked in behind him.
I hadn’t seen him before, so I studied him and saw that he was over six feet, not quite as tall as Sasha. Muscular, well-dressed, but also as cold and ruthless as anyone I had ever seen.
Sasha might not turn over innocents, but this man certainly would.
I had no doubt about that.
“Did you bring what I’m owed, Etienne?” Denis said.
“Of course,” said the man I now knew was Etienne.
I wanted it not to be true, but that hope was dashed when the door, which someone had closed, opened again and Natalia and Alla walked through it.
Seventeen
Sasha
I looked at Erin, quickly assessing her, making sure she was okay. Then I looked away.
It wouldn’t do for me to be distracted.
So instead I watched Denis and saw the way he did much the same with his wife and child before focusing on Etienne again.
“I’m glad you decided to make amends,” he said.
“You can’t let them go with her,” Erin cried.
“Shut up,” I said without looking at her.
Fortunately, she listened, though I didn’t have to look at her to know she was in pain. I hated that, but the only way this could work was if she stayed out of the way.
Once she was quiet, Denis went on.
“I need to attend to family business, but I want you to know our organization appreciates you making this right. There will be consequences for violating the truce, but there’s something you could do to mitigate those consequences.”
He was so smug I wanted to kill him where he stood, and the sight of his wife cowering, her arms wrapped around the shoulders of the small child, only made my disgust that much more palpable.
Even without knowing all I did, one glimpse of the woman and child, the fear, and—at least in the woman’s eyes—the resignation, would have told me the story.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Her,” he said, gesturing toward Erin.
I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs, but I didn’t give anything away.
Instead I stayed silent, and Denis was more than content to fill the empty air.
“I deserve my retribution. She interfered with my fucking family, and if either of you had families, you wouldn’t let that kind of shit slide.”
“If I had a family, I wouldn’t treat them like shit and make them want to run away,” I said.
He scoffed. “Treat them like shit? I gave that bitch everything. She’s just spoiled, and the kid’s going the same way.”
The little girl whimpered, but I didn’t look at her, didn’t look at Erin, just focused on keeping my rage in check.
“I agree with you,” Etienne said.
His words shocked me, but I kept my cool and looked at him, curious as to where this was
going.
“Finally, a voice of fucking reason,” Denis said. Then he glared at his wife.
“See, bitch. I told you no one would help you, that no one gives a shit. I can do whatever I want to you. And I will.”
I fought to keep my control.
“He’s right,” Etienne said, his voice so calm, so at odds with the tension that was building in the room. “Unfortunately, Natalia, his organization tolerates abusers like him.”
The woman’s eyes widened, and she tightened her arms around the girl’s shoulder.
I looked at Etienne then, saw how he watched her with something like sympathy in his eyes, or as close to it as I’d ever seen.
Then he looked at Denis, the expression on his face one that I recognized. One he wore when he knew the plan had been laid and there was only one outcome.
“But you know what they won’t tolerate it, Denis?”
“What’s that?”
“A thief. You see, for them, money is the bottom line. They can deal with an abusive piece of shit like you. But they won’t tolerate someone stealing.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Denis asked, though his bravado wasn’t fooling me, and I knew it wasn’t fooling Etienne either.
“Leadership back home was not pleased at all about this. They asked me why I wanted to throw our truce into question because of a woman,” Etienne said.
“It’s a good fucking question,” Denis said.
“I assured them I would never do such a thing. But in the spirit of continuing cooperation, they needed to know about your other activities.”
Denis was stunned, but he would try to bluster through.
“What activities?” he asked.
Etienne gave him a smile that should have made his blood run cold.
“Skimming. You take one percent of every shipment that comes in. That adds up.”
“That’s bullshit. They didn’t believe you,” Denis said.
“Perhaps, but…”
“But what? You can throw that shit around if you want to, but you can’t touch a hair on my head. Because they might have a problem with me, but they would never take such blatant disrespect from you.”
He looked triumphant, but Etienne just shrugged.
“Believe it or not, Denis, you’re right. I can’t lay a finger on you, not without repercussions. But he can.”
As one, everyone in the room looked at the guard who’d been standing there still and silent.
“He works for me,” Denis said.
“No, I work for the organization,” the guard said, reaching into his holster and retrieving a gun.
“You can’t—”
“I have orders. Now walk,” he said.
Denis stared at him, his eyes bugged out, and I could see him about to lose control, so I stepped in.
“Have some pride. Think about your daughter. Is this what you want her to see?”
I hadn’t thought my words would have an effect, but they seemed to.
He looked at his wife with rage in his eyes, looked at the girl with something like sadness, and then looked at the door.
I saw the instant he accepted that there was no way out, then I nodded and stepped aside as the guard escorted him out of the room.
We stood silent for a few moments longer, the tension still palpable.
Eventually, I looked at Natalia.
“There’s a car out front and some cash. Take it and don’t ever look back,” I said.
Natalia looked at me, nodded, then turned toward Erin.
She moved as a blur, grabbing the other woman in a tight hug and then leaning down to do the same with the girl.
“Thank you, Erin,” Natalia said, so much meaning in the words.
Erin wiped at the tear that ran down her face, then kissed the little girl on her forehead and looked at Natalia once again. “Go.”
Natalia did as she was told and left without another word.
Etienne followed.
Left me and Erin alone.
Eighteen
Erin
It took me a moment to process all that had happened, but I soon did.
Denis was gone.
Natalia was safe.
And I was alone with Sasha.
More than anything, I wanted to touch him, hold him, have him hold me back.
I stood rooted to the spot.
And so did he.
I hated it.
From the first moment I’d met him, he’d always looked at me with curiosity, intensity, passion, even anger, but now he wasn’t.
Yes, his body was shifted to face me, head pointed in my direction, but he wasn’t looking at me.
Not in the way I had gotten used to.
The way I craved.
“Etienne? He’s a friend of yours?” I asked.
A banal, stupid question, but the only one I could muster.
He lifted his eyes, though he still wasn’t looking at me, and reached into his pocket.
“Natalia asked me to give us this to you.”
I took a piece of paper he offered and noticed the way he did everything in his power not to touch me.
I could feel the tears welling but pushed them back and looked down at the scrap of paper.
It was a receipt, one that I remember leaving on the counter at the fabric store.
Thank you, Erin. I owe you my life and my child’s. It’s a debt I can never repay. But thank you.
A tear slipped out, and I wiped it away, pausing long enough to say a prayer that Natalia and Alla would be okay.
I stuck the receipt in my pocket then looked at him.
“You’ll want to get rid of that,” he said.
“I will,” I responded, hating how distant his voice sounded.
The tears dried, and in their place came a fierceness, an unwillingness to let things end like this.
I took two steps, took two more, then took another two until I was close enough to touch him.
I lifted my hand, but when he stiffened, his face twisting with disgust, I dropped it.
But I was determined.
“Sasha, I—”
“I’ve arranged for someone to take you home. And I’ve gotten assurances that you don’t have anything to worry about.”
Again, I cringed, hating the distance, the businesslike efficiency in his words.
“Sasha, I’m sorry,” I said.
“You should be smarter about who you choose to help, because next time I won’t be there.”
He looked at me then, his eyes darkened, but none of the emotion I’d gotten used to seeing present.
“Sasha,” I said, desperation rising. I could feel myself losing him, and I couldn’t let that happen. “I love you.”
He glared at me, his expression unchanging.
“The car is waiting for you outside.”
After that, he was gone.
The tears I’d kept at bay came back full force.
I didn’t try to stop them from falling.
* * *
Sasha
Walking away from her was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and I cursed myself for my weakness.
She had betrayed me, put my organization, my life, and worst of all hers, in danger.
I should have killed her, and I shouldn’t still love her and want her with everything I had.
Shouldn’t, but I did.
I went to one of the waiting SUVs and watched the front door, waiting for Erin to emerge.
There was no danger, but it still felt wrong not to be at her side.
I’d have to get used to it.
I felt that little kick in my chest when she finally walked out, my heart relieved in a way that only betrayed my weakness.
She got into the SUV, and I was relieved when she was hidden from view.
Because even now I craved the sight of her.
But she was no longer part of my life, and I needed to start getting used to it.
Nineteen
Sasha
“Enough, Sasha,” Etienne said.
I didn’t respond immediately but instead looked at him, curious.
“Enough what?”
“You trying to play dense with me?”
I looked at him and the two other men in the room.
All looked back at me, their expressions unchanging.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
“He’s right, Sasha,” Ghost said.
I looked at Riker, who didn’t speak but whose agreement was clear.
“You want to lay this out for me?” I asked, leaning back in my chair, not looking forward to this conversation but not at all surprised it was happening.
“Since our business with Denis and the Fedorovs concluded, you haven’t been yourself.”
“That was nothing,” I said, waving him and the thoughts he conjured away.
“Exactly. Denis was nothing, but this isn’t about him, and you pretending it is only proves my point,” Etienne said.
“Are we having a therapy session? An intervention?”
“No, we’re having a conversation before you exhaust my patience,” Etienne said.
Nothing about his demeanor really changed. I could see he was serious.
“You have something to say, so say it.” I leaned back, preparing myself for words I had no interest in hearing.
“You’ve been off, and it’s clear to me it’s because of that woman.”
Even that subtle mention of Erin was enough to send my heart racing, my stomach dropping.
I tried not to think of her, forced myself not to, but the emptiness, the loneliness I felt was unavoidable.
Every moment since I had seen her last was defined by her absence and by my unwillingness to accept how much it hurt me.
I thought I had done a good job of hiding it, but it was clear I hadn’t.
“I’ll get it together,” I said, not bothering to try to deny what none of them could miss.
“I’ve been waiting a month for just that. You haven’t,” Etienne said.
