Every Breath You Take

by Bianca Sloane

  Natalie poured a glob of pink shampoo into her hand, groaning as she scrubbed the dirt from her scalp. That was it.

  They would have a date.

  Chapter 53

  SHE

  Natalie took a deep breath and looked over at Joey, who was enthralled by Smokey and the Bandit. It was their second movie of the day, having already watched something with Chuck Norris. Which made today “action day.” He liked to “theme” his movies, as he was fond of telling her. “Gotta have a theme, Nat. You know, like a double bill at the movies. Like, do you—do you remember that time. . .?”

  Joey had odd taste in movies, ranging from syrupy-sweet sentimental romances to bang-bang-you’re-dead-interchanged-with-slash-slash-slash-you’re-dead films.

  It was enough to give her whiplash.

  She wanted to tune out, as she normally did, but today she had to be more alert and attentive than usual.

  It was time to apply pressure.

  “Joey?”

  He was lost in the world of car chases and Burt Reynolds and didn’t seem to hear her.

  “Joey,” she said again, more determination pushing the word out.

  “What?” he said, irritated.

  “I was thinking maybe we could have a special dinner or something. To celebrate me being here. To our being together.”

  He paused the movie and looked at her. “You mean it? Really and truly?”

  She did have a private celebration of sorts yesterday when she’d felt flutters from the baby while she was in the bathtub. She turned on the shower and let the tears of happiness and frustration spill from her eyes and get lost in the gush of water splashing around her.

  “I thought it might be nice. I’ll wear one of those nice dresses you bought me. And we could have candles and wine.” She hadn’t figured out how she was going to get out of drinking the wine, but she’d come up with something.

  He leaned over and caressed her cheek, and she forced herself to let him without flinching or spitting in his face. “I can’t wait,” he whispered.

  “Me neither,” she smiled. “It . . . it will be a night to remember.”

  “What would you like to eat? Whatever you want.”

  “Um, well, how about we recreate our first date. Remember?”

  He screwed up his face. “You mean the eighth grade dance? Nat, come on, I’d think you’d want a little more than nasty purple punch and greasy potato chips.”

  Natalie let her hand snake over to his forearm and rub the sparse hairs, her skin crawling. “I’m talking about our first, first date. Remember?”

  Recognition slowly spread across his face as he bopped up and down on the couch like a giddy little boy. “Aw, man, Nat, you remember that? When I took you to Big Top Pizza and we split a pepperoni pizza?” He leaned back against the couch cushions, shaking his head at the memory. “We split a pepperoni—well, more like you had two tiny pieces and I had the rest. Always did eat like a bird, didn’t you? Then we went to Dairy Queen, and I got you a small strawberry blizzard and I got a banana split. Man. And ate the whole thing, too. No wonder I was so goddang fat.”

  “If it makes you happy, then why don’t you make yourself one for our special dinner? You know, as a treat. In fact, how about tonight?”

  “Man, I’d have to do two hours on the treadmill for that.”

  “But won’t it be worth it?”

  He looked at her, the smile he was trying to hide poking through his lips. “Well, maybe I’ll make a small one. For old time’s sake.”

  “I’m very excited, Joey. I think this will be a great night.”

  He clapped his hands together and turned off the DVD. “I know. I’m excited, too. Man, I can’t even concentrate on this movie. I got to order the pizza, go pick it up, get to the store—you know—I can make you a blizzard. I got a blender in there. You’ve never seen a blender like this. I bet I can make it better, too.”

  Blender. Blenders are made of glass. Heavy glass. Where is it?

  “Oh and . . . don’t forget the wine. That will make it extra special. Since we’re adults now.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not much of a wine drinker.”

  “For me, Joey? Can you have some for me?”

  “All right, Nat,” he chuckled softly. “For you. You know I’d do anything for you.”

  She smiled. “I hope so.”

  “Okay, wow, I need to get going,” he said as he fumbled in his pocket before grabbing her hand to walk her to the bedroom. Keys. Was he grabbing for the keys? As he went to lock the door, he hesitated for a moment as he looked at her.

  “I love you, Natalie,” he smiled. “So much.”

  “I . . . I love you, too, Joey.”

  He smiled and ran back over to give her another kiss on her cheek before backing out of the room and locking the door.

  She wiped her hand across her face.

  “He had to save her.”

  She had to know her punishment was coming.

  He didn’t look forward to it; in fact, he dreaded it. But she’d tied his hands, made a fool of him, debased herself with this Dennis dude. No, no, no. He had to put a stop to this now.

  He had to save her.

  He followed her around campus that day. Watched as she got up, went jogging, munched on an apple as she walked to class—American Lit, Russian Lit, and Poli-Sci. She met that bitch, Dina, for lunch then went to American History and Sociology.

  And then he waited. An agonizing evening of waiting for the sun to go down, sitting outside her dorm, following her to a coffee shop in town to meet that Dennis dude. Of tiptoeing behind them as they walked hand in hand to his apartment, laughing.

  He crouched behind the bushes on the side of the building, watching them through the cheap plastic slats of the window. Watched as that dude desecrated his love.

  Waited until they fell asleep.

  Chapter 54

  SHE

  Natalie wasn’t grateful for much these days, but the oversized sack dresses Joey had filled the closet with was one miniscule blessing. She was showing more and more, though so far it was manifesting as excess weight and not a baby. She wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to keep up the charade.

  Jason. Getting ready for the first time he came over to her place. Trying on outfit after outfit, twisting her hair up in a ponytail, giving up, and twirling the ends around her curling iron. Cursing herself for having washed her hair that morning. Dirty hair always did better than clean hair. Applying blush to her cheeks, then changing her mind and scrubbing them clean. Filling in the plummy purple pencil lines she made on her lips with pink gloss, relentlessly dotting them with tissue to tone down the shine. Trying so hard to look like she wasn’t trying at all.

  Natalie blinked back her tears and leaned over the sink to try and pull herself together before she resumed getting ready. She slicked her hair back with some water and a rubber band. It wasn’t until after he left that she thought she should have asked him to bring her some makeup. He probably would have found some excuse not to, like she’d blow blush in his eyes to blind him or stab his cheek with a mascara wand or something.

  Not that she hadn’t considered it.

  She was pacing, her heart jumping as she went over the steps of her plan. The door beeped and he came in with a sheepish expression as he moved toward her with an enormous bouquet of roses dripping in baby’s breath. He wore a navy blue suit and a wide red tie.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he smiled. He held the flowers out to her. “I brought these for you.”

  With some effort, Natalie stretched her lips into a smile as she reached out to take the flowers. “Thank you, Joey,” she said. “That was really sweet of you.”

  He held out his arm, and she reluctantly slipped her own through it. He escorted her to the dining room, bathed in soft candlelight. He had draped a white linen tablecloth over the small table and white linen napkins lay across each place setting. They both had water and wine cups and paper
plates. Her heart leapt at the sight of the candles. She could hurl the hot wax at him, aim for his eyes to blind him. That would be even quicker.

  “Do you like it?”

  “Oh, yes, Joey. It’s lovely. You’ve outdone yourself.”

  He smiled as he led her to a chair and pulled it out for her. She peered at the candles, hoping he wouldn’t notice. How could she edge herself close enough to one to reach out and snatch it?

  “Just let me go grab the parmesan cheese for the top, since I know you like that,” he said, running into the kitchen.

  Natalie shot her hand out to grab one of the pillar candles and move it closer to her. She frowned when she noticed there wasn’t a telltale plume of smoke that followed the movement, nor was it warm in her hand or waxy against her fingertips. She looked inside the candle and took a sniff, already suspecting . . .

  A smokeless candle.

  “Damn,” she muttered before quickly placing the candle back in its former place, just as Joey returned to the table.

  “This is kind of fun,” he said as he plunked the generic pizza box down on the table and flopped a huge triangle onto her paper plate, then followed with his own.

  “Sure is.” Natalie cleared her throat and looked into her plastic wineglass to find white wine floating inside. “So what are we drinking?”

  “A little bit of wine, just like you asked for. Since this is a special occasion.”

  “Oh, no, I’m sorry, I meant what kind of white wine?”

  He shrugged. “I dunno. White. I think it’s pie-not—”

  “Oh, you mean, pee-no,” she said.

  “You making fun of me, Nat?”

  “No, no, no. Of course not. I used to say the same thing. Pie-not. It’s okay.”

  “Oh. All right, well anyway, I think it’s pee-no gr—how do you say it?”

  “Gree-gee-oh. Pinot grigio.” Natalie paused. “Bottoms up.” She watched him carefully as he tipped the cup back and took a sip, his face scrunched up as he puckered his lips. She pretended to take a sip, letting the cold bitter liquid skim her lips without swallowing. She hated pinot grigio, finding it too dry for her taste. Her eyes fell on the plastic potted plant in the corner. Maybe she could throw the wine in there. Natalie saw Joey’s shoulders fall and his face relax. “You know, that ain’t half bad, actually,” he said, taking another sip. “Not bad at all.”

  “So glad you like it, Joey,” Natalie murmured, gnawing on a piece of pepperoni. “You should pour yourself some more. Where’s the bottle?”

  “Oh, I’m fine for now. I’ll get some when I’m ready.”

  She felt herself crumple inside. Was the glass wine bottle in the trash? Where was the trash?

  “We should toast,” he said. “Would you like to go first?”

  “No, please, you go.”

  He smiled. “To you. I love you.”

  She clinked her cup with his. “I love you, too,” she said, the words like thorns against her lips. Natalie cleared her throat again. “I think it’s my turn for a toast now.”

  He looked at her, his eyes shining. “I can’t wait.”

  “To you and for everything you do and have done for me. I’m a very lucky woman to have such a devoted man in my life.”

  A tear slid down his cheek, and he ran over to her, sinking to the floor and locking his arms around her knees. She wanted to kick him, drive her thumbs into his eyes. Anything she could think of to force him to release his grip on her. Instead, she dug deep and cupped his cheek in her palm. Natalie bit her lip and leaned toward him, closing her eyes to shut out the image of his face, not wanting to see or think about what she was doing. She took a deep breath and kissed him.

  “That was nice,” he said. “So nice.”

  “I’m just glad I could make you so happy,” she said. “We should at least finish this wonderful dinner, don’t you think?”

  He stood up and walked back over to his chair. He picked up his napkin and blew his nose into it. “I hope I can make it through dinner.”

  Natalie gestured to his wine cup. “You should have some more. I mean, this being a special occasion and everything.”

  “You’re right. Whew! I feel like a new man,” he said before he drained his glass. “You want some more?”

  She feigned taking another sip. “I’m fine, thank you.”

  “Okay,” he said before disappearing into the kitchen to pour himself another. She quickly dumped her wine into the plant behind her, leaving less than a swallow at the bottom.

  They continued the rest of the meal with Joey slipping into his usual verbose nattering about “The Future,” the nebulous ether she tried not to think about but one he couldn’t help getting lost in. He continued to shoot her goofy, lusty smiles, and she did the same, priding herself on a job well done. She kept encouraging him to drink more, and he was all too happy to oblige. She watched him carefully. It was hard to tell whether he was getting drunk or not.

  At the end of the meal, he stood up and tottered a little. “Whew. Guess maybe I had a little bit more than I thought. I still got to make your Blizzard for you.”

  “Oh, you know, Joey, I’m actually stuffed. And a little tired. I was thinking maybe I should lie down.”

  “Mmm, mmm, mmm, you know I like the sound of that.” He lunged for her and pushed his tongue into her, wine and pepperoni flooding into her mouth. Natalie let him pull her toward the bedroom. She leaned back.

  “Why don’t you get undressed and then I’ll . . . go and get ready.”

  “Wear that pink one,” he whispered. “I like that one. That’s my favorite.”

  “Sure, Joey,” she nodded. “The pink one. Why don’t you close your eyes? Make it a real surprise when I come out?”

  “Oh, sure, sure. I like that.”

  “And why don’t we turn out the lights, Joey, huh? Really make it romantic? Maybe you could bring in one of the candles from dinner.”

  “Mmm. That’s a good idea.” He jumped off the bed and grabbed the phone out of his pocket. “Be right back.”

  Natalie paced a tiny length of the room, her palms runny with sweat. He smiled as he came back in and cut the lights. He began to strip down, and Natalie reluctantly slipped into the bathroom to change into the filthy pink teddy he favored.

  She peered through the crack of the bathroom door. He was reclining on the bed, his palm cradling the side of his head. His clothes were in a careless heap on the floor, the pants right on top. She licked her bottom lip.

  “Are your eyes closed?” she called out.

  “Uh huh. Come on now,” he rubbed his hands together. “I’m ready, baby.”

  Natalie eased herself out of the bathroom and started humming as she bent down to his pants. She slid her hand inside the pocket, trying not to shout with relief when her hand closed around the hard plastic square. The blood was pushing against her ears. She kept humming.

  “Giving yourself some music, huh?”

  “Just a little something to warm myself up. Keep those eyes closed.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he chuckled.

  Natalie tried to pull her hand out of the pocket, but her knuckle caught on the inside seam. She closed her eyes in silent prayer before she yanked her hand out in one swift motion. She kept humming, backing away toward the bathroom.

  “Where you goin’? Sounds like you’re moving farther away.”

  “You know, it’s silly, but I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll only be a minute.”

  “Nat, why are you—” he popped his eyes open before she could hide the phone behind her back. He jumped out of bed and leapt for her as she tried to run into the bathroom and close the door. She yelped as he pulled at her fingers, but she held tight to the phone. Her salvation.

  “Stop it, stop it,” she panted. “Just let me go, Joey, I won’t say anything.”

  He wrestled her to the floor, and they writhed around until she rammed her head against the toilet. Natalie felt her grip on the phone loosen a little, but she quickly
regained her grasp as they continued to wriggle across the cold tile. He pinned her shoulder down and slammed it repeatedly into the floor. She screamed before he slapped her and wrenched her wrist, causing the phone to slip from her hand and onto the floor. Natalie scrambled for it, but he was too quick. She lunged for him again, but he smacked her back and she fell against the wall, slumping down to the floor.

  “You lying bitch,” he hissed. “You think you can play me for a fool, huh? You think you’re smarter than me, Miss Pee-no Gree-gee-oh? All these goddang airs. You think you can put one over on me? Huh? Huh?”

  “Joey, I just wanted to make a call—”

  “Who you think you’re calling, huh? Who?”

  “My friends, I just, I miss them and—”

  He clamped his hand against her cheeks, squeezing her like a nutcracker. “I’m your friends. I’m your family, you got that? You got that?” he screamed as he forced her head to bob up and down in agreement. He threw her head back against the wall, and tears welled in her eyes. He stared down at her, stroking his erect penis.

  “You owe me, now, Nat.”

  “I don’t owe you anything, Joey, please, let’s just forget any of this happened.”

  “Uh uh. I ain’t forgettin’ nothing. And I want to be paid. Now.”

  He waved his penis in her face. Natalie swung her head from side to side, her eyes wild. “No, no, I’m not doing that. No. Get away from me.” She tried to scramble away but was trapped between the toilet and the bathtub. He batted her nose and mouth with the glistening tip. She moaned and tried to push it away, but he was too strong and too fast. He pushed his way in and started to pump into her.

  “Come on, Nat. I know you know what to do,” he whispered. “I’m waiting to be paid.”

  She closed her eyes, allowing her hand to snake across his scrotum.

  She bit.

  She squeezed.

  He screamed.

  He tried to pull away, but she clamped down with everything she had. Her anger. Her fear. Her disgust.

  Natalie unclenched her jaw and he fell backward in a writhing, pitiful, piercing howl that gave way to a rumbling moan. She collapsed against the toilet, exhausted but triumphant. Joey continued to thrash like a fish out of water.