Being Alpha

by Aileen Erin

  Eli was still here.

  My eyelids were growing heavy as I watched him approach. I was so tired. So done. I couldn’t even lift my head. And my side was on fire. I wasn’t sure I could move.

  He pulled the white V-neck shirt over his head and squatted next to me.

  He was saying something, but my eardrums hadn’t healed yet.

  “What?” I asked.

  He lifted me up a little to pull the shirt over my head. “Thank you,” I said, not knowing what he wanted from me. I tried to stay sitting up, but it was taking too much energy. I assumed I was going to owe him for this, but I couldn’t make a deal right now. Whatever he wanted, I’d pay it. But he just stayed there waiting, watching me. Something about the way he was staring at me made me nervous.

  He leaned so close to me that if he were shorter, our noses would be touching. He kept his eyes on mine as he started to lift my shirt by my right side.

  “Hey,” I shouted, even if I couldn’t hear myself. Just that one word said with a little too much force was more energy than I could spare. My vision started to thin and I fell backwards, but Eli caught my shoulder and eased me to the ground.

  He knelt in front of me, pressing a hand to each of my ears. They popped again, and when he moved his hands away, I could hear. Maybe better than before. The leaves in the trees rustled. The wolves panted as they recovered. Dastien growled next to me.

  I’d been so focused on Astaroth and Eli, that I hadn’t even noticed my mate was so close, but I couldn’t take my eyes away from the concerned look on Eli’s face. He was scaring me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “You have a bite,” Eli said. “Which is bad because you’re already tied to Astaroth. And there’s something else wrong with your blood. I don’t know what you did to it in the last day, but this is bad. Very bad. But I can help, if you let me.”

  My mouth went dry as I tried to process his words. Samantha’s blood. Half-demon blood. It made sense that her blood would make the bite worse.

  “May I?”

  I wasn’t sure I trusted him fully, but he’d just saved our lives. All of us. So, I lifted up my shirt. “Okay.”

  In human form, the bite was just above my right hip. He placed his hand over it and the skin grew hot. Too hot. “You’re hurting me,” my voice was all whine.

  “Hold still. It’s about to get worse.”

  It was too much. I started to scream and hit him, but he held strong.

  “Dastien!” I screamed as I tried to pry Eli’s hand off of me, but he used his other hand to pin my shoulder to the ground.

  Dastien growled, but Eli looked down at him. “If you know what’s good for her, you’ll settle down and let me concentrate.”

  I didn’t care anymore. His hand might have just been laying still but it felt like he was ripping out my insides.

  I screamed and thrashed. I kicked and hit with everything I had, but Eli never moved. My back was pressed into the ground, but I couldn’t help it. I had to fight him. The pain was too much not to fight, beg, plead for it to stop.

  I screamed. And screamed. Until my already battered voice was raw and broken. And then I kept screaming.

  Until darkness came for me, sweeping me away.

  Nineteen

  I was running in the dark. Running into nothing. My legs burned and I ran. And ran.

  You’re mine, Astaroth’s voice echoed in my head, sending a rush of fear-fueled adrenaline through my body.

  “Noooo!” I screamed as I fought through the dark, but suddenly there was light.

  I blinked as air heaved in and out of my lungs.

  Where was I? What was happening? I didn’t remember anything after Eli tried to heal me.

  I jumped up in a flurry of movements. My limbs tangled in a mountain of white sheets and I fell to the floor, knocking a lamp over on my way down.

  “Chérie.” It was Dastien’s voice, but I wasn’t sure if I could trust it. He stood in the doorway. “It’s fine. You’re safe.” He walked slowly to me, his hands held out.

  I looked around the room. The bay window with the padded seat. My bookcase, which was missing a good chunk of books. My favorites were now in a box in Dastien’s cabin. The bed’s sheets had been freshly bleached. The faint scent burned my nose when I breathed deep, and under that, I could smell lavender. My mother’s favorite scent.

  This was my parents’ house. I was in my bedroom—although calling it mine was a bit of a stretch. I hadn’t slept here enough for it to feel like home.

  Dastien’s eyes were glowing amber as he closed the distance. You’re not in the black abyss. He ran a hand down my cheek before brushing a soft kiss against my lips. It was just a dream. You’re here with me in your parents’ house. He pressed his forehead against mine.

  I breathed in his scent. Pine. Woods. And something that was just him. I had to trust that this was real. This was my Dastien. This was my parents’ house.

  I closed my eyes and listened. My parents were chatting downstairs, along with a lot of other people, some voices I definitely didn’t recognize.

  Mostly our friends, but some new arrivals, too. Dastien used our bond. He hadn’t done that when I’d been in the abyss.

  “What happened?” I asked as I got back in bed, pulling the tangle of covers with me.

  Dastien sat on the bed beside me. “Eli healed your bite and then we cleared out. The demons were gone, but it seemed stupid to stay on campus.”

  “Where’s everyone else?” There had been a lot of staff and Cazadores staying there.

  “Their homes. Hotels. Here and there. But the Cazadores agreed to stay close by in case there’s another fight. The Alphas are all close, too.”

  That was good news. “Everyone made it away okay?”

  “Yes. Thanks to you and Eli.”

  “Did he say anything about needing to pay him back? For his help with the demons or with healing me.”

  “No. Maybe this one is on the house?”

  That seemed like a stretch, but I wouldn’t totally rule it out. I hadn’t asked for him to show up. I’d been praying, but for God, not Eli. But the chances that I’d end up owing him were probably pretty good.

  “We’ll deal with that when it comes. For now, I’m just glad we’re all okay.”

  “True. That’s a pretty big positive.”

  He smiled. “Your cousins are downstairs, along with a few of the others. We need to figure out how we’re doing the bond and get out plane sealed off from Astaroth. I don’t want him coming through again.”

  “Me neither.” But when we did the spell, he’d come. “Is Cosette back?”

  “Not yet.” I could feel the seed of doubt running through Dastien’s mind.

  “Don’t.” I had to shut his doubt down. I didn’t want to even entertain the idea that she was going to no-show on us. “She knows what’s at stake.” If I couldn’t trust my friends to have my back, then we’d already lost.

  I kicked myself free of the covers and slid from the bed. I was wearing a T-shirt that smelled like Dastien, so I knew he’d gotten me ready for bed. “Thanks.”

  “Of course. But try to not get bitten by any of Astaroth’s demons again. At least not for another twenty-four hours.”

  “Yeah.” Samantha said forty-eight hours. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. It was just past 10 a.m. “Only eighteen hours now.” Assuming that she was right about how long her blood would last in my system.

  He shook his head. “Add some padding. What if she undershot it? She doesn’t know how long it’ll take for you to get rid of her blood.”

  “Right.” But I was still hoping it was less than that. “I’m going to hit the showers and then meet you downstairs.”

  Dastien nodded. “You’ll need food. Your parents have been cooking nonstop. I’ve been helping, so I’ll get back down there. Pancakes sound good?”

  “Amazing. Thanks.”

  He kissed me quickly, but I dragged him down for another. I was
alive, and I wasn’t going to let him get away with just a peck. Not with everything we had going against us. Every second should count.

  When he pulled away, he had a big grin on his face. The dimples were out in full-force.

  I wasn’t sure what to say to him—that I loved him, needed him, couldn’t do this without him—because I felt all of those things and more. But I didn’t need to say anything. His dimples dented his cheeks and I knew he understood me perfectly.

  He brushed one last kiss against my lips. “Go take your shower.”

  I reluctantly stepped away from him and went into my bathroom to start the shower. It wasn’t until I pulled off my shirt that I saw my hip.

  A jagged, puffy, red scar marked my skin. “Holy shit.” It took a lot to scar a werewolf, which meant I was probably more indebted to Eli than I’d thought. Which was not the plan.

  But I was alive. I was going to fight again today, and I wouldn’t be ready for that if it weren’t for Eli.

  So, I’d be thankful that he showed up. Tonight, we’d fight Astaroth. Whatever happened after that, I’d deal with later—including giving Eli whatever he wanted from me.

  As I stepped under the hot spray, I thought to myself—I can do this—over and over.

  I kept on the steady stream of affirmations as I got dressed. I pulled on yoga pants, a comfy T-shirt and fresh cozy sweater. As I sat down on my bed to pull on my favorite pair of Uggs, something on my bedside table caught my eye.

  The evil blade from Luciana’s.

  All the hair on my arms stood on end as I ran a fingertip lightly over the writhing bodies that covered the hilt.

  It’d been in the pocket of my hoodie when shifted, and I’d totally forgotten about it.

  Before I could think too hard, I went back to my bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. I rushed back to the table, wrapped the blade, and shoved it in my boot.

  I knew I’d been compelled to grab the jar, and the blade was evil. I knew that too, but my gut told me if I left it behind, I’d die. It hadn’t helped me last night, but tonight could be different. I wasn’t giving up hope that this was exactly what I’d need to cut my tie to Astaroth.

  I went back to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. My eyes were a little too bright as I stared at myself in the mirror.

  You can do this, Tessa. You will do this, I said to myself in the mirror. I stayed there until I believed it. If I had any doubt in my mind, I’d fail, and I couldn’t afford to fail.

  By the time I got downstairs, my stomach was demanding food. Loudly.

  “You’re up!” Mom said as she came to give me a hug.

  “Thanks for having everyone over. Again.”

  “Oh, it’s not a problem. I’m getting better at cooking in large scale. Plus, pancakes are a breeze.” She motioned to the griddle she’d placed over two of the burners. There were six medium-sized ones cooking with little bubbles on top, almost ready to flip. “I’ve got a stack of them in the oven if you’re—”

  My stomach cut her off with a loud rumble. “I’ll take whatever you’ve got.”

  “Help yourself.”

  The island in the center had two bowls of cut up fruit—strawberries and bananas—plus a giant platter that was disappointingly only a quarter full of sausage patties. I grabbed a plate and loaded it up with sausage before turning to my mom. She held out the platter and I grabbed ten pancakes.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how much you eat now.” Mom’s eyes were wide as I stepped away from her. “It was only a few weeks ago I had to beg you to eat more than one of those sugar-filled protein bars.”

  “I’d still eat them if I could, but I’d have to eat like ten bars.” I stuck out my tongue and made a fake barf noise. “Too much of a good thing is just gross.” Nabbing the syrup from the island, I poured a puddle on top of the mound of pancakes. Done. I leaned my head against my mom’s shoulder for a second. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I moved past her to the dining room. The table we’d moved in with had been small, but since we’d started going to my house for late lunch on Sundays, my parents had replaced it. The new table had a bench on one side and the chairs on the other side didn’t have arms, so we could squeeze more in if we had to. The chairs at the head and foot of the table still had arms, though. My dad preferred them. He was sitting in the one closest to the back door.

  His hair had gone grayer over the past couple months. I don’t think he’d gotten exactly what he bargained for when he took the job at St. Ailbe’s. The pay had been awesome and we’d been looking to get out of LA, but there was a good reason that St. Ailbe’s was looking for a PR specialist with a law degree.

  “You want to take a seat?” Dad asked.

  He was right. I was hovering, staring at him. It was weird. I slid onto the bench next to Dastien, who poured me a tall glass of OJ. I took in the room. Raphael had made his way back here. Claudia and Lucas were here, as was Mr. Dawson, Chris, and Adrian. Of them, only Lucas was still eating, but the plates were still there in case anyone decided to go in for more. Mr. Dawson was busy on his phone.

  He’s been like that all morning. I guess we created a big stir.

  I guess we did. But I was still annoyed with Mr. Dawson.

  He’s making up for it. I promise.

  My eyes caught Shane sitting next to Adrian and it was like ten pounds of stress was siphoned out of my body instantly. He fought with us in Santa Fe and—along with Claudia—one of the only witches I would trust with my life. “You’re here,” I said.

  He crossed his arms, showing off his colorful tattoos. “Adrian called me, filled me in on what was going on. I figured you could use my help.”

  “For sure.” I looked at Adrian, but he gave me a small shake of his head. I wanted them to have their happily ever after, but it wasn’t my business. So, I kept it zipped. For now.

  Besides Shane, there was only one other person in the room that caught me by surprise. Blaze.

  “I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” Blaze said. Apparently the shock on my face showed.

  “Sure!” That was way too high pitched. “Sure. Of course. I just wasn’t expecting to see you. Not that you aren’t welcome, I just—”

  Dastien put a hand on my leg. “She’s glad to have you here.”

  Blaze smiled and I wasn’t sure if I was drooling. Holy moly.

  Dastien squeezed my leg harder and I snorted out a laugh that set off a fit of giggles.

  Are you serious?

  I’m sorry. He’s just so pretty.

  And what am I?

  I leaned into him, breathing in his scent. Mine. There was no mistaking that. He was my other half. I loved him, deep in my soul, and when I looked at him, all I could think of was mine.

  But I could still admire the human form, as it were. Blaze seemed completely unaware of how handsome he was and that—

  Oh, please. He’s older than dirt. He knows exactly what he looks like and how to play that to his advantage.

  I thought you said he was humble.

  He’s humble, not dumb.

  And older than dirt? Really? I looked at Blaze. He didn’t have a single wrinkle on his face. His hair was dark as night, not even a speck of gray. Even Mr. Dawson had some gray. And Donovan had wrinkles—tiny ones but they were there—around his eyes. Blaze looked like he was twenty-two at most.

  “Lucas is older than you, right?” I asked.

  Lucas grumbled. “Don’t draw me into this.”

  “No, he’s not,” Blaze said with a laugh.

  Claudia looked at Lucas and then to Blaze. “How old are you?”

  “Very.” Blaze smiled, looking pretty pleased with himself.

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re as vague as Lucas.”

  “I’ve found that age isn’t important. Knowledge is. Experience. Innate power—which you’re born with—”

  “It can be gained,” Lucas cut in.

  “No. You’re born with what y
ou’ve got. How it’s honed is important so that it can grow, but the potential is born in a person. Unless it’s gained nefariously, then you’ve got all the power you’ve got from the start. Accessing it is another story.”

  Lucas nodded. “That I can agree with.”

  “Your power needs to be honed,” he said to me. “Both of yours.” He said to Dastien. “True mates are one thing. Powerful ones are another beast entirely. And neither of you has the training—”

  “I’ve trained Dastien since he was a child.” Mr. Dawson’s defensive tone cut off Blaze.

  “But he’s going to need more training. A lot more.”

  Mr. Dawson grumbled something unintelligible and went back to typing on his phone.

  Lucas put down his fork. “This isn’t a contest. We’re all strong.”

  “Not like they could be.”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter how much training we need later. If we don’t figure out a way to quickly undo the mess you guys left for us to clean up, we’re all going to die.”

  Blaze nodded. “You’re right. This situation could’ve been avoided, and for that, I’m sorry.”

  “I am, too,” Mr. Dawson said as he set down his phone. “I have a bit of foresight. Not like yours, but some. I knew you were coming before your father answered the ad. Even before Dastien was born. It seemed silly to join when I knew that changes were coming.” When he looked at me, I could almost feel his regret and pain. “I didn’t know the ripple effect killing Ferdinand would cause. I didn’t see what Luciana was going to do or Astaroth showing up. If I knew I would’ve—”

  “It’s okay,” I said. We’d rehashed this over and over. He needed to let it go. Honestly, we all did. We had a bigger fight coming, and I didn’t want to spend it angry with anyone in this room.

  “It’s really not.”

  The tension in the room was thick enough for me to smell. Everyone was uncomfortable, and the soured milk scent of sadness and guilt was pouring off of Mr. Dawson in waves.

  Dastien said something in French that I didn’t understand, but because I was in his head, I knew that he was telling him that it was okay. That he wasn’t mad.