by Abel, Maegan
He dropped one of the blankets on the concrete and sat down, patting the spot beside him. I moved away from the edge and sat.
“Face that way,” he said, pointing in the opposite direction. I raised an eyebrow. “Just do it.”
“Okay.” I spun in the opposite direction and he laid back, facing up toward the sky. After a second of hesitation, I did the same, our heads directly beside each other as we stared up at the stars. I waited, wanting to ask him to explain but trying to be patient.
“New Year’s Eve is a chance to start over,” he finally said. “It’s a chance to put your mistakes behind you — air them out, get them off your chest, and leave them in the previous year. Fresh start.” He was almost rambling but I could tell he was building to something. “For me, this year has been a hard one. Not the worst in my life, but really fucking close. I’m so fucking ready for it to be over.”
He pulled his hand up, looking at his phone. I could barely make out the numbers upside down. Eleven-fifty. “I’m airing out my mistakes in hopes that I don’t make the same ones again. The biggest…” he hesitated, closing his eyes as I turned my head toward him. I was making it harder, so I looked back up at the sky. “The biggest was sleeping with Lizzie two nights ago.”
I couldn’t help but gasp, my head whipping to face him again.
“I know. I don’t fucking… I don’t know what happened. I spent time with her at Christmas and somehow…” he sighed, “she got to me again and I fucking hate myself for letting it happen. Nobody knows. I really don’t want to have to explain it to Tish or anyone.”
“I won’t say anything,” I whispered, focusing on the sky again. I had no right to the ache I felt from his words, but it was there, nevertheless. He was quiet again and I knew it was my turn. I could tell him about Tony. He wouldn’t judge me for it. But it wasn’t really a mistake. It was a secret, but it wasn’t something I regretted. There was something else I could tell him, something that I did want to let go of. I didn’t talk about my past to anyone, not even Tish, but I wanted Zane to know me. For some reason, I needed to say it. “I started this year as a prostitute.” I took a deep breath, having said the words in a rush.
I could feel him staring, but I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see the disgust or disapproval. “You… what? How?” he asked, his voice low and shocked. I knew what he was asking, or trying to figure out. How does anyone end up where I was at the end of last year? I don’t talk about my past but I’d brought it on myself by dropping something like that on him.
“One year ago today, I was in a shitty hotel room near downtown with a guy who smelled like a horrid mixture of beer and stale weed, trying to earn enough money to get out of the hole I’d dug for myself. It wasn’t the first time I’d given it up for money and it wasn’t the last,” I admitted, feeling as dirty as ever when I thought about it. It was a time in my life I wasn’t proud of, but I did what I had to do. “I don’t really know how it happened, but it was my biggest mistake of the year…” I sat up, feeling too vulnerable lying on my back. Zane moved, spinning until he was beside me. I looked over at him, surprised to see him searching my face without an ounce of disgust. “I want to start over,” I whispered.
He nodded slowly, his eyes still on mine. The sound of the first fireworks startled me and I flinched, glancing up to the sky. I sniffed, the cold making my nose numb, and Zane scooted closer, wrapping the blanket around both of us. I looked over at him, intending to thank him but he leaned down, stopping my words by lightly touching his lips to mine. It was just the tiniest brush of his lips, but I found myself leaning forward as he pulled away. He gave me a smirk and turned his face back up to the display overhead. I blinked, frozen in place for several seconds before looking up as well.
“What was that?” I asked, unable to help myself. I didn’t want to ask, to draw attention to it, but it left me thoroughly ruffled and confused.
He didn’t look away from the sky. “Everyone deserves a kiss at midnight. Happy New Year, Pixie.”
ONE YEAR LATER
“You’re serious?” The question came out before I could help it and I ran my hand over the back of my neck. The chick babbled on, something about her cousin and too much alcohol. The level of relief I felt when I saw a furious path being cut through the crowd by the angriest little pixie I knew was astronomical.
“Fuck,” I muttered, playing along and pretending just to notice Lili’s approach. I fought to disentangle the girl who was now clinging to me like a leech.
“Well, how do you like that?” Lili snapped in a surprisingly good southern drawl, stepping up to me as I continued trying to remove the woman’s hands from my body. “You know, when you told my momma that you would come back for me, she believed you. I knew you were a low-life, though.” I narrowed my eyes, watching her flip through her phone. She turned it toward both me and the appendage who wouldn’t take a hint; there was a picture of Conner on her screen. “He looks just like you, ya know? Everyone back home already knows he’s yours. Just like all the others. You should see the lawsuit we’re drawing up. Fifteen of us coming after you for child support so far and Sally still has her proof that you gave her chlamydia…” Lili trailed off as the girl made a break for the door, not even looking back. “Bye bye.” She waved, laughing.
I raised an eyebrow. “Since when do you take to using my son as a technique?”
“Hey, it worked,” she said, shrugging. “Move your ass.” She nudged me off my stool, slipping into my place when I relented. I’d seen her give up her spot in one of the back tables to come up here.
“Oh, Taylor,” she annoyingly sang the words to the bartender as she stood on the spokes of the stool, leaning over the bar. Every male head around us turned to stare at her ass. I caught myself before I shook my head. As Taylor approached, his expression looked stony. “Zane lost so he’s paying tonight. I want to start with a Crown and Coke.”
He didn’t speak as he made her drink and slid it across the bar, moving away quickly. I leaned in close to Lili. “Did you fuck the bartender?”
Her eyes flicked to Taylor and then back to me. “No. I don’t piss where I eat. Or drink, in this case. But he’s finally taking the hint that it’s not going to happen, I think.”
“A quick flash of your tits would probably make his year,” I said, watching as Taylor tried, unsuccessfully, to be casual as he glanced our way.
“Yeah, but I learned from your mistakes. Locals are more trouble than they’re worth.”
I laughed. “Those bitches were psycho. I mean, there’s crazy and then there’s just insane.”
“Aren’t all women insane?” she asked, laughing as she spun on the stool with her drink, facing out at the crowd. I didn’t answer. I didn’t have to. Lili knew as well as anyone what my history was with women. She knew I agreed.
She pulled out her phone with her free hand and I glanced around the room. When I heard her sigh, my eyes automatically came down toward her. She turned, typing furiously and then slammed her phone onto the bar, facedown. She tipped her head, swallowing the rest of her drink in just a few seconds. Waving to get the bartenders attention, she held out her glass and he nodded, indicating he’d get her another.
“Something wrong?” I asked, leaning down beside her so I wasn’t yelling. I could feel Taylor watching us. His jealousy was ridiculous. He should know by now that there was absolutely nothing romantic between Lili and I. He’d seen us around often enough by this point.
“Nope,” she said, giving me a wide smile. I didn’t believe her but Taylor arrived with Lili’s drink before I could object.
It didn’t take long for me to find a new interest. She was swaying her hips to the heavy beat coming from the poor quality speakers as she stood near a table of women. I watched her for a while, trying to decide if I was willing to push it and strike out again tonight with another crazy. As I was waiting, I heard Lili curse beside me.
Looking over, I spotted Tish walking in with a small group of
people. I recognized the crew from the shop, remembering Tish mentioning that they might meet us here tonight after they closed. Tish had his arm around Kas as they made their way toward the bar and I grinned. It made me happy that Tish had finally found someone. They’d been dating less than a year, but I could tell they worked well together. It was about time he did something for himself. Following behind them were two of the other tattoo artists from the shop and the counter girls I barely recognized. They seemed to come and go pretty quickly around there. Bringing up the back of the group was Tony, the other owner of the shop.
I’d known Tony since I moved in with Tish. Apparently, they’d gone to school together and been inseparable back then, but I barely remembered that time. He was a constant in Tish’s life, though, and for that, I’d always respected him. Tish had a rough time dealing with the aftermath of our parents’ deaths, mainly in having to take on the role of caregiver to Paige and I, and Tony stuck by him. I didn’t want to make the comparison, but my mind did it anyway. Adam was my rock. He stuck by my side through my breakdowns, even when I didn’t deserve it. But he was also betraying me in one of the worst possible ways for who knows how long.
Honestly, I could’ve possibly forgiven Adam for sleeping with Lizzie. Over time, I might have been able to put it behind me. But the one thing I couldn’t overlook was his recent attitude. Over the last year, he’d gotten progressively worse, pushing to try to get a reaction out of me about Conner and anything else he could think of tossing in my face. I didn’t really know what changed, what caused this switch to be thrown to turn him into the asshole he’d become, but we’d almost come to blows on a few occasions.
“Problem?” Tony asked, breaking me out of my dark thoughts. I hadn’t realized I was staring at him; probably scowling, given the direction of memories.
“Sorry. Wasn’t about you,” I said, looking away, my eyes automatically finding the girl I’d been watching earlier. Apparently, I needed to get my thoughts back in line. I glanced back when I saw Tony moving closer.
“Wasn’t about me? I walk in here and you start glaring at me like you’ve got something to say. Spit it out,” Tony said, stepping toe to toe with me. I had several inches on him but he definitely had me in bulk. He was built like Tish, with the broad shoulders and imposing stance, but I wasn’t afraid of him.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked, not paying attention as I saw the others starting to walk up to where we stood.
“Whoa, back up a step,” Tish said, a hand on Tony’s shoulder. He shook it off, not looking away from me. “What’s going on here?”
Neither of us answered, but Tony tried to step forward again. I finally broke eye contact, looking away as small hands rested against my chest, pushing me gently backwards. “Move. Let’s go. You owe me another drink.”
I glanced back at Tony once before turning, taking Lili’s advice and heading back toward the other end of the bar with her. “What the fuck?” I muttered to myself, waving to the empty stool for Lili. She slid on, her eyes drifting to rest behind me, glaring. I started to turn, to check my back, but Lili stopped me, grabbing my arms to keep me facing her.
“Don’t. Just leave it, Zane,” she said, sighing. “He’s obviously out to start trouble tonight and you don’t need to get involved.”
“I don’t know what the fuck his problem is,” I said, glancing over my shoulder to where Tony and Tish were talking, neither looking in my direction.
“Hey.” Lili put her hand on my arm again to get my attention. “You still owe me, so buy me another drink.”
Nodding, I looked back down at her as she waved Taylor over again. She was several drinks in now and she leaned closer to him, laughing as she chatted and ordered her drink. He fell right into it. He obviously had a thing for her and as much as she said she didn’t want him, she seemed to string him along once she was drinking.
I turned my back to the bar, ignoring where I knew Tish and Tony to be as I went back to scanning the crowd of people. I couldn’t keep myself from watching him completely, though. He stayed at the table for the most part, one of the counter girls perched on his lap while he drank. It seemed like every time my eyes passed them, he was staring at me.
Lili sighed, drawing my attention back to her on my other side. She was scowling at her phone again. I waited until she put it down. “You know, you can talk to me. That’s what friends do.”
“I’m just…” she let out a frustrated huff as her phone screen lit up again. My gaze lowered automatically and caught the word ‘HIM’ in place of a name on the text alert. She flipped it over and rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she stared at a spot behind me. “Men can be just as fucking dramatic and crazy as women sometimes.”
“I find that hard to believe.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I leaned back, resting my elbows on the bar. She leaned into my side, shoving me with her shoulder as she smiled.
“I think I’m done for tonight. I need to get out of here,” she muttered, sliding off the stool. I started to follow but she shook her head. “You don’t need to come with me. The redhead about two seats down has been eyeing you for the last twenty minutes. Give her a chance. I hear good things about redheads.” She winked and headed toward the door, her words causing the distraction she was no doubt looking for as I looked away from her and toward the redhead instead.
It’s amazing how cold it can get in the desert. Standing in the cold wasn’t something I had prepared for when I got dressed this evening, but now I was wishing I’d opted for jeans rather than the skirt and tights combo. Sniffling, I pushed myself further into the corner, hoping to block some of the wind while I waited. It had been almost an hour of standing in the cold, but I wasn’t about to leave. Tony would come home eventually and I would finally end this.
When the headlights washed over the street and the sound of a car came closer, I pushed off his door, rubbing my hands together to regain some of the feeling. It wasn’t until the car doors started opening that I realized he hadn’t come home alone.
Fuck.
I should’ve considered the fact that he would bring one of them home. I was pissed and I just wanted to get this shit over with. Cameryn giggled as she stumbled around the front of the car toward him. I could just see the outline of her in his headlights and I knew they hadn’t noticed me yet. There wasn’t anywhere to hide, but even if there were, I wasn’t cowering away. This was ending. Tonight.
When the bright glow of the headlights clicked off, the moment of shock I caught on Tony’s face was worth the wait. He froze, pulling Cameryn to a stop, since she was clinging to his arm. I considered several ways to run her off. I knew enough of them now after all the time I spent with Zane, but then I realized it would lead to questions. I just had to hope she was too drunk to remember my being here.
“This was a mistake,” I muttered, pulling out my phone as I headed toward the street. I had my top choice cab company on speed dial and there were a few restaurants within walking distance. I could meet the cab there.
“Wait.” I heard footsteps behind me and I paused, sighing. “What are you doing here?” Tony jogged around to block my path.
“I wanted to talk, but…” I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Cameryn staring at us as she leaned against the wall on the porch, “this obviously isn’t the time.”
I moved to the left, intending to walk around Tony, but he stepped over to block me again. “No. Dammit, Lili, wait a second.”
“Wait for what?” I snapped. I hated that I sounded like a jealous girlfriend. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. I didn’t give a crap that he brought a girl home, I was annoyed because I wanted to tell him off and I wasn’t a big enough bitch to do it in front of her. “Go fuck your toy, we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“No! Just…look, I want to talk to you, too. Will you wait? I’ll let you in the house and I’ll run her home. Just wait for me to get back, okay?” Tony didn’t reach for me as he spoke and his voice came out resigned. He’d conv
inced himself that I would say no and leave. I should say no and leave. His dark eyes glanced up from under the brim of his black baseball hat when I didn’t speak right away. “Say you’ll wait. I’ll be right back.”
I blew out a breath. “I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to get your rocks off, Tony.”
“That’s not what I said. Let me take her home so we can talk,” he answered, keeping his cool. The street lamp overhead accented the strong line of his jaw and even though I knew I should say no, even though I knew why I should say no, I didn’t.
“What about her? Is she going to talk?” I asked.
He glanced over his shoulder at Cameryn. “Not if I ask her not to,” he said, knowing exactly what I meant. No one was supposed to know I was here. No one was supposed to know about Tony and me at all.
He pulled out his keys, popping the house key off and opening my palm to drop it in. I nodded, staying on the sidewalk as he headed back toward his car. I heard the annoying whining of a girl who realized she was getting brushed off and fought to keep my face straight as he led her back to the car.
Sniffing again, I shuddered as the wind blew my hair in my face. I headed back to the door as Tony pulled away, using the key he’d handed me to make my way inside. As I shut the door behind me, I froze, looking down at the small piece of metal in my hand. He’d done it, the sly fucker. He’d handed me the key he’d tried to give me months ago.
“Dammit,” I muttered, dropping the key onto the side table like it burned me as I flipped on the light. Grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch, I curled up against the arm, trying to warm myself while I waited. Noting just how comfortable I was in this house, I realized that I’d been ignoring the direction Tony and I had taken. This blanket on the back of the couch was here because I bitched months ago that he always kept it too cold in here. The remotes were side by side in a caddy on the coffee table in front of me because I told him it was stupid to have to look for them. He’d adapted his life to fit me into it and I’d ignored what that meant.
