Let Love Shine (The Love Series)

by Collins, Melissa

  Yet, for the very first time in my life, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of keeping everyone away and I refuse to deny myself Maddy any longer. It’s confession time.

  “You’ve completely knocked me off my game. I’ve never met anyone like you and it scares the shit out of me. It’s like you don’t see me.” She begins to say something and I softly press my fingers to her luscious lips to silence her. “You don’t see me; you see straight through me. You see beyond the outside and it’s like you see the me no one else sees. I saw it in your eyes that first night I met you and it knocked me on my ass. I was a goner, and since then, I guess I’ve just been trying to push you away.”

  She doesn’t believe me. Why should she? I know I’ve been a shit, but I have to continue talking to try and convince her. I’ve never needed someone to believe me more than I need Maddy to believe me right now. “You’re a smart-ass, and I love that you keep me on my toes. You are most definitely not like the other girls, and I love that, but it also scares me like nothing else. I haven’t let anyone in for years and, well, with you, I feel like I want to give it a chance.”

  All I can do now is hope she’ll accept my apology and give me a chance. I know it’s the last thing I deserve, but maybe, by some act of God, I’ll get an opportunity to redeem myself. I think I can be a good guy. I’ve never done it before, but for Maddy, I want to try.

  Alternate Point of View from Let Love Stay

  There he is. Yep, that’s him. I’ll never forget him. It’s difficult to wipe away the memories of your very first crush, especially when pictures of him line your mantel.

  Oh God! He’s looking around the parking lot. Slouching down in the seat of my roommate’s car, I pray to God that he doesn’t see me. When he turns his back to the cars facing the coffee shop and struts through the door, my heart rate returns to normal.

  Reid Connely. After countless attempts to get in touch with him, he’s finally here. And now, suddenly, I have no clue what to say. I know what I have to tell him is going to turn his world upside down, but time isn’t on my side. I have to tell him. He has to know.

  Nervousness permeates every cell in my body as I reach for the handle. Fuck! I can’t do this.

  I need some moral support. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial Megan, my roommate. Of course, because she’s the best person ever, she picks up on the first ring.

  “You can do this,” she coaches from the other end before I can even get a word out.

  Stammering nervously over my words, all I can come up with is, “But, what if—” before she cuts me off.

  “There is no ‘what if’ here. You have to talk to him. He has to know. Put your big girl panties on and get your ass in there.” I scan the interior of her Corolla, trying to find the hidden camera she must have. How the hell does she know I’m still in the car?

  “How the hell—”

  “Did I know you haven’t even gotten out of the car yet? Because I’ve known you forever, that’s how. And I’ve heard this story from every angle. You did the right thing by calling him, and now, he’s finally doing the right thing by agreeing to meet you. Now, get your ass in there, talk to him and then call me as soon as you’re done. Okay?”

  “Okay. Okay. I can do this. Thanks for the pep talk. I’ll call you in a bit,” I sigh into the line, but don’t hang up.

  “And Katie…”

  “Yeah, Meg.”

  “You’re a good person for doing this and I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.” Her chipper voice makes me feel a little lighter, but I’m still nervous as hell to get this over with.

  Hanging up with her, I feel a lump form in my throat and tears burn at my eyes. I hope to God she’s right. I hope I’m doing the right thing. I hope in the end of this, that Reid doesn’t hate me, and that I don’t make an already shitty situation even shittier.

  Stepping out into the parking lot, I pull my jacket around my chest. God, it is freaking cold out here. Yet, despite the chill in the air, I still find myself walking ever so slowly into the Starbucks where Reid is waiting for me.

  When I finally get the courage to walk into the small campus café, my eyes land on Reid immediately. Standing in front of him, I swallow back my fear. Holding my hand out to him, I smile brightly and hope for the best.

  “Hi. You must be Reid. I’m Katelyn Donovan,” I say almost unevenly. When he stands, his frame towers over me and his chair screeches loudly on the floor. Intimidated, by his size and the noise, I shrink back from him a little, but keep my hand extended. Shaking his hand is awkward, but at least he didn’t tell me to fuck off.

  “Hi, Katelyn. It’s…uh…it’s good to meet you, I guess.” His words come out sounding unnatural, uneasy, as if he’s trying to conceal his true feelings. Okay, let’s get on with this then.

  I take my jacket off and drape it on the back of my chair and Reid takes his seat. The air is thick with awkward silence as we both avoid eye contact for as long as possible.

  His deep and curt voice catches me off guard. “I’m going to grab another coffee. Can I get you anything?” he asks politely, even though I think polite is the last thing he wants to be.

  All right, fine. Let’s see how he reacts to this then. Looking over at the brightly colored chalkboard, I pretend as if I’m trying to make a huge decision about which caffeinated beverage I should have.

  “Sure, I’ll have a grande, soy vanilla latte, skinny with a shot of caramel syrup.” Hmmm, take that. Maybe it’ll help break some of this tension.

  “Um, okay, but can you write that down,” Reid snidely remarks after I tell him my order.

  Oh, I can’t help it; my eyes roll almost involuntarily. “I’m kidding. I’ll have a regular coffee; milk and sugar is just fine.” I really was just trying to lighten the mood a little. So much for that plan, I guess.

  While he’s over on the line getting our drinks, I get a text from Megan asking how things are going. I quickly type back a response that “things are going just swell. We’re running away tonight and getting married.”

  Her reply, an eye-rolling smiley face, tells me my sarcastic response was successfully received.

  When Reid slinks back into his chair and slides my drink in front of me, my nerves return. Still unable to come up with anything to say, I feel lame.

  He says, “So.”

  And all I can come up with is a “so” in response.

  Well, that went over like a lead balloon. Reid’s features harden instantly and there’s a palpable tension building in around us. Leaning menacingly close to me across the small table, he seethes, “I don’t want to be rude, well actually, I do, but I won’t. You’re the one who’s been calling me, who’s got something to say to me, so if you don’t start talking, then there’s really no point in me being here.”

  I take a small sip of my coffee in the hopes it will strengthen my resolve. It doesn’t, but he’s right. I’m the one who wanted this. I need to say something.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I am the one who wanted to talk and here I am all clammed up. I actually sat in the parking lot for about fifteen minutes before I came in. I just don’t know where to start.” Rubbing my hands over my legs in the hopes of warming them up is futile. My heart is racing, but the blood refuses to warm my extremities. Perhaps it has something to do with the icy atmosphere of this conversation.

  One more sip and here we go. “Can I ask you something first?” I can see a whole swirl of anger move across his face at my question.

  I reach to my side and tug my jacket across my lap. Twisting the string of my hoodie around my fingers, I say, “It’ll help me figure out where to start.” He doesn’t answer my question; he just shoots me a look that I think means I should continue.

  The point of the last few weeks, of all of those phone calls was to arrive at this one question. Thinking back over everything that has led me to this exact moment is so overwhelming—so much so, that I can’t even spit out anything intelligible at first.

  When I let
my emotions settle, I finally ask, “When is the last time you spoke with your mom?”

  My emotions might have just been checked, but Reid’s, well to say he’s angry is a huge understatement. I guess I should have expected that. You can’t go digging into someone’s past, especially a past as dark as his, and not expect anger in return.

  Alternate Point of View from Let Love Stay

  Thank God, this day is over. I thought office work would be somewhat easy, but my feet are killing me and my hands are all chapped and cut up from touching the files all day. Kathy calls out from the front office, “Come on girls! Let’s get a move on. It’s closing time.”

  Nikki comes up behind me as I’m gathering my stuff out of my small locker in the break room. We’ve hit it off really well this week and I’m really glad to have such nice co-workers. It makes the day move a lot quicker.

  “So what are your plans tonight, Maddy? A few of the girls and I are heading to the club. Wanna come with us?” I so want to say yes, I really do. Getting all dolled up and dancing the night away with the girls, sounds like the perfect way to let go of some of this tension.

  “Nikki, I wish I could, but I already have plans.” I refuse to call it a date. It is not a date. Well, it might be if you ask Jay, but in my mind, it is most certainly not a date.

  She’s peering out the window as she says, rather cheerfully, “Oh yeah? Do your plans have anything to do with Mr. Hunkity Hunk in the parking lot.” I have to laugh. She has this weird creative thing where she makes every hot guy’s name into some cute Mr. Something-Or-Other. Just the other day she called the Fed-Ex guy Mr. Schmexy McSexy. Okay, that one wasn’t all that creative, but I think she was a little flustered.

  Walking over to the window, I glance at the freshly dubbed Mr. Hunkity Hunk and my stomach drops.

  It’s Jay.

  Just when I think I can walk away unscathed, without having to explain anything to Nikki, Jay sees me in the window and waves up at us. Yeah, so much for that.

  Nikki drapes her arms over my shoulders and waves back at him. “So who is he?” she asks, her voice all proud that she’s just discovered something about my plans.

  Huffing at her, I try to defend myself. “It’s not a date. He’s my ex. We’re just getting dinner.”

  Tapping her finger to her bottom lip, she looks up to the ceiling pretending she’s lost in deep thought. When her eyes return to me, they’re alight with playfulness. “So let me get this straight. You used to date Hunkity Hunk down there who,” she peers out the window, “is still smiling and waving up here like a fool in love. You’re going out to dinner with said Hunkity Hunk, but it’s not a date.”

  “No, it is most definitely not a date!” My attempts at self-defense are just making me look guiltier. I huff again and try to walk away.

  “Okay. Okay. But Maddy, promise me one thing,” she asks, serious all of a sudden.

  I stand and wait impatiently for what I just know will be a pointless question.

  “Promise you’ll call me the instant you get home from your non-date to let me know how it went.”

  We both share a laugh at her ridiculousness as we make our way to the front where everyone else is waiting to leave for the day.

  Walking out into the frigid winter air, I pull my jacket around me. Jay catches sight of me right away and walks over to me.

  Pulling me into hug, he says, “I’m so glad you agreed to come out with me. You look beautiful, Maddy.”

  I can’t help but roll my eyes at his compliments. I look anything but good and that was the point. My hair is in a sloppy ponytail and my make-up hasn’t been touched since early this morning. A disheveled, hot mess is probably more along the lines of what I look like.

  Suddenly, Jay’s eyes widen a bit more and he seems to be staring off in the distance behind me. Curious to see whatever has caught his attention, I turn around and my stomach drops again.

  It’s Reid.

  My pulse skyrockets. My heart careens into my ribcage. My palms get sweaty. My desire surges.

  Before I can say or do anything, Jay pushes me behind him and eyes Reid up and down. I want to warn him, tell him to just leave Reid alone, but my brain and my mouth will not function.

  Stepping into Reid’s face, Jay says, “Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” Oh God. Reid is going to punch him. I know it. I can see vivid images of Reid laying Logan flat on his ass and I want to step in the middle of them, to protect Jay and embrace Reid, but my goddamn feet are stuck to the floor.

  I can’t believe he’s here.

  Locking my eyes with his magnetic blue depths, I try to convey my love for him, my apologies for this scene that I can only imagine he’s misreading.

  “Me? I’m the boyfriend, asshole.” Reid bites out a few choice words to Jay, but his eyes are glued to mine.

  His voice soothes my tattered soul. It makes my insides clench and my heart soar. He’s really here.

  Jay’s voice breaks through to my distracted state. “I’m Maddy’s date for tonight. You know? She never mentioned a boyfriend when I asked her out. Must not be much of a boyfriend if she doesn’t even mention you.” Oh God, no he didn’t! Just as I’m about to speak up and stop the inevitable onslaught I know he will bring, I watch Reid effortlessly drop Jay to his ass.

  Standing over him and holding him up by his collar, Reid barks into Jay’s face, “Whether she mentioned me or not, she’s mine, so lay the fuck off. Got it?”

  I’m his? Does that mean that he’s mine?

  Reid reaches out his hand to mine and my mind is swirling with so much confusion that my brain isn’t firing correctly. When I finally put two-and-two together and reach out for him, I see him visibly relax. Fire and electricity travel from his hand straight to my heart and I feel like I’m home again.

  In a freezing cold dentist’s office parking lot, I finally feel like I’m home again.

  Deleted Scene from Let Love Stay

  I hate Christmas shopping. I was never a fan of giving or receiving gifts. Aunt Maggie never gave me more than knitting needles and yarn. All she ever got in return was a gift card to the local craft store. She was happy and I was miserable, but hell, that was just how life was.

  Holding some lame-ass pair of flannel pajama pants up in front me, I smile all too happily at the thought of these hanging low on Reid’s hips. Yes, these will do just fine.

  Mel chimes in from across the rack at Macy’s. “What’s the goofy grin for?”

  “Huh? Oh me? Nothing?”

  “Don’t ‘Oh nothing’ me, Missy! You were so just mentally drooling all over your boyfriend, weren’t you?”

  Guiltily, I place the pants back on the rack and laugh at her. “Okay, fine I was…daydreaming. But can you blame me?”

  “Eww, no. I am so not weighing in on how hot Reid is! He’s like a brother. Eww. No. Gross.” Melanie is flailing her arms all over the place and holding her nose in a mock protest of how stinky she thinks this conversation is.

  Walking up next to her and wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I hug her tightly. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” I quote and she just smacks my arm playfully.

  “Okay, fine. He’s hot, but marginally so.” Melanie arches her eyebrow at me and I know I’ve won.

  We walk out of Macy’s, no purchases in hand and I’m really struggling with what to get him. As we’re walking down the overly crammed walkway of the mall, I’m instantly drawn to the pretzel stand at the side. Buttery, doughy goodness? Yes, please!

  After handing the cashier my money, I lean back on the counter and wait for my drink and pretzel nuggets. I catch Melanie staring across the way, and following her persistent gaze, my stomach drops when I see Reid in the jewelry store.

  Grabbing onto her, I nearly rip Melanie’s arm out of the socket. “Is that…is he…he’s not buying…” I can’t even get a full sentence out.

  Melanie’s face is laced with surprise as she turns to face me. “I don’t know, Maddy. Do you want me
to go talk to him?”

  “I don’t know! What are you going to say? Don’t tell him I’m here! Oh God!” Melanie laughs at my overly dramatic reaction.

  “Oh, just calm down, would you! I’ll just say I saw him and thought maybe he could use some help. Okay?” She runs her hands down my arms to try and calm me down. It doesn’t work.

  Slinking down into one of the chairs the pretzel booth has set up, I prop my bag up in front of me to try and disguise myself. All I really manage to do is feel like an idiot. I’m sure I look like an idiot too.

  Watching from behind my stupid bag like a moron, I watch Melanie and Reid chatting animatedly. She points at something and Reid points at another.

  When Reid turns away to pay the clerk, Melanie looks over to me and stifles a laugh. She holds her hands out in front of her and mouths the words “it’s huge.”

  My heart plummets. She didn’t let him buy what I think he just bought, did she?

  Now, I sound like a fool even in my own head.

  As Melanie walks back over to me, I see Reid walk the other way. Standing up from behind my post, I nearly yell at her as she approaches. “What the hell, Melanie? What did you just do? Please tell me you didn’t—” She cuts me off before I can continue my frenzy.

  “Oh, just shut up.” She quips as she grabs her bag and mine from the table. Saying nothing else, she just walks away from me.

  Chasing after her like the fool that I am, I call out, “What did he buy me? Where are you going? Melanie!” The last shrill outcry forces her to turn around. It also garners a few awkward stares from some shoppers.

  “Oh.My.God. I am not telling you what he bought you.” She crosses her arms over her chest and snickers at me. “But, believe me, you’ll love it.” When her lips curl up into the goofiest grin, I want to slap it off her face.