~~o~~
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A Ride to the Ranch
Tears streamed unchecked down Dani’s face as she rocked on the porch and stared off into the distance, a half-eaten piece of peanut butter pie on the wicker table beside her. How could God allow this to happen? Mama Beth believed in Him, and had most of her life. Is this how God repaid her faith?
The sound of a diesel engine approaching raised her head, and the gravel popped and crunched as Steve’s shiny new Ford truck pulled into the driveway. Just great. She scrambled to wipe away tears, unready to face him, especially with the tell-tale signs of her prolonged crying jag. After last night’s scene, she had no choice but to keep a cool distance between them. And he must never know how his kindness affected her.
He sauntered, cowboy-style, onto the porch, his hat pushed back on his head, an apology in his eyes. “Hi, lady.”
She returned his greeting then looked away.
“Where’s Mama Beth?” Steve reclined his lanky frame against the porch post and crossed his legs, his tone friendly.
“Napping.” She forced her gaze on the flower beds, but his scrutiny put her already loaded nerves on high alert.
“She okay?”
Her aunt handled the situation better than anyone, a source of puzzlement to Dani. “You know how she is. She’s acting the same as always.”
A tender smile touched Steve’s face and he shifted. One boot scraped against the wooden floor planks. “That woman’s got unshakable faith.”
“And for the life of me, I can’t understand why!” The words shot out of her mouth as bitterness slithered inside and coiled around her heart. “How can she continue to trust in God when He let this happen?”
A descending whistle sounded from his mouth, his lips puckered. He adjusted his hat and directed his gaze her way. “Feel like going for a ride? Might clear your head.”
She hugged her arms to her waist and hunched in the rocker, already feeling guilty about her outburst. So much for playing it cool. The thought of being alone with him made her uncomfortable, but she had to get away, even if only for a few minutes. “I’ll be right back.” After jotting a quick note to Mama Beth, she hurried out to the truck where Steve waited.
A few minutes later they were on the open road. Dani pressed the button to lower the window, and fresh air whooshed through the opening, tugging her curls from the band that held her hair in a pony tail. She’d have a mess to untangle later, but at this point, she didn’t care. Instead she relished the cool wind in her face, blowing away her cares like tufts of silky fiber from a cottonwood tree.
Except for the soft music streaming from the radio, they rode in silence. Steve must have sensed her desire for peace, for he remained quiet. The warmth of the sun loosened her tense muscles, and the fresh air and beauty of the countryside eased her anguish. She closed her eyelids and leaned back. His suggestion to go for a ride had proved to be a good one. Her spirit calmed and righted itself, like a buoy after a storm. Now if she could only make sense of her growing attraction to the man beside her.
She glanced over at him. One elbow rested on the door, and his fingers cupped his chin in a thoughtful pose. His right arm draped the steering wheel. For the first time, she glimpsed the gray circles beneath his eyes. He hadn’t slept well either. The realization tugged at her heart. Dani rolled up the window part way to close out the wind noise. “Thank you, Steve. This is just what I needed.”
“Me, too.” A half-smile curled his lips, his voice kind. “Feeling better?”
“Yes, thanks.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Talk about it? Well, that was a first. Had a man ever asked her that question before? And no, she didn’t want to talk about it. She couldn’t, at least not without losing herself in the process.
Steve cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry for overstepping the boundaries last night. I can’t explain what happened. I’m not usually—”
“Please.” She held up a hand, the slow heat of embarrassment beginning its ascent from her neck to her face. “You don’t have to apologize or explain.”
In a move that surprised her, he brought the truck to a complete halt at the side of the road. “Look at me.”
She swallowed hard, and tried to steel herself against whatever was about to come.
“Look at me, Dani.”
Her chest rose and fell as she turned toward him.
Pure kindness and concern radiated from his features. “We both love Mama Beth, and we’re going to be spending a lot of time together over the next few weeks. I can’t do this without making things right between us. Besides, that woman has eagle eyes when it comes to this kind of stuff.”
Dani nodded. He was right. Mama Beth would notice the strain between them. “Okay.”
He glanced away, his jaw flexing. This was as hard for him as it was for her. After what seemed an eternity, he spoke. “I think both our feelings got confused last night because of the fear and concern we have for Mama Beth. That’s the only way I know to explain it.” His eyes met hers, and her stomach twisted.
This wasn’t helping. Not one little bit. If anything it made it worse. She needed to hate him, not like him. Dani struggled for words, hoping she could form a coherent sentence. “I’m sure that’s all it was.”
“So are we good?”
She bobbed her head, grasping at anything to bring the uncomfortable topic to a close.
He continued to study her for one minute more, then reached up with his fingers and put the truck in gear.
Dani forced her attention from his hands to the wildflowers that dotted the sides of the road and smoothed her mussed curls. “Where are we going?”
“No where in particular. Somewhere you wanted to go?”
Would any place hold the peace she desired? She stared ahead, focused on nothing. “Some place peaceful where I can forget this world and its problems.”
“Sounds like heaven to me.”
Dani turned her head away. Not the God stuff again. She rubbed her left arm and watched the passing landscape out the side window.
“Best I can do is a place not too far from here.” A few minutes later they reached a country lane and Steve put the truck in park to open a gate made from cedar posts and barbed wire. Back in the truck, he inched along the bumpy overgrown path. The wispy leaves from gnarled mesquite trees pirouetted in the spring breeze, while a bull frog croaked in the distance.
The rutted ride bounced her around on the seat. She gripped the arm rest and took in the surroundings. A place to forget the rest of the world existed, beautiful and serene, private and secluded. “This is part of your ranch?”
“Yep, the original homestead. Part of the old chimney is still standing over there.” He nodded with his chin toward a pile of stones. “Back then they had to settle close to water. The same creek that runs through town cuts through this corner of the ranch.” Steve pointed past a line of live oaks. “We’re not far from Mama Beth’s. Her house is just on the other side of the creek and across the pasture.” The pickup rolled to a stop underneath a gigantic oak.
Dani hopped out of the truck and ambled toward the old oak tree, so large her arms wouldn’t fit halfway around. Steve followed. She trailed her fingers over the rough bark and peered up through the tree’s sun-dappled branches. “This oak must be hundreds of years old.”
“I like to believe my great-great-grandfather saw this tree.” A hint of pride played about his lips.
She gauged her emotions. His connection with this place and its past made her envious. What would it feel like to have such a sense of home? A sudden realization hit. He had honored her by sharing this hallowed place—this part of himself—with her.
Dani glanced at him. His broad shoulders slumped forward as if burdened by concern. Concern for Mama Beth for sure, but what else? She mentally retraced their conversation. Had her angry words about God offended him? “I’m sorry for what I said about God earlier. It’s just—�
�
“Don’t apologize for being honest. I understand and I think God does, too. He loves us even when we question His goodness.”
She let the comment pass, though his words cut into her like a knife. Instead she turned the conversation toward her aunt. “Thanks for taking care of Mama Beth. I can tell how much she means to you.”
He squinted across the tree-lined horizon, his eyes shaded by the brim of his cowboy hat. “She’s like a mother to me.” His voice wavered then evened out, and he pivoted to face her. “I know you love her, too.”
More than she ever believed possible. She ducked her head to battle tears, while the dark dirt at her feet coiled its earthy scent to her nose. Unsure of what to do or say, she followed him as he wandered to a grove of trees. Just beyond, the creek gurgled as it snaked along.
She perched on a boulder at the water’s edge, and Steve scooted in beside her. His arm accidentally brushed against hers, and she fought the desire to lean against his strength. Instead she rested her back against the sunny warmth of the rock. “You’re so lucky to have a place like this. If it belonged to me, I’d build a house near here and use it as a hideaway.”
He frowned and tossed a pebble toward the water, where it landed with a plip. “Never been a big believer in luck.” Another pebble flicked from his hand, followed by another plip. “I’m not lucky, I’m blessed.”
Blessed? A snarling darkness spun in her brain. She rubbed her forehead then let her hand fall to her lap. “Where does that leave me? Unblessed?”
He looked at her sadly then reached over to tuck an escaped curl behind her ear. “You’re blessed too. You just don’t know it.”
Her insides turned to acid. Yeah, blessed with trouble. “You know nothing about me.”
If her scathing remark bothered him, he didn’t let it show. “Only what Mama Beth told me. But I know people love you, and that’s a blessing.”
She stared into the bubbling water and pondered his words. It was true. Her students loved her. Mama Beth loved her. Even Mother loved her, in her own controlling way.
“And God loves you.” Though softly spoken, his tone remained steady and even.
Her head snapped around, anger oozing from her like blood from an open wound. “If He loves me, then why have I been to hell and back? Why did He let me develop this relationship with Mama Beth, to find out she’s sick and might . . . ?” The question lumped in her throat, and she pinched her lips to battle the rivers of emotion that threatened to spill. Why, God?
Steve rested a hand on her bare arm. “I don’t have all the answers, but I know He has a reason for everything. Our job isn’t to figure out why. Our job is to trust Him.”
“Sorry, but I don’t have that much faith.” She ground out the comment and yanked at her pony tail. Where did faith come from anyway? And how was she supposed to find it?
His arrowed words broke into her thoughts. “You ever stop to think that maybe God brought Mama Beth into your life for her benefit and not yours?”
The question slammed against Dani full-force and her heart dropped to her stomach. Why had she assumed this was about her? The answer came quickly, searing her conscience. Because she was small and selfish, that’s why. The thought brought with it illumination. Somewhere along the way she’d let life’s tragedies cause her to narrow her focus until it centered on her and her alone. She turned to face him.
He peered at her from under his hat, his rusty brown eyes gentle. “Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh, but sometimes it helps to view things from a different perspective.”
How many times had she given her students the same advice? “I always tell my kids to consider other people’s feelings. Guess I need to heed my own words.”
A wide grin lit his handsome face. “You love teaching, don’t you?”
“Is it that obvious?” The shimmer in his eyes made her pulse race, like he understood her better than anyone ever had.
“Every time you mention your kids your face lights up just like Christmas.”
Dani rolled her bottom lip between her teeth and lowered her head. His comment pleased her more than she wanted to admit and much more than she wanted him to realize. A shot of fear rumbled through her veins. She was prepared to lose her heart to Mama Beth and Miller’s Creek, but not him. Within, part of the carefully constructed wall around her heart crumbled, and she felt powerless to stop it.
A hushed tranquility descended as nightfall drew nearer. Blue jays fussed in a nearby cedar bush, its pungent scent carried on the evening breeze. A mutual understanding, a connection, a bond—she wasn’t sure what to call it—rested between them. Its power swelled inside her and rammed against another part of the wall.
Steve rose a few minutes later, extending a hand to help her up. The gentleness of his touch tempted her to toss aside the distance she intended to keep between them. He must have felt it too, because he jerked his hand away quickly and pressed his lips into a firm line. She took one last glance around. The magic of this place was getting to her, somehow weaving a spell, luring her like the ancient sirens of the sea. Steve had already outdistanced her by several steps, so she turned and hurried to catch up with him. They strolled in silence, side by side to the truck, while a sliver of the sun painted streaks of pink and orange on the underside of the clouds.
Later, as they pulled onto the main road, Dani spoke the question that burned in her brain. “How are you so convinced God loves us?”
He smiled and shrugged. “I just am.”
Could she trust her thoughts to him? Instinctively, she sensed she could. “I want to believe. But every time I think I’m close, something else happens to make me doubt.”
“Are you angry at God?”
An edge of hostility returned. “Don’t I have the right to be?” Surely someone as powerful as God could have prevented what she’d endured.
“I can’t answer that, but bad things aren’t God’s fault. It’s just a part of the world we live in.”
The same answer Mama Beth had given. All the way to the house, his words resounded in her thoughts. As they drove into the driveway, he motioned across the road. “Those trees on the far side of the pasture are the back of the creek. The pasture belongs to the ranch. Feel free to walk there anytime.”
“Thank you.” She wet her lips. “And thanks for listening. I have a lot I’m trying to figure out right now.”
“I know you do.” His tender touch on her shoulder spread its warmth through her battered emotions, his voice gentle.
She looked at him. Hopefully the pain in her heart wasn’t mirrored in her eyes.
An emotion she couldn’t identify flared in his expression, and he wrenched his hand and head away. A moment later, he turned back to her, his face controlled by cool indifference. “We’d better get inside before Mama Beth starts to worry.”
Though his indifference stung, she understood. It was for the best.
The aroma of fried chicken met them at the door, inviting them to the kitchen. Mama Beth moved slower than normal, her face a pasty shade of gray. Dani quickly joined her in preparation for the meal, but her tangled thoughts allowed no peace, and tears parked just below the surface. It took every ounce of strength she could muster to maintain her composure, and she struggled to squelch the emotions that lay less than a pinprick away.
At supper she chose to listen to the conversation between Steve and Mama Beth instead of joining in. She watched the two, mesmerized as Steve hovered over her aunt like a guardian angel, bringing her whatever she needed. The tenderness with which he treated her aunt produced a stab of envy. How nice it must be to feel so loved and protected. Dani fiddled with the food on her plate. Tonight even Mama Beth’s delicious home-cooked food seemed tasteless.
“Dani.” Her aunt’s half-shout captured her attention.
She started. “Hmm? I’m sorry. Were you talking to me?”
“I asked if you were okay. You’ve hardly touched your supper.” Mama Beth’s eyebrows pulled up in the
center.
“I guess I’m just tired.” She laid her fork down on her plate, the fatigue from lack of sleep attacking in full force. “If it’s okay, I think I’ll go to bed early.”
Her aunt frowned. “Of course. Is something bothering you?”
The burn in Dani’s eyes moved to her throat. “I just have a lot on my mind.” She kissed her aunt then stood, careful not to look at Steve. One glimpse of the compassion in his eyes and she’d be lost. She felt his gaze follow her up the stairs.
Several minutes later, she lay in bed listening to the crickets sing and tried to make sense of Steve’s words. Whatever it took, she had to move past her selfishness and this overwhelming attraction she felt toward Steve, different from any other feelings she’d known. Friendship, respect, and admiration all rolled into one.
God, help me. I believe you exist. You’re in control of everything, even when I don’t understand. I want to believe You love me, but I don’t know how. Show me. And please make Mama Beth well.
A few minutes later, Dani sank in the soft arms of slumber and dreamed of an ancient oak tree, a gurgling creek, and kind eyes the color of cinnamon.
~~o~~
Steve reclined against the patio chair and fixed his attention on the starry sky that stretched before him like silver glitter sprinkled on black velvet. His thoughts turned to Dani, the pain he’d seen on her face daggering his heart.
He’d never seen a person with their faith so utterly shattered. She needed to know God, to know His peace, to believe He loved her.
Lord, help her to believe. She needs You.
She needs you, too.
He sighed, his heart heavy. Lord, I don’t know how to help.
Again the voice sounded, the promise he’d heard many times before. I am with you.
Understanding dawned, and he savored the comfort of God’s presence. The Lord had created the majesty of the vast expanse before him and He was still involved in His creation. Only an Almighty God could take the threads of their lives and weave them together into such a stunning tapestry. Like the backside of Mama Beth’s needlework, the handiwork of heaven sometimes appeared tangled and messy from earth’s perspective.
Texas Roads (A Miller's Creek Novel) Page 9
