Washed Out

by Safa Shaqsy

  Amelia stuck her tongue out at Adam.

  “You’re a brat,” Adam grumbled with bunched fists on the table, which made Amelia fold her arms and scrunch her face in annoyance.

  “No I’m not!” she screamed.

  “Yes, you are,” Adam said and banged his fist on the table, which made the plates vibrate. My father sighed and rubbed his forehead with his hands.

  Me, I couldn’t take it, anymore, and yelled, “Stop it, both of you!”

  They stopped. Amelia and Adam’s jaws dropped, and they blinked their eyes a few times. I let out a breath from my nose. “I can’t deal with this right now. I’m going upstairs.”

  I got up from my chair and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. My phone beeped, and when I checked it, I saw a text from Max.

  Max: Hun :0

  Me: OMG, what?

  Max: I saw Gabriel yesterday!

  Me: No shit!

  Max: YES

  Me: DID HE ASK YOU OUT?

  Max: err

  Me: oh uh

  Max: I asked him how he was and he said fine

  Me: Just fine?

  Max: Yeah, and I have a huge crush on him :(

  Me: You’ve been studying with a guy for few months and he hasn’t asked you out yet?

  Max: Yes

  Me: well, he’s a loser then?

  Max: No, he’s perfect

  Me: Okay, let’s not jump to conclusions

  Me: Maybe he’s gay?

  Max: He had girlfriends before

  Me: shy?

  Max: He looks fine to me

  Me: Don’t get your hopes so high

  Me: Just be careful

  Max: WTF, I’m not careful enough?

  Me: Remember the band boy last year? Huh? That didn’t go well

  Max: No need to mention

  I got another text from Kent in the middle of a conversation with Max about her love life.

  Kent: Miss you, boo

  Kent sent a heart sticker

  Me: Miss you too, babe

  Celia sent a kiss sticker

  Kent: How about tomorrow night?

  Me: The date?

  Kent: Yes

  Me: Yes, I’ll try my best :)

  Kent: Ah, gotta love a girl like you!

  Me: I agree!

  Me: There is only one me in the whole world :D

  Kent: LMAO, you’re funny

  Jane texts arrives after the last text from Kent.

  Jane: Ugh

  Jane: Gotta love headaches

  Me: You drunk again?

  Jane: Am I?

  Me: You know it’s illegal, Jane

  Me: You’re eighteen

  Jane: Not in other states, ha

  Me: we’re in Virginia...

  Jane: I’m not even sure if I was even born here

  Me: It’s on your birth certificate, Jane

  Jane: OMG, Celia, you’re a genius!

  Me: ....

  Max texted me again.

  Max: Helloooooo

  Me: I’m here

  Max: What should I do now?

  Me: Act like you don’t care about him, and he might come to you

  Max: Are you sure?

  Me: I don’t know, that’s what Google says

  Max: I’ll give it ago, then

  Me: Good luck

  Celia sent a heart sticker

  Max: LUV U

  Me: Love you too

  Kent finally sent another text.

  Kent: Gotta go, see you tomorrow night?

  Me: It’s a date :)

  Kent: Goodnight, Boo

  Me: Goodnight, babe

  Jane sent me something on Bubblechat as well.

  Jane sent a middle finger sticker

  Celia sent a poop sticker

  Jane: LOL

  Me: Good night

  Jane: Goodniiiiiiight

  Chapter Three

  IN MY ART CLASS, I sat near the guy who’d stared at me a few days ago. Mrs. Jensen was talking about an assignment. She had her bun set high on her head, and wore enormous eyeglasses.

  She looked stylish for a teacher, and was fairly young. She was also pretty. That made some guys whisper amongst themselves, and I bet they were talking about her body. It was obvious from the way they looked at her from head to toe. There was also a rumor about her relationship with a student in this campus, but who knew if it was a true story or not.

  “This assignment is about expressing yourselves and unlocking your emotions to the world,” she explained with hand gestures. “Draw, write, create. Anything artistic. This is not a group assignment, just pairs, so you should choose your pairs wisely.”

  I raised my hand up high, and she noticed me. “Yes, Celia.”

  “When is the deadline?” I asked.

  “You should hand me your assignments within two weeks. I expect to see, read, or feel your art.”

  The guy beside me raised his hand, too. My eyes went to his ridiculous yellow Pokémon shirt and I sighed. He couldn’t be that cheesy with his clothing. That guy had no sense of style, and with the messy haircut he had, seriously, did he not comb his hair?

  “Yes, Ned?” the teacher called.

  “Err, can I pick someone hot?” he asked.

  The students laughed out loud, and that made me giggle. That was really cheesy for him to say. Mrs. Jensen bit her lip behind her laugh, “Of course, you can. Any other real questions?”

  No one answered.

  “Okay then, see you next week,” she said, and walked out of the class as cheeky as anything.

  I collected my stuff and my handbag, and walked out of the class. While moving across the campus, I heard footsteps behind me, and someone called, “Hey, Celia!”

  I turned around, and there was that guy again. He looked at me, without saying a word. He looked like he saw a celebrity, with his mouth open. Ned had blue eyes and dark hair. He was good-looking. That is, he would be, if he took care of himself and wore something sensible. “Um, do you need something?” I asked to snap him back to reality.

  “Oh, I, I, I...” He stuttered. “I just wanted to know if you have a partner?”

  “I actually have a boyfriend,” I replied.

  He waved his hands in the air dismissively, “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I mean, about the project.”

  I shook my head. “Yeah, right, sorry. I don’t have a partner.”

  “Would you accept me?”

  I bit my lip, thought about it, but then my phone rang. I looked at my phone and it was Kent on the other end. “Hey, boo, I’ve been waiting for you outside.”

  “On my way,” I told him and started fast walking on my heels to the exit, but Ned kept following me.

  “Will you?” he said in a hurry. He was panting by now, and I wanted to get rid of him.

  I was in a hurry and haven’t given any thought about it. Something inside me made me say, “Yes!”

  “I need your number so we can discuss the project,” he said, and gave me his phone while we walked fast together. I typed my number and gave him his phone back. Finally, he stopped following me. Kent’s car was parked outside, and I got in.

  We passionately kissed, and then he started driving.

  “Who was that guy?” Kent asked while he weaved in and out of traffic.

  “You mean Ned?” It was time to set the record straight, just so there would be any misunderstanding. “We’re on a class project together. That’s all.”

  Kent nodded as he looked ahead, his eyes on the road. He glanced at me and smiled. “What’s on your mind?” I asked.

  He reached his hands to me, and stroked my cheek, “Are you ready for a late evening picnic?” His right eye fluttered in a wink. Romantic, yes, and it sent a shiver through me, a pleasant one.

  “I’m ready for anything.”

  The park wasn’t far away from the campus. Kent parked his car, and we entered the park, while Kent carried a picnic basket. We walked together, our hands interlaced. The sun was setting, and the s
tars started to become visible in the rapidly darkening sky.

  Kent got a spot on the grass, and unfolded the picnic blanket on the ground. He then lay down, looking at the fast approaching night. My back was on Kent’s chest as he stroked my hair. I felt his fast heartbeat that had a rhythm of its own.

  “You see those stars?” Kent calmly asked. and I heard his voice from his chest.

  “Yes.”

  “They always shine, but their shine only appears in perfect timing,” he stated.

  “What do you mean?” I said, and for a second I thought he was going to propose to me. My heart thumped fast, and I started sweating on my forehead.

  Kent got up in a sitting position, which made me get up and sit as we looked at each other. He held my hands, and looked at me, “Celia,” he started.

  My heart skipped a beat, and maybe two or three.

  “I wanted to say that I love you.”

  He finally said it. He finally said he loved me. I grinned so wide, like never before and said, “I love you too.”

  Then I hugged him tightly. He returned the embrace and we stayed there, feeling the love surround us.

  LATER ON, AFTER KENT had dropped me off at my house, my family and I had dinner, and I had the time to sit with my father in the living room once he’d taken my mother to their bedroom. He looked alert that night, maybe anxious. I pretended that I was watching television but I kept glancing at my father. He looked tired, but tried so hard not to show it. It must have been hard to work at home as a marketing campaign designer, but the managers had a talk with him, and he had the permission to work from home a few days of the week.

  “How was your day?” I asked.

  He turned to me and said, “It was hectic, but I’m hopeful.” He then smiled. “You shouldn’t worry about me. That’s my job as a father.”

  “What’s my job, then?”

  “You’re supposed to have fun. This is not your responsibility. “I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt that way.”

  “You don’t have to apologize, Dad, it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault,” I comforted him.

  He shook his head, and shuddered as he tried to hold his tears in. One dropped from his eye, and he quickly wiped it away. “I just want the best for you. All of you.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “I’m just...tired,” he confessed.

  I got up and put my hand on his arm, “Dad, go get some rest. You need it, it was a long day.”

  “Okay.” He got up and kissed my forehead, and said, “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Dad.”

  I finally checked my phone after a long day and I got a few texts from my girls, Kent and Ned.

  Kent: Send nudes ;)

  I typed after a while.

  Celia sent a sexy lady sticker

  Kent: Ouch!

  Me: I’m in my pajamas now

  I took a picture of my bunny pajama and sent it to Kent.

  Celia sent a picture

  Kent: Bunnies, huh?

  Me: Yeah, I’m obsessed with bunnies since I was three years old

  Kent: Now I know what to buy for your birthday ;)

  Me: Not the real ones, they poop EVERYWHERE

  Kent: Hey, we poop too

  Me: At least we clean ourselves

  Kent: They’re still cute

  Me: They are

  I got a text from Max and Jane on the other group chat

  Max: I’m stressing about us

  Jane: Us?

  Max: Our friendship

  Me: So sorry, was away all day!

  Max: Hey, Celia

  Jane: We missed you

  Me: I know

  Celia sent a sad face sticker

  Me: I was really busy with school and Kent

  Me: Kent...

  Me: You’d never guess what happened!

  Max: OMG, DO TELL

  Jane sent a surprised face sticker

  Me: We went on a picnic this evening

  Max: AND?

  Jane: and?

  Me: He confessed that he loves me!

  Max: OH, MY, I saw that coming though

  Max: I mean who wouldn’t love you, hun? ;)

  Jane: I love you too

  Max sent a middle finger sticker

  Me: I guess she’s drinking

  Max: So Celia, what’s next?

  Me: I don’t know, I hope we move in together

  Max: I hope so too

  Max: I’m so excited for you!

  Me: I’m excited for me too!

  Me: Well, gotta go

  Me: Goodnight

  Max: Goodnight ;)

  Jane: NIGHT

  I closed the chatroom, and opened an active one. I had no idea who texted me, so I added that person’s name as “Stranger.”

  Stranger: Hello

  Me: Hi?

  Stranger: :)

  Me: Who are you?

  Stranger: The king to your kingdom!

  Me: umm, excuse me?

  Stranger: It’s me, Ned

  When he texted his name, I went to my contacts and changed his name to Ned.

  Ned: You okay with me texting?

  Me: I agreed, didn’t I?

  Ned: yup :)

  Ned: Glad you did, though

  Me: Don’t push your luck

  Ned: Okay, I want to let you know that we’d need to meet up often to start this project

  Me: Yes?

  Ned: My home or your house?

  Me: Your house

  Ned: Are you free tomorrow evening?

  Me: I’ll try

  Ned: It’s a date

  Me: No it’s not

  Ned: Then it’s not. Sorry

  Me: Yeah...

  Kent texted me again, in the middle of our weird conversation.

  Kent sent a kiss sticker

  Celia sent a heart sticker

  Kent: You know I love you, right?

  Me: I know, and I love you too

  Kent: Be prepared for tomorrow ;)

  Me: Ooooh, another surprise? ;)

  Kent: You’ll find out tomorrow

  Me: Alright, see you tomorrow

  Me: Goodnight?

  Kent: Goodnight

  Ned hadn’t finished his texts and started texting me again. I felt a little annoyed that he was texting me. It wasn’t like we’d become best buds or anything.

  Ned: Are you sure, now?

  Me: What is it?

  Ned: I can’t believe I’m meeting you tomorrow

  Me: Umm

  Ned: Did I say that in words?

  Ned: Oops

  Me: Goodnight, Ned

  Ned: Okay

  I put my cellphone on the bedside table, and opened a drawer. There were pictures of our trip as a family to the islands of Hawaii. We were so happy back then. I thought, how can something so simple, yet distractive could do this to us? Can we go back in time, and redo it all over again, but this time more cautiously?

  I looked at the picture for a minute and placed it on the bedside table, beside me while I sleep. I got in the bed, and covered myself as I stared at the ceiling.

  There are other things to be grateful for, my thoughts said to me.

  There might be bad days on the horizon, but there were people around me who made my life easier, and I have never been so grateful. Before my mother got ill, I used to think we had to live the perfect life, and I had to have the perfect grades, the perfect clothes.

  After my mother got dementia, though, nothing else mattered to me. I just wanted her back. I wanted her cooking days back, and her morning and night kisses. I craved the talks we had about my love life, and how hers had been back in the day.

  I missed the back in my day chats. Talks and advice, which sometimes made me a little upset, but I knew she only meant well. I miss her putting on her favorite perfume, and it would make her bedroom smell like her.

  I missed how she used to braid my hair in different styles for my school days. Now I couldn’t have them back.
I couldn’t have her back, ever. I pressed the side of my face into the pillow and sobbed.

  Chapter Four

  WE SPENT THE WEEKEND in the doctor’s office for my mom’s appointment. As I sat in Dr. Allen’s office with my dad and mom. The doctor asked my father a few questions about her condition, and he then said he’d examine my mother.

  Dr. Allen typed on his computer to see the previous symptoms with our last visit to his office. He rubbed the side of his face as if he was helpless. As if he couldn’t offer any other solutions. I held my mother’s hand. I saw the worry on his face, but he kept calm the whole time. Maybe he didn’t want me to give up on hope. The hope that she gets her personality back.

  “So, doctor, what do you think about her condition?” my father asked.

  “Hmm,” Dr. Allen started. “I see that some other symptoms have emerged. Her condition—” he hesitated, “it’s worsened.”

  “What do you suggest?” my father asked.

  “We won’t take her to the mental hospital for sure,” the doctor replied. “On the other hand, I will write a new prescription for her.” He fiddled with his pen and wrote down the prescription.

  “New medication?”

  The doctor nodded. “Yes, they might work best on her, since the other pills didn’t do the job.” He handed the prescription to my father.

  Dad read the prescription with furrowed eyebrows, full of concentration and fear. He finally looked at Dr. Allen and bobbed his head. “Thank you.”

  That’s all he said. I knew he didn’t mean it, because he sounded terrified about the side effects of the new medication. We’d already lost Mom due to the other pills, and we couldn’t afford seeing her slip away from us. It was painful for her, and for all of us.

  My thoughts turned to my siblings. Amelia and Adam sat in the waiting room. I had no idea if we should tell them or not. They were too young to know every detail of Mom’s condition and medications. Too young to feel those emotions, and know that she might not live until she got old and wrinkly. The doctors said her case was dangerous, and that we could lose her any time in the future, because her brain was shrinking.

  With nothing left to say, we got up and left the doctor’s office.

  AMELIA AND ADAM WENT upstairs the moment we reached home. I was worried that she might have felt bad about Mom’s condition, but I didn’t think they’d be able to express their feelings to us.

  That day, they just needed to forget, so I guessed Adam was listening to music on his laptop, and Amelia was playing with her iPad. I sat on the couch, while my father cooked lunch in the kitchen. My mother sat beside me, and I checked my phone to see Kent’s text. That made me smile.