The Greatest Gift

by Rachael Johns

  ‘It would only be me and Harper, I think,’ he said. ‘I guess they’re interested in the whole egg donation angle and the fact that Harper’s a bit of a celebrity, but I’d have to clarify that.’

  ‘How do you feel about it, sweetheart?’ asked his mum.

  Jasper fidgeted with his wedding ring as he spoke. ‘It’s not something I really want to do, but maybe Harper has a point—she thinks if we agree to the interview, then we’ll be able to give our side of the story and hopefully move on.’

  Wendy nodded. ‘If anyone would know how it works, she would.’

  ‘But it’s none of their business,’ Mike said again. ‘Do you really want them prying into our family?’

  ‘How much money will they pay you?’ Scotty asked.

  Polly hit him with a look of disgust.

  Scotty shrugged. ‘I’m just curious. Jasper won’t be able to work as much now he’s a sole parent, so a little money to put aside for a rainy day mightn’t be a bad thing.’

  Jasper swallowed. He’d only just begun to come to terms with the fact that he was a widower—he hadn’t yet considered how he’d negotiate single fatherhood once Anaya came home from hospital.

  ‘Of course we’ll look after Jasper and Anaya,’ said Wendy, sounding a little offended.

  ‘I don’t know the exact amount,’ Jasper said. He’d been so affronted that afternoon he hadn’t thought to ask any sensible questions. ‘I’m torn—I don’t want to do it, but part of me thinks Claire might want me to. To get the money for Anaya but also to be a voice for other couples like us who might need fertility assistance.’

  ‘Do you really think that’s what they’ll be interested in, son?’ asked his father. ‘My limited experience of the media tells me they’ll be wanting to know how you plan to cope as a single dad and whether Harper will have any involvement.’

  Jasper’s stomach twisted as he thought of Harper’s request—what would the media make of that?

  ‘Claire was a very private person,’ added Polly. ‘If the tables were turned, do you think she’d want to give an interview?’

  Oh how he wished the tables were turned. Or better yet, Claire was alive and he didn’t have to deal with the media or Harper on his own. But, he knew such wishes were futile. His life had changed and it would never be the same again.

  He looked to Joanne. Aside from himself, no one knew Claire better than her mother. ‘What do you think? If you’re adamantly against it, then I’ll tell them no.’

  Joanne rubbed her lips together a few moments. ‘I think you’re right about Claire. She wanted that baby more than anything—she would have done anything for her—so I think if you can put aside the money for her education, then you should do it. But only if you feel up to it. Right, Mike?’

  Claire’s father still looked doubtful, but gave a reluctant nod.

  ‘It might not be so bad,’ said his mum. ‘Since Claire died there’s been an outpouring of support from our local community, from our friends and family but also from strangers who have heard our story and left messages on the business Facebook page. People really care—they want to know how you and Anaya are doing.’

  Jasper let out a long sigh. Nothing could be worse than actually losing Claire. After that he could face almost anything else. ‘All right then. If no one is adamantly opposed, then I’ll tell Harper yes. Hopefully we can get it over with soon.’

  ‘We’ll all support you in whatever you think best,’ Scotty said and the others nodded and murmured their agreement.

  ‘Thank you. I’ll let you know when it’s all confirmed.’

  His mum nodded as if that was all settled and she was ready to move on. He was too. ‘And how is our darling girl today?’ she asked.

  Jasper smiled. He’d much rather be talking about his girl than the media. ‘She’s wonderful, thriving.’ He filled them in on the paediatrician’s report. Wendy and Joanne cried tears of happiness and he had to run into the bathroom for a roll of toilet paper because he’d already exhausted all the tissues in the apartment himself.

  ‘But there’s actually a bigger reason I asked you all here tonight,’ he said, when everyone had calmed down again. ‘Something very important I need your thoughts on.’

  Again, the cutlery stopped scraping against plates and his family looked to him, frowns and curiosity etched into their faces.

  ‘Bigger than the media?’ Mike asked, raising his bushy eyebrows.

  Jasper took a sip of his water, wishing it were beer, but he planned to head back to the hospital soon and wouldn’t risk driving even on one drink. Not anymore.

  ‘Harper also …’ He paused, searching for the right words. ‘She wanted to ask me … She told me she’s feeling very strong feelings for Anaya. Harper … she wants to be more involved in her life than she would have been if Claire was still alive.’

  This news was met with silence. Some of the frowns deepened. Polly was the first to speak.

  ‘What exactly do you mean by more involved?’ she asked.

  He inhaled deeply. ‘The finer details would have to be worked out. And I made it clear that if I agree to her request, I still want Anaya to grow up knowing Claire as her mother. But Harper wants to be her “other mother” as she put it. She wants to be there to give Anaya a mother’s love, but also I guess to do the things women do with their daughters, have the conversations that might be awkward for a girl to have with her dad.’

  ‘I kind of thought I’d be a surrogate mum.’ Polly sounded affronted. Scotty laid his hand on top of hers.

  ‘Surely Joanne and I will be around to have those conversations,’ Wendy said. ‘And Polly, like she said, and Hannah and your sisters. It’s not as if Anaya is short on family or love.’

  ‘Polly already has five children of her own,’ Joanne pointed out. ‘And grandmothers and aunties aren’t the same as mothers. Besides, your three daughters don’t live close enough to be very hands on.’

  His mum opened her mouth to reply, but Jasper got in first. ‘Are you saying you think I should say yes to Harper?’ He’d thought Claire’s parents might be the most opposed to the idea.

  ‘I didn’t say that,’ Joanne said more forcefully than he’d ever heard her speak before. ‘I’m just pointing out the facts. I don’t know what to think about anything right now.’ Her face crumpled and she leant into Mike.

  ‘Would Anaya go between your place and Sydney, then?’ Scotty asked.

  ‘As I said, we haven’t discussed how it would work, but Harper did say she’d be willing to make sacrifices.’

  ‘She can’t be very involved from two-and-a-half hours away,’ Polly said. Jasper didn’t mention that by that logic, the same went for her.

  ‘Maybe it’d give you more time for ballooning again, if Anaya spent a little quality time with Harper.’ Paul rubbed his beard the way he did whenever something required deep thought.

  Ballooning. Jasper got a rush to his head just thinking about it. He’d been so numb since Claire died that flying had been the last thing on his mind—he didn’t think he’d ever gone this long without going up. His fingers tingled a little at the thought of rolling out the envelope in readiness for flight. His dad did look exhausted from the extra load he’d taken on due to Jasper’s absence. But that on its own wasn’t enough of a reason to allow Harper this much access to their lives.

  ‘I’d like to know why she wants to do this,’ Mike piped up. ‘I know Claire had nothing but praise for Harper, but correct me if I’m wrong, didn’t she donate her eggs because she didn’t want children of her own?’

  Joanne nodded. ‘That’s true. Do you think she genuinely loves Anaya and wants to be involved? Or is she offering this because she thinks it’s the right thing to do? Because she feels obligated.’

  Although it wasn’t his place to tell them everything Harper had told him about her tumultuous relationship with her own mother and the abortion she’d had fifteen years ago, he thought she’d understand if he gave them a little insight. So without g
oing into too much detail, he tried to explain it the way Harper had earlier.

  When he’d finished, Joanne spoke first. ‘Although it pains me to think of anyone being a mother to that baby apart from my sweet girl, I have to admit it sounds to me like Harper is genuine. Claire spoke to me about her a lot—she liked and respected her—and I think I know my daughter enough to predict that if she could have a say in this somehow, she’d want to give Harper the chance.’

  ‘Yes,’ interjected Mike, ‘but what if down the track she decides she wants full custody? What if she tries to take Anaya away from Jasper, away from us?’

  Jasper’s heart clenched at the thought. ‘I won’t let that happen,’ he promised. ‘We’ve got official contracts and documentation naming Claire and me as Anaya’s parents. She’d need a pretty good lawyer to argue that.’

  ‘And doesn’t she just happen to be married to one?’ asked Polly.

  Fuck! How could Jasper have forgotten Samuel? His hands fisted on the table and his head throbbed with the stress of everything—the way he saw it, whatever he decided there was risk. But if he denied Harper the chance to be a bigger part of Anaya’s life, how far would she push it? Would she take a custody battle to court? The possibility filled him with dread.

  ‘Look,’ Joanne began again, ‘this is obviously not the ideal situation, and some sort of official custody arrangements would have to be agreed on, which I hope would take into account Mike and me being part of her life as well. But the notion of a “normal” family is pretty much extinct these days. There are all kinds of families—same sex families, single parent families, blended families. Anaya wouldn’t be the only child at school that has two parents living apart. And her parents wouldn’t have gone through a messy separation, so she won’t have to deal with that kind of animosity.’

  Wendy sighed. ‘Perhaps you’re right, but what role will Harper’s husband play? And what happens if Jasper meets someone else? She might not feel comfortable with the arrangement he has with Harper.’

  The question about Samuel barely registered as anger welled within him at his mother’s mention of him finding someone else. Jasper didn’t give a damn how some imaginary woman might feel. No one would ever replace Claire and he told her this in no uncertain terms.

  ‘Calm down, Jasper,’ Paul said, holding a hand up as he inched closer to his wife. ‘Your mother didn’t mean any offence. You gathered us all here to ask our opinion and we’re trying, like you, to work out what that is.’

  Jasper unclenched his hands, closed his eyes briefly and then nodded. ‘I’m sorry, you’re right. But the only person that really matters here is Anaya. Not me, not Harper, and certainly not strangers who may or may not enter our lives in the future. I want to know what you all think is best for my girl.’

  Although his family didn’t always see eye to eye, they all agreed on one thing—the most important ingredient a child needed to thrive was love.

  And thus, by the time Jasper waved them goodbye, he had made his decision.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Harper woke to a ringing sound and found herself in a dark hotel room—the only light coming from her iPhone screen. She blinked, taking a few moments to remember where she was and why. Oh Lord, the conversation with her mother came flooding back. How the hell had she fallen asleep with the adrenalin that had been racing through her body after that? Obviously the last couple of weeks had finally caught up with her.

  The phone went silent.

  ‘Shit,’ she said, sitting up and stretching across to grab it from where she’d left it who knows how many hours before. What if she’d missed Jasper’s call? What if he’d rung before and she’d slept through it?

  But her heart sank when she glanced at the screen and saw that the missed call had been from Samuel. She remembered the things she’d told Jasper that she’d never had the guts to share with her husband. Sure he’d known living with Laura hadn’t been a walk in the park, but he didn’t know about Willow’s near rape and he still didn’t know about her own abortion.

  As she was deliberating about whether or not to call back straight away, the phone started ringing again. Her heart leapt—once again hoping it was Jasper and once again feeling let down when she saw that it was not. This time she answered it, forcing a chirpiness she didn’t feel into her voice.

  ‘Hi, sweetheart. Sorry I missed your call a moment ago. I was in the bathroom.’

  ‘No worries. How are you? How was the conversation with Jasper?’

  It irked her that he didn’t ask after the baby. ‘I’m fine. Anaya’s doing really well and Jasper is thinking about the television interview.’

  ‘If he agrees to go ahead, when do you think you’ll do it?’

  ‘I’m not sure yet. Does it matter?’ He totally ignored her reference to Anaya.

  ‘It won’t be this weekend though, will it?’

  She frowned. ‘I don’t know. I doubt it. Why?’

  ‘Stanley and Rodger have asked if we can reschedule the dinner to Saturday night. You haven’t got anything on, have you?’

  His tone told her she had better not, and although the last thing she felt like doing at the moment was wining, dining and making conversation with Samuel’s colleagues, she couldn’t say no to him again. ‘Saturday night sounds fabulous.’

  It was just over two hours to Sydney. If Jasper had agreed to her proposal by then, she could drive back on Saturday afternoon and return to Newcastle first thing Sunday morning.

  ‘Excellent,’ Samuel said. ‘Will you be on your way back soon? Do you want me to organise dinner for when you get home or will you grab something on the way?’

  She swallowed, glancing at the digital alarm clock on the bedside table. Almost eight o’clock. Why hadn’t Jasper called her? Surely he wouldn’t leave her in agony overnight.

  ‘Actually,’ she said, ‘I’m staying here for a couple of nights. To spend a little more time with Anaya …’ If possible. ‘And of course to school Jasper a little in being interviewed. He’s never done anything like this before.’

  ‘Can’t you talk him through all that on the phone?’

  This was the second time she’d mentioned Anaya by name, but again it was like he didn’t even register her. Feeling heat rising within her, she opened her mouth to give him what for when a sound came through, telling her that someone else was trying to call. She pulled the phone away from her ear and glanced down at the screen to see the name she’d been waiting for all afternoon. It was all she could do not to shriek.

  ‘Gotta go, Samuel. I think Bryn’s trying to call me.’

  Then, without giving him the chance to say goodbye, she ended his call and answered Jasper’s. ‘Hello,’ she gasped, utterly failing to sound cool, calm and collected.

  ‘Hi Harper. How you doing?’

  He sounded uncertain, and quite frankly, how the hell did he think she was? But she swallowed this retort. ‘I’m fine. How are you? How’s Anaya?’

  Have you made a decision about me and her?

  ‘I’m good. I’ve spent the last couple of hours talking with my family and we’ve come to a decision.’

  Her belly went rock solid as she waited for him to deliver it.

  ‘Can you come to the hospital?’ he asked.

  ‘What? Now?’ Harper blurted before realising how that sounded. She shot to her feet. ‘Yes, of course. I’m on my way. I can be there in ten minutes.’

  He wouldn’t ask her to come to the NICU at this time of night only to tell her no. Would he?

  ‘There’s no rush. Drive safely. I’ll be here with Anaya whenever you can get here.’ And he disconnected before she had a chance to say goodbye.

  Harper crossed to the bathroom, switched on the light and checked herself in the mirror to see how much fixing up would be required. She smoothed her hands over the wrinkles in her shirt, then brushed her hair and blotted the shine off her face with tissues. No time to reapply make-up and her hands were shaking anyway, so she could only imagine t
he kind of damage she’d do with lipstick or mascara.

  Two minutes later, she was in her car on the way to the hospital, replaying Jasper’s brief phone call over and over in her head. Maybe he’d only asked her there to say goodbye. Did the fact that he was so brusque mean he was about to shut her out? If he had good news, wouldn’t he have been more cordial? But surely if it was bad news, he’d deliver it over the phone. These uncertainties gave her heartburn and by the time she arrived at the hospital, she felt in need of a good antacid. She locked her car and hurried into the building.

  She took a deep breath and started towards the NICU. As it was now well past visiting hours, the hospital floors were all but deserted and she felt like a trespasser, but she held her shoulders back and continued to her destination, trying to look more confident than she felt.

  The nurse/guard at the entrance of the NICU gave Harper a cordial nod as if expecting her, then pressed the button that opened the door to the ward and told her to go on through. Her shoes click-clacking along the corridor sounded so loud but another nurse met her eye and smiled, making her feel slightly less anxious. There were only a couple of other parents on the ward, sitting quietly beside incubators, and they barely looked up as she passed.

  At the entrance to Anaya’s room, she paused to scrub her arms clean and saw Jasper gazing down at their little girl. The room was dim and quiet due to the late hour.

  He looked up when she entered.

  ‘Hi there,’ she somehow managed. She tried to read his expression for an answer.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, standing, his face unreadable.

  Although she desperately wanted him to put her out of her misery, her gaze went to the baby, her heart turning over at the sight of Anaya sleeping peacefully. She didn’t know how she’d cope if Jasper told her she couldn’t see her again.

  ‘You’ve made a decision?’ she asked, looking up into his eyes.

  He nodded. ‘Thanks for coming in so late.’

  ‘I want to be here,’ she said, and then lowered her voice when she realised how loudly she’d spoken.