New Forever

by Yessi Smith

  “I’ve got a way with ladies,” I deadpan and Adam waits for me to follow him.

  On the streets or with Adam? If I go stay on the streets tonight, I won’t have a fighting chance if those guys show up again.

  “How much does Hayley know?” I ask.

  “I haven’t told her or Dee yet.”

  I nod. Adam will stay quiet if I asked him to. He’d keep my secret, but then I’m condemning myself to his damning eyes. Adam is too perceptive – he may not always say it, but he sees way too much. There’s never any judgment behind those eyes though, just too much knowledge. My pride tells me the streets are the only reasonable solution, but then I hear the small whisper of my heart reminding me of Hayley. What would she think if I listened to my pride and wound up dead?

  “Yeah, okay¸ just do me one more favor,” I pause for a second, but continue to talk when he stays quiet. “Don’t tell Dee. Make up an excuse. I don’t want Hayley knowing anything.”

  I hear him sigh loudly. “Dee’s in Tampa with Hayley. They don’t know anything that’s going on down here. Hell, I don’t know what the hell is going on down here.”

  “Neither do I.”

  I get inside Adam’s SUV with little more than a grunt in his direction before I put on my seatbelt. I should be grateful. Hell, I am grateful, but now he wants and deserves the truth.

  “You look like shit,” he says and I nod, barely acknowledging him any further. I’m acting like a whiny little bitch. I know I am, but that doesn’t stop me from moving forward with my holier than thou demeanor. As if I hadn’t just completely inconvenienced him, and he hadn’t just saved my life.

  Hell, I don’t just look like shit – I felt like shit too. In a forty-eight hour time span, I’ve broken up with my girl, beat up some little punk piece of shit, got the crap beat out of me in return, broken into a store with every intention to steal from a stranger, had a gun pointed at me, been stitched up, and spent a night in jail. All in all, a pretty successful two days, depending on your definition of success.

  Taking me in with a long hard look, Adam nods his head slightly and drives to his house without further discussion about my appearance. Silence is good. Not enough people appreciate the beauty that surrounds silence, but I do. I always have.

  Your vision clears in times of silence and that is when you truly get to see a person.

  I try not to dissect the situation, but that’s what I do. I dissect, I over analyze, I rip things apart until the seams don’t stand a chance in hell of ever unifying. In other words, I’m notorious for screwing things up. And then I find myself alone again, with my overly active brain conjuring up even more scenarios.

  The atmosphere in the SUV is far more relaxed than I should feel, but that’s Adam. He’s calm and, in return, he calms you. I stop my over analyzing and just breathe in the quiet, letting my head rest on the window as Adam drives. My throat bobs with every breath while my ribs squeeze and shatter the remaining part of my pride.

  I get out of the car when we arrive at Adam and Dee’s house and for the first time see Josie sleeping in the backseat. I sigh loudly when he reaches into to the car and unbuckles her gently, so he doesn’t wake her.

  I’m a world-class ass. Adam has gone out of his way to help me and I’m acting like he’s inconveniencing me. I can’t even give him a proper excuse, but in that moment I decide to give him a reason for last night – except it’ll be one full of holes and half-truths.

  I follow them inside and head to the kitchen while Adam puts Josie back to bed. Taking out two beers, I open one for myself and set the other aside for Adam. Even though the sun has been out for a little over an hour, Adam takes his beer without question when he steps into the kitchen and together we drink in communal silence.

  “Hayley and I broke up,” I say, breaking the silence.

  “Figured that much.” He doesn’t bother looking at me while he continues to drink and I know he’s waiting for me to tell him why I look the way I do and why he had to pick me up in front of the city jail.

  “When’d she leave for Tampa?” I ask instead.

  “Doesn’t matter, does it?” Adam asks into his beer and shrugs when he finally looks at me.

  Whatever game he’s playing, he’s doing a damn good job at it. I mentally curse him for making me want to bare my soul just so he’ll give me the tiniest glimpse into Hayley’s life. I don’t know how I’m going to live without her. It’s only been two days and she’s invaded every part of who I am so deep that I can’t form a single thought without her making some sort of appearance. Damn her. Damn him. Damn myself.

  I pick up my beer and finish it off while Adam continues to study me.

  “I just wanted to protect her, man.” It’s true. It’s the only truth he’ll get from me as to why I left her. It’s the only truth I’m brave enough to speak out loud.

  “Protect her from you?” he asks and I nod. He puts his beer down and looks at me as if he were staring straight through me. Uncomfortable, much? “Don’t you think she should get to decide what or who she needs protection from?”

  “Look at me,” I say, fully assessing the state I’m in.

  “I’m trying not to.” Hearing Adam chuckle when my life feels like it’s going to hell fast, somehow lightens the mood so I flip him off.

  “It’s not like I left her without anything.” I try to make myself feel better by telling Adam how I left Hayley with everything I have so she wouldn’t be burdened with financial responsibilities. I mean, her small catering business does well, but it can only bring in so much income. I tell him about my mugging, which led to my piss poor attempt at stealing a laptop and my eventual stay in prison.

  “So you left yourself homeless?” Adam lifts his eyebrows and, again, I grow uncomfortable under his watchful eyes. “You’re either noble or incredibly stupid.”

  Definitely stupid.

  “Not like I’ve never been in this situation before. Today’s not a good example, but I used to be a damn good thief,” I joke and Adam laughs lightly while he shakes his head at me.

  “You’re like the knight in a tin foil get-up,” he jokes back and I laugh with him although I feel stripped of all my dignity. Naked and on display for the world to point and laugh at. “Get some rest. You can stay in the guest room.”

  Dismissed, I go to the bathroom and turn the shower on hot enough to scald my skin, just to feel Hayley close to me. She’s the one who liked the water too hot, and like the pathetic loser I’m proving to be, I need some sort of physical remembrance of her.

  I stare at the shower walls too long until my eyes hurt. Trying to remedy my stiff neck, I massage the back of my neck only to realize my movements are far too jerky to actually be helpful. With my bottom lip held securely between my teeth, I get out of the shower and run my hands over my face before I dry off with the towel Adam left me.

  Exhausted, I put on a spare shirt and a pair of boxers I stuffed in my backpack and put the rest of my dirty clothes in a pile to wash. Then I fall into bed and try to get comfortable but only end up tossing and turning, trying to find a less painful position. Only I don’t know which is more painful – my bruised body or my broken heart. Even in sleep my heart races, but at least in my dreams I do what I can’t do while I’m awake. I plead with Hayley to take me back. I cry and I beg until my throat grows sore and my lips crack. But it’s too late. I can disregard my personal pride and wail for her to come back to me, but she sees me for who I am.

  I’m my father’s son. I’m a sinner not worth saving.

  Having slept less than I’m used to, I down my third cup of coffee while Dee talks to some fellow authors in the hotel’s small restaurant. I stay in the background and watch her, happy to see her finding her self-confidence without using me as a safety blanket. Not that I mind being her safety blanket—at least it makes me useful. But Dee still hasn’t fully grasped how strong she is and I take pride in seeing her test her limits and put herself in what she once saw as vulnerable situations.


  I mumble into my coffee cup when I see I’ve almost drank it to its entirety but am still exhausted. Closing my eyes, I touch my temples with my fingers and squeeze, hoping for some clarity or balance.

  “Hmmm,” I hear a masculine voice in front of me and gaze into dark brown eyes that are watching me with an intensity that makes me feel naked. Naked, in a good way so I straighten my shoulders, forcing my C-cup breasts to look a bit more pronounced. I look back at him through glassy eyes and blink several times to make sure I haven’t conjured him up just to appease my own broken heart.

  While my heart remains numb to everything around me, my mind convinces me to flirt. I push past the headache and the desire to weep, and smile into his gorgeous face.

  “You gonna stare at me all morning?” I ask with a confidence I don’t quite feel and touch my mug with one finger. “Or do you wanna have a seat and chat me up a bit?”

  “Straight forward, I like that.” He licks his lips and I find myself mimicking his movements. “I was gonna say you’re far too beautiful to be sitting alone, but now it just sounds like a corny pick-up line.”

  I laugh at the innocent face he’s trying to pull, and it feels good to laugh, so I laugh even harder. “Corny, yes, but what girl doesn’t like being told she’s beautiful?” I bat my eyes and, oh shit, did I just swoon? Oh, hell yes. Suck on that, Max!

  “Now it’s your turn to tell me how beautiful I am.” I catch the humor in his eyes and smile wider.

  “Definitely beautiful.” I lick my lips again while he leans closer to me. “Like model beautiful.” I wink at him and am mesmerized when the smile on his lips reaches his eyes.

  “Well, I am a cover model for a series of books.” He winks back and I suppress a giggle that almost escaped my lips.

  “What books?” I put my hands back on my coffee, ready for more caffeine. “I must buy them all and spread them across my bed so I can sleep with you every night.”

  “A girl as beautiful as you should never go to bed alone.” He puts his hand over mine and I pull away from him and my coffee, but keep my smile in place while the bottom of my foot taps impatiently.

  Flirting was fine, but touching? What is it about touching? I used to think a public caress or couples holding hands was a way for people to mark their territories. The ‘she’s mine’, type of possessive crap I never wanted any part of. But Max’s touch never felt possessive. It felt right, like our hands were molded for each other. It was never about him claiming his territory, although I was his completely, but rather a form of affection. I needed his touch, and only his touch, just as strongly as I needed air in my lungs.

  I notice him arch an eyebrow at my reaction and quickly busy my hands by tearing a piece of my napkin and wadding it into a small ball. Under his amused eyes, I take the straw out of my water glass and put the small paper ball in my straw. My lips stretch into a smile when I aim my straw at Dee and let out a big breath into the straw. I know I’ve hit my mark when Dee brushes her hand through her hair. I high five my new friend and laugh when he points at a girl about my age.

  “That’s my author,” he says before he takes my straw, winking when his hand brushes my hand again.

  But rather than it being seductive and uncomfortable, his boyish grin just makes the gesture fun. I wad up another small piece of paper and give it to him. He narrows his eyes as he points the straw towards his author and launches his strike, missing his target by two people. Instead, he hits another good looking guy who’s probably also a model, right on his cheek.

  Unable, or unwilling to contain myself, I throw my head back in laughter while he tries to hide behind me. But the two men lock eyes and I know we’ve started a war when the target becomes the shooter. I take my straw back from him and I shoot another wad of paper at Dee, quickly hiding behind my menu when she looks in my direction.

  “Busted,” I hear him whisper and I peer over my menu only to see Dee glaring at me.

  Without looking at him, I point an accusatory finger at my new companion only to realize I still don’t know his name. Turning my face so that I’m looking at him shaking his head in denial at Dee, I ask him for his name.

  “Rob,” he responds, extending his hand for a shake.

  What is it with this guy and making physical contact? I take his warm hand in mine and laugh an obnoxiously loud laugh when a biscuit smacks him in the face.

  I look back toward his author friend and find her and the other model practically falling out of their chair in laughter. We’re on the brinks of a full on riot. I’m about to warn Rob of my suspicions when I notice Dee, who snuck up on me while I was entertained by the biscuit thrower, quietly lifting her glass of water over my head. Laughing harder, I wrestle her hand away from me, spilling water on my lap in the process. I stand up suddenly, catching Dee off guard and giving myself the upper hand in our little battle. Taking advantage of the situation, I throw Dee’s glass of water in her face and then run out of the restaurant with Rob close behind me.

  After making our escape, we round the corner and I collapse on the floor in a fit of laughter while Rob studies me. Undeterred, I stay on the ground, enjoying my moment of freedom and joy and finally tell him my name. My heart slams in my chest, but for the first time in days it is out of joy rather than sorrow. I lift my eyes and meet Rob’s when I hear voices calling out our names.

  “They’re looking for us,” I whisper and Rob nods his head in agreement. “We need to hide.”

  He nods his head again and calls the elevator while I peel my ass off floor. The elevator arrives seconds before we almost get caught.

  “Where to?” I ask, not really wanting to part ways with Rob yet. I like his carefree demeanor, such a nice contrast to Max, who is usually uptight and pensive.

  “Did you bring a bathing suit?” he asks, his eyes twinkling with mischief and I nod. “Put it on and meet me by the pool. We have a couple hours before I’m needed.”

  I send Dee a quick text, letting her know I’ll meet up with her later and get off the elevator feeling lighter than I had since leaving Ft. Lauderdale. After putting on my black Brazilian cut bikini, I reapply my make up, knowing it won’t smudge off in the pool since it’s water resistant.

  I stare in the mirror for a long time, before I shake my head at myself. A big part of me hopes Max is miserable. That he’s just waiting for me to come home so he can beg me to take him back. He wouldn’t need to beg though, because I’m not very good at playing games or denying myself of what I want. And, damn it, I want Max. I want him to be the one I’m meeting at the pool. I want him to be the one I’m spooning at night. I just want him.

  Turning away from my reflection, I head down to the pool, careful not to run into any of the people who got pegged during our little war in the restaurant.

  ***

  “Now what?” I ask after I’m certain I won’t fall off the inflatable lounger.

  Straddling his own float, he smacks my shoulder with a noodle and grins. “We joust.”

  I grab one of the noodles from him and steady myself on the float as Rob uses his hands to paddle away from me. I balance the noodle on my lap and take off after him. And by take off, I mean I barely move. I paddle myself forward and almost fall in the pool face first. I kick my feet underwater and, again, almost fall in the pool face first.

  Okay, new plan. Make Rob come to me.

  “Where ya going, chicken?” I call after him and as I predicted, he turns his float around and starts paddling towards me.

  “Who you callin’ chicken?”

  “You.” I splash water at him and am proud when I maintain my balance. “Chicken!”

  “You’re going down, little girl.” He exchanges a knowing look with me so I offer him my bravest smile.

  I pick up my noodle, ready to defend myself and my turf. We begin jousting when Rob gets within arms reach. We smack each other hard, laughing as we try not to fall off our floats. I only have time to do a small congratulatory dance when I unarm him be
fore he grabs my float and pulls hard enough to send me overboard. I take in water when I go underwater and come up coughing and laughing while splashing water in Rob’s direction.

  “You cheated!” I accuse.

  “Cheat? How can I cheat when there weren’t any rules?”

  I duck my head underwater, hoping I’m being subtle when I swim under his inflatable lounger and try to no avail to knock him over.

  “You’re heavy,” I laugh when I come up for air.

  “Nah, you’re just small,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows at me from his mighty steed and I shake my head.

  “Nope, you’re heavy.”

  Without warning, Rob comes crashing into the water and propels himself toward me. Oh. Crap!

  I try to swim away but he grabs my ankle and pulls me toward him. His hand lightly caresses my leg before it lands on my waist as he turns me around. I see desire spark in his eyes and I feel shame wash over me.

  I did this – I led him on by flirting with him, but the truth is I’m not ready for what comes next. I thought I wanted the distraction, but just thinking about his lips on mine leaves me empty and remorseful. Breathless, I squirm out of his arms and am about to apologize for being a tease when he splashes water in my face.

  “Real mature, Rob,” I say after I spit out the water that landed in my mouth.

  “I knew my time with you was up and wanted to make our adventure memorable.”

  Together, we get out of the pool and Rob hands me my towel that I wrap around my tense body.

  “Are you going to the show?” he asks, referring to the modeling show he’s a part of for the author signing.

  “I already got my own private showing.” And there I go with the flirting again. I’m an idiot. I cough to hide my discomfort but if he notices, he’s kind enough to not mention it. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

  “Good.” He turns to walk away from me but stops and touches my chin with his forefinger. “Hayley.” He waits for me to look at him before continuing, “I hope whoever hurt you is worth your misery.”