by Yessi Smith
We’re gonna see the sunrise, but in a different way. So, we’re not going to the beach. There are no mountains in South Florida. So what does that leave?
“Scuba diving?” I ask and he lets out a loud bark of laughter as I feel the car stop. Does that mean we’re here or that he’s at another red light?
“Yeah, Hay,” he agrees, brushing the hair away from my face so he can kiss the side of my mouth. “We’re gonna see the sunrise from twenty feet under water. The crepes you made might get a bit soggy, but it’s the latest thing.” I’d made crepes early this morning when Max told me he was taking me somewhere as a surprise the night before. God forbid I let either of our stomachs grow hungry and ruin whatever he has planned for us.
I stick my tongue out at him and yelp when he bites it, but sink into his kiss, giving him my soul.
“We’re here,” he says, after ending our kiss and already, I miss his breath on me.
He gently takes off my blindfold and I blink several times to get my eyes accustomed to the predawn light, but I still don’t see much of anything. Unless a dark, open field is my big surprise.
I look back at him curiously and smile when I imagine us making love on a blanket with nothing but nature around us as the sun rises. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss.
“I love it,” I tell him between kisses and feel his lips turn into a smile.
“I’m glad, but you haven’t seen your surprise yet. Over there.” He points to our left and I squint my eyes, only seeing the silhouette of something very large. Whatever it is, it is so large, it takes up a huge amount of space on the ground and in the air. We walk toward the direction of my surprise and I see what seems to be some sort of flame floating inside the silhouette.
Max takes my hand and leads me towards it and I can’t even begin to guess what it is, but I feel my heartbeat quicken as we get closer. My eyebrows furrow together and I stare in the direction of my surprise with intense focus. I stop suddenly when finally, I see it and my smile builds slowly across my face.
A hot air balloon!
I squeal and jump then throw myself at Max, hugging him with my arms and legs.
“You like?” he asks.
“I love! But nowhere near as much as I love you.” My breath catches in my throat as I pull Max the rest of the way towards our hot air balloon.
The desire to explore the balloon is strong, but not as strong as my need to hug Max. So I hug him, molding our bodies flat against one another. A soft cough interrupts our embrace and Max spins around with me still latched onto him like a koala. After the mandatory introductions are made and safety instructions are told, we climb into the basket of our hot air balloon with our guide and basket of crepes.
Max puts his arms around my waist and I lean into him as we softly float off the ground. Once we’re in the air, I feel it—the freedom I envy every time I see a bird in flight. I watch the city grow smaller as we float higher and higher in the atmosphere. The wind tickles my nose and I close my eyes to enhance the scent of the fresh, warm air. This is freedom. In Max’s arms, I watch the sunrise as it paints the clear sky in an explosion of orange, red, and gold.
This is to live. To love.
I get out of the car on shaky legs and take each step toward the hotel deliberately. Max still loves me. In his deluded mind, he’s taking care of me just as he’s done since the first day I met him. Now, I just have to convince him that I still want him regardless of what he’s hiding from me.
Maybe his secrets should scare me. Maybe I’m the one living some deluded dream, but he’s the hero of my story. The only time he’s ever hurt me was when he got this ignorant idea that he had to protect me. His preconceived idea of nobility sucks.
I exit the elevator, turn to his room and on a long exhale, knock on his door.
Pacing like a caged animal, I try to convince myself I’m not waiting for Hayley. Not at all. In fact, I don’t want her here at all, screwing with my plan and reminding me of how much I miss her. So instead of pleasure, I tell myself I feel nothing but annoyance when I hear the knock at my door. I know who I’ll find before I open it and for a millisecond I consider not opening it at all. Instead I mask my uncertainty with a cocky smile and allow my eyes to stare at Hayley long enough to make her squirm before she waltzes into my hotel room and back into my life.
She smells like spring—fresh and sweet with an earthy undertone. My fingers itch to touch her, to trace the outline of her face and run my fingers through her hair. Her lips, slanted into a scowl, beg for my attention.
I inch away from her, giving me enough space to clear my head and watch her as she sits on my bed and crosses her legs. I doubt she means to be seductive, but that’s exactly what she is. My gaze follows down the hem of her skirt and over her long legs, and I immediately harden when my eyes trace back over her body and land on her partly open mouth.
I know that body—I’ve studied and worshipped that body for countless hours. I know where to touch to hear her sigh and where to suck to make her moan. I know what makes her writhe and what makes her take flight in ecstasy.
Her eyes, dancing with worry, watch me and I find myself moving further away from her. She has to leave before I break and forget what I’m protecting her from.
“Max,” she sighs and I look back at her, wanting to take her worry and pain and carry it myself. “Max,” she whispers again, but I interrupt her before she can speak again.
“What are you doing here, Hayley? There’s nothing left for you here.”
She shakes her head at me and slowly gets off the bed and moves towards me. I try to move even further away from her, but I already have my back pressed against the wall. There’s nowhere else for me to go – I’m cornered. I clench my hands into fists and flick my eyes toward her briefly while she continues to walk towards me.
“You’re here. That’s all I need.”
Trapped. That’s how I feel. Trapped by her voice, my unwavering love for her, my inability to do what is right. So, I push her away in the only way I can, hoping my words cut deep enough that she’ll leave.
“Is that what you want? Well here I am. I’ll take good care of you.” I point to the bed with my chin. “But then you leave.” My voice is cold and I hate the edge I’ve forcibly put behind each word.
She takes a small step away from me, her eyes wide and brimming with tears, but she lifts her chin and dares me to take her.
“Yeah, okay, let’s do this then.” Her smile doesn’t spread to her eyes, but I refuse to cave in to whatever game we’re playing. I hate that I have to hurt her, that I have to make her hate me. It’s the last straw I have to grasp at so I grab her shoulders, digging my fingers into her delicate skin and guide her to the bed. Already, I hate myself, but not quite as much as I hate whoever will come after me and mends her broken heart. But this is necessary. This is what’s right. For her. Always, only for her.
I don’t take my time kissing her like I normally would, but release all of my frustration as I take over her body. Her body responds to my touches and I know I should stop, that I’m taking advantage of both of us, but I can’t find the will to do so.
I lift up her shirt and cup her left breast roughly in my hand while I kiss her neck, smiling when a gasp escapes her lips. I move my attention to her lips and bite down as I squeeze her pebbled nipple between my fingers.
“Max,” she whispers my name into my mouth while she wraps her legs around my waist and pulls me closer to her. She runs her fingers through my hair and pulls hard enough to jerk my head away from her lips.
I see her eyes shining back at me with unshed tears as her chest hitches with each breath she takes. Cursing myself, I get off her. She lies there limply staring at me, her eyes wide with vulnerability while her body betrays her and trembles with the anticipation I’ve built up inside of her.
“Just go, Hay,” I say, my voice so hoarse I don’t recognize it.
“Not without you.” She looks back at
me, her decision clear in her eyes and I’m torn between wanting to curse her and hug her. This woman, this beautiful, amazing woman, can be downright frustrating.
Without a word, I go through her purse and get her car keys. With her purse on my arm, I pick her up off the bed and drape her over my shoulder and begin my trek down the three flights of outdoor stairs while she struggles and curses my name. It’s a good thing South Florida hotels have outdoor hallways and stairs or I’m sure the receptionist would have plenty to say about our little show.
“Max!” Hayley shouts, biting my back until I’m sure she’s drawn blood while she continues to hang from my shoulder. I squeeze one arm around the bottom of her butt where I’m carrying her while I smack her ass with my free hand. I really shouldn’t be finding enjoyment out of this. I wipe the smile from my face and remind myself that I need her out of my life. Now.
An older couple makes room for me to walk by them and I catch the older man’s grin so I force a smile on my face. He probably thinks this is some sort of foreplay and not a desperate attempt to rid myself of the woman I love.
“Thanks,” I grunt at them, smacking Hayley’s ass again for good measure while the older couple laughs and Hayley pleads for help.
Once I reach the bottom floor, I’m pretty sure her nails and teeth have made me bleed in places my muggers hadn’t touched. My girl—no, Hayley is stronger than I ever gave her credit for. My face will probably be torn to bits when I set her down so I come up with a plan that will hopefully leave me with less injuries. I hit her car’s remote until I hear her car alarm go off and after I turn off the alarm and open her door, I shove her inside and buckle her in, taking one last smell of her before I pull away.
“Why are you doing this?” she asks, putting her foot out the door so I can’t shut it. I’m grateful her tears have completely dried up and have been replaced with anger. I can deal with anger.
“Just go, Hayley.” I hand over her purse and inch away from her car as she fumbles to unbuckle her seat belt. I need to get away from this fiery, hell-bent she beast before she unleashes on me.
“Just go, Hayley,” she mimics me. “Did you get hit so hard on the head you can’t say anything else?”
I begin to smile, but catch myself in time. “I just want you to leave me alone,” I deadpan.
“Bullshit.” I shake my head at her and although I’m expecting an attack, I’m still taken aback when she launches herself at me and hits my shoulder. Hard. I’d laugh, but the look on her face tells me I’d be a huge idiot to do so and since I’ve already made several idiotic choices today, I decide to keep a straight face. Knowing my luck, her next hit will be to my still sore ribs, that are already yelling at me after carrying Hayley down the stairs. But I’ll be damned if I don’t love this woman to the core of my soul.
“If you try to walk away from me again, I’ll follow you. You’re not getting rid of me, Max.”
“Hay-”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course I do. You know I do.”
“Then we’ll figure the rest out.”
I run the palms of my hands over my face, not knowing what else to do or say.
“It’s not that easy.”
“Only because you’re making it hard.”
“If you knew-” I cut myself off and turn away from her, ready to lock myself back inside my hotel room.
“Tell me.” She grabs my hand before I can make my escape and I look down at our joined hands. Hers are so small compared to mine. Slender and delicate, yet possess a crippling power over me whenever she touches me. “Talk to me.”
I’m not deserving of her trust or love, but I keep her hand in mine and bring her knuckles up to my lips for a quick kiss. I look back at her and wish things were different for both of us.
I’m close to telling her everything, to spilling what I’ve held inside of me for so long. Maybe her love will be strong enough to carry us through it.
“Stop thinking,” she tells me.
Stop thinking? Ha!
“And tell me how you feel. Tell me what you really want.”
Tell her how I feel? What I really want? I’m not good with words and even if I were, there’s no way to accurately express how I really feel, but she needs to know. I want her to know what’s inside me, how badly I yearn for her every day it physically hurts. So instead of using words, I take her face in my hands and kiss her lips with a tenderness that is strictly reserved for her. When she moans out my name, I caress her lips with my tongue until she lets me in. Within seconds, I surrender myself to her and feel myself become whole once again when she puts her arms around my neck and pulls me closer to her.
“Show me, Max,” she whispers in my ear when our lips and tongues separate. “Show me how much you love me.”
I can do that. I can love her. Just one more night. A final goodbye.
I close the little space that is left between us and lean into her so that her back is pressed against her car while I kiss her neck and she hugs me to her again. She bites my ear before flicking it with her tongue, leaving me with a serious speech impediment.
“Love me, Max. Love me, love me, love me,” she whispers over and over in my ear.
Locking her car, I take her hand in mine and guide us both back into my hotel room. We’ve done this countless times, yet each time always feels new and exciting. I feel my pulse quicken while my dick throbs in my pants. I can show her how much I love her tonight, but then I have to let her go. The thought depresses me so I push it back, I need to only focus on her—focus on my Hayley and everything I want to give her.
Given the opportunity, I’d have given her everything, but I settle for the few hours we’ve been gifted. It’s enough, I tell myself and only a small part of me believes it to be true.
In the room, I watch her undress, taking her in and memorizing her every movement, but my mind blanks when she wraps her naked body around me. I take her by the shoulders and gently push her away so that I can take my shirt off and feel her flesh against mine. She puts her lips to my chest and traces my abs with one long finger that sends shivers down my spine and straight to my dick.
With my pants still on, I pick her up and put her on my bed while I climb on top of her. Her fingers move swiftly to my pants and she undoes them while she licks her lips. Just as quickly, I remove them and toss them to a corner in the room. I stroke her bare chest and stomach with my fingers while I straddle her waist and then sit up so I can look at her. I stare at this beautiful woman lying beneath me and curse the gods for giving me more than I can keep.
“I need you now.” She looks up at me with feverish eyes and a pained expression as she arches her back up. I nod, certain she hasn’t stopped taking her birth control pills in the last few days.
While my lips trace circles over her face, I align my dick to her entrance and thrust inside of her while she moans my name softly. At first, I take my time, wanting to feel and watch her as I show her how much I love her. Her hands rub my back in long strokes while her eyes remain on mine. I love the feel of her hot breath on my face and breathe her in so that she can always remain a part of me. I lick my lips just before our lips meet, mingling our breaths as we whisper the other’s name. Both eager to be closer, she pulls me down until my body is flush with hers and she leans her head forward and licks my lips when I growl her name. My body thrives on the euphoria we are creating together, both of us fully aware of the other’s every movement. No longer able to keep a slow tempo, I pick up my pace, possessing her in the most primal of ways. Each thrust becomes harder and faster and I feel her nails dig into my arms as she screams my name. Just as she reaches her climax, I cover her mouth with mine so I can taste my name as it explodes from her mouth. Elevated by her soft moans, my thrusts become wilder as I reach my own climax and my mouth holds onto hers as I come.
I lower my body so that I am draped over her, but keep myself deep inside of her. I feel at home. My muscles relax when she begins to scratch my back wi
th her long nails. I could live the rest of my life like this, forever connected to Hayley.
As the seconds tick by, I can feel Max emotionally withdraw from me and I wish I could wrangle time and make it stand still. Needing to maintain contact with him, I rest my head on his shoulder and will him to stay with me. Just a few minutes ago, he was worshipping my body in a way only he can, but as soon as he got off me and laid down next to me, the moment was gone. Max was gone, only to be replaced by this stranger that can breathe the same air as me, but still be miles away. Regardless, I keep my head on his shoulder and put my hand over his chest, hoping he’ll put his arm around me, rather than simply lie there like I was some sort of easy fuck he can now get away from.
“I feel like we’re in some cheesy romance movie, and all our problems could be solved if you just talked to me.”
I feel Max laugh silently so I kiss his chest, hoping this is a sign that we still have a chance of putting ourselves back together again.
“I think I’d do better in a porn,” he jokes, making me snort in response.
“Yeah?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. “You’ve got moves you haven’t shown me then, huh?” I clench my butt cheeks together when he pinches them and then bite his shoulder in retaliation. “No? Well, we can practice at our place until you reach expert level.”
I hear him sigh and I know I’ve lost this battle when he moves away from me and gets off the bed. His eyes look around the room uncertainly before they land back on me. I want to reach out to him, to soothe him, to put his doubts to rest.
“This doesn’t change anything,” he says, starting to pace the small room, still naked.
I inwardly recoil at his words, but keep my face impassive as I grab my pillow and hold it to my chest. I swallow against the bile building inside of me and somehow manage to keep from averting my eyes. The burning in my throat intensifies, but I swallow it back as I shrug my shoulders at him.
“Of course not,” I agree with a fake smile plastered to my face. “But why stay at a hotel when you have an apartment with a couch you can crash on? One by the way, you’re still helping pay for?”
