Gnarly

by Mickie B. Ashling

  After hauling two black garbage bags out to the curb, he walked back into the house to face Aiden and Avery. He’d asked them to set aside some time for him this afternoon. Ed hoped he’d find the strength and, more importantly, the right words to tell them what was going on. They were leaving early in the morning to go back for their last semester, and he’d already booked a cab to take them to the airport. This was his last chance unless he took the coward’s way out, postponing the discussion until he returned in early February. But that was only delaying the inevitable. It would weigh on his mind—and ruin his holiday—if he didn’t face his children right now.

  He found them hanging out in the family room. Aiden was reading and Avery was watching something on TV.

  “Hey, guys.”

  They both turned to him expectantly. When he didn’t say anything, Aiden broke the silence.

  “What are you so afraid to tell us?” he asked pointedly. “If it’s the fact that you’re getting laid again, don’t bother. We figured that out at Thanksgiving.”

  “Wait—what?”

  Avery barked out a laugh. “Dad, we’re not clueless.”

  Ed felt like an absolute fool but forged ahead. “Do I have some sort of sign on my forehead?”

  “You’re calm, smile a lot more, and don’t fly off the handle when things don’t go your way,” Avery said, ticking off the items on one hand.

  “Plus,” Aiden interjected, “you get this goofy look on your face when those texts come in every day like clockwork. Who is she, Dad?”

  Ed cleared his throat. “Actually….”

  “Dad?” Aiden said more gently. “It’s okay to tell us anything you want.”

  “We know you’ve been lonely, and we’d never blame you for trying to find another love. Five years is a long time to mourn,” Avery said. “Even Mom would tell you it’s not good for your health to be sexually deprived.”

  Ed choked out a laugh. “I’m not at all deprived.”

  “Good to know,” Avery said. “When do we get to meet her?”

  “Actually, I’m leaving for Spain again at the end of the week to join them.”

  “A group?” Aiden asked excitedly. “You must be going on those cool holiday river cruises I’ve seen advertised. Am I right? Is your lady friend going to meet you?”

  Ed buried his face in his hands and took several deep breaths. When he looked up, Aiden and Avery were eyeing him warily.

  “You’d better come clean, because we’re starting to think the worst,” Avery said.

  “What would be the worst-case scenario in your opinion?” Ed asked.

  “God, I don’t know. Are you in love with a Russian and defecting?”

  “Wrong movie, son. My last name isn’t Snowden.”

  “You’ve fallen in love with a transgendered woman,” Aiden announced, looking a little apprehensive. “Is that it? I’m cool with it if you are. Transparent won an Emmy, Dad, and I’ve watched the show so I sort of understand.”

  “Close, but no cigar.”

  “Dad, you’re impossible,” Aiden rebuked, voice rising. “This is 2016, for fuck’s sake. Anything goes.”

  “Really? What would you say if I told you I was in love with two people and in a concurrent relationship with both?”

  “Um, wow,” Avery said, sounding stunned. “For real?”

  “How’d you get so lucky?” Aiden asked. “I have a hard time hanging on to one girl at a time.”

  Ed cleared his throat. “Actually, they’re not women.”

  The silence was deafening and Ed fought the urge to backpedal. He had to give them a chance to absorb the information.

  “You can’t be gay,” Avery said, finally voicing an opinion. “You were married to a woman for years and you obviously had sex because Aiden and I exist.”

  “I’m bisexual,” Ed said firmly. “I loved your mother very much, and never cheated on her during our marriage, but there was a guy before her.”

  Now the twins were leaning forward and looking at him like he’d grown a set of horns.

  “Let’s take this from the top, Dad,” Avery said, speaking very slowly. “How about starting from the very beginning. When you first met this guy.”

  “Okay,” Ed said. “I can do that.”

  He paused, instantly recalling Javi. He had overcome his fears and chosen to move forward with his life, trusting in Ed’s love and his own ability to make positive, life-affirming changes. Ed grew more confident knowing he had the backing of two very special men.

  “Listen up, guys. Back in 1986, when I was about your age, I went to Europe for a holiday.”

  They let him talk uninterrupted for almost an hour. When Ed finished his story, he waited for their reaction. He prayed he wouldn’t lose them, but he also knew he wouldn’t take any of it back.

  “Well?” he asked as they continued to stare at him. “Do you guys hate me?”

  “No,” Aiden said. “I could never hate you, but I need to ask you something, Dad.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Is bisexuality hereditary?”

  Ed raised his eyebrows. “I don’t believe so. Why?”

  Aiden frowned. “I’ve been having these feelings, you know. It would explain a lot if you told me this was in our genes.”

  “You’re attracted to a guy?” Avery asked in a loud voice.

  “Well, sort of, I don’t know… I haven’t done anything about it.”

  “Who?” Avery prompted.

  “Does it really matter, bro?”

  “I’d like to know so I don’t hit on him.”

  “What!” Aiden and Ed said at the same time.

  Avery shrugged. “I’ve always been pretty fluid.”

  Ed shook his head, stunned by the implications. “What are you trying to tell me, Avery?”

  “That you’re not alone, and it’s okay to be yourself, Dad. It’s what I’m hoping you’ll tell Aiden and me.”

  “I would have if you guys had been more forthcoming,” Ed sputtered.

  “Hello, kettle, meet pot,” Aiden said sarcastically.

  “I need a drink,” Ed said. “Anyone else want a beer?”

  They both raised their hands.

  Much later, Avery asked, “So, this surfer dude. He’s a badass?”

  “They both are,” Ed said, “in their own way.”

  “Do you have pictures?”

  Ed pulled out his phone and showed him several shots. After he’d had his fill, Avery passed the phone to Aiden.

  “Well?” Ed asked.

  “What? It’s not enough to get our blessing, now you want us to rate your men?” Avery joked.

  “Shut up.” The huge smile on Ed’s face belied his harsh words. He couldn’t believe they were sitting around talking about Javi and Iker without any rancor or hysterics. It made him feel humble and very grateful he’d decided to put his trust in their loving hands. “I’m just curious.”

  “Javi’s pretty hot, but Iker’s more my type,” Avery said.

  “You can’t have him,” Ed said. “I saw him first.”

  Aiden burst out laughing. When he got himself under control, he leaned forward. “One more thing, Dad.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Exactly,” Aiden said. “How do three guys get off at the same time?”

  “Aaand… that’s the end of this discussion,” Ed said, standing up. “Let’s order takeout.”

  OVER DINNER, they made Ed promise to let them go to Europe after graduation.

  “No problem. Any place special you want to see?”

  They both said Spain at the same time.

  Ed smiled and nodded his approval. “You got it.”

  The next morning, he was already dressed for work by the time they were ready to leave.

  “You guys take care and keep in touch. Text at least twice a week, okay? Only use the credit card for emergencies,” he said, giving them his standard spiel.

  “Okay, Dad.”

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t d
o,” Ed added as usual.

  They both grinned.

  “What?” Ed said, frowning.

  “That just opened up a whole new world of possibilities,” Aiden said.

  Ed rolled his eyes. “Do as I say, not as I do.”

  They both hugged him. “See you at graduation, Dad.”

  “You bet.”

  “Alone or with your men?”

  “We’ll see.”

  “What are you going to tell Grandma and Grandpa?” Avery asked.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell them anything,” Aiden commented. “They might not survive.”

  “Let’s keep this between us for now,” Ed said.

  Chapter 25

  IN THE four days leading up to his departure, Ed spent long hours at the hospital. They’d purposely packed his schedule, knowing he was leaving at the end of the month for six weeks. Keeping busy took his mind off the upcoming plane ride, a dreadful byproduct of falling in love with men who were geographically challenging. In truth, if traveling were the only hardship he’d have to endure on this road to happiness, he was willing to pay the price. In between surgeries, he sat down with the business consultant to go over the pros and cons of the proposed surf shop.

  Uncharacteristically, Aiden and Avery texted throughout the day, checking to see how he was doing. This new camaraderie was heartwarming, albeit a bit invasive, but even when the teasing crossed a line, he couldn’t bring himself to be militant. He’d respond with a frowning emoticon instead. When it was all said and done, he considered himself lucky to have such open-minded children, and hoped he’d be as tolerant and accepting of their future partners, be they male or female.

  In an effort to overcome his fear of flying, as this was going to be an ongoing event, he decided to upgrade to first class using his accumulated miles, of which he had a ton. Perhaps a comfortable seat, with the ability to fully recline, and a more potent sleeping pill would knock him out for the longest leg of the journey.

  On December thirtieth, he sent each of his sons a text wishing them a Happy New Year and boarded the plane with a new resolve. If Javi could overcome his justifiable fear of the ocean, then Ed should be able to get through a flight with a modicum of ease. And thankfully, the combination of several key elements—good weather, better seat, exhaustion, kickass sleeping pill—made the flight a more tolerable experience.

  The shorter flight from Madrid to San Sebastián wasn’t a success. The small plane made him feel claustrophobic, and mild turbulence reduced him to a shaky, white-lipped mess. By the time Ed got off the plane, he was more than ready to celebrate New Year’s Eve in a drunken stupor.

  He’d been prepared to take a cab to the bar but was pleasantly surprised to see Javi at the arrival area. His lover assessed his condition immediately and folded Ed into his warm embrace without hesitation. Ed was too overwrought to give a damn about censorious bystanders.

  “Bad flight?” Javi asked, warm breath ghosting against Ed’s ear.

  “I fucking hate flying.”

  “I know, cariño. Let’s go home.”

  “Where’s Iker?”

  “At the bar. We’ll catch up with him after you’ve had a chance to decompress.”

  Ed stepped back and studied Javi. He was wearing a black cable-knit sweater underneath a beige parka, and blue jeans. Attractive stubble, instead of the scraggly beard, covered his jaw, his dark hair was stylishly shorter, and when he smiled, Ed noticed the marked difference in his demeanor. The edgy man who’d been convinced history would repeat itself was relaxed and content. Daily messaging had kept their connection alive, and despite Ed’s less-than-stellar appearance thanks to his recent meltdown on the plane, Javi appeared overjoyed to have him back in his arms.

  “I could use a stiff drink and a good pounding,” Ed said gruffly.

  “You’ve come to the right place,” Javi replied with a playful wink.

  Hours later, after Ed’s equilibrium had been restored with one of Javi’s signature blowjobs and two glasses of whiskey followed by a long hot shower and more sex, they headed toward the bar to ring in the New Year with Iker and Patxi.

  A FEW days into January, Ed sat at his customary spot nursing a beer and snacking on assorted croquetas. His favorite, those stuffed with Iberian ham, were long gone, and now he was starting on the oblong-shaped deep-fried delicacies, lightly coated with breadcrumbs and filled with creamy chicken and béchamel sauce. Of all the offerings at the recently renamed Elizalde-Lizaso Bar, croquetas were at the top of the list. They were comfort food, fattening as hell but deeply satisfying.

  The bar was warm and cozy, redolent with familiar smells that drew a small crowd, even on this dreary night. Rain had been falling on and off all day, and temps had dropped to bone-chilling levels Ed didn’t expect to experience anywhere but Chicago.

  “This is out of the ordinary,” Patxi assured him. “It gets cold in the winter, but nothing like this. You must have brought some of this nasty weather in your suitcase.”

  Ed grinned. “Go ahead. Blame it on the foreigner.”

  “Aita, stop giving Edu a hard time,” Javi said from his spot behind the gleaming mahogany counter. “Keep this up and he’ll go back on the next plane.”

  “No he won’t,” Iker said confidently. “He’s home for a while.”

  Ed turned toward Iker and took a minute to appreciate the man’s unassuming good looks. He looked different in the winter—they all did—but Iker’s change was dramatic. His tan had long since faded, and to Ed’s dismay and Javi’s very vocal disapproval, he’d cut his hair. Not super short, but pinning it up in a bun these days was more trouble than it was worth. Stray hairs escaped the binding and fell around his face, making him look disheveled. He promised his men he’d grow it back during the summer months. For now Iker wanted to look respectable, more in keeping with his new status as owner/entrepreneur. In Ed’s opinion, he looked dangerously handsome.

  “You’ve got that right, partner,” Ed said, lifting his bottle to acknowledge Iker’s confident statement.

  Ed’s “homecoming” three days ago had been remarkable in so many ways. After their public New Year’s celebration, the three men had spent hours in Javi’s bed, getting physically reacquainted and caught up on all the pertinent news.

  In November, Javi had facilitated the negotiations between Patxi and Iker, convincing his father it was time to enjoy life and retire. Reluctantly, Patxi had agreed to sell forty-nine percent ownership of the bar to Iker and leave fifty-one percent in Javi’s name. If they’d asked him in September, he would have said no, but in the months leading up to his decision, Iker had worked tirelessly alongside Javi and proven himself to be trustworthy and business savvy. He’d incorporated a few “Americanisms” he’d picked up while living in Miami, such as free appetizers between six and seven each day for a happy hour, and on Thursdays only, he set up a karaoke machine, drawing younger patrons who took turns emoting their favorite songs till the wee hours of the morning. As news of this addition spread, more and more people flocked to the bar, generating a much larger clientele. In the summer, when tourists clogged the streets, Iker intended to add another night.

  After they’d hammered out the details, Iker handed over a check, assuring the older Elizalde that his bar was in safe hands. Iker had personally supervised a few cosmetic alterations, spit-shining a place that hadn’t seen a fresh coat of paint in years. The changes were subtle but noticeable, and Ed could tell that everyone involved was satisfied with the results.

  Ed, in turn, had good news to report. The surf shop idea appeared to be feasible, but only if they could find a good location and shorter lease. There just wasn’t enough foot traffic to keep it open year-round. Javi had been given the assignment to find something as soon as possible. Once that was done, they’d draw up the papers making them partners in the new venture.

  Patxi was still trying to understand the dynamics of Javi’s personal interaction with both men. Too polite—or confused—to a
sk if they were sharing a bed, he avoided the topic. Still, the man was no fool and he wasn’t blind. It was obvious they cared for each other, and if they chose to get physical, it was their business, so long as he didn’t have to watch. Ed and Iker made it a point to respect Patxi’s boundaries and avoided any overt PDAs. Javi, in his usual inimitable fashion, continued to act spontaneously and seldom curtailed a hug or kiss when he was in the mood. After a while, Ed and Iker gave up trying to tell him to be more circumspect. The guy was a hopeless case, and his exuberance was one of the reasons they loved him.

  The bar continued to close on Sundays, and during the week, Javi had Mondays off while Iker took Wednesdays. It gave them a chance to catch up on errands and have some alone time with Ed. Although a formal “dating” schedule had never been discussed, they’d fallen into this comfortable pattern, and it seemed to work for everyone.

  That Sunday, they’d had lunch at one of their favorite local restaurants, and now they were lounging on the sectional enjoying their food coma. The question of living quarters came up when Iker casually mentioned his one-year lease was about to end on January thirtieth. He was prepared to sign for another year, but Javi insisted it would be a waste of money since Iker was at his place most nights.

  “I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” Iker said. “Working and living together is a recipe for disaster.”

  “I have a spare room,” Javi said succinctly. “If you’re not in the mood to put up with my sorry ass, you can go in there and lock the door.”

  Iker sighed.

  “Why not try it for a while?” Ed suggested.

  “It would be different if you lived here permanently,” Iker said. “You make a good buffer, but what do we do when you’re out of town?”

  “Are you saying I’m high-maintenance?” Javi asked.

  Iker shook his head. “It’s not that.”

  “What, then?”

  Iker headed toward the kitchen without saying another word. Javi gestured for Ed to go after him and figure out what bug had crawled up his ass. It took Ed thirty minutes to drag it out of Iker, but in the end, the younger man confessed he was falling in love with Javi, and moving in would make it harder to keep his feelings buttoned up.