Shalia's Diary #7

by Tracy St. John

  I sighed as I looked at my blond friend. “I still look awful. I almost don’t want anyone to answer my coms on Kalquor or back home. When they look at me, they’ll scream.”

  Candy laughed, the bright sound as cheerful as it had been before the organism had invaded her body and taken her over. “Don’t be ridiculous. If the clans talking to you are that shallow, you can do better. And you know your dads expect another tale of drama from their daughter.”

  “How are things with you and your guys?” I asked.

  Candy shrugged, her cheerful demeanor slipping just a touch. “I’m afraid they’re getting a little caught up in our relationship. They know I won’t stay with them and insist they’re okay with that. But Ama and Mihi both got grumpy when I told them I was going to interview a few of my potential clans during this window of time we have.”

  “Not a good sign,” I said. I smiled down at Anrel as she waved her fists in her sleep. Fending off the bad guys, my little fighter.

  “I may have to cut them loose if they get too possessive.” Candy outright frowned at that. “It’s too bad. I’ve had so much fun with them.”

  “I’m glad to hear you’re keeping them in their proper place.” Candy was doing a lot better with that than I seem capable of.

  “Nobeks.” Candy sighed and shook her head. “They are so passionate. I wonder if they fall in love easier than Imdikos do?”

  That was an interesting thought. It made me muse over who would deal with our eventual separation better: Betra or Oses?

  My com buzzed in my pocket. I took it out to quiet it before it could disturb Anrel. A message had been left on my room com.

  “What’s making you smile like the mouse that got the cheese?” Candy asked.

  “Clan Seot left me a message.” I almost wiggled in my delight to hear from them. “They say they’re excited to talk to me and want to do so tomorrow evening their time, afternoon for me.”

  Oh boy. Despite my misgivings over how bad I look, I can hardly wait to talk to them. Any chance to stare at Clan Seot is a chance I get giddy over. I bet I don’t sleep a wink tonight.

  July 13

  I can hardly keep myself together right now. I’m going to talk to Clan Seot within the hour. I’m so nervous that I can’t see straight. Writing in my journal is a distraction ... but it’s not working. I’ve written what, four sentences? It took me fifteen minutes to do so because I had to check myself in the mirror and check the time and check that Anrel’s dress isn’t wrinkled. Sheesh. You’d think this is the first date I’ve ever had in my life.

  Deep breath. I’m as good as I’m going to get. Candy was sweet enough to make my hair pretty and do my makeup for me. I still look way too haggard, but at least I don’t look like I nearly died a few weeks ago. I just look like I haven’t slept in the last century.

  All of Anrel’s clothes that I collected prior to her birth are way too big for that tiny body. Yet I’m going to put her in a cute little pink dress and pin it so it fits as well as it can. Betra will arrive soon to take me to her, and she and I will say hello to Clan Seot together. Hopefully we won’t look so pathetic as to scare them off.

  Oh well, there is always Clan Aslada. I received a message from them and we’re to talk tomorrow. Yippee, I get to do this all over again. Ugh.

  I’m hoping what happened earlier is a good omen. As Candy was primping me, Katrina visited my quarters. At first, we were afraid something awful had happened. Katrina burst into the room, her face drenched – drenched – with tears. As Candy and I stared at her in shock, sobs shook her frame. She didn’t sit on my lounger so much as collapse on it.

  In an instant, we were on either side of our elder friend, hugging her and begging to know what was wrong. It took Katrina a few moments to calm enough to speak. When she did, it was between harsh hitches of breath.

  “Alive ... they made it ... they’re alive!”

  I could think of only one situation that might fit the moment. “Your children? Your grandchildren?”

  “Yes. They all survived Armageddon!”

  In an instant Candy and I were screaming with joy. We forgot our poor worn-out bodies in the elation of the moment. Could there be any better news?

  After more tears were shed by all three of us, Katrina was finally able to tell us what she knew. Her son and daughter, along with their spouses and children, had been hiding from the Kalquorians like so many confused Earthers. Scavenging for food and fighting for survival had nearly gotten the best of them when a Joshadan representative of the Galactic Council showed up. He assured them that the nearby rescue site was safe and that the Kalquorians were not looking to enslave anyone. The news that Earth was soon to become uninhabitable was another consideration. Exhausted, hungry, and at the end of their collective rope, the family entered the rescue site three days ago. They are there now, knowing that Katrina survived too and evacuated the planet.

  “It’s the middle of the night for them right now, or I’d be talking to them instead of you,” Katrina told us. “I can hardly wait to hear their voices – to see them again. The next few hours may be the longest ones of my life.”

  “They’re all healthy? Okay?” Candy asked.

  “The site facilitator told me that other than slight malnutrition, they seem fine.” Katrina beamed through her tears. “All the nights I couldn’t sleep, all the nightmares when I did, wondering and worrying and hoping against hope – I can finally believe in miracles again.”

  Except for hints here and there, Katrina has never let on how much agony she’s gone through these past few months. She’s been a rock for us to lean on, never asking us to support her in kind. Even now, at this happiest moment, she opted to think of our one true orphan.

  Katrina wiped her tears away and in an instant was holding Candy close. “I’m so sorry to go on and on about finding my family when you lost yours.”

  “Don’t you dare be sorry!” Candy hiccupped through tears that might have been joy or grief. It was probably a mix of the two. “You go right ahead and celebrate and let me be happy for you. After all, I have you and Shalia, so I’m not without family.”

  “You’d better believe it,” I affirmed. “We are more than just friends. I can’t imagine life without you two. I’ll always be here for you both.”

  Candy and Katrina are better than a regular family, truth be told. After all I got to choose them, these sisters of my heart. I’m so grateful to have them.

  Whew. Reliving that took my nervousness away for a little while. It’s time for Betra to take me to Anrel. Hopefully Katrina’s good fortune rubbed off on me.

  July 14

  Well. Yesterday was certainly a long, drawn out affair. I can’t even begin to know how I’ll record everything and do all the stuff I’m supposed to do today.

  Betra got me to Anrel’s room with plenty of time to put her in her little pink dress. I knew it would swallow her whole, and it very nearly did. If not for the medical sensor vest she wears adding a little girth to her, I may as well have put her in a circus big top tent. She’s grown a lot since she was born, but she is still too tiny to be believed. I had gotten used to how small she is until I saw her miniscule little head poking out of a dress that could have covered two of her.

  I had this huge wash of terror overcome me when I saw Anrel like that. In an instant I was sobbing like she’d died. My baby is so very tiny, so incredibly helpless. How am I supposed to keep her safe? It seems like I can barely keep myself alive most of the time.

  Fortunately, Betra was there to take over. I don’t think he quite understood why I was bawling my head off, other than the dress not fitting. Maybe he thought it was hormones screwing me up. At any rate, he took Anrel from me and set about pinning the dress and making it look more her size.

  Seeing my daughter in those big, strong arms calmed me almost right away. I was reminded that I’m not alone when it comes to keeping Anrel safe. She has Betra. She has Oses. She has a lot of other people on this ship, Earther and
Kalquorian alike, who concern themselves with her welfare. And when I get to Kalquor, there will be others ready to take up the slack. It’s not all up to me.

  Yet even as I took comfort in that, I realized I’m still Anrel’s first line of defense. I have to be stronger than I am. Hell, I have to be stronger than I was before the It pulled me apart.

  I have blaster training. However, I can’t roam around wearing a blaster every second of the day. What else can I do? There must be something.

  Seeing that Betra was doing a good job of making my little girl as presentable as possible, I checked myself out to make sure my huge meltdown hadn’t wrecked my makeup. I was a little tear streaked, but some powder fixed most of it.

  I finished putting myself to rights just as Betra had Anrel ready to meet her potential fathers. He handed her over to me.

  “Thank you,” I said. I meant more than him fixing her dress so it looked only one size too big for her.

  He smiled. “It’s what I’m here for.” A shadow passed over his face. “Would you like me to stay? I can keep out of sight. They don’t have to know I’m here.”

  My weak moment had passed, thank goodness. How awkward would it have been for me to talk to maybe-future lovers and mates with one of my current sweethearts watching? Eek. Especially since I always get randy when I look at Clan Seot.

  “No, I’m good again. Ready to give them the inquisition.” I made a stern face, like a hostile interrogator.

  Betra hovered anyway. “Are you sure? Maybe Anrel will get fussy and need to be taken out of the com. Maybe you’ll get tired of holding her.”

  “Maybe you should go so I can get this done and over with,” I said, using a teasing voice to soften the barbed comment. I had the unwelcome idea that Betra was jealous and wanted to check out his competition. “We’re okay, Betra. I have the call button right here if I need help.”

  He gave in with good grace ... sort of. Betra slowly backed out of the room, as if to give me time to reconsider. “Okay. I’ll be right outside Isolation.”

  “Thanks.”

  Betra kept backing up, watching me hopefully until the door opened behind him. At last he stepped outside the room, leaving me and Anrel alone to call our beaus.

  I checked the time and smiled down at my sweet baby. Her gaze didn’t seem to be on anything in particular, as is usual for her. Tep says she’s too young to focus her vision well. Her arms, swathed in pink fabric, waved as if to tell me to get the show on the road.

  “Okay, okay,” I cooed to her. “No need to rush. We’re right on time.”

  I set my portable com on the table that Betra had arranged for me to use for just this purpose. I took a deep breath and propped Anrel in the crook of my arm. I tugged her dress down a little to make sure her tiny little elf face would be visible to Clan Seot when they answered.

  “Comfy?” I asked. She made one of her birdlike sounds as if to answer.

  “Here we go,” I said. I took another deep breath and addressed the com. “Enable vid transmission.”

  A small green light came on the device and an electronic voice issued from it. “Vid transmission enabled. Com frequency?”

  I had programmed it into my device. “Clan Seot.”

  “Sending.”

  They must have been waiting by their com. I don’t think a second went by before Clan Seot appeared in front of me and Anrel. I held my breath, waiting for their reactions.

  Expectant smiles dropped off the three handsome faces. Three pairs of purple eyes widened. Even Nobek Larten’s mouth dropped open in shock. I know from experience that Nobeks are usually good at keeping their emotions under control.

  Imdiko Cifa was the first to blurt, “Shalia! Are you ill? Wait! Is that the baby? But it’s too early!”

  Seot reached out to grasp Cifa’s arm, quieting his near-shouts with a mere touch. The Dramok’s eyes never left my face. “Easy, Cifa. Shalia, I am happy to see you, but it is clear much has happened. Are you all right?”

  I did my best reassuring smile. “I’ve had a rough time of it recently, but yes, I’ll be okay. And so will my daughter Anrel.”

  “Thank the ancestors,” Cifa breathed. Relieved now that he knew I wasn’t in imminent danger of dying, his sweet smile returned. He gazed at Anrel, his expression getting downright sappy. “Oh, she’s so tiny! Look at that little bit of a girl! So sweet!”

  I had a hard time not laughing. Cifa gushed every bit as much as Candy. The look on his face told me he’d instantly fallen in love with Anrel, and hard.

  “Congratulations, Shalia,” Seot said, his warm smile returning. “She is beautiful.”

  “Anrel,” Larten said, speaking her name like a benediction. “Did you name her for one of our great Matara warriors?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I hope that doesn’t seem presumptuous. It was the suggestion of the ship’s weapons commander. Anrel is quite the fierce fighter to have been through what she has.”

  “Will you tell us?” Seot asked. Worry touched on his face again. “I know you say you’ll be all right and you are still beautiful to look at, but it is obvious something happened. The baby was in danger? She had to be taken early?”

  I told them about being infected with the Bi’isil biological weapon and how it had threatened Anrel, forcing Dr. Tep to birth her far ahead of her due date. I told them that the only way to force the It from my body meant I’d almost been poisoned to death.

  “I’ll be back to my old self in a few more weeks,” I promised. “I swear the wreck you see now isn’t going to last.”

  “Wreck?” Larten said, his tone containing a reprimand. “Dear girl, you are still a lovely woman. You just lost some weight. Don’t you dare belittle yourself after fighting your way through such a battle.”

  “You have great strength. More than Earthers are credited with having, at least among the Kalquorians I’ve spoken to,” Seot said in quiet agreement. “I cannot begin to tell you how impressed I am with what you’ve done.”

  I had to protest. “It was all Dr. Tep and my friends who wouldn’t give up on me,” I insisted. “I just laid in the medibed scared out of my wits.”

  “You never gave up,” Cifa reassured me. “You held on to keep your baby and friends safe from the organism. If that isn’t heroic effort, I’ll eat Larten’s cooking.”

  The Nobek snorted at that. “Shalia could use a little of my diet. Eat lots of meat to regain your strength,” he advised me. “The bloodier, the better. The iron and protein of raw ronka is best.”

  Raw ronka? Seot gave me a secretive shake of his head to indicate he was no more a fan of Larten’s chosen food than I was. Cifa was a lot more vocal about his thoughts.

  “She’s not an animal, you beast. Earther diets are a little different from ours. She needs certain things to ensure the highest quality breast milk, don’t you Shalia?”

  I was saved from telling Cifa something so personal as that I couldn’t breastfeed Anrel by Seot cutting in with his diplomatic tone. “I’m sure Dr. Tep has Shalia’s dietary needs well in hand, my clanmates.” He smiled at me. “But perhaps you are due a few treats? Are you one of those Earthers who enjoys chocolate so much?”

  From there we talked of less scary subjects. I discovered that with the war over, Seot had funneled much of the profits from his munitions factories into funding for the care of surviving Earther war veterans. He told me, “This was the first time my weapons had been used against a race I did not truly call enemy. Earthers are not Tragooms or Bi’isils. They are a part of Kalquor’s future. How can I not make amends to those who my people pledge to join with?”

  His meaning was clear to me. Seot not only accepts Earthers will merge with his culture, but welcomes us. He seemed to specifically be welcoming me. That went a long way towards quieting my conscience. I’d had some concerns about joining the clan of a Dramok who had been a substantial part of fighting against my race.

  Other things were spoken of. Our pasts, our families, some small chitchat. Seot a
nd Larten are the only children born to their parents. All three men’s parent clans are alive. Apparently Clan Seot has been telling them about me. Cifa disclosed that their families are always asking if they’ve heard from me lately. It makes me wonder if these three men are pursuing other potential Mataras at all. They must be. Surely they can’t be focused on just me.

  It was a little strange to be working on that gentle probing for information that makes up what I would have called a date back on Earth. Strange, but fun. At one point during our first hour of conversation, Anrel yawned hugely. She looked comical with that tiny mouth stretching as wide as it could go ... and adorable too. While Larten chuckled and Seot smiled at her with caring warmth, Cifa went into paroxysms of delight.