I waited, and still she wouldn’t come to the door.
“Honor,” I said again. “Please let me in. I know you don’t want to speak to me, but I’m not going away until you do.”
She still didn’t come. I took a step back and realization washed over me like a bucket of ice. She wasn’t home. She hadn’t come back here.
Fuck.
Fuck!
She’d gone home with him.
Bile crept up the back of my throat as I stood there in the hallway in just my pajama pants, staring at her door like some love-sick fool. Here I was, waiting to crawl back to her and beg for her to give me another shot, and she was with someone else.
I let out a slow breath, that hole in my chest increasing tenfold. On wooden legs, I turned and walked back into my apartment, shutting the door behind me and leaning back against it.
I’d lost her.
***
My head was ringing as I blinked open my eyes. Moaning, I looked over at the window in my bedroom to see it was still dark outside. It took a moment to realize that it wasn’t my head ringing, but my phone beside the bed.
I rolled over, looking at the clock to see I’d only been asleep for two hours. It had taken me forever to finally settle down, and now I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be able to do it again. Picking up my phone, I saw Kyle’s name flashing across the screen before it went to voice mail.
The grogginess lifted from my mind the second I saw he’d called three times.
“What the hell?”
Just as I went to call him back, my phone rang again, his name flashing.
“Kyle?” I said as I answered.
“Fuck, Grey,” his voice came from the other end. “You sleep like the dead.”
“Sorry,” I said, pushing myself up into a sitting position. “Is something wrong? Why the fuck are you calling me so late?”
The silence on the other end was filled with so much tension that my hand instinctively gripped the phone tighter. Something bad had happened.
“It’s Honor, man,” he said, shattering my world.
“What about her? What happened?”
“She got into a car accident earlier.”
I was up and out of my bed before I could even blink. “Is she okay? Where is she?”
“It’s not good, Grey,” he said, his voice remorseful. “We’re at the hospital now.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I clicked off the phone and grabbed the first piece of clothing I could find. My hands shook as I made my way through my apartment.
Honor.
That was the only thing that was going through my mind as I raced through the city.
***
My feet froze to a stop the second I saw my friends sitting in the waiting room. Chloe, Cat and Olivia huddled together, their eyes rimmed red from crying.
I tried to breathe past the weight that had settled in my chest. My heart stopped as I met Kyle’s eyes, the look there telling me that whatever he needed to tell me, he didn’t want to be the one to do it.
“Don’t tell me…”I said, shaking my head, unable to finish the sentence. If she was…gone…I couldn’t even think of it. It wasn’t possible. A bright life like hers was not allowed to be snuffed out so soon.
I couldn’t go on without her. I loved Honor.
I loved Honor.
I was a fucking childish idiot, and I didn’t deserve her, but I loved her. More than anything and anyone in the world. I couldn’t lose her for good. I couldn’t.
Kyle approached me slowly, his skin paler than usual.
“She’s in surgery,” he said, rubbing his mouth, looking as exhausted as I felt just then. “They said she’s stable so far, but we won’t know much more until surgery is over.”
“Did…” my voice cracked, the emotion lodged in my throat making it hard to speak around. I cleared it. “Did someone call her mom?”
He nodded. “I called her and Perrie. They’re waiting to talk to the doctor in the family waiting room. They wouldn’t let us all go back there.”
I eyed the door he motioned to. I should be back there. I wanted to be back there.
I wanted to be Honor’s family. I wanted to be her everything.
“Come on,” Kyle said, gripping my shoulder. “Come sit down and wait.”
I shook my head. “I can’t sit,” I admitted.
He simply nodded, not arguing. I paced right outside that door, waiting for someone to come out. It felt like hours before anyone came. It could have been only minutes for all I knew. Time seemed to stand still in these places, especially when you’re waiting for news about a loved one.
When it finally opened, I practically tackled the person who came out. Perrie stood there, her eyes red as she looked up at me.
“Please don’t tell me…” I said, everything inside me freezing in the purest form of fear a person could feel.
“She’s alive,” she said, her voice gruff. I didn’t dare let out a breath until I heard what else she had to say. The others came up around me, but all I could manage to focus on was Perrie. “She’s pretty banged up. The other car hit her side, so she took most of the impact. She has some internal bruising, and had a pretty nasty gash on her forehead, but the doctor said thankfully there was no major damage to her head or neck.”
At that I let out a breath. That was good, that was really good.
“So she’ll be okay?” Chloe asked.
Tears leaked out of Perrie’s eyes, and I knew there was more. She sniffed a few times to try and gain control before speaking again. “Her ankle was crushed really badly,” she said, looking up at me. “They’ve inserted pins to help reconstruct it, and have done what they can. A lot of the bones were shattered. They’re not sure if it will need another surgery until they see how she heals.”
I took an involuntary step back. “Her dancing?” I asked.
Perrie shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears. “They said it won’t ever be the same.”
Distantly I heard the others crying and comforting each other, but all I could do was stare off as I pictured the beautiful, graceful image of Honor dancing around the studio. The way the music and moves lived and breathed through her. The way her eyes would light up as she did what she’d been born to do.
All of that was gone now.
Dancing was everything to her, and in one night it had been ripped away. I closed my eyes as that reality hit.
Chapter 29
Honor
My alarm was beeping and it was seriously starting to peeve me off. I didn’t want to get up yet. Maybe I could call in sick for once and have one of the other girls teach my class. I hadn’t even opened my eyes, and my head was already pounding. How much had I had to drink last night?
Moaning, I turned my head toward the incessant beeping, and went to lift my hand to slap at the snooze button, when something tugged at my arm.
“What the..?” My throat ached as I blinked open my eyes and took a slow look around.
This was not my room.
I looked to my right and saw the beeping was coming from a machine. Following the tubes attached to it, I found the other ends on different parts of my body.
Holy shit.
I was in the hospital.
Why was I in the hospital?
Why did my entire body ache?
I slowly turned my head forward and looked down my body, taking stock. It only took one second to see what was wrong with me. My right leg was casted to mid-thigh, and was elevated by a strap hanging from some hook in the ceiling.
Swallowing against the dry ache in my mouth and throat, I tried to check out the rest of me and didn’t think anything else was broken.
I focused back on my leg, unease slithering into my chest. What happened?
I tried to think back, but my mind was foggy. From the bags hanging on my IV drip, I was guessing they had me on some good painkillers. It was making thinking hard.
“You’re awake!”
I t
urned to see Perrie in the doorway, a cup of coffee in her hand. Tears instantly ran down her face as she turned and yelled down the hall to someone before racing across the room. I realized a second later my own cheeks were wet as well. I hadn’t even been aware I was crying.
“How are you feeling?” She asked, pulling the chair beside the bed closer.
“Confused,” I admitted. “What happened?”
Her lips pursed. “You don’t remember?”
“Not really,” I said. “I’m kind of having a hard time getting my bearings here.”
She patted my hand. “I understand. It can’t be easy to wake up in a hospital.”
Understatement of the century.
“You and Adrien drove home from the bar, and got in a car accident.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, I remembered the bright lights of an oncoming car a second before I had closed my eyes. And then nothing.
The car accident. How could I forget?
I opened my eyes, unaware I’d closed them, and looked down at my leg.
“Is...is Adrien okay?” I asked, fear like a fist, gripping my chest.
A flash of anger sparked in my cousin’s eyes. “He’s fine. Just some minor bruising and whiplash.”
I let out a breath of relief. Thank God. I didn’t think I could handle it if he had died.
“My baby,” I heard Mom say before she appeared beside the bed. Auntie Grace was right behind her, their faces identical masks of worry mixed with relief. “It’s so good to see you awake, baby girl.”
I smiled, knowing she needed me to so she could stop worrying so much. I could only imagine what these two had been putting the hospital staff through.
“Could I have some water?” I asked.
“Of course, darling. As soon as the doctor checks you out first.”
“Will he be here soon?” I asked. My throat felt like I’d just been in the desert for the past five years.
“He will be here right now,” I heard a deep voice say. An older man with snow white hair walked in, looking every bit the typical Doctor.
“Hello, Honor. I am Doctor Samson, and I’ll be taking care of you while you’re with us.”
I smiled at him. I was starting to feel pretty tired but didn’t want to fall back asleep. I had no idea how long I’d been out already.
“I’m going to check out your vitals quickly and then we’ll see about getting you something to drink.”
I nodded, following his instructions as he went about checking my eyes, blood pressure, and whatever that thing on my finger did.
“How long am I going to be here?” I asked, immediately noticing how everyone looked at each other. What was I missing?
“Miss. Jacobs,” Dr. Samson said.
“Honor.”
“Honor,” he corrected with a smile. “We had to do major reconstruction surgery on your right ankle. The car had shattered most of the bones. It’s going to take you sometime before you’re going to be really up and walking around.”
What?
My mind reeled as he continued talking.
“We’d like to keep you here for another day or so, so we can make sure your head injury is nothing more serious, and to see how quickly the swelling will go down on your ankle. But that will just be the beginning of the process, I’m sorry to say. You’ll be in the cast for at least six to eight weeks, and you’ll have to begin rehab right after.”
“But...I have school,” was all I managed to say, even though school was the last thing I was concerned about.
“I’ll make sure your teachers all know,” Perrie said. “Don’t worry about it. And I can help you get to class when you’re feeling up to it. I’m sure the two of us can manage crutches.” She sent me a smile, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to return it. My entire face felt froze in a look of shock.
“This is going to be a strenuous process,” Dr. Samson said. “But your mom tells me you’re quite the hard worker, so I have no doubt we can get you back to a good stage with some help from our rehabilitation workers. They have been known to work wonders with people after serious accidents.”
I absently nodded, my eyes staring at my leg as if it belonged to someone else entirely.
“Okay then,” he said, patting the side of my bed. “I’ll just go let the nurses know you’re okay to have some food and water, and then we’ll take it from there. Make sure you let them know if you’re in a lot of pain.”
I nodded again.
“Doctor,” I called out just as he reached the door. He stopped and turned to face me. “What about my ballet?” I asked, already seeing the answer in his eyes before he said a word.
“I’m afraid that kind of activity might take you longer to accomplish with these injuries,” he said solemnly. “And likely not to the degree you were accustomed to.”
I understood what he was saying - or not saying, as it were. I might be able to dance, but never the same way. Certainly not professionally. I looked down at my leg, ignoring my family as realization settled like a weight on my shoulders.
Whatever dancing career I may have had in the future, it was gone now. A tear slipped from the corner of my eye, followed by another one and then another. Soon I lost count.
***
I must have fallen back asleep at one point, because the next time I opened my eyes I was alone again, and the light outside the window in my room was now dark. My eyes felt puffy and dry, drained of any tears I may have had left in there.
I was actually thankful that my family wasn’t here. It was only a matter of time before my mom reamed me for getting in a car with a drunk driver.
In my defense, I had honestly thought Adrien was fine. Sure, he’d had some drinks, but he was acting fine when we left. Wasn’t he? God, I was such an idiot.
Turning my head, I spotted a small white cup of water on a table beside the bed, a straw sticking out of it. Sighing in relief, I reached out for it, surprised how sluggish I still felt. Even that small movement seemed to take a lot of energy.
Taking a sip, the water wasn’t that cold, the ice probably long melted, but it tasted like heaven to me regardless.
Resting my head back on the pillow, I stared up at the ceiling and simply breathed. I was lucky to be alive, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still gutted at what had happened to me.
How was I supposed to go on without dance? It was my life. I couldn’t imagine not being able to do it.
You will, I told myself in a firm voice. I’d just have to do whatever it took to get better, even if it killed me.
Sure, I couldn’t see myself being a prima ballerina anymore, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still teach like I had always wanted to. I was determined to get back to at least a percentage of what I’d been before. There was no way I would let life just rip away my passion this way.
“You’re awake.”
I turned at the deep voice and my heart stopped.
Grey stood at the entrance, his eyes were tired looking, dark circles rimmed the skin beneath, and his color was paler than usual. Why was he here?
He held my stare as he walked toward me, stopping at the end of my bed. I watched as he looked at my leg hanging near him, his mouth flattening in the way it did when he was unhappy.
“Did you come here to say I told you so?” I asked, remembering how he’d warned me not to go with Adrien.
His eyes met mine again, and I hated the regret I saw there. It ignited the ache in the back of my throat, and I tried to swallow it down to no avail.
“No, Honor. I didn’t come here to say I told you so,” he said, his voice gruff. He walked around to the side of the bed, looking down at my hand as if warring with himself on whether or not he should touch it.
I flexed my hand subconsciously, my body missing his touch. I missed it more than I had realized. Out of everyone, I was actually happy that it was Grey who was here. I wanted him to hold me, soothe this despair deep in my soul.
But we weren’t there anymore. Th
at fact hurt just as much as everything else I’d had to deal with today.
Slowly, those ice blue eyes rose to meet mine, shining with an emotion I didn’t understand.
“I came here to tell you that I love you, Honor,” he said.
A choking noise sounded through the room, and I distantly realized it had come from me. All the air had left my lungs. For some reason I began to shake my head, as though that would help make sense of this all.
And then I realized just how many tears I had left as they began to fall again in rapid succession. I was bawling, harder than I had after the doctor had revealed my worst nightmare.
All I could do was sit there, shaking my head and crying like a baby, unable to even look him in the eye.
Suddenly his rough fingers wrapped around mine, and the ache in my chest only grew in intensity.
The bed dipped with his weight as he sat beside me, perched on the edge.
“Hey,” he said soothingly, wiping away some of my tears as his other hand cupped my cheek.
“How can you love me?” I choked out, looking up at him. “I’m such an idiot. Look what I’ve done.”
His eyes turned dangerous. “You didn’t do this, Honor. This isn’t your fault. It was an accident.”
I sniffled, only imagining what a mess I must look like just now. “You told me not to go with him. I should have listened.”
“Yeah, you should have,” he said gently. “But we all make mistakes, doll. You can’t beat yourself up over it. And if you think you not listening to me would make me stop loving you, then you’d better think again.”
I stared at him through my blurry vision, watching as that beautiful mouth of his curled up at the corners.
“I’m going to bet there will be lots of times in our lives where you don’t listen to me.”
I tried to smile at that, but it only crumpled as more tears rushed out. I didn’t know why I was crying so hard, when all I could feel was relief that this strong, stubborn, infuriating beautiful man was declaring his love for me.
“I almost lost you, Honor. I’m almost lost you for good.” His hand tightened around mine. “I don’t ever want to feel that pain again. I want you by my side, and me by yours. I want us to be together, and figure out whatever problems come up, together.”
Young Love (Bloomfield #4) Page 19
