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The Faeman Quest

Page 29

by Herbie Brennan


  After a while, Blue said, ‘That’s nice. I think.’

  ‘What’s nice?’ Henry asked her.

  They were together in the His ’n’ Hers study on the top floor of the Purple Palace. Sunlight streamed through the high windows, giving what was essentially an office space a bright, cheerful, holiday look.

  ‘We’ve been invited to a wedding,’ Blue told him.

  ‘That’s nice,’ Henry said. His nose was buried in a book and he didn’t make the effort to look interested.

  Blue looked up. ‘Don’t you want to know who’s getting married?’

  ‘Who’s getting married, Blue?’ Henry asked her.

  Blue threw a small white card on to her desk. The purple ribbon marked it as one of the new, spell-driven invitations that had become so popular in Court circles lately. A built-in illusion spell introduced the bride and groom to anyone who handled the card.

  ‘Lord Hairstreak,’ she said dully.

  ‘Lord Hairstreak? And he’s sent us an invitation to the ceremony?’

  ‘I suppose it’s an olive branch,’ Blue said.

  Henry set his book down. ‘Who’s he getting married to?’

  ‘Somebody called the Lady Aisling. She’s not at Court. Actually, I don’t recall I’ve ever heard of her.’

  Frowning, Henry said, ‘Aisling: that’s not a faerie name.’

  ‘Analogue World, isn’t it?’ Blue asked.

  ‘Let me see the invitation,’ Henry said.

  Glossary

  Key:

  FF: Forest Faerie

  FOL: Faerie of the Light

  FON: Faerie of the Night

  HMN: Human

  Analogue World (a.k.a. the Earth Realm). Names used in the Faerie Realm to denote the mundane world of school and spots and difficult parents.

  Antiopa, Nymphalis (Nymph). (FF) Daughter of Queen Cleopatra, Princess of the Forest Faerie and wife of Crown Prince Pyrgus Malvae.

  Apatura Iris. (FOL) Father of Prince Pyrgus, Prince Comma and Princess Blue. Purple Emperor for more than twenty years.

  Apport. The magical precipitation of a small object from one place to another. Apports usually arrive during Spiritualist séances for reasons nobody really understands.

  Apt. Tiny (Faerie Realm) horse about the size of an Analogue World mouse.

  Atherton, Aisling. (HMN) Henry Atherton’s younger sister, now grown up and still a pain in the ass.

  Atherton, Henry. (HMN) King Consort of Queen Holly Blue and father of Princess Mella.

  Atherton, Martha. (HMN) Headmistress of a girls’ school in the south of England. Divorced former wife of Tim Atherton and mother of Henry and Aisling.

  Atherton, Tim. (HMN) Successful business executive. Former husband of Martha Atherton, father of Henry and Aisling.

  Blue, Holly. (FOL) Younger sister of Crown Prince Pyrgus Malvae, daughter of Apatura Iris, Queen Empress of the Faerie Realm and Ruler of Hael.

  Bob. Silver coin in use in the Faerie Realm.

  Border Redcap. Sentient, lunatic, psychedelic-spore-throwing humanoid fungi who live in cliff communities in Wildmoor Broads.

  Brimstone, Silas. (FON) Elderly demonologist and former glue factory owner who went insane following an attack by a cloud dancer.

  Bus. Faerie term for a kiss, human term for a large, noisy, diesel-driven motor vehicle or (Old Eng.) a kiss. The use of the term by Shakespeare suggests, but does not prove, the Bard was in touch with the Faerie Realm.

  Buthner. A poor, primitive and largely desert country in the Faerie Realm whose leaders have proven broadly supportive of Queen Blue’s empire.

  Cardui, Madame Cynthia (a.k.a the Painted Lady). (FOL) Elderly Head of Queen Blue’s Imperial Intelligence Service and former lover of the late Alan Fogarty.

  Celadon. Famous Forest Faerie garden designer.

  Chalkhill, Jasper. (FON) Former business partner of Silas Brimstone, former head of Lord Hairstreak’s intelligence service and now a professional assassin (freelance).

  Cheapside. An area of the FOL capital.

  CMS. See Consolidated Magical Services.

  Cobblestone minefield. The security area surrounding the old Chalkhill and Brimstone Miracle Glue Factory. See the historical reference work Faerie Wars for details; also see www.faeriewarsgame.com.

  Coffee. A bitter drink that leaves humans wired and gives faeries a psychedelic experience.

  Comma, Prince. (FOL/FON) Half-brother of Prince Pyrgus and Princess Blue. (Same father, different mothers.)

  Consolidated Magical Services (CMS). Major manufacturer of high-grade magical equipment in the Faerie Realm.

  Control. See Transporter.

  Copper. British slang for policeman or a small denomination coin; also the name of a metal or a cauldron used for boiling clothes. All in all, one of the more confusing human expressions.

  Corin. A Haleklind revolutionary opposed to the ruling Table of Seven, particularly where their policies on animal welfare are concerned. Executive Secretary of the illegal Haleklind Society for the Preservation and Protection of Animals.

  Crawlcroop. Derogatory faerie expression denoting a person who sucks up to those in authority.

  Creen. What Haleklind natives tend to call Haleklind; also the official name of Haleklind’s capital city.

  Crumpmuckler. A professional picker of goonberries, an occupation reserved in ancient times for faeries of low intelligence.

  Culmella Chrysotenchia (Mella). Only daughter of Queen Blue and Consort Majesty King Henry.

  Danceflower. A tulip-shaped bloom about the size of a full-grown man that undulates sexily to attract pollinating insects.

  Dead things that eat dried leaves and faerie meat. Brimstone was thinking of ghoulampires. (q.v.)

  Demon. Form frequently taken by the shape-shifting alien species inhabiting the Hael Realm when in contact with faeries or humans.

  Djinn. A desert elemental.

  Doppleganger. In its basic form a freeze-dried replica, much used by spies and adventurers, that could temporarily replace a person in a location while the real person escapes. Recent improvements in spell technology have allowed dopplegangers to walk, talk and function in a way that closely mimics their originals, albeit in a limited way.

  Endolg. An intelligent animal that looks much like a woolly rug. Endolgs have a unique ability to sense truth which makes them popular companions in the Faerie Realm.

  Faeman. A faerie/human hybrid.

  Faerie of the Light. (Lighter) One of the two main faerie types, culturally averse to the use of demons in any circumstances and usually members of the Church of Light.

  Faerie of the Night. (Nighter) One of the two main faerie types, physically distinguished from Faeries of the Light by light-sensitive cat-like eyes. Make use of demonic servants.

  Faerie Realm. A parallel aspect of reality inhabited by various alien species, including Faeries of the Light and Faeries of the Night.

  Faerie Standard. The lingua franca of the Faerie Realm.

  Fanfern. A fan-shaped fern that opens and closes seductively to reveal anything concealed behind it.

  Feral Faerie. A wild, nomadic, faerie people who live and hunt in the depths of the great primeval forest that covers much of the Faerie Realm. The Feral Faerie are not known to hold allegiance to either the Faeries of the Light or the Faeries of the Night.

  Filament suitcase. An ingenious use of interdimensional portal technology to create an area of non-geographical space that can be used to store bulky personal items in a thread-like filament typically sewn into a traveller’s undergarment.

  Flyer, personal. A Realm aircraft roughly equivalent to a flying sports car.

  Fogarty, Alan. (HMN) Paranoid ex-physicist and bank robber with an extraordinary talent for engineering gadgets. Fogarty gave his life to save the Realm during a lethal temporal plague and now communicates with members of the Royal Family from the Other Side.

  Fogarty, Angela (a.k.a. Mrs Barenbohm). (HMN) Alan Fogarty’s daughter.
/>   Follower. Demonic spy.

  Force, the. What British policemen call themselves collectively. What American policemen call a mysterious energy in Star Wars.

  Forest Faerie. The way you refer to a Feral Faerie if you don’t want to give offence.

  Gatekeeper. Ancient title used to describe the chief advisor of a Noble House.

  Ghoulampire. A dead thing that ‘lives’ in forests, subsisting on dried leaves and the occasional faerie. For reasons not altogether clear, ghoulampires prefer the taste of Faeries of the Night to Faeries of the Light.

  Glowdust. A fine powder that reacts with magical energies by glowing brightly. Often used to detect traces of magical creatures, or show the recent use of magic in a specific area.

  Goonberry. An extraordinarily stupid berry, fruit of the magenta goonberry bush, which forms such an important focus for the traditional faerie rites that welcome Spring.

  Great House. Noble family.

  Great Myphisto, The. Madame Cardui’s late husband.

  Grinflower. A semi-intelligent plant noted for the manner in which its petals curl upwards when it is told a joke. (Some botanists claim the effect only occurs if it is a good joke.)

  Hael. Faerie name for Hell.

  Hairstreak, Lord Black. (FON) Noble head (literally) of House Hairstreak and former leader of the Faeries of the Night.

  Halek knife (or blade). A rock crystal weapon which releases magical energies to kill anything it pierces. Halek knives are prone to shattering occasionally, in which event the energies will kill the person using them.

  Halek wizard. Non-human, non-faerie. Reputedly the most skilful of the magical practitioners in the Faerie Realm. Halek wizards typically specialise in weapons spells technology.

  Haleklind. An independent nation in the Faerie Realm, run by wizards and noted for its production of the deadly Halek blades.

  Haniel. A winged lion with a forest habitat native to certain areas of the Faerie Realm.

  Highgrove. An area of the FOL capital.

  Hodge. Mr Fogarty’s old tomcat, now long dead, alas.

  House Iris. The Royal House of the Faerie Empire.

  Illusion Palace. Haleklind’s equivalent of a movie theatre, but different from Analogue World cinemas in that patrons take part in an immersive adventure indistinguishable from physical reality.

  Imperial Island. The island where the Purple Palace is located.

  Iron Prominent. Henry’s first honorary title in the Faerie Realm. The title Consort Majesty now takes precedence.

  Kitterick. An Orange Trinian in the service of Madame Cardui.

  Kremlin Karcist. Literally, ‘Magical Citadel’. The centre of power in Haleklind.

  Lanceline. Madame Cardui’s translucent cat.

  Lethe. A spell that wipes out general or selected memories from the person to whom it is applied. To the best of my recollection …

  Loman Bridge. The main bridge spanning the river that flows through the FOL capital.

  Luchti. A desert tribe in Buthner of which Henry Atherton is a blood brother.

  Lucina Hamearis, Duke of Burgundy. (FON) War hero and former ally of Lord Hairstreak, once owner of Hairstreak’s present home.

  Malvae, Crown Prince Pyrgus. (FOL) Former Purple Emperor for about five minutes, now owner of an animal sanctuary and vineyard in the south of the Faerie Realm.

  Manticore. An interesting experiment carried out by the wizards of Haleklind that enabled them to create a new and highly lethal species combining human, leonine and scorpion characteristics.

  Mella. See Culmella Chrysotenchia.

  Niff. (Hael wildlife.) A heavily armoured, steel-fanged animal slightly smaller than a fox.

  Olbonium. A symphony of scents presented as a popular public entertainment in the Faerie Realm.

  Ouklo. Levitating, spell-driven carriage.

  Outerlinder. What Haleklind natives call foreigners.

  Peacock. Chief Portal Engineer of House Iris.

  Porkine. A sea-faring Faerie Realm mammal, believed by some to be the distant ancestor of Analogue World dolphins.

  Portakey. A remote control used to switch magical securities on and off.

  Portal. Inter-dimensional energy gateway, either naturally occurring, modified or engineered.

  Prickleweed. A semi-intelligent carnivorous plant.

  Purple Emperor or Empress. Ruler of the Faerie Empire.

  Quercusia. (FON) Comma’s mother.

  Scolitandes the Weedy. An early Purple Emperor not best known for his courage in battle.

  Seething Lane. Former site of the Chalkhill and Brimstone Miracle Glue Factory.

  Shadow cloak. A magical garment that enables the wearer to pass unnoticed, especially when standing out of direct sunlight.

  Simbala. An addictive form of liquid music sold legally in licenced outlets and illegally elsewhere.

  Spell cone. Pocket-sized cones, no more than an inch or so in height, imbued with magical energies directed towards a specific result. The old-style cone had to be lit. The more modern version is self-igniting and is ’cracked’ with a fingernail. Both types discharge like fireworks.

  Spy globe. See viewglobe.

  Staretz. A holy wizard.

  Staretz Tsar. A member of the long line of magical kings who once ruled Haleklind.

  Stimlus. Small, lethal energy weapon sometimes used in the Faerie Realm for personal protection, sometimes just to kill people.

  Suk. Haleklind term for open market. Curiously, the Arabic term suq or suk also denotes a market or commercial quarter of an Arab or Berber city, suggesting some ancient connection between Halek and Arab cultures.

  Table of Seven. Haleklind’s ruling council.

  Tea. A popular Analogue World drink that makes faeries drunk.

  Theclinae, the. An ancient faerie people who flourished before the split between Faeries of the Light and Faeries of the Night. Their written language remains undeciphered, so what is known of their history is drawn entirely from Empire archives.

  Thunderbolt, the. What faerie mythology calls love at first sight.

  Tort-feasor. One who feases torts.

  Transporter (a.k.a control). Mr Fogarty’s hand-held version of a portal, based on the thing they use in Star Trek.

  Trinian. Non-human, non-faerie dwarven race living in the Faerie Realm. Orange Trinians are a breed that dedicates itself to service, Violet Trinians tend to be warriors while Green Trinians specialise in biological nanotechnology and consequently can create living machines.

  Trubong. A spring-shaped plant native to the southern regions of the Faerie Realm that bounces from one area to another seeking soil nutrients.

  Viewglobe (a.k.a spy globe). A magical sphere of quartz crystal that can be set to generate an updating three-dimensional image of specific territory.

  Walkway. (Specifically in Haleklind.) An ingenious device invented by Halek wizards that allows users to follow a pathway that curves in such a way as to bring them back to their entry point at, or before, the time they set out. While the Haleklind authorities encourage the belief that walkways are spell driven, the devices are actually based on the principle of a closed timelike line – an area of physics currently under investigation in parts of the Analogue World, notably America.

  Ward, Anaïs. (HMN) Henry’s mother’s lover.

  Whitewell. A district of the FOL capital.

  Wildmoor Broads. A flat area of thorny shrubland north of the faerie capital much favoured by the wealthy of the Realm for their estates, since the difficulties of travelling through the area goes a long way towards ensuring their privacy. The only really viable means of transport is by levitating carriage. Ground transport is attacked by prickleweed, a semi-sentient plant that will typically swarm over any vehicle and bring it to a halt in minutes. Crossing the area on foot is impossible – the prickleweed paralyses pedestrians, then rips them apart for their nutrients.

  Yammeth Cretch. Heartland of the Faeries of the Night.

  THE FA
ERIE WARS CHRONICLES

  By Herbie Brennan

  Faerie Wars

  The Purple Emperor

  Ruler of the Realm

  Faerie Lord

  The Faeman Quest

  Bloomsbury Publishing, London, Berlin, New York and Sydney

  First published in Great Britain in January 2011 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

  36 Soho Square, London, W1D 3QY

  First published in the USA in January 2011 by Bloomsbury Books For Young Readers

  175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010

  This electronic edition published in May 2011 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

  Text copyright © Herbie Brennan 2011

  The moral right of the author has been asserted

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  may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN 978 1 4088 1196 2

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