Kiss Me Like This

by Bella Andre

  Sean had already eaten half his slice by the time she took her first bite. And when the mingling tastes of the pepperoni and mushrooms and onions and peppers and sauce and cheese all hit her tongue at once, she couldn't keep her eyes from closing or a low moan of pleasure from leaving her throat.

  "Good?"

  Sean was clearly amused, but she didn't have it in her to be embarrassed, not when this pizza was the very best thing she'd eaten in her whole life. Ever.

  "So good," she managed to get out between bites as she concentrated her entire being on her meal for a few minutes. Each new taste was as big a revelation as the one that came before it, and washing it down with Coke felt so deliciously sinful. In fact, it took several minutes for her to resurface and remember that she was sitting in a pizza joint with a gorgeous guy from school. Who just happened to be grinning at her.

  "I take it you agree that it's the best pizza on the West Coast?"

  "I've never eaten pizza anywhere else, but it's so amazing I'm sure you're right."

  His eyebrows went up. "You're joking, aren't you?"

  She was momentarily confused. "About what?"

  "You've never eaten pizza before?"

  Ugh, her and her stupid mouth. Between feeling increasingly comfortable talking with Sean and the food coma she was quickly slipping into, she'd said more than she should have.

  Knowing there was no point in trying to laugh off her comment, she simply said, "My life has been pretty weird up until now. I haven't done a lot of normal stuff. Especially," she added, "when it comes to junk food. It's not exactly true that I've never eaten pizza before, just that I was really little the last time I did. My mom would freak out if she saw this."

  "You mean because of your modeling career?"

  Serena nodded, hoping he would drop it. She didn't want to talk about her mom or the career she'd left behind. Not when, for a few precious moments, she'd actually managed to forget all about them.

  "So," he said as he toed her bag on the floor and it didn't budge, "what's in all the books you've got crammed into this bag?"

  Relieved that he'd decided to change subjects, she said, "Nearly everything ever written about the Bronte sisters and their books. I'm in love with the way they use language, with how their books can make people feel so much, from hope to despair, laughter and tears." On a roll, she told him, "I love that I can learn almost anything from a book--how to build a boat, or speak a new language, or probably even fly a plane. I even love the way books smell. If I were locked inside a library or a bookstore for weeks on end, I'm certain that I would never run out of interesting things to discover."

  She finally realized she was rambling, but fortunately he didn't look like he minded and his eyes weren't glazing over.

  "Do you want to write?"

  "Maybe. Or teach. Or study the origins of language. Or work in a library. Or--" She cut herself off before she went zooming again. "That's why I'm so excited to be at Stanford. Everything seems possible."

  "Most people would have thought you already had everything."

  She didn't want to sound ungrateful for her success. And since she still didn't know him well enough to know if she could totally trust him, she simply said, "My career was great. I worked with a lot of wonderful people."

  "But you didn't get to live in a library all day."

  Again, he surprised her with how quickly he boiled everything down to the heart of the matter. And how well he understood what she was feeling without her having to say much at all.

  "No, I didn't get to spend nearly enough time in libraries. But now I do." Which reminded her... "I should actually be heading back to campus. I have a lot of reading to get through tonight."

  "On a Friday night?"

  "I've agreed to help one of my professors with some new class material he's working on, so my load has gotten a little heavier." As they stood up and he slung both their bags over his broad shoulders, she said, "Thank you for the pizza. It was great."

  "You're not done with me yet," he said with a grin. "We've still got to make the walk back to your dorm."

  "Actually, I think I'll head to the library to work there until it closes." Just as she had every Friday night since she'd been on campus.

  "Something tells me," he said as they headed out onto the sidewalk and started walking back toward campus, "that hanging out with you would be good for my GPA."

  "What's your major?"

  "Baseball." He laughed. "With a degree in Economics on the side."

  "As you might have already guessed, I've heard a few things about how great you are at baseball. Are you really going to go pro at the end of this year?"

  "I could." He didn't say anything else for a little while, and she let him take the time to get his thoughts together. "But--" When he turned to look at her, his eyes were even darker than usual. "--my mom was pretty big on all of us getting a college degree. I can't help but think if I go pro before graduating, and maybe don't end up coming back to finish one day, that she'd be disappointed."

  "I very much doubt," Serena said in a gentle voice, "that there's anything you could do that would disappoint her."

  He stopped walking and reached for her hand. "The way I acted with you last weekend...she would have been disappointed with that."

  "You've already apologized, Sean."

  "But I shouldn't have treated you like--"

  "How about," she interrupted, "we agree to forget what happened last Friday night? We were both in a weird space and nothing really bad ended up happening, so I'd hate to ruin today by going back to that again."

  He searched her face for several long moments. Finally, he agreed, "Okay, I'll try to forget the bad stuff, like what a dick I was. But I can't guarantee I'll be able to forget everything." He moved closer, close enough that she could have easily pressed her lips to his before taking her next breath. "Because I really, really liked kissing you, Serena. And I'm really glad you agreed to come get pizza with me today."

  She knew she was blushing as she said, "I've really enjoyed hanging out with you today, too. You made a bad day so much better. Thank you."

  "You don't have to thank me for anything, Serena. I'm just glad I was able to be there for you when you needed me. And if you ever want to talk about what happened this afternoon, I'm here."

  Could anyone be sweeter? Not to mention that the way his low voice sizzled through her veins made it hard to think about anything other than her desperate need to kiss him again.

  And yet, it was that very desperation that scared her enough to need to take a step away from him. Of course she wanted to experience magic and passion, but at the same time she didn't have any experience with these kinds of intense feelings. Feelings that had all come on so suddenly...ones that felt like they could zoom ahead really fast. She needed a little time to think, to process, to try to figure out if she could actually manage to do well in school and date, too. Especially given that any guy she was dating was sure to find his face in a tabloid photo pretty darn fast, which also meant that her mother would find out, too.

  "I wasn't trying to blow you off last Friday when I said I needed to study," she tried to explain. "It's just that I really need to do well this quarter. That's why I've got to work so hard all the time, even tonight."

  "If I kissed you again now, something tells me you might change your mind about studying tonight."

  Oh God, when he looked at her like that, with so much heat and desire, she couldn't look away from him, couldn't move. All she could do was wait for his mouth to cover hers, and for everything else to fade away beneath the inevitable persuasion of his kiss.

  Only, right when she could almost feel his lips against hers, he was the one suddenly taking a step back and letting go of her hand. "Damn it, I'm doing it again. Trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do." He cursed again, clearly pissed off at himself. "I have no right to ask you to forgive me again--"

  "There's nothing to forgive." Because the truth was th
at she'd wanted his kiss just as much. "Any other girl would have been dying for you to kiss her. And," she added with a small smile that she hoped would soften the blow, "I can say from personal experience that they would have liked it very much." She took a deep breath and made herself add, "Maybe one day I won't always have to study quite so hard."

  She hoped he knew that was her way of trying not to close the door forever, and thankfully a few seconds later, he smiled again. Unfortunately, it wasn't his normal easy smile, because he was clearly still upset with himself. And when he dropped her off at the library a short while later, he was careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued as hitting on her again.

  So then, Serena wondered as she headed to her usual spot on the third floor, if he'd just given her exactly the space she'd told him she needed by not kissing or even hugging her, why did her little corner of the library suddenly feel lonelier than ever?

  CHAPTER SIX

  "Dude, no wonder you weren't partying this weekend with everyone." Kurt looked positively gleeful. "You were too busy making your moves on that supermodel again."

  Sean looked up from the bench press. Sure, he'd spent the weekend fantasizing about Serena, but he hadn't seen her.

  "How'd you convince her to let you into her pants?"

  Sean didn't blink, didn't think, just dropped the weights and approached his frat brother and teammate with murderous intent. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

  Belatedly seeming to realize he'd said the wrong thing, Kurt shoved his phone at Sean a beat before he could knock a fist into his jaw. "Zane's new girlfriend just told us she saw this."

  Sean looked down at the screen. It was one of those gossip sites, full of pictures of Hollywood stars. What he saw had him nearly crushing the phone in his fist.

  Someone had taken a picture of Sean standing with Serena on Palm Avenue, just after they'd left the pizza joint. His hand was on hers and it was obvious from the way they were looking at each other that he wanted to kiss her--and that she wanted to kiss him right back. He scrolled down and saw that the second picture had been taken through the window of the pizza place, only this time her hand was on his arm while he'd been talking about his mom. There was also a shot of the two of them laughing together while on their way to get the pizza, when he'd been telling her about his brothers and sisters.

  No wonder Kurt believed they were an item. Seeing the pictures and the title--The Supermodel and the Baseball Bad Boy!--Sean was hard pressed not to believe it himself.

  Quickly scanning the story, he read that he was not only the top-ranked college baseball player in the country and was related to tech wonder Grant Morrison and rock star Drew Morrison...but that he also had a long and varied track record with women as a major campus bad boy.

  Unfortunately, that was the end of the valid part of the story, as it also suggested that Drew was the one to introduce Serena to Sean and that they were now "inseparable." It even went so far as to claim that Sean was the reason Serena had given up the glittering life of a supermodel--so that she could stay by his side to make sure he didn't cheat on her with another girl.

  She'd told him her life was strange, and he'd acted like he understood because his brother Drew had been open with their family about the difficulties of fame. But Sean suddenly realized the kind of spotlight that his brother had been under so far was absolutely nothing compared to this ridiculously intrusive bullshit that Serena had to deal with.

  Without another word to Kurt, Sean grabbed his bag and shot out the gym door. If by some miracle she hadn't yet seen it, he hoped he could figure out some way to help soften the blow.

  She hadn't given him her cell phone number on Friday after they went for pizza, so he ran across campus to her dorm in record time. When no one answered the door, Sean belatedly realized where he should have thought to look for her first.

  Green Library was much closer to her dorm than the gym had been and within a handful of minutes he was inside, his slightly labored breathing loud in the otherwise quiet building. Sean stopped in front of the information desk. "Have you seen Serena come in?"

  The woman took in his T-shirt and shorts, the sweat dripping from him, and raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry," she said in a slightly frosty voice, "what is it you would like to know?"

  "Serena Britten. I really need to see her and I'm pretty sure she's here." When the woman started to shake her head again, he added, "You couldn't have missed her if she's been in today. She's beautiful."

  "There are many beautiful women that come to the library," she replied in biting tones. "I don't see what that has to do with you."

  He hated having to reduce Serena to nothing but a supermodel, but he had no choice if he wanted to find her. "This is Serena." He held out his phone to show the woman the part of the online story where one of Serena's modeling shots filled the screen. When the woman's eyes lit with recognition, he asked again, "Have you seen her come in today?"

  "Why?" Frost had turned to suspicion as the woman used her finger to quickly scroll through the story and obviously read the headline.

  "I just found out about this and need to make sure she's okay. They took her picture without her knowing about it."

  Finally, the woman nodded. "She's here. I don't know exactly where, however."

  "Thank you for letting me know she's here. And if she comes out before I can find her, I'd really appreciate it if you could let her know I'm looking for her. My name is Sean Morrison and here's my number." He wrote his cell number on a piece of paper and handed it to the woman. "Please don't mention these pictures to her, just in case she hasn't seen them yet. I really don't want her to be upset."

  He made a pass of the ground floor, before heading up the stairs. Man, this place was big. He'd been in the campus library before, of course, but it wasn't his regular stomping ground by any means. Mostly, he'd come to look through the amazing photography archives in the basement. He'd even brought his mother with him once, because she'd wanted to see the Ansel Adams shots he'd raved about.

  "Your pictures are this good, honey." He'd known it was nothing more than a mother thinking her kid was great at everything, but her encouragement had meant a ton to a guy whom everyone else had always thought of as nothing more than a jock, the brawny Morrison twin.

  Grief had him stumbling on the stairs for a moment. Righting himself, he worked to block out the thoughts of never being able see his mom again, or show her another picture, or have anyone else ever see inside of him the way she always had. Instead, he concentrated on looking for Serena, searching every corner, every desk, every row of tall bookshelves.

  Thirty minutes later, he was nearly at the end of his search--and the hope that he'd actually find her in the maze of rooms and shelves and desks--when he saw the top of a baseball cap in the farthest, most remote corner of the third floor.

  The books were especially musty smelling up here, and he doubted many people ever made it this far into the building. But, he thought with a smile, Serena had. Without her telling him, he guessed it was her hideout. Her one special place that would be hers and hers alone when it probably felt like everyone was trying to grab on to a piece of her.

  He stopped halfway to her, noting the way the light streaming in the window made her glow like the angel he'd thought she was the first night he'd met her. He hadn't wanted to touch a camera for three months, but the way the light was hitting her suddenly made him wish he hadn't smashed it to smithereens.

  Wait, what was he thinking? He didn't want to take pictures anymore, had given that up.

  It was simply that Serena was so beautiful, how could anyone not want to take her picture, if only to try to hold on to her rare and precious beauty for a little while?

  Except now he knew just how invasive those pictures could be. And he hated that he would be the one to bust into her private spot. But he needed to talk with her about the pictures someone had taken of the two of them together, and couldn't risk waiting any longer.

 
; He moved to where she could see him, but when she didn't look up, he realized she had her earbuds in and was totally absorbed in the book she was reading. Not wanting to scare her, he knelt by her side and gently touched her shoulder.

  She jumped with a little yelp and immediately yanked out her earbuds. Fortunately, within seconds her surprise gave way to a smile that made him feel like he'd just won the World Series. Despite the bullshit they were about to deal with, he couldn't keep from smiling back. It had only been a couple of days since she'd left him outside this library, but he'd missed her.

  "Sorry about scaring you like that. You were pretty into what you were reading."

  She flushed slightly as she looked down at her book then back at him, her eyes bright and--he hoped--happy to see him. "I should be studying for my geology test, but I found this new book on my way in. I just can't resist biographies about the Bronte sisters."

  "I'm like that with the photography archives downstairs." The words were out before he realized it.

  Her head cocked to one side. "They've got photo archives in here?"

  Knowing he couldn't pretend he hadn't brought it up, he nodded. "In the basement."

  She looked at him a little more closely. "Cool. I'll have to go check them out."

  He wanted to offer to show them to her, but he couldn't. Not when the memories of the last time he'd been in there with his mom would surely hit him. And not when he had something else he needed to talk to her about right now.

  She smiled at him. "Are you here to study, too?"

  God, he loved to see her smile. Hear her laugh. See her look carefree and happy. She'd looked like that for a little while on Friday when they'd been heading into town for pizza and he'd been telling her about his family and then later when she'd been talking about why she loved books so much.

  The rest of the time, he now realized, she seemed to be on guard.

  Yet again, he wanted to reach for her. Not just because he wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anyone else, but because he also wanted her to feel safe.

  "Actually, I was looking for you." He knew he couldn't stall any longer, but damn it, he hated having to put his phone on top of her book. "One of the guys showed this to me."