by Milly Taiden
“That's why I was really excited about this offer when I got it,” Alexander says.
“You’re not anymore? What made you change your mind?” Ten asks.
“Oh, I didn’t. I’m going. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am today to give anything up but there's this gal I just met and . . . ” he does not finish his sentence but flips to his side and looks at me. “Now that I've found her, I realize I’m not going to like being away from her so much. She may have too much time on her hands. ”
I’m not sure how to feel about this. What we have is so new. Does he think I'm so fickle that I could not wait for him while he tours? Now on the other hand, I realize I should be worried. A year is a very long time.
“Yes it is,” he says, and I realize that I must have said it out loud
“It can seem like an eternity. ” I add.
Always practical Ten asks, “Did you get a copy of the schedule? I'm pretty sure they can't have the bands and crew working every single night for a year. There's gotta be gaps in the tour schedule to let every one go home every so often. ”
“You're probably right,” Alexander says. “I had not thought about that. ”
“So take this deal that works best for you,” I tell him while what I really want to say is, please don’t go. I suck it up and say, “I'm not going anywhere. If anyone should be worried about your touring for a year, it's me. ”
“Why?” He seems genuinely surprised by my answer.
“You'll be the one subjected to temptation,” I answer. “You're going to become a huge success, you'll have groupies throwing themselves at you. . . some of them will surely be very pretty and very persuasive and you’ll probably not always be strong enough to resist temptation. ”
Ten laughs and cuts me off. “Listen, Lovey, I don't want to sound like the arrogant bastard that I can be, but I'm pretty sure that Alexander's like me. Tour or no tour, he can get a different lay every night if he wants to, so that's really not the problem. ”
“You're probably right,” I admit. I turn my head to look in Alexander's eyes and he says,
“We’re going to have to figure out a way to trust each other. Can you think of anything that I could do right now to convince you that I'm serious about you?”
Staring at the sky again, I ponder about it for an instant before answering him. “No. I can't. I'll think about it though. ”
“Knowing her, you're gonna have to stick around for the next ten years before she stops doubting you really care about her,” Ten jokes. “That's about how long it took me. ”
I send a friendly punch to his shoulder in mock anger. Ten calls to Alexander, “Hey man! Hold your woman. She's dangerous. ”
It’s cute the way Ten called me Alexander’s woman and it’s hot that Alexander didn’t object. Alexander rolls me over so that I face him and kisses me. I wrap my arms around him and hold on tight to him. When we come back for air, I say, “So you’ll be gone on tour for a year. ”
“Yes, I will. Let's go back in so I can get warmer before I hit the road,” Alexander says.
“You're going back now?” I ask not hiding my disappointment.
“Yes, I need to work every so often and my uncle’s bar is the best job I could find. He’s flexible with my schedule and the tips are great but I still need to get there to earn my pay. Don’t fret, Love, I'm coming back next weekend to start the New Year with you. ”
“Cool,” I say.
After Alexander goes, Ten and I stay together a bit. “Next week, we'll have the house to ourselves,” Ten tells me. “My parents have this big to-do in the city and Grandpa is flying away to Acapulco with Carla and Jimmy. ”
“Weren't you supposed to go with them this year?”
“Right, I was but I changed my mind. I think I've found something more fun to do. ”
“What's that?”
“Being happy,” he says and gives me a dreamy smile.
“Did you meet someone too?”
“Yes I did. ”
“I’m happy for you. Tell me about him!” I smile at Ten. My friend’s happy and today, I'm officially the luckiest girl on earth.
“Nope, he’s still officially a mystery date. You’ll just have to make something up in your head, but whatever you dream up, it won’t be anything like the real thing. ”
“Oh, come on, tell me just a little bit about him. Just a rough description, just two words and I’ll let my imagination fill in the blanks. ”
“Well, if you insist,” Ten says. He thinks about it and then gives me two words “Italian. Model. ”
“Wow, good choice of word. You’ve just spurred my imagination!”
***
CHAPTER FIVE
This has been the longest week of my life. Since I kissed Alexander goodbye on Sunday, I've been counting down the days and then the hours and now the minutes before his return. The clock has been ticking slower every day.
I’ve been working at the diner and doing all the assignments we have for next week when classes will start again after the holidays. When I was done with that and the house chores I even found time to lay on my bed and daydream about the future. I want to major in science. I dream about nursing school and on good days I have medical school fantasies but my bubble bursts as soon as I try to think about the logistics of it. College is going to be hard enough to finance.
I've finished my shift early and I'm standing across the street from the diner waiting for Alexander or Ten to come pick me up. Traffic is slow and every single engine sound I hear has me standing on my toes.
The Bitch is standing by the door looking at me suspiciously. I wish there were more work and patrons to keep her busy but then again that wouldn’t be good. She would use it as an excuse to keep me from going. She's noticed that something has changed.
Pullitzer asked her if I was going to a party for New Year’s Eve and the Bitch answered “Yes, for the first time she got an invitation. You know fat girls are not so popular. So of course I said she could go. ” Anything to make herself look good. Naturally, she said it loud enough for me to hear. I let her nasty comments slide and actually smiled at her. That threw her and made my day.
The fact of the matter is that when I smiled, I was not really thinking about what she was saying. I was recalling a phone conversation I had with Alexander one night at Ten's place. Alexander called just as Ten had finished giving me a motorcycle riding lesson. I’ve been riding for a while but Ten wants my transitions to be smoother. I was telling Alexander that it felt strange to be in the driver's part of the saddle with Ten right behind me when he said that he could never have done it. Something about being so close to me in that position would have been too distracting.
“But you can concentrate when I'm behind you,” I had said. “So what's the difference?”
“Oh the innocence of a sweet little virgin,” was his answer.
I guess I'm really innocent because before Alexander I had never let a guy hold me as tight as he has. But then I had never felt the desire to do so.
I snap out of my daydreaming as a bike turns the corner. It's Ten. He waves at the Bitch with a big smile on his face. I know he's right, he's gotta keep on her good side otherwise she would lock me up in my room and physically bar access from the house during the rest of the holidays. Still, when he does that I want to strangle him. I look away from the door and decide that I will not let any thought of her spoil my fun. I hop on behind Ten and instead of going in the direction of his place, he goes for a U turn. I lean over and ask “Where are we going?”
“Your place, you'll need a bathing suit, I turned on the hot tub. ”
“Oh” is all I manage to say as I come to terms with the fact that I'm going to see Alexander almost naked. That's exciting but then it dawns on me that he’s going to see parts of me that are way to round to be fashionable.
A vision of Twiggy in The Boy Friend comes to my mind and I chase her away with a light broom. I breathe in deeply and tell myself that t
here's no way Alexander could have missed that I'm no lightweight. Seriously, he even lifted me up to put me on the hammock so he can't ignore my size. But it’s one thing to kind of feel it or even guess the shapes I hide under my baggy clothes and quite another to see all of me. What will I do if he changes his mind? What will I do if he runs? What will I do… as I get to the house, I tune out all of the nasty comments the Bitch makes about my weight, except for this one. Her favorite one for patrons of the diner is, “No, I don’t have Jello on the menu. I wouldn’t let my daughter serve food that wiggles just like she does. ”
I run to my room to find my suit and she's back in my head. “Have you seen the size of you? You’re like a double wide … I’m surprised they make swimming suits for people like you. I wouldn’t think there’s a market for it. People that big should have the good sense to hide. ”
My room is a mess. I left for work an hour earlier than my mother. She had plenty of time to toss it. What was she looking for? I know I'm not entitled to any privacy. As far as she’s concerned I’m not entitled to anything. I know better than to put anything in writing that I would not want her to read or to keep any telling memento of anything. Still I hate it when she does this because I need to spend an hour putting everything back in place.
The clothes are no problem. My wardrobe is so limited it takes all of three minutes to get all my stuff back in the drawers. It's the school stuff that rattles me. She opens the binders and then tosses everything to the floor. I so hate the Bitch. I leave as much stuff as I can in my locker at school and put numbers on my loose binder pages so I can put them back together more quickly but still, it pisses me off. I guess as long as it does she'll keep on doing it.
I breathe in deeply, grab the suit, and then get out leaving the room as is. It will wait. I rush back to Ten and my hours of freedom. Alexander will be staying at Ten's place until the first. We're going to have a New Year's celebration.
I deserve a celebration since the Bitch made me skip Christmas all together this year. I guess staying alone that night was better than sitting with her, watching her drink and spit out nasty comments at me.
I lean my head against Ten's back and marvel how different hugging him feels from hugging Alexander. The difference comes from all the thoughts in my head and the feelings I have for those two. I think I love them both but there's only one of them I'm very likely in love with. I’m curious to meet Ten's plus one, the necessarily handsome Italian model who is making my best friend so happy.
We reach the Clark's estate and sure enough, Alexander is waiting for us. First I only see his ride and then, when I see him, the smile on my face goes from ear to ear. The thought of hiding how happy I am to see him does not even cross my mind. My heart is soaring and when I get into his arms I truly feel at home.
“I've missed you, Love,” he says. “I thought this week would never end. ”
I never get a chance to answer as he leans over and kisses me. Ten walks away from us and says, “I'll be in the house when you too are done. This is getting way to mushy for me!”
I feel Alexander's lips curl up in a smile but he does not stop what he's doing and I'm relishing the sensations. I wish there was a way to store it somewhere so I could replay it at will. But then again if there were such a thing it would lose it's magic! He lets me go with a peck on the nose. I'm in a pink little cloud.
Alexander takes his saddlebag from the bike and we walk in the house by the kitchen door that Ten has left slightly ajar for us. The house is nice and warm and we remove our coats as we walk through the kitchen into the gigantic main room. It's a dining room, living room, family room all in one. In one corner of the room there's Carla's baby grand piano and next to it, James Senior's desk. Ten told me his grandfather loves to work to the sound of his daughter's music.
Alexander sees the piano and cannot resist its call. It's a beautiful Steinway. I don't know much about musical instruments but I'm sure whatever James purchased for his daughter is certainly top of the line.
Alexander drops his bag by the piano and moves the stool to adjust the distance to the length of his legs as he lifts the keyboard cover. He places his hands on the keys and starts to play with his eyes closed. It's a slow ballad. The rhythm changes several times during the piece, it's romantic and just a little bit sad. I stand by his side, my hands on the black lacquer top, the vibrations invading my body through the tips of my fingers.
When he finishes playing he looks at me. There's a question in his look. “I love it. It's breathtaking,” I say. “Did you write this?” He nods and offers one of hands to pull me to him. “You need lyrics for it,” I tell him.
“Yes I do. We have the weekend to work on it. ”
“We?” I ask, raising my eyebrows. “I've never written anything. ”
“So you're a poem virgin too,” he says gently mocking me. “Seriously, you're the only girl I know who has not even dabbled in this. ”
I close my eyes and realize that no matter what I'm doing, I can't escape the Bitch's influence. I’ve never allowed myself to think about putting feelings to paper. How could I when my privacy can be violated at any time? Furthermore I'm pretty sure that if I had been brave enough to try, she would have found it and then humiliated me by making fun of whatever I had come up with. I’ve denied myself for so long that I’m not even sure I ever wanted to write stuff anyway.
Alexander does not stop to consider that I could possibly not want to do this with him. “We'll do this together,” he says taking a notebook from his bag, there's a pen attached to the cover. He flips it open and looks for a blank page. He scoots over on the stool and invites me to sit next to him. When I do, he hands me the notebook and says, “I'll start from the top and hum so you can get a feel for the melody. ”
“Did you decide what the lyrics are going to be about?” Ten asks. He's magically appeared behind us. Actually, he probably came in while Alexander was playing and I was so wrapped up in the melody I didn’t notice.
“Yes, I think it should be about missing the person you long to be with,” Alexander says looking at me intently.
“That works for me,” I tell him.
“Okay guys, I'll let you write. I actually have some studying to do so I'll go up in my old room. If you're done before me, come and get me. ”
“Will do,” I say as Ten leaves the room.
Alexander starts to play and hums the melody. He looks at me and says, “Come on. You start. Give me something to begin with. ”
“I never would have guessed how much I'd miss you,” I say.
He smiles and says, “I like that. ” He starts again and sings, “I never would have guessed how much I'd miss you; How could I when I barely know you. How did I let you in so fast? What do we do to make it last?” He hums and looks at me expectantly, “Your turn, Love. ”
Two hours later we have a cute love song. It's not great poetry. A far cry from the English sonnets they make us study in school but it works for a song. It's simple enough that you can memorize the lyrics after hearing the song a couple of times. The melody is catchy.
Just on cue Ten comes down from his room and asks to hear our masterpiece. I joke that he may be overconfident in our talents as writers. Actually I think what we did is pretty lame but then most love songs are if you look at them with a critical eye. I scold myself. This is Ten, he’s my friend, he won’t have a critical eye. He’ll be supportive.
We agree to try it out on him and Alexander starts to sing. Ten raises his hand to stop him. “I'll be right back. ” He runs up to his room and comes back with a square box he sets on the piano. “It’s cassette payer and recorder,” he explains, “Of course the sound will not be great but I will hold the first recording of this hit song!”
Ten presses on two of the device's keys as Alexander begins to sing again and Ten stops him after on sentence.
“What now?”
“Why isn't Lovey singing it with you?”
Alexander turns around and ask
s, “You can sing?”
“I can carry a tune,” I say, “but nothing that compares to your amazing voice. ”
“Let me be the judge of that. Please, sing with me, Love. ”
He starts again and I join him. Our voices work well together. I keep my eyes on the notebook to make sure that I get it right and when we're done, Alexander looks at me as if he's seeing me for the first time. I’m embarrassed because I don’t know what he’s thinking. Ten gives us a standing ovation.
“You can sing,” Alexander says, and now that I know that he likes my voice, I think I’m glowing.
“I'm honored to be the witness of this new partnership,” Ten says with a mock grandiose tone of voice. “You guys were made to make beautiful music together. ” I giggle. I don't think I used to giggle that much before. This is fun. No matter how long it lasts, I will enjoy every minute of it.
Ten continues to gloat and says, “I told you she could sing. ” He's grinning like mad. Sometimes the mischievous 12 years old he must have been pops up to the surface. He's cute but very annoying. “You've got to know she would have had the lead in all her high school musicals if her mother . . . ”
“Ten, please,” I interrupt him.
“No, let him speak, I want to know. ” Alexander says, “Why wouldn't she let you do it? Wouldn’t it make her look good in front of her friends?”
I look at my hands and force myself to put them flat on my thighs. Alexander looks at me strangely, like he can't comprehend that a mother would hate her daughter so much. I know few people get it but that's the way it is and I can't do anything about it. Every so often I ask myself why she does hate me so much. I think maybe something horrible happened to her to make her that way but I don't let my mind go there. I just hate her, it’s easier that way.
“Can we please not talk about her,” I ask.
“Sure, Lovey” Ten says, “I'm sorry I did. ”
