by Milly Taiden
She made enough of an impression on Andrew that he went back to haunt the courthouse everyday during his lunch hour until he ran into her again. He's been taking her out a lot and she’s come by the house a few of times. I've had a chance to get to know her a bit. Mary-Ann hangs out with me while the men are watching some sporting events on television.
She's physically my polar opposite: blond with blue eyes and porcelain skin. She's so tiny she looks fragile but she's stronger than she appears. She's working her way through college and I think she'll go for a graduate degree once she decides what she wants to do. She's been in the courthouse long enough to know that law is not her thing. She enjoys the legal reasoning but hates conflicts. Before that she worked in a veterinary clinic and while she did love working with the animals she couldn't deal with the owners.
“I've been thinking about my career choices,” she tells me when I return to the kitchen where she's helping me preparing finger food. “I think I'm not a people person. I'm more at ease with abstract ideas than with real live situations. ”
“So it seems,” I tell her. “You need a job that minimizes contacts with third parties. Maybe something in the field of research or you could become a writer. Writing is a very solitary exercise, no?”
“How do you do it?” she asks.
“Do what?”
“Deal with people all day? The restaurant staff, the patrons, the suppliers, your boss, how do you put up with that? And then you come home and you've got to deal with three men, an infant, and the au-pair girl. I would go nuts!”
“Really, you would?” She nods. “I've never thought about it that way. I just enjoy working with people. I get a kick out of pairing talents. We're all a tiny part of a giant jigsaw puzzle. We need connections. When people click, the sum of what they can accomplish together is so much more that what they could all do going their separate ways. ”
She looks at me as if I were an out of space creature.
“I understand that some people would rather work on their own but we all need to bounce our ideas off someone after a while, no? What's the use of writing the most beautiful book if no one can read it? What the purpose of discovering some fabulous invention if you don't share it afterwards?”
The intercom interrupts me. The other guests are arriving. Ten opens the kitchen door and gestures for us to get out in the lobby with him. “Thank you for helping me and keeping me company today,” I tell her as we walk out.
“It's always a pleasure to be with you,” she says. “I have this tendency to see everything in black and white, I like that you make me notice shades of grey. ”
“If you stick around long enough, you'll even start to see colors,” Ten says. “Lyv’s greatest power is the one she gives to those she loves. With her by my side I know I can conquer the world. ”
My heart stops. Ten’s words are identical to those Alexander said to me the last night we were together. I guess this is what they both see in me, someone that believes in them so much that they become invincible. I wonder how I do that.
I look at Ten and the affection I read in his eyes is mind-blowing. I put the tray I was carrying down on a table and go to him. “I love you,” I say for the millionth time. I so want him to understand, to know for certain that he's not my second choice, my fall back guy.
“And I love you more than you know, Lovey,” he says. There's a twinkle in his eyes and all my apprehensions about tonight vanish for an instant.
“You guys are going to make me sick,” Andrew says and he makes noises as if he’s going to vomit.
Mary-Ann playfully hits him and says, “I think it’s charming that they are so in love and that Ten’s not afraid to say it. ”
Andrew rolls his eyes at her but it seems he gets the message about showing affection since he grabs her hand. It’s a beginning.
The evening passes in a blur and soon enough after we cheered in the new year, Andrew escapes to his room with Mary-Ann. Oliver won't be home for a few hours. He's a first year attending physician now and the first year docs get to pull all the holiday night supervision.
Ten's cousin Jimmy, his childhood buddy Steven, and the girl who seems to be their common girlfriend are the last to go. I'm happy that Ten is staying connected with them. I actually like them.
When the girl was out of ears’ reach, Jimmy and Steven mentioned something about starting a family. I don't really understand how they're going to make it work but I'm all for it. Are there girls out there who are okay with living with two men for good? I hope there are because it would be nice if our kids had cousins.
I tip-toe into my old room where Ten has set up Alexandra's cradle. Tonight is a first for her as well. She’s moving out of her parent’s bedroom. She doesn’t seem to mind. She's sleeping soundly. She's been sleeping through the nights and she'll be perfectly safe in here. That's what I repeat to myself as I walk out and close the door. I turn around and Ten is watching me from our bedroom. He holds out a hand to me. I walk to him and I take it.
“Come on, Lovey. It's time for bed. ”
He closes the door behind us and I say, “I'll be there in a minute. ”
I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. As I get out of the bathroom he's waiting for me by the door. He catches both my hands in his and pins me against the wall with our arms up in the air. He looks at me so intently I close my eyes and shudder.
“What do you want, Lyv?” he asks.
I open my eyes again and whisper, “I want you, Ten. I want you so much it scares me. ”
“Good, I want you to be mine, just mine,” he growls as he nips at my neck.
“Then do it,” I plead.
Keeping my two hands up with just one of his, he unzips the back of my skirt. It falls to the floor. He pushes my underwear down and I wiggle to make it drop further. His hand explores the apex of my leg and in a minute he has me panting.
I realize that I'll probably have bite marks on my shoulders and my neck for weeks but I don't care. I buck into his hand and moan. He brings me close and then stops to open his belt buckle with one hand. Close again and he stops for the top button of his pants. Oh so close and I whimper, “Please, Ten, don't stop. ”
He chuckles, “Patience, Lovey. We have our whole lives ahead of us, there's no hurry. ”
I let out a growl of protest and he silences me with a kiss. He takes over my mouth and with each flick of his tongue a piece of my will vanishes. My entire existence is limited to my reactions to his touch. The only part of me that remains is the mirror to his desire. When his mouth leaves mine to tear with his teeth the wrapping of the condom that he took out of his pocket, I'm consumed by my need to become one with him. My entire body arches up into him. He frees my hands and says, “Hold on to me, Lovey. ”
I wrap my arms around him as he lifts my up. My legs are around him as he pushes into me. Trapped between the wall and him, I have this incredible sensation of lightness as he pummels into me.
What I feel is so intense, I'm afraid of letting myself go. I fear that if I do I will explode in so many tiny pieces that I will never be whole again. Somehow Ten must sense it because he says, “Come on baby, you're safe with me, let me take you higher. ”
That undoes me and I gasp back, “Don't hold back, my love. ”
His pace picks up and I do shatter in so many delicious directions that I totally lose control. But losing control again is fine. Ten is here whispering in my ears that he loves me and that he'll never let me go. It conjures memories of other tender whispers but I chase them out of my mind. I have a husband and I’m in love with him.
We rest, out of breath in each other's arms until Ten gently frees my legs. He holds on to me to make sure, I'm able to stand. I'm shaking like a leaf.
“Are you cold, my love?” he asks.
“No. Just overwhelmed by emotions. ”
***
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I enter the bathroom and leave Ten in the bedroom looking kind of funny with his
pants half way down his legs and his hair all messed up. He’s sexy as hell but funny too. I finish undressing in the bathroom and get back into our room wearing one of his T-shirts I've been using as a nightgown since we started sharing the same bed. He's gloriously naked, laying on his stomach, half covered by the bed sheets. His back is turned to me as he's setting up the cassette player by the bedside. He gets the machine started and it plays My First, My Last, My Everything. Barry White's deep voice makes the room cozier.
He turns his head around and looks at me.
“Take it off,” he says with a commanding tone I've never heard before and that gets my heart racing. I take the hem of the shirt with my hands and pull it over my head. I let it drop to the floor by my skirt and resume walking toward the bed.
I'm very self-conscious. When I look at myself in the mirror the only thing I see on my body are the stretch marks left by two pregnancies. They have scarred my breasts and the lower part of my tummy from belly button to pubic hair.
Ten doesn't seem to see the marks. He holds out a hand to beckon me to the bed and says, “You're so beautiful, I want to look at you. You're never wearing anything in bed with me from now on. ”
His tone doesn't leave any room for discussion and I like that he takes control. It's funny because I'm really bossy. I take charge of everything all day. I would never have guessed I would love giving up control. Maybe it's a question of trust. Ten has never betrayed me. His love for me is unconditional so when he orders me around, I don't feel threatened in the least. Incredibly, it does feel sexy.
I smile, take his hand and slide under the covers in the bed next to him.
“When we're here,” he says, “I want you to use words to respond to me if I ask you something. ”
“Okay,” I whisper and somehow repress a nervous giggle.
“I will be very demanding and I need to know that you will obey my orders or voice out your concerns or complaints if you have any. ”
I nod and he raises an eyebrow. Right. I have to speak.
“I've heard you,” I say.
“Good, now come closer to me and stop shivering,” he says. His tone is a little softer but there's still an edge to it. “Are you sure you're not cold?”
“No, not cold. Just out of my comfort zone. ”
There's this strange expression on his face as he says, “Good, I want you that way. I'm going to get such a kick out of keeping you off balance. ”
I gasp and he caresses my face with the back of his hand. “Don't worry Lovey, you're going to love everything I will do to you. You trust me, right?”
I almost nod and catch myself before I do, “Yes I do and the strangest thing is that I find this new side of you very hot. ”
“I knew you would,” he says. “And in this room you're so going to enjoy being mine to pet. I’m going to make you my sex toy. ”
Those are words I've never heard him say before. He's never been crude like this and it unsettles me. I have no time to catch my breath as he spreads my legs apart and rolls over to kneel in between them.
“Put your hands under your head and under the pillow,” he says.
I obey him as he continues. “Tonight is our first night so I will go easy on you but you can't touch me. It's all about me discovering what makes you tick. Another night, when I'm in the mood to let you touch me, you'll get your turn. ”
He puts his lips between my breasts and raises his eyes to watch me.
“I did not hear your answer,” he says.
“Was there a question? I just heard a list of instructions,” I say.
His mouth travels to a nipple and he bites me. Hard. Well not harder than Alexandra when she's nursing but harder than a lover would do. Well harder than Alexander did. Oh my God, no. I can't go there. I need to chase Alex from my mind when I'm in bed with Ten.
My husband's tone is not tender when he says, “I'll let it pass this time but you need to learn my rules. Don't get sassy with me. ”
I refrain an impulse to roll my eyes as I would with a temperamental child. I don't mind playing but he's got to be reasonable. I still have some free will. . . or maybe not, because his touch is like fire.
His hands are on my inner thighs. They journey from the knees up ever so slowly. I love it and I moan.
“Good, I like it when you do that. It's music to my ears. Let it all out. Don't hold back or hide anything from me. ”
I whimper. He leans toward the top of the bed and kisses me. His hands are on my breasts and then on my tummy and then he kneels again and goes back to the inner side of my legs so close from where I want them to me. He stares at me and asks, “How much do you want me Lovey?”
“More than I can say. ”
“Do you need me?”
“More than my next breath,” I cry.
He reaches out for a condom on the night stand and sits down on his feet. He puts it on and then, with a finger light as a feather he finally reaches in between my legs. He presses ever so lightly around the sensitive nub and my hips shoot up to him as I gasp. “Please, Ten. ”
The finger slides down and explores my fold still swollen from our first session.
“Please, what?” he asks. His tone is so intense that I'm not sure what to say. He told me he was going to keep me of balance and I'm not sure I should tell him what I really want.
“Please enter me,” I beg.
“So sweetly asked. I can't refuse. ”
He slides one arm underneath each knee and pushes my legs up as he lowers himself onto me. As he fills me this way I realize how big he is. I gasp again. He freezes and I make a little protest sound.
“Are you close?” he asks.
“So close. ”
“Good, show me,” he says as he resumes his invasion of my body. It takes all of my will power not to pull my hands from under the pillow to reach out for him. He wants total control and I give it to him. As I explode again under his care, I think I'm starting to see the pleasure of surrender.
Ten rolls over to his side and gets up to dispose of the condom. He comes back in bed and pulls me over to him. I rest my head on his shoulder and he kisses my hair.
“Mine,” he says with a sleepy voice. “You're all mine now. ”
I have a smile on my face. He's tender again. I may learn to love his bossy side but right now, I mainly crave his sweetness.
“And you are mine as well. I love you, Ten,” I whisper. “I never thought it possible but I do love you more every day. ”
“I love you, Baby. I wonder why it took me so long to realize I wanted you for myself,” he says. “If I had I would have spared us so much heartache. ”
“When did you figure it out?” I ask.
“I think I started to realize that maybe you were more than my best friend when you slept in my bed that first night. In your sleep you were calling for Alexander and that made me jealous…”
“But you were still with Giovanni then, no?”
He nods and says, “and then Xander came back and I hated his guts. I realized it was not fair and that if I had Giovanni you should be allowed to have Xander but still I resented him. I was so happy when he skipped town that I wanted to cheer. You were just mine again and I liked it that way. ”
I never noticed anything. At that period I was in my little bubble of joy. Obviously, there were tensions between my best friend and my boy-friend that escaped me totally.
“I have no regrets,” I say and almost feel guilty saying it. I don't regret loving Alexander. The truth is I think I still love him. Funny how I can love the two of them at once without feeling loving one takes away from the other. I’m not saying it out loud but I know Ten would understand precisely what I mean since he loved Giovanni and me simultaneously.
“None what so ever?” he asks.
“Well, there's Eve. ”
“Yeah I know Lovey. Eventually we'll find her. Andy's sergeant has all of his contacts in Florida looking for her. With all those retired New York cops searchi
ng we'll get a lead soon. ”
***
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Lyv Wild?” The man's voice on the phone is familiar but I can't seem to place it. But then it's seven on Sunday morning and that's not my favorite time of day. I'm not sure I would recognize Ten's voice. But it can't be Ten because he's sleeping next to me.
I grunt, “Yes. ”
“Lyv, you've gotta come home,” the voice says.
This doesn't make sense. I'm home. In my half sleep I can see through the door opening we made between our room and our daughter’s room that Alexandra is in her bed. Yes, this is my home. Who ever this is has a stupid sense of humor. It's a bad joke. I need my sleep. “This is not funny,” I say before I hang up the phone and then take it of the hook again.
Ten's half awake and asks, “Who was that?”
“Some dumb joker,” I say. “Let's go back to sleep. ”
“I've got a better idea,” he says and lifts the cover. Part of his anatomy is fully awake.
I laugh and say, “I see a bad case of morning glory. ”
He puts his hand on my head and doesn't need to push. I know what he wants. I trail down kisses on his chest and take my times going where he wants me to go. He growls a little but I know it's just for show. He's okay with my teasing him a bit. Not too long though. He doesn't want me to think I have any control over what happens in our bedroom. But sometimes we don’t get what we wish for. For instance, I wish pancakes and maple syrup were diet food and I don’t think it’s ever going to happen.
He's been bossing me around in bed for more than a year now and the truth is that his bark is stronger than his bite. Still I do what it takes to get him to bite me every so often because his bite is oh so delicious.
When I get closer and just touch him with the tip of my tongue, his hips tilt forward and his hand becomes more pressing on my head. I put my lips to the mushroom tip and grab the bulk of him in my hands. He lets me pleasure him for a while and then he fists his hand in my hair and pulls me away.
