by Milly Taiden
I look up to him surprised. He's never stopped me before.
“Come up here,” he says. “No matter how much I enjoy this, I know this is not going to get you pregnant, Lovey. I think it's about time we give Alexandra a brother. ”
I laugh. “What if we have another girl?”
“Nope, not going to happen. Did I not tell you I'm the boss of you in bed? If I say it's going to be a boy, you're gonna make me a boy,” he's grinning as he says that. I know he'll take in stride whatever pops out but still, I now know he would favor a boy.
“If I do deliver a male per your heart's desire, my gallant sir, will you grant me one wish?”
“Whatever you want, my Lovey,” he says as he pulls me over him to straddle him.
“We won't call him James. Please. There are enough James in your family. ”
“If you give me James as a middle name, you'll get to pick his first name. ”
“It's a deal,” I say.
He lifts me by the waist and then pushes me down on him. I tilt my head backwards and all thoughts of name are gone. I'm just a ball of need and I concentrate on the friction of the most sensitive part of my body. Time stands still or it rushes by too fast, I can't tell. I'm lost to the world. Nothing else exists but Ten. He stops moving and slides a hand between us. Not so gently he presses my nub between two fingers.
“How good is it?” he asks.
“Amazing,” I whisper, “You're killing me and I'm loving it. ”
I look at his face, “Don't hold back, Ten. Give me what I need to make you a beautiful baby boy. He'll be as handsome and smart as his Dad and the most loved baby on earth. ”
That undoes him and for the first time he doesn't balk at my command but jerks his hips up while applying more pressure with his fingers.
I swallow the scream that almost escapes me. I may be lost to the world but I still remember that the door to our baby girl's room is open. I crumble on Ten, panting.
He flips us over and slides a pillow under my butt.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Helping gravity,” he says.
I laugh, “You're crazy you know!” but when I see the way he looks at me I know I crave that type of crazy. There's so much love in his gaze, tears come to my eyes.
“Are you thinking about Eve again?” he asks.
“No my love, I'm thinking how lucky I am to have you. ”
But now of course, I'm thinking about Eve again. I hope she's a happy little girl. I hope she loved and cared for. I think Ten can read this in my eyes because he kisses me with more passion than ever. He kisses me to make me forget all about Eve and, for a while, I do. The kiss lasts long enough for him to get aroused again.
“Are you ready for more?” he asks.
“Are we shooting for twin boys?” I tease him.
“I never thought of that. Sure two boys would be cool!”
I think not. One at a time seems enough work especially when there's princess Alexandra who requires 300% of our attention. One would never know that Ten is not her biological father. He's the best dad ever and Alexander is a dotting Godfather.
Alexander visits every time he's on the East coast. That's almost every other month because he travels a lot. He tries to come when Ten's not around. Maybe because seeing the way Alexandra adores her father tears him apart. It's kind of perverse that he comes so often. I think it pains him but he can't seem to stay away.
I try to make sure I’m not around when he hangs out with our daughter because no matter how much I love Ten there is no denying seeing Alexander still gets to me. I scold myself but I can’t help it, I think about what might have been.
“Lyv,” Ten says. “You're not with me. What are you thinking about?”
The man knows me so well sometimes I think he can read my thoughts.
“That with your spoiling of Alexandra, twins would be hell!” I'm not lying, just omitting part of my thoughts. I kiss him in the neck the way he loves it.
“Okay so one boy only it will be. ”
“One boy coming up,” I call out as I would if I was sending an order from a kitchen restaurant and we make love almost playfully. Ten lifts me up in a bubble of pure joy and bliss. I think this is what happiness tastes like. We fall asleep to be awakened by Oliver a few hours later.
He knocks on our door and opens without waiting for an answer. Maybe he's been knocking for a while and realized he wouldn't interrupt anything. Alexandra is cradled in his arms eating who knows what. I think she's sucking on a piece of bagel. What time is it anyway? The clock on the nightstand says it's almost noon. Thank God for Oliver'crazy schedule and his love for our baby. Every so often he takes charge of her and let's us grab more hours of sleep.
“I need to make a call,” he says, “and you've go the phone off the hook. ”
“Oh, right. Some crank call at the crack of dawn,” I say. I pull on the cord and get the phone out from under the bed. I put the receiver back on its cradle and say, “There. Sorry. ”
Alexandra wiggles in Oliver's arms and calls for her daddy. Oliver drops her on the bed on Ten's side. “I've fed her but I think you need to change her. ”
Ten looks at me and I say, “Oh no, she asked for her Daddy. You're the diaper hero today. ”
Oliver laughs and the phone starts ringing as he walks out of our room. “I'll get it in the living room,” he says. “I'm meeting my mother for lunch and I'm sure it's her telling me she's early and already waiting for me at the restaurant. ”
Through the door as I get dressed I hear him say, “Hi. Yes, the phone was of the hook. Probably the baby tipped it over. . . yes that's what babies do. . . of course I never did that, I was perfect. . . sure, I'll meet you there in two minutes. ”
Oliver has a strange relationship with his mother. He's always talking to her with a condescending tone. It's like he thinks she a dimwit he has to pacify. I sure hope my kids never talk to me that way. I would feel insulted.
The phone rings again and Oliver picks up after the first ring. I'm thinking it's his mother again who forgot to say something but after the initial “Hello,” he remains quiet for a while and then he says, “Thank you for calling. She's not available right now but if you give me a number I will have her call you back as soon as she can. . . Yes. I understand. . . Mr. Mitchell, yes . . . “ Oliver repeats a 516 area code number and says, “Thank you, sir. ”
Then I understand why the voice was familiar. It was Dave Mitchell. The sweet man from Long Island that saved me from long walks so many times. What could he possibly want?
I walk out of the room. Oliver has hung up and he's standing in the living room with a disturbed expression on his face. He looks at me when I walk in the room and says, “You may want to sit. ”
“What did Dave want?”
“You know him?” I nod. “He was calling about your parents,” he says.
My reaction is knee jerk. “I don't have parents, they're dead to me. ”
Oliver ignores me. “He called to say that there's been an fire. ”
And then I get it. “You mean now they're really dead?”
Oliver nods and takes a step in my direction. He's got a weary look on his face, he's expecting me to crumble at the news and wants to be able to catch me if I do.
I step away. “I'm fine Oliver. I'm really fine. They were nothing to me so don't expect me to mourn. ”
Oliver is startled. “The number is on the pad by the kitchen phone. ”
“Thanks, I'll call him. Go, run. Your mother is waiting,” I tell him.
“Oh right, for a second I forgot. Are you sure you're all right?” he asks.
Ten steps out of Alexandra's room with a clean baby in his arms. “Why wouldn't she be?” he asks Oliver.
“Because the early morning call was Dave, Dave Mitchell from the Hamptons. ”
“Dave? The garage guy who used to fix your bicycle? What did he want?”
“To tell me that my parents are dead. ”
It’s so weird. I don’t feel anything. There’s no sense of loss, no regrets. I realize this is not normal. I should feel something but I don’t. There’s not even relief. They’ve been dead to me since Eve was taken away from me. Maybe they were dead to me earlier than that. I will not mourn or grieve. I’m actually okay.
If I’m some sort of monster for being so cold and detached, then Ten’s the same kind of freak because he says, “I guess we'll be able to spend some time in Long Island this summer,” and then he nuzzles Alexandra's tummy with his nose and asks, “Guess who's going to the beach in the spring?”
Oliver is standing with his hand on the door handle and his mouth open in amazement. Such indifference to my parent's passing is beyond his understanding. Lucky for him. It means that unlike me, life gave him a set of lovable parents.
***
CHAPTER TWENTY
I'm standing in front of a pile of charred wood covered by a bit of snow. I don't feel a thing. The only impression that comes to my mind is that it's a pretty desolate scene. I feel blissful indifference. This is all that is left of my parents’ house. It burned down to the ground. An electrical fire is what the insurance report states.
Gone is the scale on which she made me step once a week to make me feel self-conscious about my weight, gone is the crop she used to spank me with, gone is the metal comb she used to pull my hair out with under the guise of making me look neater… It’s all gone up in smoke. I can’t think of anything that was in that house that I could ever miss.
After speaking to Dave and apologizing for hanging up on him, I waited till Monday and called the coroner. A very nice lady told me that they were able to identify them with what was left. Almost calcined bones I suppose. She told me that it would be better if I did not come to see their remains. She said something to the effect of keeping my memory of them as lovely as I could.
I almost laughed. That would be a tall order but the poor woman had no way to know. She gave me the number of the local mortuary and I ordered two coffins. I didn’t know if I would get anything from them but that was all right, I was willing to pay for their funeral because unlike them, I'm no monster.
Ten is standing beside me, holding my hand. He states the obvious, “There's nothing left but the land. ”
“That's okay. I wouldn't have wanted anything anyway. Ours are the only good childhood memories I cherish. ” He squeezes my hand. I know he understands.
“You're still getting the plot of land, possibly the insurance money for the house and then you’ll also get the diner,” he says. “Oh and there's the balance of a bank account. The banker said they had some nice savings. ”
Ten's been acting as my attorney and inquiring about the estate. I'm surprised the Bitch didn't leave it all to some charity to make sure I didn't get anything. My guess is she thought she still had many years ahead of herself before she had to get organized to make sure I didn’t get a red cent from her.
“I want to sell everything,” I say.
“Don't you want to think about it first? What about Martha? What about Wendy? They're still working there you know. ”
“I'll sell to someone who will agree to keep them on. I'll have it put in the contract,” I say.
“We can do that. ”
“Thank you. I would like never to hear about it again. ”
“What will you do with the money?” Ten asks. “I have no idea what the diner will bring but the land is worth some nice cash. ”
I look at him with a grin and say, “Maybe it's time I spread my wings and start my own restaurant. ”
“Or you could stay home to take care of the kids. You don't need to work anymore. I can support us all. ”
It's true. He may not be getting as much income as he would have if he had joined a major firm but he's doing okay in the small firm he's picked. It's been his choice. He decided he would work more reasonable hours to compensate the fact that I often work at night. I frown and wonder if he's still happy with his choice.
He watches my change of expression and shrugs, “Just letting you know it's a possibility. You can do whatever you want, Lovey. I want you to be as happy as I am. ”
I smile at him and ask, “You're really happy?”
“I wouldn't trade my place with anyone else,” he hugs me. “I just want a few other healthy babies and life will be perfect. ”
“God, Ten. How many is a few?” I ask.
“At least two or three more?” he says tentatively. “I hated being an only child. If it hadn't be for my cousin Jimmy and you I think I would have died of isolation. ”
I squeeze his hand and say, “Let's go one at a time but two more sounds reasonable. I'm not sure Alexandra would agree though. She's already jealous of any attention you give to me. She'll got bat shit crazy when you take care of another child. ”
“No she won't, I'll tell her it's a plaything, she’ll believe that we made her sibling just for her. ”
I laugh. He loves her so much. I have to play bad cop most of the time otherwise we'll soon have a monster. We get back in the car. Ten's little princess is fast asleep. Car rides pacify her.
Tonight we're staying in Ten’s beach bungalow. I'm dreading it because of the memories of Alexander it conjures but then the other choice would be the main house. I'm not sure I'm ready to cohabit with the Clark clan even for a night in a place that also holds memory of Alexander. . . Sharing the evening meal will be weird enough.
When we arrive we're greeted by Jimmy and Steven. They brought Laura with them. Laura is their live-in assistant. She runs their household and works for their auction house as well. They took her in right after high-school when she started college. She's studying art history. I think she's finished her masters degree and started a PhD.
She watches me get Alexandra out of her car seat and extends her arms, “May I?” she asks.
“Of course,” I say giving my baby to her. “It's so nice of you to have come all this way to watch her while I attend the funeral. ”
“It's no bother at all,” she says and there's a glow about her that I never noticed before. She's one of those women that looks good with a baby in her arms.
Jimmy and Stevens seem to agree with me. They have this warm way of looking at her twirling Alexandra around and babbling sweet nothings to her as she walks in the house. Alexandra likes her. Oh well, Alexandra likes anyone who treats her like she's the center of the universe and right now that’s what Laura’s doing.
Jimmy and Steven exchange a conspiratorial look. Yep, those two are ready for parenthood and up to something. They just need to find the right girl. And then I have a light bulb moment. They have the right girl. They're looking at her.
We all walk in the house. There's a nice fire roaring and James Senior is looking into it pensively. He turns around and says good-naturedly, “It's about time, I'm famished. ”
His two grandsons give him a hand to get up from the sofa and help him walk to the dining room table. He's aged a lot in the past six months and he’s decided to live here full time. He seems to need a push to get started and then he walks like a wind-up mechanical toy.
The table is prettily set. Laura's work, no doubt about this. I notice there's a high chair ready for Alexandra. Jimmy follows my gaze and says, “I went looking for it and found it in the attic. It was mine and then Ten's. ”
“Mine,” claims Alexandra and we all laugh.
“Thank you for digging up this family heirloom,” I say.
James Senior sits next to me and puts his large hand on mine. “Now don't get me wrong, Lyv, I really like this little Alexandra Jane here but I would really love a great grandson. Do you think you could produce one before I kick the bucket?”
“We're working on it, Sir,” I say.
Funny how he blushes a little. “Good, Good. ” He chuckles and says to Ten, “I have a confession and an apology to make to you, kid. ” Ten looks at him with a puzzled expression on his face. James Senior's not the confession
type and he’s usually unapologetic as hell.
“For years I thought you were batting for the other team,” the old man says. “And since those two have this weird arrangement going,” he points to Jimmy and Steven with his chin, “I thought the family would end with you guys. ”
Jimmy laughs, “We haven't said our last word yet. With a bit of luck we could deliver a great grandson before Lyv and Ten do. ”
For a second I think I see Laura blush and I see her in a new light. Wow, how does one handle two men? I look at the window not to stare at her nor at Ten who may be a bit uncomfortable and my eyes fall on the hot tub. I have this memory of one evening I spent in it, chatting away with Ten and Alexander. In my mind I try to play a film of me between Ten and Alex and it's so unsettling that I almost gasp.
Ten who is sitting between Alexandra's high chair and me follows my gaze and raises an eyebrow. I smile at him. Everything is fine. I think one man at a time is all that I can handle. But I do understand Laura. I know for a fact you can love two men simultaneously. I guess she's the lucky one because they're happy with that situation.
We finish dinner early and walk out through the cold to the bungalow. Some changes have been made since my last visit. There's a powerful radiator which warms up the place quickly and there’s a gigantic bed that occupies most of the space. It's larger than a king size. I'm thinking it's been custom built.
“Since we were not coming around, I let Jimmy use it and you know. . . ”
Ten doesn't finish his sentence but I get it. To be in a ménage you don't only need a bigger heart than most, you also need a much larger bed.
There's also a brand new child folding bed by the window. The price sticker is still on the bottom leg. In the bed there's a little pillow, the cutest blanket, and an old fashioned wood mobile. Laura has thought of everything. Obviously, she's ready to be a mother.
We put Alexandra to rest and she quickly falls asleep after playing with her crib toy. I'll have to remember to thank Laura for sparing me from the restless night I was dreading with the baby between the two of us.
