by Milly Taiden
“I think I should head to bed,” he said before I got a chance to speak. He stopped in the doorway and turned around once more, saying, “I’m here for you, Mia. You know, if you need to talk. This guy seems important to you. I’ll never stop wishing for us, but we’re much better together this way, as friends. I want you to know that you’ve got my full support.”
Wow! What did you pour in your orange juice tonight? I took a bigger gulp of the white wine before saying, “Thank you. Good night.”
“Good night. Don’t let me bite.” He winked and left.
I chuckled, spitting some of the wine out. We used to tease each other with that phrase all the time, substituting it for Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Except we’d meant the exact opposite. Did Dan still want to bite me? The memory of him skimming my skin with his teeth was still fresh in my mind. I set the wine glass aside, feeling its immediate effect. A single glass was enough to make the room spin and my speech slur.
There was something comforting in knowing your partner as well as I knew Dan. Well, except for the part where I hadn’t expected him to cheat. But if what he’d said was true, if he really wanted me happy, maybe I had a chance with Adrian after all.
Then why did I feel like I was still married to Dan? Like I owed him fidelity and love? He’d said he’d never stop wishing for us together, but he also knew there was no hope. Men didn’t change. They wanted to seem like they did, but that was just wishful thinking. I’d learned that the hard way during the few attempts at counseling as we tried to save our marriage. I couldn’t get past it. If I couldn’t trust again, there was no way it would work.
I shook my head.
Why was everything so confusing? I was stuck between two men, each of whom offered something I needed, yet something entirely different: one, although imperfect, the comfort of the known; the other, everything I’d wanted from love. But I had no idea whether my family would accept Adrian the way I wanted them to. I didn’t know whether the kind of relationship I could offer would be enough for him. And I’d only known Adrian as a teenage boy, not a man. I wondered about the bag of issues he came with and whether it was one I could carry on my shoulders as well.
CHAPTER 8
After church on Sunday, Isabelle was waiting on my front porch. I should have expected to be grilled when I hadn’t called her back after the fifth text. I felt a rush of guilt cover my face. Yet my pulse raced, knowing I would finally get a chance to talk to someone about Adrian. Had it really only been two days since I found out that he was back in my life?
“You get a new boy toy and don’t call me back? What the heck is that about?” she said once we were out of earshot in the back yard. Dan was playing soccer with the kids.
“I’m sorry. It’s been busy and confusing and extremely wonderful at the same time. One moment I feel like I’m on cloud nine, and then reality hits and I’m back on earth thinking about the logistics of all this.”
“Did you really date that piece of meat? Are you dating him now?”
“Yes, and don’t call him that. He was only sixteen when we dated. And now, well, he’s a man.”
“Hell, yeah!”
“Shh!” My gaze flew to Christa and Jonathan who were still busy kicking the ball. “Look, yes, he’s hot and charming and I’m so not sure how he got those muscles on his abs—”
“You’ve seen him naked?”
“Yes, I mean no. I have a long time ago, but just in his boxers yesterday.”
“Holy shit! Is this the guy you lost your virginity to?”
“Yes, the one and only. Iz, I was so deeply in love with him, I was afraid I couldn’t commit to Dan when Adrian was still thousands of miles away. What we had was so intense I can only compare it to a madness I could not heal. I cut our ties, stopped writing, and life finally moved on. And now everything scares the crap out of me. I’m afraid I won’t think logically around him. My decisions affect more than me this time.”
“Yeah, yeah. So when are you gonna check if the goods haven’t expired?”
“Iz,” I scolded.
“Come on! Casanova’s only been back a few days and you’re planning the rest of your life already. Live a little. Let go and see where it leads. I’ve never seen a man look at a woman the way he looked at you. Honestly, it made me want to throw my panties to the curb and get laid that night!”
My groin was beginning to ache just listening to her.
“Get to know him all over again. And I mean all of him! You finally have someone to loosen you up a bit, so just spread your legs and enjoy.” She winked.
“For a married woman who gets it anytime she wants to, you’re unbelievably horny.”
“Just because I get it doesn’t mean I can’t imagine my friend getting laid.”
I lowered my head into my hands. “Please don’t tell me you’re imagining me having sex.”
“No, but I am praying for you. Listen, it’s not like he’s proposing. And you can’t exactly be alone for the rest of your life. You need to give someone a chance.”
At those words Dan looked up as if he’d heard us. He waved toward us after kicking the ball. My cell phone rang and I looked at the screen.
“Shit, it’s my mother. She told Adrian how to find me, and she’ll want to know what’s going on.” I left the phone on the patio table and reached for another strawberry. What was this, a gang-up-on-Mia day?
“She probably wants to give you some love tips. A woman who can actually walk into Marineland with a fishing pole just to cross it off her bucket list is definitely someone you don’t want to mess with.”
I reached for my phone, but Isabelle stopped me.
“But you don’t call her back until I get all the details. Now, how naked was he yesterday?”
“In his wet boxers. He fell into a river,” I said dreamily.
“And you didn’t offer to dry them off for him?” Iz’s brows rose up and down. She’d married her high-school sweetheart and had what I called the perfect marriage. Except the part where they’d been trying to get pregnant for years and finally decided to take a break for a few months. The doctors encouraged a stress-free period before they came back to consider other options. And now, to take their mind off of having babies, Iz and her husband Tyler were apparently trying some kinky stuff to let go of the stress. So far, each time she’d breached the topic of floggers, butt plugs, and blindfolds, I cringed.
“I feel like I’m a teen again around him. I frickin’ giggled, Iz.”
“That’s good.”
“But I’m not a girl.”
“Shut up! It doesn’t matter. When was the last time you had sex?”
“Too private.” I so wished I could crawl under a rock now.
“And with whom?”
Of course my gaze flew to my ex-husband.
“Ah, come on! You can do better than that. Please tell me you haven’t given into Dan for a few months at least. You think he’s celibate?”
“I don’t want to think about that.”
“Well, then I’ll tell you about it. This guy over there”—she pointed with her finger—“you need to start thinking of him as a dog that wags his tail, aka dick, at anything with two legs and short skirts, because in his mind he no longer owes you any commitment. I can guarantee you he’s fucked quite a lot more than you have since your divorce.”
“It’s not a competition, Iz.”
If it was I’d definitely lose, because I hadn’t had sex with anyone other than Dan—even after our divorce.
“No, it’s an intervention for your guilt. I know you. You still think you owe him fidelity. You’ll feel guilty for getting involved with anyone because of your kids, but let me ask you this. If Adrian was to leave tomorrow, how would you feel?”
I felt an imaginary storm cloud hover over my head and slouched in my seat.
“Exactly. The man crossed the ocean for you, asking for a chance.” She took my hand into hers. “And you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about that perf
ect body. I saw him in that bar Friday night and I was willing to leave with him if you weren’t.”
“No, you weren’t.”
“I did in my mind.”
I laughed. “Stop it.”
“When are you seeing him again?”
“Two weeks.”
“Why so long?”
“He’s doing business during the week. Long hours before he signs a deal. And I can’t really have him over after work, can I? And next weekend is mine with the kids.”
“I don’t see a reason why he can’t visit during the week or the weekend. Think about it. You’ll have to introduce the stud to the family eventually, won’t you?”
“Yeah, I’m not quite sure how to do that.”
“Slowly but with confidence. You’re a great mother. Your children adore you, and they’re smart. You tried to protect them from an unhealthy marriage for so many years, and Dan didn’t even give a crap about it.”
She was right. I’d pretended that the numerous times my ex-husband had come home from “work” smelling of floral perfumes never happened. That the lipstick stain on his collar was from fruit he’d had for lunch and that his flirting at parties and social events was a way of socializing. I’d denied what I’d known for years—that I’d married a cheater—and somehow it was entirely my fault. For years I refused to put my kids through a separation. It took me seeing it on my own, him and Amanda in his office, to finally wake up and reclaim my life.
“He does now,” I whispered.
“Oh, no, you don’t. I swear to God, Mia, if you let this one slip through your fingers because of Dan, I will personally lock you up in a cellar with the boy toy so he can rock your body and make you forget about the cheater.”
I cringed at the word. Isabelle knew so well how to get to me.
“If Adrian has half the personality to go with that body, you’ll be thousands of times better off than with Dan.” She paused and then pointed her finger. “Dan won’t change. It will be good for a while, but he will not change, Mia. As a father, maybe,” she shrugged. “But not as a partner. And I don’t want to see you hurt like that again. He squished you under his thumb like a bug and the strong woman I knew disappeared for a few years. Do you want me to remind you of what happened?”
A hard lump formed in my throat as I whispered another lie, “It only happened once.”
“One time that you caught him.” Isabelle squeezed my hand. “You can’t protect your kids from life. Teach them to be brave and to take chances and to give their all for love. That’s the kind of woman I know you are. At least you were. If I had a serving like Adrian in front of me, I’d eat him up without a thought and then ask for seconds. Once he pops your cherry again, he’ll open up too. You’ll get a better understanding of who he is and whether you want to take this further. Your heart will tell you when it’s the right time, so listen to it.”
My phone rang again, and my mother’s number flashed on the screen. The kids came over to pick at the fruit platter, and our conversation about Adrian had to stop. It didn’t stop Isabelle from making slurping noises as she sucked on the strawberries or bit into a peach. Everything she ate insinuated sex, as if she wanted to remind me I had to get some. Even Dan began eyeing her conspicuously.
That night, as I lay in my bed, I tried to imagine what it would feel like to have Adrian next to me, and my mind nearly burned with the delectable things he could do to please me. And for the first time in a long time, I had a wet dream.
CHAPTER 9
The weekend passed and Dan returned to his house. I resumed my usual routine of dropping the kids at the bus stop before leaving to teach my scheduled classes. I hadn’t heard from Adrian since he’d dropped me off, and as much as I wanted at least a phone call, I also appreciated the time he’d agreed to give me to process his sudden visit. And without the distraction of his gorgeous body and warm lips, I was convinced I could no longer stand to live without him. The fear of losing him again crept into my mind more often, at times filling it obsessively.
By Wednesday I began regretting asking him not to call. I missed him. I truly missed him and craved his kisses and tender caresses like a madwoman. At this point, two weeks would feel like twenty years all over again, or perhaps even eternity.
I set up my mat in the studio, waiting for the rest of the class to arrive. Flipping through my music collection, I stumbled upon one of my favorites: an oldies compilation of songs from my younger years. Beyond the window, pedestrians passed in a hurry to their work. That used to be me before kids: always rushing, exerted and stressed. I loved my current job. Where else could you work, help others, and relax at the same time? Nothing could ruin my chirpy mood… except for her.
I glared at the woman who had destroyed my life and who worked for the same brokerage as Dan. Amanda had never apologized for what she’d done—in fact, she’d even gloated. Not that I expected an apology; all I wanted was peace and to never see her fake smile and plastic boobs again, especially at work. Why couldn’t she find a different instructor? Hadn’t she done enough damage? Each time she looked at me was as if she wanted to rub it in, and I was tired of the charade. I just didn’t care enough for her to even acknowledge her because if I did, with the words I’d chosen for her in my mind, I was sure I could lose my job. But unfortunately I had no control over who showed up to the drop-in classes.
In my mind I played with the idea of personally calling Satan to reserve a special spot in hell just for her. The memory of the pain she’d caused our family was like tightening a barbed wire around my heart, over and over again. That wasn’t to say I’d only blamed her. No, it was both her and Dan’s faults. My ex-husband had suffered through a divorce, but other than being the talk of the town, she hadn’t faced any consequences, which really pissed me off. I prayed my hate vibe was strong enough to keep her away from me.
The gym filled and I clicked on the music, beginning our more advanced routine that would burn everyone’s muscles in just the right way. Soon, I lost myself to the flowing movements, stretching my limbs, thinking about the one person who turned my world upside down with a simple ‘hello’: the one who took me back twenty years when life was simple.
With five minutes of class left, as everyone cooled down I glanced out the window and my breath stilled. Adrian stood propped against a tree, watching with intent. He was wearing another polo shirt and beige slacks. His gaze could have melted the glass window between us. Its searing heat connected with every part of me. My tank top compressed my breasts, and I hoped my nipples stayed put underneath. When our gazes met, he blew me a kiss. I imagined catching it in the air and applying it to my lips, but I couldn’t move.
“Yummy, what’s his name?” asked Mindy, one of my long-term clients. Everyone’s gaze flew from me to Adrian and then back to me again. A few whistles sounded, and I felt heat rush to my cheeks.
“Adrian.”
“Where have you been hiding him?” someone else asked.
“On the other side of the world.” Was that dreamy voice my own? “Continue the cooldown, ladies.”
“Not even a cold shower will help me cool off after looking at that piece of art,” Mindy continued.
“Come on, ladies, don’t let your muscles rest just yet, including the pelvic ones, or you’ll regret it tomorrow.”
After a few giggles, they lay down on their backs as I instructed and followed the routine of stretching their spine to each side with their knees tucked in and tilted toward the mat. I wished I could have listened to my own advice and let my thighs relax. Peeking through the window every few seconds and seeing that beautiful man with a sinfully fluent set of muscles had jolted my hormones into an uncontrollable dance. For a moment, I felt every cell in my body jump up and down as if I was at a rave. Adrian now leaned back against the tree bark with his arms crossed at his front. I remembered that night in the orchard again when he’d squished me between his chest and the bark, and I wanted to be in his arms.
“Earth t
o Mia, the music stopped.” Mindy laughed. “You should invite him to one of our classes.”
“Right,” I replied, rolling my eyes. The last time a hot guy joined the class, everyone insisted on showing him how to do downward dog. None of them even cared they’d turned my Pilates class into yoga. “You made that last guy feel like a piece of meat,” I accused. The ogling that had gone on behind his back was unbelievable. He was like a poor puppy in a room full of bitches in heat.
Everyone began cleaning and packing up their mats, but my most loyal clients who had become my friends came to stand at my side, admiring Adrian as he now sat on the bench reading his paper, sipping on an iced coffee. He could have so easily posed as a sculpture. And who in the world read physical papers these days instead of a tablet? Sexy men like Adrian, had.
“I guess this one’s not for sharing?” someone else whispered.
“No, definitely not.”
Somewhere between the glares and tidying up I caught Amanda’s stare. She had a wicked grin on her face, like a witch. I was sure Dan would hear all about Adrian at work. Actually, by her standards, that would have been the easy blow, and I couldn’t help but feel that she had something entirely different on her mind. Dan had vowed their affair was over. But then again he’d also vowed to be faithful, and I knew too well how that turned out. Amanda liked to stir shit up all the time—I had a feeling today hadn’t gone unnoticed by her. Would she want to reunite with Dan for another fling? As much as I wanted him happy, she was the last person with whom I wanted to see him.
With a deep breath I stepped out of the studio and found myself in Adrian’s embrace, melting into his body. He wrapped his arms around me, encasing me. After a soft kiss on my head he said, “I couldn’t wait two weeks.”
