by Milly Taiden
*
When I woke up at three in the morning, I was covered with Christa’s duvet and Adrian was sleeping in her uncomfortable princess chair with his legs stretched out in front. My daughter’s forehead had cooled a little and her temperature appeared to have dropped.
I stirred, waking Adrian up.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
I stepped out of Christa’s bed and took his newly bandaged hand, and, half-asleep, said, “Yes, come with me.”
Leading him into my bedroom, I whispered, “It doesn’t make sense for you to get your car at this hour.”
I stood in front of my king-size bed, and then it hit me how comfortable it felt to have Adrian here. I wished he could be here all the time.
“You’re just trying to get me in your bed,” he teased with his barely open eyes. That chair must have been as uncomfortable as sleeping on a bed of nails.
“That too.” I unbuckled his jeans. “Do you need to be at work early?”
“No, I rescheduled my appointments for the afternoon.”
His pants dropped to the floor and my tummy brushed against his half-hard length.
Adrian’s hand grasped my wrist before I continued. “T, there’s no way I can just sleep in your bed with you beside me. At least not yet. The moment I feel your skin, I’ll want more.”
“I don’t want you driving so late. You’re tired and it’s dangerous.”
“I can sleep on the couch downstairs,” he offered. “I already know it’s very comfortable.”
I removed my jeans and sweatshirt and stood in front of him in my panties and t-shirt, my stone-hard nipples poking through the fabric.
“I need you to hold me. Please stay with me.”
Adrian didn’t speak again. He moved the covers aside and I slid into my bed, curling into his body. It wasn’t too long before my ass was moving closer in, pressing against his erection.
“Adrian?”
He stilled, so I continued.
“Why did you call me your wife at the parking lot?”
“I… I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking about stuff and it slipped out. And it sounded more important. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You’ve thought about us getting married?”
“Yes. I’m just curious how it would have worked and how nice it would feel to have you like this every day. Would you ever consider the possibility?”
“I will not remarry, Adrian.” I squeezed the pillow with my hands. Why did that feel so wrong to say, especially to him? Was I being stubborn?
“Then I guess I’ll be a bachelor for the rest of my life.”
I shifted in bed, turning to face him. “I’m sorry if I ever gave you that hope—”
“It’s not you who should be giving me hope, T. It’s me who should be restoring yours. And I am sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry you can’t think about us that way. And I promise not to do anything to hurt you or harm you or push you beyond your comfort zone.”
I sighed. “I just need time.”
“I know, baby. I know.” He smoothed his hand over my cheek.
There was only one way I knew of that I could make this up to him. I cupped his face in my hands, saying, “Make love to me,” I whispered.
No sooner did the words leave my mouth than he drew my panties to the side and Adrian buried himself deep inside me. His hands roamed my breasts, breath hot and heavy against my shoulder. The strain in his voice as he fought to contain his grunts vibrated on my skin. I lowered his hand down to my pussy, needing a release. His fingers worked quickly. I bit the sheets with my teeth, muffling the scream, and came hard against the pulse of his fingers, feeling his warmth fill me, then plopped down on the bed.
The comfort of his hard body lulled me to sleep.
CHAPTER 27
Waking up Thursday morning to an overcast sky of rain and fog drained my strength. Each time I wanted to call or text Adrian, something came up. He’d left on late Wednesday morning after I drove Jonathan to school and I hadn’t seen him since. We’d spoken last night, but Adrian’s voice strained, like too-tightly wound strings on a guitar.
Knowing through Dan that Adrian had an important day today, I made a mental note to give him some space until this afternoon. I rushed to drive the kids to school, then to my studio that was booked up for the entire day. I barely had enough time to get home and order pizza for the kids, but at least the day had flown by, and once they got home I’d be able to sit down and maybe make sense of our conversation two days ago.
I turned on the afternoon news, only to hear them blaring about the recent solar flare – as if there was anything we could do about it. Once the network caught onto something new, they couldn’t let it go until we knew the full molecular structure of the sun, detailed descriptions of UV reports, and the possibility of increased skin cancer cases.
Just before the kids came home from school and I thought I had a minute to text Adrian, an urgent knock on my door startled me. I rushed to the front to find an out-of-breath Dan. He stood there, heaving as if he’d just run a marathon. For a moment I thought he’d spit his lungs out. With his hands on his knees, his eyes drooped as he tried to get enough air into his lungs.
“You have keys,” I said. “What happened to you?”
“Sorry, I’m just not thinking straight. Are you all right?”
“Fine. Why?” I strolled back to the kitchen and poured him a glass of water.
“I thought you’d be upset.” He gulped the liquid down and helped himself to a second glass.
“Why would I be upset? Did you run here?”
He plopped down on the kitchen stool. Sweat dripped off his forehead. “I tried to call you, but your phone goes to voice mail, and I didn’t want you to hear this on a message. Your boyfriend mumbled about broken marriages, failed contracts and no hope as he shuffled through the papers this morning. The guy was a mess, man. Why would you get involved with a guy who was leaving the country?”
“What?”
“He’s flying out in two hours.”
“Oh, my God!” I covered my mouth. “Are you sure? Did you say something to him?” I accused, because I wouldn’t put it past my ex-husband to play dirty.
“Of course I’m sure, and no, I didn’t say anything, Mia. You know I take business seriously. Mia, you look pale. Sit down.”
Had I pushed Adrian over the edge? Had I lost him again? The stupid me, afraid of failing again, wouldn’t even consider talking about marrying someone I’d loved my entire life? It wasn’t like he was proposing now. But his employees were leaving with packed boxes. They were talking about moving. Was that just the beginning? Oh my God! Something must have gone wrong at Adrian’s business as well.
Shit!
“I can’t sit down. I have to go. Wait, I can’t go. The kids.” My knees shook and my legs felt as if someone had filled them with foam. I felt a chair under my knees and Dan’s guiding arm helping me down. My heart hammered. The room became hazy, and I lowered my head to the counter.
“You’re going to be all right,” Dan whispered, gently stroking my back.
I lifted my head, regarded his concerned face, and said, “I will not be okay. I can’t go through this again.” My gaze darted along the kitchen counter. “I will not go through this again. Where’s my phone?”
Jumping off the chair, I knocked it down to the ground and fished the phone out of my purse. I quickly dialed Adrian’s number, but there was no answer, so I texted a message.
Mia: Are you really leaving? Please call me!
I waited for an entire minute before I grabbed my car keys, saying, “Will you stay with the kids, please? Pizza’s on its way.”
“Of course. Where are you going? Mia, you shouldn’t be driving this upset.”
“Airport. I’ll be fine. I will be back as soon as I can.”
“Please be careful. And call me.”
Dan’s last words echoed after me as I got in my car.
I presse
d the gas, going over the limit. Praying I had at least a pinch of luck on my side, I hoped no cops were patrolling the highway in front of me. Why was I so inconsiderate? Adrian had never been married before—it was only natural to be curious about it and to talk about it, especially with someone you loved. And I knew he loved me. He loved me and I’d tore at his heart until I broke it, inadvertently telling him we’d never be truly united as one.
You’re a fucking idiot, Mia! I banged on the steering wheel.
Tears streamed down my cheeks. I fought the sobs that were on the verge of breaking through because I still needed to concentrate on the road. The airport was an hour away. The flight schedule said I’d only have thirty minutes before takeoff. Chances were he would already be sitting at the gate or even on the plane and I’d have no way to get to him. Adrian’s phone had been going to voicemail each time I called. The text messages I’d sent remained unanswered. I hated solar flares!
Pulling into the Pearson garage, I felt like I’d followed a trail of snails. I honked a few times and for the first time in years flipped a guy off after he blocked the way and didn’t want to move forward. Finally I was able to park. Leaving my purse on my seat, I rushed between the cars, through the glassed overpass, and into the terminal. The sound of suitcase wheels rolled in my ears as I scanned the monitors for a flight to Vienna.
I couldn’t hold onto him. He’d left me. After all we’d been through, and all the promises we made to each other to give it a try, he’d simply left. Not a word or a phone call, not even a goodbye letter. This wasn’t like him. Yet here I was, once again all alone, that emptiness in my heart wailing through me. My entire body ached all over, crushed by that well-known feeling of a separation that would now last forever.
I had ruined everything.
In a moment when Adrian trusted me, I let him down. He’d been waiting for me for twenty years, and I wasn’t even able to acknowledge the idea of marriage. And if I could get a chance to do it all over again, I’d be lucky if he let me go down on my knee and beg him to stay. Beg him to marry me, because without Adrian in my life, living seemed pointless.
I should have allowed my heart to guide me, and instead I’d let life set a path that I’d simply followed. Crushed, I stood there at the airport, tears streaming down my face, ripped of all my strength to move. Each time I heard an airplane take off I wondered whether it was him, leaving me.
Do something! my brain screamed.
My heart ached. The muscles in all my limbs throbbed. I couldn’t stop crying and found it more difficult to breathe with each passing second. The short inhales weren’t enough. The room began to spin. I needed air and took a step back, bumping into someone.
“T? What are you doing here?”
At first the familiar voice sounded too good to be true. Had I already fainted? Was I hallucinating? Had I just imagined the words that I desperately wanted to hear? Fearing I’d find an empty spot when I turned around, I simply shut my eyes, forcing the remaining moisture out.
This wasn’t him. It couldn’t be. He’d left.
“T? Are you all right?” The touch of his palm on my shoulder was beyond excruciating. First, because I thought I’d totally gone insane and was now feeling his warmth on my skin. Second, because that little spark in my heart that would never die out for Adrian ignited with a force, and I whipped my body around to confirm what I could only hope to be true.
And there he was, looking at me from above with that boyish face I loved. The barbell in his eyebrow rose by a fraction and that smile that tied my heart with a ribbon of joy curved higher the more I examined his face. It was the face of a man I’d trust until the end of my days, a man without whom I could no longer live. If he left now, I’d be shattered and no one would be able to piece together my broken heart.
“You’re here?” I asked, cautiously lifting my hand to his cheek. He felt warm and real and alive.
Adrian narrowed his brows, covering his hand with mine. “Of course I am. Why are you here? What’s the matter?” He removed a tissue from his pocket and dabbed it on one cheek, then the other. His shoulders lowered as if he wanted to keep our eye contact without straining the difference in our height.
“I thought you left. Back to Vienna.”
“What? Where would you get such a silly idea? You look pale. Let’s go outside.”
I held on to his arms, tightening my grip around them. There was no way I’d let him go this time. He led us past the sliding door and we sat on a ledge by a window. People were staring at me, a thirty-five year old woman sobbing like a teenager. And then I found myself in his bear arms, completely lost yet protected from the crowd of onlookers.
“I will marry you any day. Just please don’t leave. I couldn’t live if you left.”
“I promised I’d never leave, and I will keep that promise. And as far as marriage, T. … I understand your fears, baby. There’s no need to panic. I told you, I don’t make the same mistakes twice. And whether or not I ever get to speak those vows to you in front of witnesses, it doesn’t matter. I want to be there for you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health—no matter what.”
“But you signed the papers today. You were mumbling about marriage and lost hope. And your employees—I saw them packing up and leaving.”
“What are you talking about? What papers? What mumblings? Who told you this?”
“Dan said your contracts failed and you were distressed. He told me you were flying out.”
I watched his brows furrow for a moment, then go back to their usual spot as some sort of comprehension I wasn’t getting obviously shined its light on him.
“Ah! I know what happened! Chris, my friend whose house I was taking care of, met with Dan this morning to sign the sale papers. He’s moving to the US permanently. His father was diagnosed with schizophrenia. His condition worsened, and there was talk about his parents divorcing and him needing to be there to give his mother some hope. Plus he’s dealing with some business crap. Nothing unusual. That’s why I drove him to the airport. And two of my employees were moving out of province this week. You must have seen them at my office.”
“Wait, so what happens to you now? Where will you live?” I asked.
“I’m the one who bought it, T. I met with Dan for the first time this morning as well, at his office, and agreed to the sale terms. Dan must have been talking about Chris.”
And Dan must have also thought Adrian’s friend was the one I’d been seeing. His warning to me was completely unfounded, which also meant that he didn’t know my Adrian.
“So you’re staying?”
“Yes, of course I’m staying. There’s no way I’d leave now. T, is that why you came here?”
“I thought it was happening all over again. I thought I was losing you. I thought I scared you off with my ‘no marriage’ talk.”
Adrian pulled me into his body, saying, “I’m in this for good, T. You and me, we’re the real deal. With a ring or without. Please don’t ever think I’ll leave you. I understand how sensitive you are about it, and I will wait for you until the day I die, if I have to. You’re mine. You always have been. No vow or promise can mean more to me than your everyday words and what I feel when you’re with me. Now, what do you say we go home. I’ll drive right behind you.”
“Okay.”
And as we walked to the parking lot, I wished I had known my renewed happiness would be short-lived, because no way in hell would I ever have gotten in that car.
CHAPTER 28
I took the incoming call on the Bluetooth. Adrian’s voice over the speaker was better than any song.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Much better. Have I ever told you I hate driving in rain?”
“No, you haven’t. Just take your time, T. It doesn’t look like it will get any better for a while.”
Ahead, the black cloud in the distance looked like hell was about to swallow us up in one gulp. If this downpour we were in was bad, I
had a feeling we were about to drive into a monsoon.
“I’m going to stay in the right lane,” I flicked on my turn signal. Driving in bad weather for me was as bad as sitting in a car with a drunk driver. In fact, any kind of driving had made me nervous ever since the car accident with my dad.
“T, I’m right beside you,” Adrian said. “You know, Dan is a very good agent. He was very professional.”
“That’s because he thought Chris was the one dating me,” I laughed, squinting through the rain. My windshield wipers were turned on their full setting, swiping the streams of water.
“I doubt that. But you know, I think it’s a good idea I formally introduce myself. At least to avoid future confusion as to who you belong to.”
“Belong to?”
“Yes, T. You belong to me. As caveman as that sounds, you always have, and there’s no changing that. And I’m going to make sure everyone knows it.”
“What happened to our baby steps?”
“Our baby steps have only caused trouble. I don’t want to see you this upset ever again. Fuck baby steps.”
My nervous laugh became louder. “All right, fuck ’em!”
But my confidence didn’t stop the shaking in my arms. The windshield was beginning to look like the bottom of a glass jar, and the wipers weren’t helping much.
“Listen, T. You’re going to pull over at the next truck stop. We’ll call home and then wait this out, all right?”
“Yes, please.”
“Good. Now pay attention to the road. I love you.”
“I love you t—”
The next thing I knew, a van spun out of control in my lane ahead. I pressed the brake, but there was no way I could stop safely without hitting it. Headlights flashed in front of me as the van twirled and another car sideswiped it just before I would have hit it, clearing my lane. Debris hit my windshield. A long blast of a horn pierced my ears.
I screamed as both cars rolled over a few times before ending up in the ditch. I wasn’t sure how I’d pulled over, but there was no way I could drive after seeing that. I dialed 911, informing them of the accident, and then stepped out of my car. Had Adrian seen this? I hoped he’d stopped as well.
