Sword

by JC Andrijeski

  The trucks were already loaded.

  Everything but Feigran, that is, and the rest of us.

  Balidor’s words came out harsh, holding not a trace of compromise.

  “I will hear nothing more about this!” he said. “Nothing, Alyson!”

  I squeezed my temples harder.

  Doubt filled me, a near fear. But I heard his words, too.

  “Alyson!” he said. “You cannot be seriously contemplating this!”

  “You heard what it said.” I fought to keep my voice patient. I looked around at the rest of them, but no one seemed to want to get between the Adhipan leader and me.

  “…He said he’d suspend ops, ‘Dor.” I focused back on him. “For six months. That’s hardly something we can just ignore.”

  “In payment for services rendered,” Balidor said, his voice hard. “I heard it, Allie.”

  “Nice,” I said, shaking my head. “Really nice, Balidor.”

  “I heard all of it, Alyson. The whole letter,” he said, his voice biting. “We all did. Sounds like you made quite an impression in Delhi. I think he’d go even higher if you negotiated. Maybe you should try bargaining with him.”

  I stared at him, taken aback by the look on his face. When his eyes continued to blaze at me, I shrugged with one hand, averting my gaze.

  “Jesus, ‘Dor. You don’t have to be a dick about it. Wouldn’t it be better if we could negotiate a treaty of some kind with him and the rest of the Rebellion? I could do that better from the inside, than if we’re constantly running away—”

  “A treaty?” Balidor said, incredulous. “Alyson, listen to yourself! Listen to what you are contemplating! What do you think he will try to do in six months? Beyond spending every waking moment solidifying the bond between you, he will be attempting to indoctrinate you. He will use every means at his disposal to accomplish this! You will not see a clear, objective outline of his intentions. You will not see anything approximating this!”

  “I’m not a fool, ‘Dori. I know that.”

  “You are a fool with him, Alyson,” Balidor said. “I have seen it. Further,” he said, holding up a hand. “It’s not even your fault. It is a matter of your relationship to him. You cannot help yourself. You are not sane in regard to him.”

  I gave him a flat look. “Really? That’s your argument? We shouldn’t even consider a viable option because I’m… what? Hormonally incapable of being sane around Revik? Jesus, ‘Dor. Could you possibly be more condescending?”

  “It is biological fact, Alyson.”

  My anger flared. “Bullshit. You’re assuming he can be strategic and I can’t. If this was really about the bond, you would see Revik and I as equals in this.”

  Balidor raised his voice, eyes flashing. “He will have the Dreng helping him, Alyson! Not just helping him… they will be actively manipulating his own reactions to the bond. You cannot think in terms of your mate alone, not anymore. He is a puppet of the Dreng now. His drives will be twisted to their ends!”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said. “No, Vash and I talked about this. Vash has this theory—”

  “Yes,” Balidor said. “I, too, have heard this theory, Alyson. From an infiltrator’s perspective, let me tell you, it is shaky as hell at best.” His jaw hardened. “This is your only window, Allie. Do you understand? The only one! At this point, you’ve still only bonded with the parts of his personality that are relatively harmless. He will…”

  Balidor swallowed, motioning towards my body.

  “…Go out of his way to be persuasive, Alyson. You will not be able to fight that effectively, not given your status with him. It is why he promises so easily that he will help you sever things after. He knows damned well that after he’s spent six months tying himself to you, severance will be utterly impossible. I noticed a difference in your light after you spent a few hours with him in Delhi. What do you think would happen after six months? Assuming you even wanted to be away from him or his Dreng-soaked Rebellion by then?”

  For a moment I just sat there.

  I tried to remind myself that there was no way Balidor could be objective about this. He’d fought Revik back in World War I. He’d lost dozens of his men to him, trying to hunt him down with the humans. If he was in some nightmare flashback around that, I couldn’t exactly blame him. I also wouldn’t be able to reason with him through it.

  Clearly, he thought he couldn’t reason with me, either.

  “Allie!” he said. “Are you listening to me?”

  Looking down, I realized I still clutched Revik’s note in my hand. The flowers sat at the foot of the stairs. A part of me still couldn’t believe what he’d written, and yet it had sounded so much like him, from the words he’d chosen to the formality of the cadence.

  I didn’t for a second doubt it had been him. I couldn’t.

  The flowers just made it that much more surreal.

  I tried to do as Balidor said, if not what he himself was doing. I tried to think objectively about my options.

  As far as I could tell, I now had two. I could do as Revik asked and give him the six months, or I could spend the next however-long period of time running from him while Vash tried to sever us, and probably failed… assuming he didn’t kill us both outright.

  I could feel the part of me the note pulled.

  I knew I wasn’t being totally objective about it, no matter what I told myself. I knew I couldn’t be totally objective about it, just as Balidor said. A part of me would always want to go to him, partly because I loved him, and partly because of that pull. I also felt the hope in me from what Vash had said, and I knew I couldn’t trust that, either.

  Yet, I couldn’t help but feel the two things pointed in a pretty clear direction.

  I glanced at Balidor, realizing the room had gone silent again.

  I saw him looking at me, his gray eyes flint-like.

  “You have already made up your mind,” he said.

  “‘Dori, it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

  “No, Allie. It is a blatant trick, a manipulation of the bond… and a cruel one, too. Do not fall for it, I beg you!”

  “He might kill Vash if we don’t,” I began.

  “He will assuredly try if we don’t, yes.” Balidor’s eyes hardened more. “Explain to me, Allie, how that fact makes him an attractive mate to you in any way. Explain it, please. Because I am unclear why you would be considering sharing a bed with a monster who would kill a being such as Vash, who acted as a father and protector to him for decades.”

  I felt my jaw harden. I started to answer him, then didn’t, averting my gaze.

  I ended up focusing on the flowers at the foot of the stairs.

  “My job is to keep you alive, Alyson!” Balidor snapped, raising his voice. “If that is not possible, then I must keep you away from the Dreng, at the very least. If you do not have the mental capacity to do either of those things yourself, I am completely within my ‘bounds’ as you call it, to declare you unfit and make such critical decisions for you…”

  I felt my fingers curl into fists on my thighs.

  Glancing at Cass and Jon when I felt their eyes on me, I saw that they’d both paled. But they weren’t exactly jumping up to defend me, either.

  Jon, seeming to see my thoughts on my face, swallowed, meeting my gaze.

  “He’s right, Al,” he said. “You can’t trust Revik in this. I talked to him that night, in Delhi. He was clear. He has absolutely no intention of respecting your free will in this… or in much of anything to do with the two of you. He wants you with him. Period. He told me point blank he’d kill anyone who touched you, Allie.”

  I frowned, looking again at Balidor.

  Seeing the expression on his face, it struck me that there wasn’t even a flicker of surprise there at what Jon had said.

  “You knew about this,” I said. I looked at Jon. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Jon’s voice grew exasperated. “When, Al? When was I supposed to tell y
ou that? Before or after your husband set off a friggin’ bomb in the lobby of a five-star hotel? Should I have said something during the flight here, when you spent most of it crying in the cargo hold?”

  I felt my jaw clench so hard it hurt my face.

  “You didn’t want to hear it!” Jon said.

  I looked at him, forcing myself silent for a few breaths. I looked at Cass, whose expression held more conflict, but not exactly disagreement. Nodding, almost to myself that time, I looked away, clasping my hands together between my knees.

  “I see,” I said, nodding again. “So you all just made a unilateral decision not to tell me something that might affect my life. And not only my life… potentially the lives of others.”

  I glared pointedly at Balidor, whose own jaw firmed.

  Letting my gaze swivel back to Jon and Cass, I continued in a colder voice.

  “…I understood the need to keep me out of some high-level decisions. I didn’t complain when you couldn’t tell me where we were going, or any details related to me and Vash’s security. I didn’t complain when you cut me out of the secure areas of the construct… or when you cut me out of military and infiltration strategy meetings.”

  I felt Balidor about to speak.

  Turning, I glared at him, silencing him with my eyes.

  “…But I also don’t remember abdicating leadership in all areas of operations. I wasn’t aware that I was deemed unfit to make objective decisions of any kind. Or that you all believed I could no longer be trusted to put the good of the group over my own feelings––”

  “You left with him, Allie!” Balidor said. “How can we trust you, when he snaps his fingers and you go? Worse, you slept with him. Are you really so ignorant that you didn’t know this would reinforce your ties to him? Do you really think you can just play at being the wife of an agent of the Dreng?”

  I clenched my hands together tighter “Balidor—”

  “Do not pull this commander crap with me!” Balidor smacked his hand against the wooden stair support. I jumped, tensing. “Alyson! You are only convincing me that you have no idea what you are facing in him!”

  My temper broke. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to right now? What makes you think you have the right to order me around, like—”

  “So it is only your husband who can do this, then?”

  My anger flashed into fury, rising so abruptly and intensely I almost couldn’t control it at first. In the same instant, I realized it didn’t all feel like mine.

  Revik was listening to this.

  “Allie!” Cass said, jerking my eyes to hers. “No one here is disrespecting you!”

  “Bullshit!” Turning on Balidor, I hooked my fingers under the collar. “Is that what this is really for, Dori? In case you can’t keep me in line?”

  Balidor’s eyes flattened. “It may be too late for that,” he said.

  Staring at him, I realized I’d said it without meaning it, but he was deadly serious. As if seeing it on my face, he shook his head, clicking sharply.

  “Alyson!” he said, once more smacking his hand on the wooden support to draw my eyes. “I am the leader of the Adhipan! I cannot permit the Bridge to go over to the Dreng! Do you not see this? He is corrupting you, Allie! He is doing it as surely as I am looking at you! We are already halfway the enemy in your eyes!”

  “Hey,” Cass said. Her voice sounded nervous. “Back off a little, ‘Dori. I don’t think it’s as bad as all that––”

  “This from you?” Balidor said, turning on her. “You wear his fucking mark, Cassandra! Your lover is one of Salinse’s people! For all we know, he’s a traitor, reporting to him about where we are, right now. Perhaps that is even how Syrimne found us!”

  Cass's eyes narrowed to slits. “Hey. Wait just a minute…”

  Jon stepped preemptively between Cass and Balidor, holding up a hand to each of them.

  “Stop it!” he said. “Right now! This isn’t helping anything! We’re supposed to be helping Allie with this, not bullying her…” He turned on Balidor, his jaw clenched. “You need to back off, ‘Dori. Right now. Cool off, okay?”

  “This is great.” Balidor turned on me. “I take orders now from humans! How can I protect you like this, Bridge? How? How can I protect any of us, if you insist on acting like a child, instead of what you are?”

  My fury rose, making it hard to see him clearly.

  Seeing my face, he exhaled an angry rush of air.

  For a long moment, he only stood there, clicking to himself. When he met my gaze again, his expression hadn’t softened.

  “Alyson,” he said. “Do you not realize that I am not blaming you for any of this? If you were raised seer, you would not be insulted by my claiming you have no real agency in this. It is a fact of being a seer. It is a fact of bonding!”

  I forced myself to look away, to retract my light, recognizing I didn’t feel quite right again. I took a breath. “‘Dori,” I said. “Just lay off with that, okay? I heard you. You don’t have to keep saying it over and over—”

  “He is taking advantage of your ignorance in this very thing!” he snapped. “He is pretending the coercive element of the bond does not exist. He makes his plea to you all about choice… your damned feelings for him! It is not simply about choice, Allie! It is not some simple matter of compromise between you. What he does to his light, he does also to yours. If you knew more about your own biology, you would understand this! You would not be making it personal!”

  I stared at him incredulously. “Me, making it personal?”

  Ignoring this, Balidor gestured sharply at Jon and Cass.

  “I am not insulting them either!” he said, his voice rising again. “They cannot help you with this! They cannot! Their opinion is meaningless in this regard, Allie. It is less than meaningless. They know nothing about the pulls behind a bond of this kind!”

  “All right,” I said, raising my hands in peace. “All right… Balidor. I understand what you’re saying. Can we please talk to Vash about this? He really had a different take on what—”

  “Vash loves him, Allie! He is not objective on this, either! And he is not an infiltrator. You need to let me do my job, or ask me to step down.”

  I crossed my arms. Resting them on my thighs, I just looked at him for a moment, trying to think past the anger and confusion in my light.

  Finally, I let out a short laugh, feeling my jaw harden.

  “Is that what you want?” I said. “You tired of being on the losing side, ‘Dor? Because I’m sure Revik would welcome you with open arms.”

  “I highly doubt that, Allie. Especially since he knows full well how I feel about you. As it stands now, he would kill me the first excuse he got.”

  I stared at him. For an instant, my anger faltered.

  Jon and Cass stared at him, too.

  “‘Dori––” I began.

  “––And I warn you. If you ask me to step down, you will force my hand. I won’t let him take advantage of this thing between you. I won’t.”

  I looked away from where I’d been focusing on the flowers at the foot of the stairs. Staring at him, I felt my mouth curl in a frown.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Take it however you like,” he said. “But I think you understood me just fine, Alyson.”

  “Balidor, if he finds out you’re holding me against my will, he’ll kill every one of you,” I said. “How is that better?”

  “I won’t hand the Bridge to the Dreng,” he said. “I won’t, Allie. If that means sacrificing myself to that cause, I will.”

  “Dori’—” I began, frustrated, but he cut me off.

  “Or even sacrificing you, Alyson.”

  My eyes narrowed. “‘Dori, stop threatening me. I mean it.”

  “It’s not a threat.”

  “That’s enough!” I said, rising to my feet. I heard him in my voice, for real that time, but I only paused long enough to meet Balidor’s gaze. “You n
eed to step down, ‘Dor… at least for now. You’re clearly not capable of being objective about this, and I need clear heads.” I turned to Dorje. “Get this fucking collar off me. Now. I’m going to take him up on his offer. It’s stupid not to.” I frowned. “Vash seems to think whatever damage I could have done by sleeping with him has already been done, anyway.”

  I looked at Jon and Cass.

  “It’s six months. It’s worth what––and who––we might save in six months. If I can’t make him see reason in that time, we’ll try something else.”

  I swallowed then, as something else occurred to me.

  “Just in case, though, I’ll need a group of you to get Vash out of here. Find a place to hide him, in case Revik is using this as some kind of distraction. Obviously, I can’t know where that is. And we’ll need a good-sized group of the senior infiltrators with him…”

  I was descending the stairs as I spoke, my hand on the railing. It wasn’t until I was nearly to the bottom that I realized Balidor stood there, directly in my path.

  “Get out of my way, ‘Dori,” I said.

  “I can’t do that, Alyson.”

  His voice held a veiled emotion that made me pause, my hand on the bannister.

  “You can’t?” I said. “Get out of my way, ‘Dori!”

  “I am truly sorry,” he said. “I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I would have done anything for you, Bridge. But this… this, I cannot do.”

  It took me another second to realize he was pointing a gun at me.

  Staring at his hand with the gun, I felt my breath come to a halt.

  Time slowed as the reality of it sank in.

  Staring down at Balidor’s flushed face, it occurred to me suddenly, that killing me had been the contingency plan for Revik once, too. He’d been tasked by the Seven with removing me from the equation if he failed to get me safely out. If it looked like the Rooks, and therefore the Dreng, would likely gain custody of me, he was supposed to kill me.

  That had been back when Revik was still my bodyguard, like Balidor was my bodyguard now. Back then, it was Revik’s responsibility to make sure I didn’t inadvertently end up becoming the next Syrimne.