In Her Hands

by Rebekah Blackmore

  Ronnie took a deep breath before answering. “I didn’t know I was interested in Amy.” She scoffed, looking out the window. “Hell, I didn’t even know that I was into girls.”

  Now Kenny was the one who was scoffing. “Ronnie, I saw where your eyes went whenever we watched porn together. I’m not an idiot. You’ve always been attracted to girls.” He sighed and leaned forward, tapping his fingers against the dashboard. “Look, I should have told you about Carrie, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “Finding out that way hurt more than you telling me ever could have.” Ronnie forced herself to look at Kenny. He was right: they needed to talk. Ronnie owed it to herself to know exactly what had transpired to end her relationship. “Do you love her?”

  Kenny went completely still before nodding.

  Ronnie tried again. “Are you in love with her?”

  Kenny nodded again. Ronnie pursed her lips before asking her final question. “Are you in love with me?”

  When Kenny didn’t answer right away, Ronnie had her answer. She sunk down in her seat and let out a sad chuckle. “Maybe it’s a good thing I walked in on you. At least we didn’t waste much money on the wedding, and we didn’t marry people we weren’t really in love with.” She laced her fingers and raised them to her mouth, biting down on her knuckles. “Well, is Carrie good in bed, at least?”

  Kenny looked shocked at the question for a moment before he burst out laughing. Ronnie did the same, and soon, they were both in a much better mood than they had been a few minutes earlier. Kenny put his arm around Ronnie and pulled her close, kissing her on the top of the head. “I’m glad we can talk about this like adults.”

  The corner of Ronnie’s mouth quirked up. “Me, too. We did always do well as friends.”

  “Yeah. We really did.”

  Kenny sat back in his seat and turned so he was facing Ronnie. “So, does Amy know how you feel about her?”

  Ronnie grimaced. “Well . . . kind of?”

  “What does that mean?”

  Ronnie told Kenny everything, from the questionable way that Amy and she had been looking at one another in the kitchen to the way that Ronnie had blown off all of her text messages and phone calls. By the end, Kenny was wide-eyed and his mouth was gaping. “Jeez, Ronnie, it sounds like you messed up nearly as bad as I did. Dude, you need to go talk to her!”

  “I know. That’s where I am headed as soon as we are done here.”

  Kenny held his hands up. “And that is my clue to leave.” He dropped his hands and leaned forward to pull Ronnie into a hug. “Think we can stay friends?”

  Ronnie kissed Kenny on the cheek. “Yeah. I think we can.”

  “Good.” Kenny pulled out of the hug. “I’ll see you around, Ron.”

  “Bye.”

  Ronnie waited for Kenny to climb out of the car before turning back to the steering wheel and letting out a long breath. She was shocked over how well that went. She was expecting tears, angry words . . . not a mutual agreement that their marriage never would have worked out.

  Ronnie took a deep breath and put her car in reverse, pulling out of the space and driving across the parking lot. She hesitated when she reached the edge of the parking lot before turning in the direction of Amy's house.

  Ronnie couldn't help but drive five miles under the speed limit, her breathing shallow and her palms sweating. What if she really was too late? She loved her job, she really did, but what if that (and her hesitance) cost her Amy?

  Suddenly, Ronnie's attention was grabbed by a sign for a flower shop on the side of the road. She had driven past the building hundreds of times, and had never noticed it. It was called Delia's Delights, and was standing all alone on the corner.

  Ronnie made a sharp left turn and pulled into the parking lot, making her way up to a spot near the entrance of the shop. She put the car in park and looked around at the front of the store. The building itself was nothing special with a dull gray roof and red brick sides, but through the large windows Ronnie could see arrangements of all sizes and colors. There was a bright-blue awning over the windows, and there was a child-like painting of a flower and a butterfly on the front door.

  Ronnie got out of her car and went inside, which held much more spectacular views than the windows had teased. Every spare inch was covered either in buckets of flowers. The young woman at the counter was working on a funeral cone, her face lighting up when she saw that she had a customer. She looked up when she heard the bell ring from above the door. She very much resembled Elsa with silvery-blonde hair and skin so pale that it was almost translucent, her icy-blue eyes piercing into Ronnie's hazel ones from across the store.

  The woman smiled as Ronnie walked up to the counter. “Can I help you with something, sweetie?”

  Ronnie glanced down at the woman's name tag to see that she was Delia, who was, presumably, the owner. She shrugged before saying, “I don't know what I'm looking for.”

  Delia's smile got bigger. “Well, what's the occasion? Wedding, new baby? Condolences, apologies?”

  Ronnie couldn't help but wince. “Apology.”

  “Ah. Fight with the boyfriend?” Ronnie shook her head. "Girlfriend, then? What's her favorite flower?”

  Ronnie nodded slowly, butterflies shooting through her stomach at the idea of Amy being her girlfriend. She didn't even have to think about the girl's favorite flower before answering. “Blue hydrangeas.”

  Delia nodded, going over to one of the buckets and pulling out a handful of stems. She brought them over to her counter and placed them down, counting them out before looking back up to Ronnie. “Do you have a specific arrangement in mind?” She grabbed a few stems of white flowers, staring at them for a moment before putting them back and grabbing a different white flower.

  “No.”

  “All right.” She started arranging the stems before looking up again. “Does she like bling or is she more of a simple girl?”

  Ronnie thought for a moment. “Simple.”

  Delia nodded again and put the flowers down before crouch down and opening the bottom drawer. Ronnie peered over the counter to see what she was doing, her eyes widening at the mess of glitter and ribbon that was overflowing from the drawer. Delia was mumbling to herself as she sifted through the message before popping up, a shimmery silver ribbon in her hand. “Do you think your girlfriend would like this one?”

  Ronnie studied it for a moment before nodding, her lips quirking up in a small smile and her cheeks flushing. “She's going to love it.”

  Delia winked. “She must be something really special to make you smile like that.” She reached into a pot on the corner of the counter, scooping out some glitter and sprinkling it over the top. Once her hand was empty, she held out the bouquet. “Voila.”

  Ronnie took the bouquet from her. “What do I owe you?”

  Delia shook her head. “Nothing. It’s on the house. Make your girl happy.”

  “Thank you. That's really kind of you.” Ronnie reached down into her purse and pulled out a ten dollar bill. She out it on the counter next to Delia's hand, waving her off when she tried to hand it back. “It's a tip. Keep it.”

  Delia took the bill and put it in her pocket. Ronnie smiled at her again and took the bouquet.

  17

  Ronnie waved at Delia as she left the floral shop, tucking the bouquet against her side. She couldn't believe how beautiful the flowers were, the scent wafting up and filling her nostrils with a most pleasing aroma. She made her way to her car and got in, lying the flowers down in the passenger seat. She screwed up her mouth to the side and stared at the flowers before grabbing an empty McDonalds cup out of her trash and putting it back in her cup holder. She moved the bouquet so that it was sitting upright, the delicate blooms fluffing back out once they weren't pressed against the seat of the car.

  She knew that the flowers weren't even close to enough to make up for how much she had hurt Amy, but she hoped that they would at least soften the blow. If not, well, at least she
had given Amy something that would make her smile.

  Ronnie pulled out of the parking lot and finished making the drive to Amy's house, her heart pounding the entire time. Each foot that she drove felt like it took years, but when she reached Amy's house, it seemed like in the time it had taken her to blink she had driven the distance from the shop to Amy's driveway. She pulled to a stop in front of the mailbox and took a few breaths to steady her churning stomach before shutting off the engine and getting out of the car.

  Ronnie picked up the bouquet and put it in the crook of her arm. She walked up the driveway to the front door, adjusting her hair and her clothing. She did her best not to wring her fingers together, but it wasn't an easy task with the amount of adrenaline running through her system. She stepped up onto the front porch and knocked, shoving her free hand in her pocket and rocking back on her heels. She could hear Tommy and Morrison playing with Tadpole through the door, and after a moment, she could see a feminine figure walk up toward the door.

  Ronnie's butterflies multiplied, fluttering around and around until all Ronnie could feel was the beat of their wings. Her anxiety was quickly turning to excitement as Amy got closer to the door. She had been so busy at work that she didn't have time to miss her, but now that she was there, in the moment, all she could think about was how desperately she wanted Amy in her life. She tightened her grip on the flowers and moved them behind her back, trying and failing to hide the smile on her face.

  When the door opened, Ronnie's smile dropped and her heart stopped. Amy hadn't been the woman who was walking towards the door. Ronnie may have never met the woman, but she had seen enough pictures to know exactly who was standing in front of her.

  Andrea had changed her hair and put on some weight since she had taken those family photos with Tommy and Amy, but her face was the same. She was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a black vee-neck, a pair of worn blue converse on her feet. The tips of her hair was dyed a vibrant purple, and she had it styled in long braid that went over her right shoulder to her waist.

  “Can I help you?” Andrea said, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame.

  Before Ronnie had a chance to respond, Tommy and Morrison ran down the hallway towards her, the dog trailing close behind. Morrison squealed and yelled Ronnie's name, and Tommy jumped up and down before hugging her around the waist, forcing the flowers out from behind her back. Morrison kissed her on the hip and Tadpole, even though he had never met Ronnie, pranced around her and licked at her hand.

  “We missed you, Ronnie!” Tommy said, leaning his head against Ronnie's chest. “We haven't seen you in so long!”

  Andrea raised an eyebrow, her nose wrinkling up and the corners of her mouth turning down. “Oh. So you're Ronnie.” She looked Ronnie up and down before scoffing. “Can't see what she sees in you.”

  Ronnie ignored Andrea's blatant displeasure. She ruffled Morrison's hair and hugged Tommy back, doing her best not to hit the boy in the head with the flowers. Tommy beamed up at her before asking, “Where have you been, Ronnie? Mommy has missed you, too. She's been really sad you haven't been coming over to play with us.” He waved his hand in Andrea's direction when the woman let out a noise of disgust. “Look, Ronnie, my momma came back, too! All my favorite people are here!”

  Suddenly, Tadpole lunged back into the house and started barking excitedly, his tail wagging so hard that his entire back half was shaking. Ronnie looked past Andrea and saw Amy standing there with wide eyes, her mouth agape and her skin pale. Tommy yanked the flowers from Ronnie's grip, studying them for a moment before looking back up at Ronnie. “These are for Mommy, right?”

  Ronnie tried to answer, but she was too struck by Amy to do anything but nod. People always said that absence made the heart grow fonder, and she could definitely say that, for the first time, she fully understood that statement. She had forgotten how gorgeous Amy's blue eyes were, how perfectly her hair framed her face . . .

  “Ronnie, hold you!”

  Ronnie shook her head. She hadn't realized how hard she had been staring until she felt a gentle tug on her leg. She moved to scoop Morrison into her arms, but Andrea was faster, picking up her daughter and putting her on her hip. She glared at Ronnie, tightening her grip on Morrison's leg and back.

  “Well, thanks for stopping by,” Andrea said, turning her back and starting to walk away, “but we're really busy today, so you should probably go.”

  “Andrea.” Amy narrowed her eyes at Andrea before glancing back at Ronnie.

  Andrea rolled her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder. “My wife and my kids and I are going out for dinner, and unfortunately, there's just not enough room in the car for you. Maybe you should just come back another time . . . or not, you know, either works.”

  “Andrea!”

  “What? We have plans. Plans that don't involve your girlfriend.”

  Amy grit her teeth and made a fist, her shoulders shaking softly. “Take the kids to the park, Andrea, and we can go out to dinner when you guys get back.” She glared at the dark-haired woman. “Now.”

  Andrea rolled her eyes again, but she started towards the door. “Fine. Tommy, let's go.”

  “Okay, Momma.” Tommy back over to Ronnie and gave her a hug. “Bye, Ronnie, I'll see you later!”

  Morrison tried to squirm out of her mother's grasp. When she realized that she couldn't, she pouted, flapping her hand back and forth in a weak wave. “Bye-bye, Ronnie.”

  “Bye, sweetheart.”

  Tommy went over to the cabinet and grabbed Tadpole's leash. He caught the dog by the collar and clipped the leash on before going back over to Andrea. “Okay, Momma, let's go!”

  Andrea pursed her lips and grabbed Tommy's hand. She walked with him out the door before looking back over her shoulder and giving Ronnie a withering look that would have scared her if she wasn't so thrilled to be close to Amy again.

  The door slammed shut. Amy stared blankly at the wood before turning on her heel and walking toward the kitchen. She put the flowers down and grabbed the edges of the counter, her fingertips turning white from how hard she was grasping the wood. “Thank you for the flowers,” she said softly, not looking up from the bouquet. “They're beautiful.”

  Ronnie stayed silent as the other woman crossed her arms over her stomach and turned around. “I wasn't sure if I'd see you again.” Amy sucked her lips into a tight line, her entire body rigid.

  Ronnie put her hands in her pockets and forced a smile. She felt sick. “When－when did Andrea come back?”

  “About a week ago.” Amy was still staring at the ground, kicking her feet. “I heard a knock on the door, and when I went to get it, she was standing there. She said she got her life in order, wants to be there for me and the kids again.”

  “Oh.” Ronnie's throat was thick, and her eyes were burning.

  Amy was quiet for a moment before saying softly, “We are going to try to be a couple again.”

  “ . . . oh.” A sharp pain went through Ronnie's chest. She really had waited too long. She blinked rapidly against the stinging in her eyes and leaned against the adjacent counter, digging her nails into the wood to keep her emotions at Bay. “I'm happy for you guys.”

  She bit her lip and looked up, taking a breath and wincing as she heard her voice crack. Amy looked up at the sound, her eyes narrowing in concern. She started to walk over to her but she stopped, crossing her arms again. “What's wrong?”

  Ronnie shrugged and swallowed hard, doing everything she could to make her voice even. “I wanted to call you, but there was a family emergency, and then work was slammed . . . ” She trailed off, grinding her teeth.

  Amy looked down at the ground again before looking back at Ronnie. “Is everyone okay?”

  Ronnie nodded. “There was a major bus crash at my nephew's school and a lot of kids got hurt－everyone is fine now, but I just . . . ” She shook her head. “No, never mind. It's stupid.”

  Amy hit her hands on the counter a few times befor
e going over to Ronnie and taking her hand. “Ronnie, what is it? Tell me.”

  Ronnie squeezed Amy's hand and forced herself to look at her. Amy's eyes were wide, and she had an encouraging smile on her face. “I just thought you'd wait for me.”

  Amy stared at Ronnie for a minute before her eyes widened. “You mean you . . . ” She dropped Ronnie's hand.

  Ronnie nodded. “Yeah.”

  Now Amy was the one who looked like she was going to cry. “Fuck.” She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth before looking at Ronnie again. “God, Ronnie, if I had known . . . ” She pressed her hands against her eyes and pushed her palms down. “It's just, the kids . . . and Andrea . . . ” She lowered her hands. “Fuck.”

  Ronnie shook her head. “It's better for your family this way. I'm happy for you.”

  Amy let out a shaky breath. “I really wished that you had called earlier, too.” She kicked her feet again and bit her lip. “So . . . what do we do now?”

  Now Ronnie was the one looking at the ground. “I still want to be your friend, Amy, but . . . ”

  “ . . . it's just too hard ,” Amy finished, her own voice breaking.

  Ronnie nodded. “Yeah.”

  Amy bounced her knees for a moment before grabbing Ronnie's hands again. “But we will be friends again, right? Once . . . once we get over this?”

  Ronnie couldn't help the wounded sound that escaped her. She made a fist and dug her nails into her palms. She cleared her throat. “Yeah.”

  Before Ronnie could stop herself, she let go of of Amy's hand and grabbed the sides of her face, pulling her into a kiss. Amy put her hands on Ronnie's hips and pulled her close, her cheeks wet as both of their tears started to fall.

  Ronnie pulled out of the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, rubbing Amy's cheek with her thumb. “I'm going to miss you, Amy.”

  “I love you so much.”

  Amy and Ronnie both froze as the words left Amy's lips. Amy started to cry harder, letting go of Ronnie's hips and starting to step away before Ronnie yanked her back, wrapping her arms around Amy and holding her close. Ronnie wouldn't say the words back, no matter how much she wanted to. It wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to Amy.