Here I'll Stay

by Dominique Laura

  I got up, slowly. My back hurt from the contact with the door, my throat was sore, and my face felt like a bloody, throbbing mess. I walked to my room, careful not to make any noise. I knew if I caused him any more anger or stress that I probably wouldn’t make it out alive. He wouldn’t hesitate to harm me again, that much I knew, and it scared me more than anything else. Where was the unconditional love that a father was supposed to have for his daughter? For his only child? It didn’t exist. It never had. Not in this household. A new set of tears formed as the truth set in. I had hope before but now all hope was lost.

  I locked my door and stepped in front of my vanity mirror, cringing at the sight before me. My lip was busted open and swollen, blood slowly seeping from the open wound. My throat had a purple imprint on it from the force of his fingers, and based on the outline it was obvious where it had come from. That would be the hardest to cover up. The hardest to deny. I tilted my head to the side to inspect my nose but luckily the blood had dried up, leaving only a light red print from the blow. It wouldn’t bruise, not like before. I sighed with relief. It would be one less thing I had to worry about. One less thing that would confirm how broken I was, how screwed my life was.

  I didn’t know how much longer I could stay and fight. What little strength I had was slowly starting to leave me, but still I held on. I held on because it was all I could do. Holding on was the most challenging for me because there were so many reasons popping up reminding me of why I shouldn’t stay, but my heart convinced me of the brighter future that would soon come. So, I held on. I held on as tightly as I could because what else could I possibly do?

  It had been two days since the incident with my dad, and I had successfully avoided him since then. How I managed to do that, I’ll never know. I was just grateful that I had. My lip had slowly started to heal and the bruises on my neck and back weren’t as noticeable as they had been the hours after.

  My dad wasn’t the only person I had been avoiding. I made sure that Mace and Sarah didn’t come over either. They had been easy to convince though. They knew how hard my home life was and there were a few times before that I needed time away from them. They understood. They always had. That was one of the many reasons why I loved them. Their friendship made this fight thirteen thousand times more worth it.

  Brenton was much harder to avoid. He blew my phone up with messages and calls. I knew he was upset about me bailing on him, he had made it clear in his texts. I felt guilty for it. I wanted to tell him the truth so badly, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I made a point of keeping my home life private from everyone. No one at school had known, no one in the community knew. It was my secret. One that I was ashamed of. I didn’t want pity, and I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I had a little over five months and then I would be away at college, away from all the drama that held me hostage. I would be safe and that was what I was looking forward to the most. That and finally giving into what my heart wanted for once—Brenton Connors. It wanted him bad. It wanted the love and loyalty his heart could provide. I just wasn’t sure my heart could handle the contrast to the only thing it had ever known, the opposite of what he could offer—hate.

  My phone rang for the umpteenth time that morning. He had called me every hour since the sun rose, not bothering to leave voicemails. Instead he called and called while I continued to ignore him, pretending like I hadn’t heard. But that time, as it continuously rang, I decided it was time to answer, to stop prolonging the inevitable because I was sure that if he knew where I lived, he would have pounded on my door long before then. I didn’t want it to come to that. For all I knew he could have asked Maci and been on his over now. That would have been a disaster.

  “Hello?” I whispered into the phone. My heart pounded against the walls of my chest, afraid of how he would react on the other end.

  “I thought you were done running from me, Day,” he said softly. My nerves instantly calmed, knowing that I had affected him the same way he had done to me.

  “I am.” My voice wavered a bit.

  “Then why the silent treatment?” His voice was still soft. He didn’t sound angry with me, only confused. That made my heart clench. Why did he have to be such a good guy?

  “Things have just been really crazy here.”

  “At home?”

  “Yes.” I gulped, hoping he wouldn’t press any further.

  “Well, if they’re settled I’d like to see you.” I sighed in relief. He really was a great guy. I knew taking a chance on him would be worth it, that it would be worth the inevitable heartache that would come when it ended—whatever this was, if it was anything at all.

  “When?”

  “Tonight? Right now?” His voice slightly rose as he rushed out, “I just really want to see you. No. Scratch that. I need to see you, Daysie. Please say yes.”

  He was almost begging.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah.” I laughed softly into the receiver. “You haven’t really given me much of a choice. I mean, you’ve got stalker tendencies written all over you.”

  “I wasn’t going to give up.” He responded, knowing I had been referring to the amount of texts and calls he had sent to my phone throughout the past few days.

  Oddly, I didn’t mind them all that much.

  “Good. Because I don’t want you to.”

  “Good because I’m not.”

  “Good.” I smiled like a goof, thankful he couldn’t see the dopey look on my face. “So, what did you have in mind?”

  “Can you meet me at the park in a couple of hours?” He asked. “The one we were at the other day.”

  “Sure, yeah, I could do that.”

  “Alright, I’ll see you then Day.”

  I hung up, a larger-than-life smile still plastered across my face. He was my ray of light in the distance, cracking through the dark clouds I had been sheltered in, giving me hope.

  I could do this. I knew I could. Darkness wasn’t all there was. Light was just as powerful. I just needed to be open to it, to allow it in. That wouldn’t be easy though. The darkness was all I had ever known. I had grown so accustomed to it that the thought of light scared me. But I would try. I had to. For myself. For my life.

  I gingerly walked through the park in search of Bren. I wasn’t sure where he was exactly, and he hadn’t returned my text or call when I had tried to ask him. That left me with one option. To walk until I found him. It sounded simple enough except for the fact that it was dark and what little light posts that were supposed to light up the park were dim and dull. What turned into seeing each other in a couple of hours turned into several hours of waiting. Hence, the darkness. It was great really. I felt like I was in some sort of horror movie. That was the dream, wasn’t it? I sure hoped not. Thankfully, the summer air was warm and the light breeze that tickled my skin was more comforting than sitting in my bedroom, hiding from the outside world.

  “Boo.” A figure yelled as it jumped out from behind a tree. My body reacted by reaching out and punching it.

  “Ow.” The figure hunched over. “What was that for?”

  The voice sounded familiar, so I hit him again in anger. “Bren? What the heck? You don’t jump out at someone in the middle of an empty, dark park and scare them. That's the opposite of cool, I don’t care how cute you are.”

  “I didn’t think you were going to attack me!”

  “I didn’t think so either but it seems we were both wrong, huh?”

  “I guess so.”

  It was silent for a moment before we both started laughing.

  “I can’t believe you did that.” I gently shoved his shoulder, shaking my head. “Are you okay? I didn’t hit you too hard, did I?”

  “No, of course not.” He stood up tall. “You hit like an untrained squirrel anyway.”

  “Yeah, yeah whatever,” I said, playfully rolling my eyes. “So, what’s the plan?”

  “Follow me.” He turned and started walking in the directi
on that I had been heading. As we got closer, I could see that there were candles lit up on a blanket.

  “I hope those aren’t real, otherwise we’re about to start a park fire,” I said sheepishly.

  “Nah, they’re these ones that you can turn on and off. See,” he pointed at the flames when we were close enough to see clearly. “They’re plastic.”

  “You thought of it all, huh?” I smiled toward him.

  “I didn’t want to give you another reason to run.”

  My heart literally stopped. This guy was sweet and he wasn’t afraid to show it. It was admirable really. “I won’t. Not this time. I told you that before and I meant it.”

  His hand reached out to squeeze one of mine. “I know. Now, let’s enjoy this stellar meal that I’ve prepared for us.”

  “Meal?” I questioned, slightly taken aback.

  He sat on the blanket, supporting himself on his knees and smiled at me. “Yes. Meal. I cooked for us. But don’t get too excited, that only means that I bought us takeout from one of the local Italian restaurants.”

  I sat across from him and mirrored his smile. “Italian? I love Italian.”

  “Good.” He unpacked a bag beside him, pulling containers out one by one. “I was hoping you would. If not, I would have to teach you to like it.”

  “Teach me?”

  “Well, yeah, because if you didn’t then that would have been a deal breaker for me.”

  “Deal breaker?”

  “Yeah. I would’ve had to see you in private because I’d be too embarrassed to be seen with you in public.”

  I fought back a laugh. “Over Italian food?”

  “Of course.” He touched a hand to his heart. “It’s like heaven on a fork.”

  “Of course, it is.” I laughed.

  “Anyway, we don’t have to worry about that now.”

  “So, what did you bring me?”

  He grabbed a plate, placing items on it. He handed it to me when he was finished and I happily took it from him. “It’s spaghetti with marinara and some garlic bread.”

  “The basics,” I said with a smile in my voice.

  “Yeah,” he said, his smile mirroring mine. “The basics.”

  He made himself a plate and we ate in silence for a few minutes. I was enjoying the food more than anything else because it was delicious. But his company and this comfortable silence were going fairly high on my happiness scale too.

  “So, can I ask you a question?” He asked suddenly.

  “Sure, what is it?” I replied, a little cautious.

  “What happened to your lip?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean.” Playing dumb seemed to be my go-to around him, around anyone who had questioned the physical evidence of my father’s abuse.

  “I didn’t really notice it until you started eating.” He set his half-eaten plate down. “You were wincing every time you took a bite. At first I thought it might have been the food or something but then I looked closer and realized you had a cut on your lip. What happened?”

  “Exactly what you just said.” I gulped, sweat forming on my forehead. “It’s a cut, so I must have cut it. Nothing major. It happens every once and awhile, ya know. Maybe more often than it should.”

  He didn’t look convinced. His features contorted and worry etched itself all over his face. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” I gave him a small smile. “I’m more than sure. I think I’d know if it was something more, silly.”

  He nodded his head, seemingly agreeing with me. “I guess you’re right.”

  I moved across the blanket, seating myself directly in front of him so that our knees were touching. I reached my hand up and dragged my fingertips along his jawline, tapping along the way. “Loosen up. I’m okay. I promise.”

  The lie slid off my tongue and as I said it, I almost had myself convinced too.

  “Okay.” His fingers wrapped around mine, bringing them down to his lap.

  “Now. No more talking okay?”

  “What else do you suppose we do?”

  “How does kissing sound?” I leaned my body toward his.

  “Kissing sounds great.” He placed his hands on either side of my face. “Really effing great.”

  His lips pressed against mine slowly, almost teasingly. He wasn’t going to give it to me so easy. I whimpered in anticipation, and he chuckled, his breath fanning my lips. I pressed my hands on his shoulders, pulling his body closer to mine as our lips joined as one. He was so gentle and soft, so unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I didn’t know how long this would last or how much time we had, but I knew I had to enjoy it. For that reason alone, I lost myself in his kiss and gave him everything I had. I showed him a glimpse of my heart as his tongue slid against mine and as our hands explored each other’s bodies. I showed him the surface of my heart in those kisses we shared. I just hoped he was brave enough to stick by me when I showed him the rest—the deeper parts I kept hidden from everyone, including myself.

  I woke to the sound of birds chirping. I slowly opened my eyes, surprised by how bright it was. The windows in my room were covered and didn’t let in a lot of sunlight so it was unusual for there to be so much light, especially in the morning. I fought against the brightness and blinked my eyes until they were fully open. I sat up on my forearms and gasped at my surroundings. I was still in the park. I looked to my side to see Brenton fast asleep, a low snore leaving him each time he breathed. We had both fallen asleep.

  I gently shook his shoulder. “Bren. Bren, wake up.”

  He groaned, placing his arm over his face. “Mmm, what happened?”

  “We fell asleep,” I whispered harshly. “We fell asleep at the park.”

  “We did.” He sat up slowly, looking around. “I guess we did.”

  He leaned in to kiss me and I almost gave in until I remembered one important fact.

  “Morning breath.” I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

  He gave me a smile. “I haven’t either.”

  He moved my hand and then his lips pressed against mine in a soft, quick kiss.

  I smiled as he pulled away.

  “That was sweet,” I said, scrunching up my face. “Stop being so sweet.”

  “Sweet is my middle name.”

  “Yeah.” I scoffed. “It definitely isn’t.”

  “You’re right but I wish it was because that would be the greatest pick up line ever.”

  “You are a walking pick up line. I mean have you looked at yourself lately?” I asked.

  “Nah, I’ve been too busy looking at you.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “Wow. You totally went there. Please don’t ever go back again.”

  “I’ll try not to but I’m not making any promises.” His dimple appeared, so naturally I leaned forward and quickly kissed it.

  “I love that dimple, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He stood up, reaching his hands down to help me up. “Let’s head out of here and get you home. I don’t want your parents to kill me.”

  My stomach dropped. I was going to be in trouble. Unless they hadn’t even noticed my absence, which I hoped was the case because I couldn’t handle any more marks—physically or emotional. I had enough to cover up already and any more would raise more questions.

  I glanced down at the leftover pasta. Last night had been almost perfect and it was because of some Italian food. Italian food and sweet kisses were what hang outs were all about. Well, mostly sweet kisses. I couldn’t get enough of those.

  “You like him.” Maci mused, staring at me with wide eyes.

  “Maybe.” I shrugged. A flutter stirred in the center of my stomach and made its way up to my heart. “Probably. I mean, of course I do. He’s more than perfect, and it pains me to admit that.”

  “Why?” She leaned back in her seat. “He’s sweet and hot. That’s more than I can say for most guys, especially those around our age.”

 
“I know. Believe me, I know,” I said, full-heartedly agreeing with her. “That’s why I’m giving him a chance. No matter how fearful I am right now of the situation, I have no reason to run from him, to run from this chance to live. I need this. I deserve this. So, I’m going to go for it and hope it doesn’t kill me in the process.”

  “I’m so proud of you.” She smiled at me, eyes shining with tears. “I really am. For you to do this means more than he’ll ever know and I’m so excited to see how far you go.”

  “Me too,” I said, looking down at my lap. “I mean, how much can it hurt to put your heart on the line. As long as I keep a tight hold on it, I hopefully won’t lose it—or myself—in the process.”

  Her hand reached out and squeezed my forearm. “Look at me, Daysie.”

  I lifted my eyes to meet hers.

  “You won’t lose yourself. I’ve never met someone with your bravery or strength.” Her voice never wavered. “You will not lose who you are because who you are is more than you or anyone else will ever know. Trust me.”

  “I do.” I nodded my head. “I do trust you. I’m just so freaking scared.”

  “I know you are, and that’s okay. You should be scared. I’d be worried if you weren’t,” she said.

  “You would?” I asked.

  “Of course, I would,” she said. “Fear is what’s going to help you get through this too.”

  “That doesn’t make much sense.”

  “Sure, it does.”

  “How?”

  “Because with fear comes hope, and with hope comes life, and that’s what you need right now. You need life, Day.”

  I swiped a stray tear from my eye. “I know, and this time I won’t run from it. I’ve been doing that long enough.”

  “You deserve the best. You’re an amazing human being Daysie Flores,” she said with a break in her voice.

  “Can you please stop flirting with me now?” I asked jokingly, trying to lighten the seriousness of the moment.