by Alexa Davis
Then, they burst into cheers and clapping, and everything rushed back to normal. Everything unfurled, my muscles loosened, and my shoulders relaxed... They loved it, probably more than anything I’d ever done before.
***
“My goodness, I’m exhausted!” I exclaimed to Kyle as he made me a mug of hot chocolate in Xander’s massive kitchen. “That was an awesome night.”
“Yeah, it was great of the guys to take us out to dinner, but we did have a lot to celebrate. That song you wrote was incredible – an awesome addition to the album.” He glanced around just to check that we were alone, before he sat down at the table with me. “I think Xander was very touched, as well.”
“Oh, God, do you think he liked it?” Even as I said those self-doubting words, I couldn’t keep the big, beaming smile from my face. Xander had been flying high ever since, and it was clear that my lyrics had touched him deeply. “He seemed pretty happy, right?”
“Yeah, yeah...”
Uh oh, I could tell from Kyle’s face that there was something going on behind his eyes. I knew him well enough to recognize that he had something awkward to tell me, which made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. Today had been bad, then good, and I feared that it was about to turn bad once more. I narrowed my eyes and stared at him, willing him to just get on with it.
“So, I do have something that I want to talk to you about now, which is a bit difficult because of the news you got earlier.”
“Don’t worry about that, it’s okay.” I touched his arm gently and gave him what I hoped would be a reassuring smile. Things had been so much about me recently; if Kyle had something going on in his own life then I wanted to know about it. “Just tell me whatever it is you want to say.”
“Okay.” He sighed deeply. “Well, I’ve been looking at apartments. I know Xander said I could stay here. Believe me, he’s been very clear about that. But I feel like it’s finally time for me to live by myself. I have a solid job now, I have a lot more confidence in myself... I think I can do it.”
“But...” I had no idea what to say about that. In one way, he was right. My life was moving on, and I didn’t want to leave him in the dust. But on the other hand, I was going to miss him like crazy. “Really?”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for ages, and I’ve actually found somewhere that I love. But I don’t know if I can leave you now. I don’t want you to have to go through all of this by yourself.”
“But I won’t be alone,” I told him, only a little tearfully. All my emotions were conflicting inside of me. I hadn’t been this much of a mess in... well, ever. “I have Xander, and you can still be there for me. Just because we’re not living together doesn’t mean we won’t see each other.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”
A pregnant pause filled the air, and during that time I saw my brother growing up from the boy he once was, the one I felt like I needed to look after, to the man he was today. It seemed to have happened in a heartbeat, but I was happy that he felt so comfortable in himself to do that.
“Well, I presume you’re going to be staying here, since you’re all in love.” As he said those teasing words, I felt my face flame with an embarrassed happiness. “So, you won’t be too far away from me. You’ll have to come with me to see the place tomorrow.”
“I would love to.” Even though everything was changing, it felt okay. “That sounds lovely, but for now I need to get to bed, okay?”
“Goodnight, sis.” He pulled me in and kissed me lightly on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night.”
As I walked toward the bedroom, where I could already sense Xander waiting for me, I couldn’t believe how quickly everything had turned on its head.
“Hey, there.” I grinned as I saw Xander lying across the bed, looking at his phone. “Anything important?”
“Oh, I was just firing off a couple of emails.” He grinned happily at me. “Sorting out the album, ensuring the changes all go through right.”
I slowly slid my trousers down and unhooked my bra from under my t-shirt. I was more than happy to just sleep in my top and panties, and from the way Xander’s eyes lit up, so was he. “Is that for our album?” My heart raced excitedly. “That’s so exciting.”
“Yeah, of course it is.” I slid under the sheets and he instantly wrapped his arms around me. “It’s the most important job that I’m working on now.” As his lips met my forehead, my heart fluttered noisily. “And just so you know, things are going amazingly.”
“Oh, wow. Well, as you know, I’m grateful for everything that you’ve done for me. I know how lucky I am to have you.”
“I think I’m the lucky one!”
I lifted my head up to look into his gorgeous eyes, and as I did, he brought his lips down to press them against mine. He kissed me softly before pressing his mouth in a little deeper and snaking his tongue between my lips. I was still a little tired, the exhaustion was still there inside my body, but a buzzing excitement was taking over instead. Xander always did this to me; he unleashed such a powerful thrill in my body that I couldn’t control it.
He made me animalistic, and I loved that about him.
“I love you,” he murmured into my mouth, giving me the words that I would never get tired of. He could tell me that forever, and I’d still always look forward to hearing it.
“I love you, too, and I always will.” As soon as I said that, I knew it was the truth. Maybe it was a little crazy to be thinking so long term already, but Xander was so incredible, how could I not? He was the man of my dreams, come to life.
Chapter 37 – Xander (Friday)
“Yeah, okay that sounds good, thank you,” I said happily into my cell phone. “That’s great, so I’ll see you next week? Right, bye.”
I pumped my fist with happiness as I hung up the phone. This was all going so much better than I was expecting. It wasn’t easy to get this album out as quickly as I wanted, but I was powering through with it, regardless. To be honest, I liked the distraction; it gave me something to focus on other than Lila’s illness. If I wanted to be there for her in the best way that I could, then I couldn’t let it consume me.
“Who was that?” Michael asked curiously. “The production team?”
“The marketing guys. They’re getting things banged out to our schedule, luckily.” My heart was racing – this was bringing back out my love of music in the best way possible. “So, it’s all going well.”
“Well, that’s awesome. I’m pleased.” He truly was being very supportive. “This album is going to be huge, so it’s good to get it out sooner rather than later.”
Whether he was saying this because he believed it or he just wanted to be kind because of Lila, I wasn’t sure, but I appreciated it all the same. He was making a real effort with me recently, and it felt good to have things back to how they once were.
“So, what’s new with you?” His whole attitude was a lot different these days. Just because I’d been so involved with Lila didn’t mean I hadn’t noticed it, this was just the first time we’d been alone for us to talk about it. “You seem happy.”
“I actually think I might’ve met someone.” As he smiled, his cheeks flushed brightly. I was so glad for him! It was unfortunate that the first time he opened his heart he got shot down, but at least it hadn’t put him off love forever. “I don’t want to say too much because I don’t want to jinx it, but it looks like it’s going well.”
I nodded slowly, trying to keep the happiness toned down on my face. I didn’t want to make this too much of a big deal; I didn’t want Michael to shut down forever. This softer side to him made him so much easier to work with. I was willing to wait to find out the details.
“Well, that’s awesome,” I said as I patted him happily on the back. “I’m pleased for you.” He deserved this happiness, more than anyone I knew, and I hoped this time it all worked out.
“God, if that goes well and this album makes us the mo
ney that we think it will, then we’ll have no problems whatsoever. Everything will be solved. We might not even need to make any cuts after all.”
I didn’t tell him because I hadn’t yet decided, but the cutbacks might become essential anyway. I wasn’t going to be able to dedicate all my time to the recording studio and Lila, too, and right now her health was my main priority. I wanted to do both, and I was going to try my hardest, but if it came down to it, I would always choose her.
I loved her and that made her the most important thing in my life.
“Yeah, well, we’ll see.” I stood up and glanced around the room. “Are you still all right with everything this afternoon? I have to be at the hospital because it’s Lila’s first round of chemo.” God, I hated the way that spiked ice cold terror into my chest. As long as I could keep it all inside, then it’d all be okay. I just didn’t want Lila to notice what I was going through. This was all about her.
“Yeah, you go. Don’t you worry about a thing. You know you can trust me, right?” Was he actually doubting that? Just because we’d hit a rough patch not long ago didn’t mean I didn’t believe in him anymore. He knew this company inside and out and wanted it to succeed as much as I did.
“Of course, I do! Thank you, Michael, I appreciate it.”
We smiled at one another for a second, a happy moment flowing between us. Throughout all this mess, our friendship had survived, and I had a feeling that meant that we’d be in each other’s lives forever.
“Anyway, I’ll see you later, okay? I have my phone with me if you need me.”
As I walked out of the studio and hopped into the car, my heart was racing noisily in my chest. I was meeting Lila at the treatment center. She wanted to have her initial meeting with the doctor alone, which I respected, but now it was time for me to step in and be a hero. It was just a shame that I didn’t feel like a hero. I felt like a quivering mess doing his best to hold it together.
Even when I pulled the car up outside the hospital, I hadn’t yet managed to calm down, but there was no point in holding off any longer. I just had to hope that it’d get easier as it went on.
Come on. I nodded to myself, as I breathed deeply. Be there for Lila, that’s all that matters.
I forced my legs to walk, I made myself get into the treatment center, and as I finally laid my eyes on Lila in the waiting room, I instantly noticed that she was more confident and steady than me.
“Hey.” I slid next to her and took her hand in mine. “Everything all right?”
“Yeah, I’ve just been weighed and had my blood pressure checked. Before that, they took my blood for a white blood cell count. Everything’s looking good right now, so I’m just waiting to be called through.”
“Right, okay.” How was she being so brave? I felt like I was losing my shit! “Did they say how long it’d be?”
“Any minute now.”
Any minute and this process would all begin...
***
“Did she do okay?” Kyle asked me quietly as we finally got Lila into bed. The four hours of sitting in the same chair having a cocktail of drugs pumped into her system had taken it out of her, but she had been so brave throughout. “How did it affect her?”
“She felt a bit dizzy and sick, but mostly she was okay. Just tired, I think.” I didn’t tell him how it’d affected me. It had absolutely drained me to see Lila going through such a rough time. She was doing well, facing it bravely, but I feared that I couldn’t. It made my chest physically ache as I watched her body get ravaged.
“Thank you for going with her. I did ask if she wanted me there, but she didn’t.” I could tell that it hurt Kyle because he wanted to be there for his sister, but he was doing what she wanted, just like we all were.
“Oh, no, I totally understand; you know how stubborn she is.” I smiled reassuringly at Kyle, hoping that he’d see I didn’t blame him. I knew that this was Lila’s journey, and it would all be what she wanted. “She’ll do this her way.”
“Of course, it’s just so... worrying.” Kyle sat down at the kitchen table, the stress etched across his features, and my heart went out to him. He was so close to his sister. This must’ve been just as bad for him as it was Lila in a way. “Oh, God, and now I have to move this weekend and I’m not ready for it.”
“You don’t have to go,” I insisted. “I know that you want to, I know you want your freedom, but you’re always welcome here. Even if you do move, I want you to have a key so you can come and go as you please. Lila will want you around, and you want to be here.”
“You are a great guy,” he told me sincerely. “My sister is so lucky to have you. We both are. I am grateful that she met you.”
“Trust me, so am I. Now I’m just going to check in on her, see if she wants any water or anything. The doctor said to keep her rested and hydrated.”
“Yeah, I need to get all my stuff organized anyway... So, thanks again.”
We shared a moment, a connection, and a shared love for Lila. I felt like Kyle and I had a mutual respect for one another now, one that we’d both earned. I hadn’t just gotten Lila in all of this, I’d gotten myself a whole family, and that was all I’d ever wanted.
Then I made my way back to where Lila was lying, entangled in the sheets. Her eyes were flickering, and I noticed she wasn’t totally asleep, which snapped me right back into caring mode.
“Hey, Lila, are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need water? More sheets? Less sheets? Pillows?” Oh, God, was I panicking now? Judging by the silly, slightly weak smile on Lila’s lips, I wasn’t doing the best job.
“No, I’m okay,” she croaked, moving herself into a sitting position. “I’m just sore. I might like a hug, if that’s possible?”
“Now, that I can do!” I moved into the bed next to her and wrapped my arms around her. Her body was hot and sticky, but I didn’t care about that, as long as she was doing okay. “So, how are you feeling?”
“I’ll be all right.” She shrugged. “It sucks, but it won’t be forever. They think I might only need four sessions every two weeks, so we’ll see.”
I hated the way her whole body tensed up as she thought about that. It made me fear that she was about to shut me out again. I didn’t want her to close me off, not when we’d made such progress, but luckily, she didn’t say anything. She fell against my chest instead, allowing her weary body to rest against mine.
“Well, I’m here for whatever you need,” I replied firmly. “So, there won’t be anything to worry about on that front.”
“I know you will.” Her voice was becoming dreamy and soft; she was drifting back off again. I sighed as her breaths became deeper and louder, showing that she was out.
I was doing my best to be strong, but I knew I could do better. I needed to do something bigger, something better to prove how incredible I thought she was. I needed to surprise her, to do something to make her life even better. I just wasn’t sure what...
Wait! As an idea floated into my brain, happiness screamed through my chest. Yes, that’s it! I could do this. Not only would it show Lila how strong I thought that she was, I also felt like it would solidify our future even more. We were solid. I knew with utter certainty that we were going to last forever. I just wanted to show her that in the best way possible.
I lay Lila back down gently on the sheets and slid out of the room as the excitement from my idea filled me. I needed to get started now, while I had determination buzzing through me. This was the happiest I’d felt ever since I’d heard that Lila was sick, and I couldn’t wait to get going.
Chapter 38 – Lila (2 Weeks Later)
It was safe to say that my second time in the treatment room wasn’t as good as the first one. Not only were the drugs making me feel much sicker this time, I had the trademark scarf around my head to disguise the big naked patch.
The very next day, I’d noticed bunches of my hair falling out in the shower, tearing my heart out of my chest. I had known that it was go
ing to happen, I’d been expecting it, but it was much harder than I thought it was going to be.
I sobbed, I actually fell apart, but as I raced into the front room to ask Xander for advice, I found Kyle instead. He told me to shave it before it all fell out, giving me total control over my looks or as much control as I could manage. It was crazy, but it made sense in a strange way. I went along with him because I wanted to ensure that I was the one who took my hair away, not this awful disease.
At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. It was only afterward, when I stared at my bald head in the mirror that I wasn’t so sure.
“How you doing, missy?” Leanne, the sassy nurse, called out to me. “You feeling like shit?” I loved her. She was so different from the other medical staff: she told it like it was. She was the only one I felt any kind of bond with. “You look a little pale.”
“I’m all right,” I croaked back, forcing myself into a straighter sitting position. “Fed up of being in here.” I’d told Xander to meet me later in the treatment this time because the endless hours in this room were boring as hell. I had to go through it, but he didn’t.
“Yeah, I bet.” She sat in the chair next to me and patted my hand. “But you know, it won’t be forever, right? You caught the cancer quickly. There’s a very good chance this is going to work. I’ve seen a lot of people come through here, so I can usually tell the signs.”
“I know I can get through it.” I tried my best to keep up the brave tone, even though it was cracking. I needed to remain strong. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I was trying my best to act like a rock so no one would know how much this all hurt. It didn’t always work, there were times when it fell apart, but I was doing my absolute best. “It just sucks right now.”
