by Alexa Davis
“You’re damn right you will; you’re a tough bitch. I’ve never seen anyone brave enough to shave their hair off already – you’re taking control of this. If anyone can kick cancer’s ass, then you can.”
I smiled up at her gratefully, her words building me up stronger than before. Maybe I could do this, maybe I’d soon be looking back on this part of my life as a distant memory. If that was the case, then I could get through this. If I focused on the positive future, this wouldn’t feel so awful.
“Yeah, you’re right. I can do this, thank you.”
As she stood up and made her way around the room, spreading the same sort of joy to other people going through the same trauma as me, I couldn’t help but smile a little bit. I felt like death warmed up, I was still very bald and nowhere near the end of this, but at the same time, Leanne had me feeling a little more positive.
And then Xander burst into the room, warming up my chest even more. “Oh, hey.” I grinned at him brightly before glancing at the clock up on the wall. “You’re early... and you’re wearing a baseball cap?” I’d only ever seen him looking smart. Even when he was dressed down, he looked smart, so this was a moment for the books. “What’s going on?”
Before I got my answer, Kyle came in, also wearing a hat, and finally Sadie, the cute girl from the orphanage. I stared at them all in turn, narrowing my eyes in confusion. Clearly, I was missing something huge, but the fog filling my brain on account of the drugs was making it very difficult.
Then Xander slid down his hat, Kyle removed his, and Sadie unraveled her head scarf, revealing three very bald heads.
“Oh... my... God, what did you do?” I squealed like a crazy person. “Are you guys serious?”
“We want to look like you.” Sadie smiled, before moving closer to me. “I miss you, Lila.”
“Oh, I miss you, too. I wish that I could get up to hug you, but I have all these needles in my arm.” I cocked my head sadly in her direction. “But you look super cute with no hair. I can’t believe you did that!” Then I looked up at Kyle and Xander, my heart cracking even more. How could I feel bad about any of this when I had such an awesome support group? “You all look so awesome.”
“Well, we didn’t want you to feel alone.” Xander shrugged and grinned, before moving into the chair where Leanne had been sitting only moments before. “And actually, I kinda like it. I think I might keep my hair this way all the time.”
That caused a laugh to burst free from my chest, a sound that I hadn’t heard from myself in a very long time. It felt good to joke and be happy, especially when things were so bleak.
“Me, too. Me, too!” I smiled down at Sadie, seeing so much of myself reflected in her.
I felt so sad for her that she was in the care system. She deserved so much better than that. At least when I had been there, I’d had Kyle with me. Sadie was all by herself. I wanted to reach my arms out to her, to hold her close. I wanted to take her into my arms and into my life the whole time. If only I wasn’t stuck in this crappy situation, then maybe I’d work out how to do that...
“Yeah, I think it’ll suit my new rock image!” Kyle said.
“What?” I turned to Kyle, realizing how out of touch we’d gotten recently. It wasn’t on purpose, but it made me feel bad all the same. “Something you aren’t telling me?”
“Oh, I’ve been recording some music for an experimental rock band,” he replied, raising his eyebrows at me. “So, yeah, I’m totally a rock star now.”
“He even has groupies,” Xander confided in me as I chuckled. “One in particular, but I’m sure you’ll get to learn more about her soon enough.”
“Oh, my God, how much have I missed? This is all so nuts.” I’d been so sick, and although that was working to make me better, I couldn’t help but hate that I didn’t know everything anymore. Maybe I was a little more of a control freak than I’d realized. Maybe it was hard to let go...
Kyle suddenly looked a little uncomfortable, ready to run the hell out of here. “Sadie and I are going to get drinks and snacks. We’ll see you in a little bit.”
I watched them intently as they left the room, my heartrate beating a little faster. Something was going on here, I just had no idea what.
“Okay, spill the beans,” I insisted to Xander. “You’re all acting weird. Something is going on here, and I want to know what.”
“It’s about Sadie.”
That instantly had me sitting up straighter in my seat. “Oh, God, is she okay? I love that kid. It’s bad enough that she’s stuck in foster care, she isn’t sick, too, is she?” Suddenly images of her stuck in the same boat as me started flowing through my brain, making me feel sick. What if the head shaving was more about her than me?
“Well, actually, the fact that she’s in foster care is what I wanted to talk to you about.” Xander sighed deeply, and his face burst into a smile.
“I don’t think that she should be a foster child anymore, and I think you feel the same way. Of course, we’d both love to save everyone, but that isn’t possible.”
“Wait.” I held my hands up to stop him talking. “Please be aware that I have a lot of drugs pumping into my system. Not everything makes sense to me. Can you explain it a little clearer?” I had no idea where he was going with any of this.
“Okay, sure.” He nodded slowly, looking like he was gearing himself up. “I adopted Sadie.”
Adopted? Sadie? Is he serious?
It took a moment for my brain to adjust. I just didn’t know how to take any of this information in, but soon the confusion was replaced with sheer joy. I’d never considered having children, but now that Xander had adopted one and we were in a committed relationship, that kinda forced me into the motherly position.
“Are you serious?” I gasped out, finally making words come out of my mouth. “That’s amazing. Is she going to come and live with us?”
“She sure is; she’s already picked out her bedroom. I thought that we could take her out this weekend to get some stuff to decorate.”
“I just can’t believe that you did all of this. How did you manage it without me knowing? I mean, I’m so happy, and I can’t wait to help Sadie to settle in... but I just can’t see how you did it.”
“Well, you’ve been sleeping a lot, and Kyle helped me.” His face was shining with happiness, his eyes glowing with love. “Oh, God, I’m so glad you like the surprise. Just before we walked in here, I freaked out and worried that you would get mad at me for doing something so sneaky and huge behind your back.”
“Of course not!”
Before I could say too much more, the door burst open and a very excitable Sadie came running back through the door. From the look on Kyle’s face, he’d been trying to hold her back for too long now. “Do you know now, Lila?” she asked happily.
“I know you’re coming to live with me. Isn’t that awesome?”
“I can’t wait.” She grabbed my arm and cuddled into it, totally ignoring all the tubes sticking out of it. “I get a new bedroom.”
I pulled her in as close as I could, opening my heart up to her. I loved the feeling of releasing my love to her, of expanding the size of my family. It made me feel special and worthwhile. Even more so than having a singing career... I’d thought that made me feel good about myself, but this was something else.
“You’re going to love living with me and Xander,” I whispered gently into her ear. “We’re going to give you the best life ever.” I was already so on board with this, envisioning us growing as a family. Xander and I were already solid, but this made everything a forever more kind of deal, and I was totally comfortable with that. Ecstatic, even.
This was the start of the next chapter of my life. I could get through all of this easily. I could make it now, knowing what the future held for me, and none of it felt so bad knowing I had people waiting for me on the other side.
Cancer was about to have its butt well and truly kicked!
Chapter 39 – Xander (One Month Later
)
“So, what is this today?” I asked Lila, for what felt like the hundredth time. “What are you here to see the doctor about?”
She glanced at me with half a smile playing on her lips. I could tell she was feeling anxious, but was putting a brave face on it for everyone else. She’d been doing a lot of this recently, and the more it happened, the more I could recognize the signs. She was much better at it than me. I couldn’t hide my feelings no matter hard I tried!
“I’m here to see about the chemo treatment, to see if I need any more.”
“Do you think you will?” I had done my research on this – as much as I possibly could without losing my shit over every potential negative outcome I discovered – and the one thing that I knew for sure was that there were no guarantees. Everyone responded to the treatments differently. “How do you feel? Can you tell?”
“I don’t know; will you just give it up.” She gave me a warning look and glanced down at Sadie. When she was quiet like that, it wasn’t always easy to remember that she was listening in to every single conversation. We were trying to keep any illness talk to a minimum around her because we didn’t want her to worry unnecessarily about anything. “Everything is going to be okay, whatever the doctor says today.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I nodded as hard as I could, but still I wasn’t sure that I was convincing anyone. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
“Lila Monrose?” The receptionist called out, grabbing our attention. “The doctor is ready for you now.”
I followed behind her, clutching onto Sadie’s hand as we walked. This beautiful little girl might have thought we saved her life by bringing her out of care, but in reality, she’d saved mine.
She centered me, brought my world right down to where it needed to be, altering my priorities in the best way possible. She was my comfort blanket, my purpose behind everything. I felt like she was my child, as much as if Lila and I had conceived her naturally. I loved her, and she was growing to love us in return.
As we stepped into the very clinical doctor’s room, Sadie climbed up onto my lap, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her. Whatever was about to happen now, I needed her to help me through this.
“Okay, Lila.” The doctor smiled... was that a good sign? Did that mean we were about to get positive news or was I just reading too much into it because I needed something nice to happen. “How are you feeling?”
“Not too bad, thank you, much better now than within the first few weeks.”
Sadie curled her fingers around mine as we listened to Lila talk, proving just how perceptive she was. She could tell this was a big day without me needing to express it. I hoped my presence would be a comforting one, but chances were I was too nervous myself to let that shine through properly.
“Well, it’s good to see that you have such a strong support system.” He gestured in our direction, where we both had patchy hair slowly starting to grow back through. Lila smiled serenely at us both. “That must’ve helped you a lot.”
“Oh, it did. I don’t know how I would have coped without them.”
“Well, I’ve been looking through your results, and the tumor has shrunk dramatically. I don’t think you’ll need any more chemotherapy treatments to help with that now. We can do the rest with medication.”
My heart lifted and danced excitedly in my chest. This is good, right? It sounded good, but I didn’t think I could let out the breath lodged in my throat until I knew for sure.
“We caught the disease so early on, which is why you’ve had such a success story. Of course, we’ll need to keep an eye on things to make sure nothing comes back, but for now it looks like you’re in the clear.”
“Oh, my God, that’s amazing news.” Lila clasped her hands tightly together, true joy now overcoming her expression finally. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done.”
“Can I tell her yet?” Sadie whispered into my ear, almost blowing my surprise completely.
Lila shot me a quick look, but before she could even furrow her eyebrows at me, the doctor grabbed her attention once more by going into more details.
“Not yet.” I pressed my finger to my lips and shook my head. “We just need to wait a little while longer.”
It was hard for Sadie to keep a secret from Lila. She was too young to understand it, and she absolutely worshiped the ground Lila walked on. But as she nodded and pressed her own finger to her lips, I felt like we might just be all right. It would make this celebratory party so much better if Lila was surprised when she got there. It wasn’t going to be a big event, we’d only have a few of us there, but I wanted it to be special all the same.
“Okay, so it’s been good to see you, Lila.”
As Lila stood up and reached over to shake the doctor’s hand, I imitated her by getting up, too. Then I tugged my phone out of my pocket and fired off a quick text to Kyle, just to ensure that everything was in its place.
Yep, all good, he sent back in a second, making me nod with relief.
Lila turned to face me and Sadie the second we stepped outside the hospital. “What’s going on with you two? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you whispering. Now it’s time to tell me before I tickle you both.”
“We want to take you out for dinner,” I jumped in quickly, thinking on the spot to stop Sadie from saying too much. “We thought that you deserved it after the good news you got today.”
“Oh, right.” She didn’t look totally convinced, but she didn’t pursue it further, either. She decided to trust me just for the minute. “Okay.”
“I just need to stop off at the studio first. I have something I need to pick up.”
My heart pounded heavily in my chest as I clicked open the door to the studio. I wasn’t quite sure how well Michael, Xander, and the girls from the rock band that they’d recruited to help them out had done with the decorations, but I had faith in them...
“Surprise!” a chorus of voices shouted.
“Oh, my goodness!” Lila clapped her hand across her mouth as she saw the gold and black decorated room, with stars up on the walls and a buffet across the table. “Are you serious? This is so nice!”
I led Sadie over to the table of food, knowing that she was probably starving, while everyone circled Lila and got the lowdown on how things were going with her treatment.
I already knew about that part, but I had a secret of my own that no one knew about yet. Not even Michael. I couldn’t wait to reveal it. I was so excited to see the look on everyone else’s faces, and I needed to enlist the help of my little girl on this.
“Hey,” I leaned closer and whispered quietly to her. “I need you to help me with something. Is that okay?”
“Sure.” She grinned through a mouth full of food.
“Come with me.” I led her discretely into the other room and showed her the prop that would highlight my point.
“What is it?” Sadie glanced at it curiously.
“It’s Lila’s record,” I told her with a smile. “She was a singer before she got sick and her song sold well.”
“Can I hear it?” Sadie asked me, which gave me a good idea. I could play the song as I made my announcement. The whole album had done well, but in my mind it was her last song that cinched it – the one about me.
“Yes, I’m going to put it on now; hang on a minute.”
I jumped up and hit play on the speakers, allowing it to flow through the building. I didn’t mind Sadie knowing that I listened to this song all the time when I was alone in the studio. I didn’t think she’d care.
“Before you, there was nothing... No one makes me feel this way...”
“Is this Lila?” she asked with wide eyes. “She’s good.”
“Come on, let’s go.”
She clutched the record as we walked back into the party room, and I coughed just loud enough to get everyone’s attention. As all eyes fell on me, I felt that proud smile on my lips once more. “I have something to tell you all.” I grinned brightly. �
�Sadie’s here to help me.” Sadie held the record above her head, even if she didn’t totally get what she was doing. “Kyle and Lila’s album has sold so well that, last night, it hit platinum status.”
Lila looked stunned, Kyle smiled brighter than I’d ever seen before, and Michael looked as if he couldn’t quite decide if he was more shocked or happy... The news silenced everyone.
Well, for a second. Then a cheer rang through the room and everyone jumped about and celebrated. Everyone was hugging and laughing, and it felt like the most perfect moment ever. I had everyone around me that I cared about, and I couldn’t stop smiling.
Life was going to be perfect from here on out.
Then Lila pulled me in for a deep and passionate kiss, her lips crashing against mine like there was no tomorrow. My heart pounded ferociously in my chest as the chemistry swirled deeply between us, even in a room full of people. I thought that even if we spent the rest of our lives together, it would stay at the same level.
“I love you,” she murmured into my mouth. “You have no idea what you’ve done for me. You’ve made my life amazing.”
“Yeah? Well, you’re the one who saved my record label. There’s certainly no money worries now!” I grinned back, wrapping my arms tighter around her back. “And for the record, I love you, too. So does Sadie. You are the best mom she could ask for.”
We both glanced down toward where our little girl was stuffing ice cream into her mouth like she’d never been fed. I wasn’t sure how Lila felt when she saw her, but she made my heart burst happily with love.
“Our family is awesome, isn’t it?” Lila whispered, while resting her forehead against mine. “We are the luckiest people in the world.”
“Yeah, we’re so lucky.” When I thought about where my life once was, when I was alone, a workaholic, scared to commit to anyone, I couldn’t believe I’d gotten to the place I was. I never thought that I’d end up this happy, yet here I was living the dream. I had a girlfriend I adored, a child I loved, and a record label doing well. “The luckiest people in the world.”
