Breaking Her No-Dates Rule

by Emily Forbes

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I was embarrassed, ashamed.’

  ‘All those times that Rob was coming down hard on you at work, was that why?’ James was leaning on the balcony beside her, their dessert abandoned on a table, forgotten. He put his hand on her arm and the warmth of his fingers cheered her. ‘You should have told me then. I could have spoken to him.’

  ‘I could handle it.’

  ‘But you shouldn’t have to. That’s harassment. I could have stopped it.’

  ‘He said if I told anyone about the relationship it would cost me my job.’

  ‘He’d fire you? He doesn’t have that power.’

  ‘You heard what Penny said,’ Ellie replied. ‘I think he could make it happen or at the very least get me transferred to a different department. And I love my job, I wasn’t going to risk that. The relationship was over, there was nothing to gain by telling you or anyone else about it. Nothing to gain but a lot to lose so I kept quiet.’

  ‘Do you want me to speak to him now?’

  ‘No!’ Ellie just wanted to pretend that none of this had ever happened. ‘That would just make matters worse. Please just let it go. He means nothing to me. The thing that bothered me most was not being able to talk to you when Rob had a go at me at work. Because of his threats I was too scared to say anything. I thought, if just one other person knew, it would be harder for him to get me sacked. And now you know. Now I can talk to you. That’s all that matters.’

  She turned towards him, seeking comfort in his familiar embrace. In her mind nothing would go wrong as long as she was with James. In her eyes he was as close to perfect as a man could be. She’d been so terrified of him finding out about Rob, knowing that part of her history, but he’d taken it all in his stride. He’d defended her. He’d believed in her. And that’s when she knew her heart was in serious jeopardy.

  She was falling for him. Despite all her resolutions, despite her bravado, she knew she was in danger of falling in love.

  She’d have to be careful. She couldn’t fall in love. She hadn’t counted on that. And neither had James.

  James was holding her against his chest. The top button of his shirt was undone. She stretched her hand up and undid the next button, and the next, and ran her fingers under the fabric and over the smooth, warm expanse of his chest. She kissed his skin. He tasted of limes.

  ‘Shall we sneak off early?’ she suggested. ‘No one is going to miss us.’

  His answering smile was the only encouragement she needed. She took his hand and escaped down the outside stairs. She would take him home. He would distract her and she’d forget all about Rob Coleman and his wife. She would share her bed with James and she’d try not to fall in love.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ELLIE usually slept soundly when James shared her bed but last night had been an exception. She’d been worried about his reaction when he learned of her dalliance with Rob and his calm acceptance of the situation should have reassured her yet she’d slept fitfully. The confrontation with Penny had frightened her and despite James’s company she’d woken feeling exhausted.

  She still had an hour to go on her shift but she could feel her eyelids drooping. She needed some caffeine if she was going to last until three. She was about to grab a coffee when Harry Leonardi’s bell rang. She had to check on him first.

  When she got to his bedside she was struck again by how similar he was to James. Their colouring was almost identical, the same black hair, chocolate eyes and dark, perfectly shaped eyebrows. His jaw wasn’t quite as strong and he was lacking the shadow of a beard but that was possibly just the difference that age made.

  ‘Sorry to bother you,’ he said as she stood beside him, ‘but I need to go to the toilet.’ He gave her a slightly embarrassed grin and that was when Ellie could see a difference. A smile always transformed a face and Harry’s smile was different from James’s. Smiling, they looked less alike. Maybe she was being silly, she thought. Plenty of people had dark colouring.

  She handed him a bottle and pulled the curtain around his bed to give him some privacy. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

  Plenty of people had dark colouring but they weren’t all called ‘Leonardi’, were they? And surely Leonardi wasn’t a common name. She couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a connection but James was adamant that he didn’t know Harry.

  She used the few minutes she’d allowed Harry to return to the nurses’ station to check his notes. She flicked to his personal details, looking for his next of kin. Father’s name, Antony Leonardi. Mother, Lucinda Parsons. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected to see but that told her nothing.

  She felt, rather than saw, James arrive on the ward. The now familiar humming enveloped her just moments before his scent surrounded her. She quickly turned Harry’s case notes over so he wouldn’t see what she’d been reading. Not that it mattered. She was allowed to read them but knowing why she was looking through them gave her a guilty conscience. Her perusal had nothing to do with patient care and everything to do with her own curiosity.

  James leant over her shoulder and kissed her cheek. ‘Hey, gorgeous. How’s your day been? Have you seen Rob?’

  ‘It’s been a good day actually. Rob was here earlier but everything was fine. I think that situation has been diffused.’ It had been a huge relief when Rob had behaved as though nothing had happened. Ellie was hopeful that his threats had been empty ones. ‘I’m going to grab a coffee in a minute—have you got time to join me?’

  James shook his head. ‘I’ve got to go back to Theatre. We’re running behind on our list, but I wanted to check on Mrs Fisher and Julian Barnes and this gave me an excuse to check on you at the same time.’

  ‘I’m fine, really,’ she said as she pulled out the case notes he needed and handed them to him. ‘Did you want me to come with you to check your patients? I just need to pop back to Harry Leonardi first.’

  ‘No, no.’ James took the case notes and stepped away from the nurses’ station. ‘I’m in a hurry, I’ll be all right,’ he said as he raced away.

  Ellie shrugged. It wasn’t like him to be hurried. The delays in theatre must have been worse than usual, she thought. She tidied up the nurses’ station in preparation for handover before she went back to Harry to empty his bottle. As she approached his bed she could hear voices from behind the curtain. That was odd. She hadn’t noticed anyone coming into this room.

  ‘Harry, have you finished?’ she asked, waiting for Harry’s answer before she pulled back the curtain. The visitor was in profile to her and at first glance she thought it was James. But why would James have stopped here? Harry wasn’t his patient.

  The visitor turned to face her and she realised then he was a lot older than James but with similar build and colouring. This man must be Harry’s father. He had the same lean figure and square jaw. Just as James’s build was an older version of Harry’s, this man’s build was an older version of James’s.

  ‘Excuse me, is there an ice machine on this floor?’ he asked.

  Ellie pointed to her right. ‘Down by the nurses’ station,’ she said. She should have offered to refill the jug for him but she was too surprised to think clearly. She frowned as Harry’s father walked away. His gait was familiar.

  Curiosity got the better of her and she grabbed the bottle from Harry and took it to the sluice room to empty so she could watch for Harry’s father to return. She needed another look at him. She spied a linen trolley that had been left by the sluice room and pushed it along the corridor, using it for some cover as she continued to refold towels that didn’t need refolding, waiting.

  He was coming back now.

  She tried to keep her gaze focussed on the stack of towels as she didn’t want him to realise she was checking him over but he wasn’t interested in her. He was looking straight past her, down the corridor. She saw him frown.

  ‘James?’ she heard him ask.

  Ellie turned to her left, following
his line of sight. James had come out of Mrs Fisher’s room and was walking towards her, walking towards them both. He looked up at the sound of his name and Ellie saw him freeze in his tracks, a look of panic on his face. His eyes darted left and right as though he was looking for an escape. The colour drained from his face, leaving his olive skin pale. There was nowhere to go so he turned around and began walking back in the direction from which he’d come.

  ‘James, wait.’ The man called out again and started hurrying after James.

  Ellie knew James hadn’t noticed her. She was stuck to the spot, she couldn’t make herself move and she couldn’t look away. It was obvious that Harry’s father knew James. There was a connection and she knew she was about to find out the answer she’d been seeking.

  The man caught up to James and reached out and grabbed his arm. Not roughly but enough to make James pause. ‘Please. Wait.’

  Ellie glanced around. The corridor was still empty, save for the three of them. She saw James shake free of the man’s hand. Should she call Security? She knew hospital procedure would probably dictate that she should but she still couldn’t make herself move.

  ‘Can you give me a minute?’ she heard the man ask.

  ‘What for?’

  ‘I just want to talk to you.’

  ‘I have nothing to say to you.’

  ‘Please, listen.’

  James shook his head. ‘You’re eighteen years too late. I’m not interested in hearing anything you have to say. Not any more.’

  James walked away again and Ellie waited to see what would happen next. Harry’s father took one step in James’s direction before he changed his mind and stopped. He turned around and went back to Harry’s room, still carrying the jug of ice chips.

  Ellie jumped as the fire door at the end of the corridor slammed shut. James had found his escape.

  Eighteen years too late. Was that what James had said? What did he mean? Ellie stopped pretending to fold towels and abandoned the trolley, and followed James into the stairwell.

  He hadn’t gone far. She found him leaning over the railing, staring down to the bottom of the flight of stairs.

  ‘James?’ She put her hand on his back. ‘Are you okay? What’s going on?’

  He didn’t lift his head. His gaze remained fixed, staring down into the abyss. ‘Nothing.’

  ‘That man, Harry’s father, do you know him?’

  James looked at her now and his expression was one of grief. ‘I knew him a long time ago.’

  Eighteen years.

  It all fell into place for Ellie. The physique, the walk, the name. ‘He’s your father too.’ That’s why James and Harry were so similar. They were brothers.

  But how could James not have known that? ‘Did you know who Harry was?’ He must have known, she thought. The only explanation could be that he hadn’t wanted to tell her.

  James shook his head. ‘No. I suspected but—’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Because it doesn’t concern you.’

  His words pierced her heart.

  ‘But he’s your brother.’

  ‘He’s my father’s son. That’s not the same thing as being my brother. I don’t know Harry and I’ve spoken to my father about twice in the last eighteen years.’

  ‘Twice in eighteen years?’

  ‘He left when I was young.’

  Ellie remembered James telling her that his father wasn’t in the picture. ‘I got the impression you didn’t know your father.’

  ‘I don’t.’

  ‘But—’

  James held up a hand, effectively stopping her question. ‘I know you think everyone else has an ideal family, I get that, and I know your childhood was far from perfect, but we didn’t all grow up in a perfect world. My childhood certainly wasn’t idyllic.’

  ‘What happened?’ Ellie wondered whether he would tell her or whether he’d tell her again that it didn’t concern her. There was a long silence and just when she thought he wasn’t going to break it he began to talk.

  ‘Mum and Dad divorced when I was seven. Dad was moving to London with a lawyer he’d met at work, they were getting married. I found out when I was older that Mum had asked him to have marriage counselling, she’d wanted to try to save their marriage, but he wasn’t prepared to do that. He walked out on her, on us, as quickly as he could and married Diane. But that marriage didn’t last either. And then Dad met Lucinda. She was an Australian in London on a working visa. He divorced Diane to marry her and they came back here to live when I was about twelve. Dad hasn’t been part of my life since I was seven.’

  ‘But surely you saw him when he returned to Australia?’

  ‘Once or twice,’ James admitted.

  Ellie frowned. ‘Did he live interstate?’ A shake of his head was the reply. ‘Didn’t he try to keep in touch with you?’

  ‘For a while but I refused to spend weekends at his place. I refused to have anything to do with his new wife and eventually he stopped asking.’

  ‘But why?’ This made no sense to her. Why wouldn’t James want to see his father? Why wouldn’t his father insist they stayed close?

  ‘I was angry.’ James wasn’t looking at her any more. He was staring into the distance, down the staircase, lost in the past. ‘I thought he was moving back to Australia to be a father to my sister and me but it was because his new wife was pregnant and she wanted to come home. Dad wasn’t coming back for us,’ he explained. ‘He’d replaced us. He didn’t need us any more so I decided I didn’t need him. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him and his new family.’

  ‘You knew about Harry?’

  ‘I knew I had two half-brothers, Harry must be the younger one, but I’ve never met them.’

  ‘Never?’

  James shook his head.

  ‘Aren’t you curious about them at all?’

  ‘No.’ He looked at her then, just briefly. ‘I don’t want anything to do with my father and I don’t want anything to do with his new family.’ He took two steps down into the stairwell, obviously intending to have the final word. ‘I need to get back to Theatre.’

  And he was gone.

  Ellie sank onto a concrete step as James disappeared down the stairs. The concrete was cold and hard but she barely noticed. She checked her watch. It felt as though hours had passed but it was actually only minutes. Her shift would be over soon and she needed to get back to the ward but she couldn’t make herself move. She was stunned. She couldn’t reconcile the conversation she’d just had with the person she thought she knew. Where had the considerate, thoughtful, generous James gone? The one who chose lime and coconut pie because he knew it was her favourite flavour, the one who massaged her aching feet at night, the one who brought chocolates to Hill Street for all the girls or spent the extra few pre-op minutes to calm an anxious patient. What had happened to him?

  His reaction didn’t gel with the man she thought she knew and if he thought he could avoid this topic by escaping to Theatre he was wrong. He couldn’t pretend his family didn’t exist. She couldn’t let him. In her opinion there was nothing more important than family.

  Ellie wandered aimlessly around the house. She couldn’t relax, wound tight following the events of the afternoon. She grabbed a hat and left the house. Turning right, she headed for the beach. A walk would probably do her good, and the fresh air might clear her mind. She walked for over an hour, accompanied by her thoughts, but they didn’t become any clearer. She was on the home stretch when she heard someone calling her name. James was coming towards her.

  ‘I’m glad I found you.’ He didn’t give her a chance to say anything before he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. His voice was muffled, his mouth was pressed against the top of her head, but she heard his words clearly enough. ‘I handled things badly this afternoon.’

  Ellie felt herself relax. The stress of the afternoon melted away under his touch, evaporating into the atmosphere, car
ried away on a breath of lime. He was back, the James she knew. Everything would be all right. She wrapped her arms around him as she let her head rest against his chest. His heart beat was loud in her ear. ‘It’s okay. I know it must have been a shock to see your father today. Eighteen years is a long time.’

  ‘A shock is a bit of an understatement,’ he said as he stepped back, taking her hand in his and leading her to a wooden bench that overlooked the ocean. He pulled her onto his lap.

  ‘How are you feeling now?’ He was holding onto her as if his life depended on it. He had obviously been quite thrown by the events of the day.

  ‘I’m not sure. It’s surreal really. I had an image in my head of how it would be if I ever ran into my father. What I would do. What I would say. But today was nothing like I’d imagined. Instead of behaving like a mature, thirty-year-old all I could think of, all I could feel, was the anger and hurt that I’d felt all those years ago.’

  ‘Do you think you might want to see your father? Or Harry?’

  James shook his head. ‘No, that’s not what I came to tell you. I have no intention of having a relationship of any sort with my father or his family.’

  ‘You’re going to ignore your own brothers, your own flesh and blood? How can you do that?’ Ellie had been certain he would at least want to see Harry.

  ‘My father left me. He walked out. As far as I’m concerned, he made his choice.’

  Ellie was amazed. ‘I would do anything to have someone to call mine, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, a cousin even. Jess, Ruby and Tilly are the closest thing I’ve got to a family and they’re fabulous and I’m very lucky but it’s not the same. I can’t believe you don’t want to know them.’

  ‘I have a family. I have my mother and my sister.’

  ‘You also have two brothers. You have a sibling, right here, under your nose. Are you going to pretend he doesn’t exist?’

  ‘He’s a half-brother. He’s my sibling in name only.’

  ‘I would always choose family,’ she said.