by Emily Forbes
‘But I have two families to choose between. As did my father. He chose his new family and I’m choosing my old one.’
‘But you’re upset because your father did make a choice. Can’t you see that by refusing to meet Harry you’re repeating the pattern?’ She tried to get him to see her point of view. Tried to get him to see that his reasoning didn’t make sense.
‘Just drop it, Ellie, this is not a decision you get to make. This has nothing to do with you. I don’t know Harry and he doesn’t know me.’
‘Would you meet Harry if I asked you to?’
‘I’m sorry, Ellie, I can’t do it. Not for you, not for anyone. Surely you can understand. Can you imagine a father who would walk away from his family, leaving them without looking back? Off to start a brand-new life. Not once, but twice. What sort of a man would do that? That’s not someone I want in my life.’
‘But that doesn’t stop you from getting to know Harry.’
‘No, but Harry’s a reminder that my father didn’t want us. I don’t need my father. I don’t need any of them. Can you respect that it’s my decision?’
Ellie was watching him as he spoke. She could see the stubborn set of his jaw, the muscle bulging below his ear as he clenched his teeth. He meant every word. His mind was made up and he wasn’t going to be swayed.
Had she misjudged his character too? She couldn’t believe she was such a poor judge of human nature. Sure, she’d been fooled by Rob but she thought that had taught her a lesson. But now James was showing her a side of him that she hadn’t expected. Or was he? Had there been glimpses of this independent streak and she just hadn’t been paying attention? Had she not been listening?
He’d said all along he was a confirmed bachelor and he had one broken engagement to prove it. She wondered how much of it was due to his father’s track record—three marriages was a lot by anyone’s standards. But had she ignored all his words in the vain hope that he’d change his mind? She knew she had. She knew she’d been hoping they’d have a chance of a future. But if he wasn’t going to open his heart to his brothers, how could she hope he’d open his heart to her.
He’d always been honest with her. Perhaps he meant it when he said he didn’t need a family.
But she did.
Her desire for family overshadowed everything.
She couldn’t believe he could pretend his family didn’t exist. She couldn’t love a man like that.
Love? Where had that idea come from?
Did she love him?
She was quiet for a moment. Thinking. Feeling. That empty spot in her heart, that spot waiting to be filled, wasn’t empty any more. James had filled it. She loved him.
But her idea of a family was more important to her than anything.
Was it more important to her than James? She knew she couldn’t have both but could she give him up? She didn’t know.
Perhaps if he’d been willing to compromise, willing to meet Harry even, there would have been some hope. Hope that maybe one day he’d give up his bachelor life and choose a family of his own. But looking at him now he seemed so certain, so determined, and she couldn’t afford to wait and see. It would only end in a broken heart. She needed to protect herself.
‘You’re right, it’s your decision. I have to respect that but I don’t agree. Family is more important to me than anything else.’
‘Can we agree to disagree?’
She shook her head. ‘I think I understand why you feel this way but I can’t reconcile that with the man I thought I knew and it’s at odds with everything I believe. I need some time to think.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘I don’t think this relationship is going to work. I have to respect your decision but I can’t abide by it. I can’t see you any more, James.’ Maybe she was being unreasonable but she couldn’t open her heart to him any further. She couldn’t take the chance. Only a fool would willingly give away her heart, knowing it would be crushed.
CHAPTER TEN
ELLIE was lying on her back on the garden swing. It was a beautiful day, not that she’d noticed. She had a hat covering her face, hiding her from the world like an ostrich with its head buried in the sand. She had one leg hanging over the side of the swing and every now and then she’d push off the ground with her toes, giving the swing a little momentum. She found the gentle rocking motion soothing.
She was supposed to be at work but she’d begged one of the other nurses to swap a shift with her. She’d had yesterday off but she needed another day. She couldn’t face going back to the hospital.
Work had been horrendous and she’d spent most of her past two shifts fighting back tears. Working with James had been torturous and she’d struggled to get through the day. She had hoped he’d come after her. Had hoped he’d find her and tell her he loved her. Had hoped he’d tell her she was right and that he would get to know Harry. But, of course, he hadn’t done any of those things.
Her heart couldn’t cope with another day on the ward with him. Another day knowing he was no longer hers. She should have stuck to her plan of not dating orthopods. She should never have got involved.
She’d needed a ‘mental health day’. A day to lie in the garden and wallow in her misfortune. Her heart ached. She’d never understood that expression before but she did now. She could actually feel her heart in her chest and it ached, just like a torn and bruised muscle, and made it difficult to breathe. She wasn’t actually sick, there wasn’t anything wrong with her that a doctor could fix. Not a regular doctor anyway. Her illness could only be cured by Dr Leonardi and she didn’t think he was going to be around any time soon.
She heard the telltale squeak of the front gate as someone entered the garden. Fixing the gate was still on Tilly’s to-do list. Tilly had visions of herself as a handy-woman and she had a list a mile long of all the things she was going to fix in her spare time. The trouble was she hardly ever had the time even though she had the inclination.
Ellie lifted the brim of her hat and turned her head to see who the intruder was. Disappointment surged through her when she saw Ruby and Tilly coming through the gate. Despite everything, part of her had hoped it would be James.
The movement of the swing caught the girls’ attention and they changed course and headed across the garden. Ellie sat up, making room for them to sit beside her.
‘Hi,’ she said, as she sniffed and rubbed her nose.
Ruby was peering at her, trying to see behind her sunglasses. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Not really,’ Ellie admitted.
‘What’s happened?’
‘Remember when Jess and I had the car accident and we hit that boy, the one who was jogging?’ She paused, waiting for the girls to nod. ‘He’s James’s brother.’
‘Really? Why haven’t you told us?’ Ruby asked.
‘Because I didn’t know.’
‘James didn’t tell you?’ Tilly responded, obviously thinking that was what had upset Ellie.
‘He didn’t know either,’ she admitted. ‘Well,’ she clarified, ‘he wasn’t sure.’
‘What do you mean, “he wasn’t sure”? That doesn’t make any sense.’
‘His parents are divorced and his father remarried and had a second family. James knew he had two half-brothers but he didn’t know one was Harry,’ Ellie explained.
‘I don’t understand why this has upset you,’ Ruby said.
‘Because James doesn’t want to know about Harry, he doesn’t want anything to do with him.’
‘But why are you upset about that? James must have his reasons. Surely he can do what he likes,’ Tilly commented.
‘James doesn’t want to have anything to do with his own family!’ Didn’t anyone get why this was such a big deal? ‘How could I have fallen in love with someone who has no need for family?’
‘You’re in love with him?’ Ruby and Tilly spoke in unison.
‘I thought he was supposed to be your transition person,’ Ruby continued, ‘y
our experiment?’
‘He was but it hasn’t turned out quite how I expected. He’s the one I’ve been searching for. He’s the one who makes me feel complete.’
‘Well, that’s a pretty good reason to try to work out your differences. Are you going to try to figure this out or are you going to walk away over a disagreement over a half-brother who means nothing to you or James?’ The no-nonsense, practical Tilly was in full flight.
Ellie looked at Tilly. ‘I told him that having a family was the most important thing in the world and if he wouldn’t make an effort to get to know Harry then I didn’t want to be with him.’
‘So what? Apologise. Tell him you made a mistake. Tell him you love him.’
Ellie shook her head. ‘I do love him and I could say the right words but it doesn’t change the fact that I think he should meet his brothers and unless he’s going to at least consider the idea of opening himself up, he’s not the man for me.’
‘You realise you could be in a no-win situation, taking that stand.’
‘He knows how important family is to me. If family doesn’t matter to him, I can’t ignore that.’ Ellie wasn’t letting go of the hope, of the relatively slim chance, that James would eventually see her point of view, and agree with her.
‘Well, in that case I don’t see much point in lying around here, moping,’ said Ruby. ‘I think this calls for a session at the Stat Bar.’
‘I’m really not in the mood,’ Ellie objected.
‘Rubbish, you need a distraction. We’ll all get changed and head over there now.’
Ellie knew there was no point arguing and lying on the swing hadn’t solved her problems, maybe Ruby was right. She did as she’d been instructed and changed out of her shorts into a dress and slipped her feet into a pair of wedges. She brushed her hair and slid an Alice band into it to disguise her hat hair—it was hard to look glamorous after a day spent lying in a garden swing.
A dash of make-up and a couple of quick vodka, lime and sodas at the bar and she began to feel a little more sociable. There wasn’t really much point in hiding. Sooner or later she was going to have to face facts— James and she had a difference of opinion and it was big enough to tear them apart. He was only supposed to be her transition man, she’d get over him. Eventually.
She was sitting at a small table with Ruby when the air around her began to vibrate. She knew without looking that James had walked into the bar.
‘He’s here, isn’t he?’ she whispered.
She saw Ruby glance over her left shoulder and then nod her head.
Ellie took a deep breath. She could do this. She could be in the same bar as him. As long as she didn’t have to see him it would be fine.
But he didn’t stay out of sight. He walked past them on his way to the bar and his fresh, lime scent washed over her. She closed her eyes as his familiar smell pervaded her senses. When she opened them he was in her direct line of sight. He was standing at the bar and she was looking right at him. At the lean line of his spine, the firm bulge of a biceps and the curve of his bum in his jeans. He was wearing blue jeans tonight, not black, and a red polo shirt. The colour suited him, a nice contrast to his olive skin and dark hair. She ran her eyes over him, committing every inch of him to her memory.
He ordered his drink and then turned in her direction. He looked straight at her. She didn’t think it was an accidental glance. He must have known she was there, he must have seen her on the way in. Their gazes locked. Ellie couldn’t turn away. Even now that strange connection was still working and it was too powerful for her to overcome. It held her transfixed. James gave her the slightest nod but he didn’t approach her. He picked up his beer and headed for the opposite side of the bar and her heart ripped a little more as he walked away.
So that was how it was going to be.
‘Go and talk to him,’ Ruby said, giving her a nudge.
Ellie shook her head. ‘He needs to make the first move.’
‘Why?’
Because I have my pride. ‘Because I’m not going to let him brush me off again and tell me his family is none of my business. And if I go to him, that’s what will happen. I’m moving on.’
‘O-kay,’ Ruby said with a tiny shake of her head and a mini eyebrow rise.
But despite her claims Ellie couldn’t ignore him completely. His red shirt was like a beacon, continually drawing her gaze, and she couldn’t stop herself from glancing in his direction no matter how hard she tried. The constant pull of attraction was a strong as it had ever been and she couldn’t resist it.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, if you’re going to sit here and try to pretend he doesn’t exist we might as well move the party to our house. At least then you won’t be able to keep sneaking glances at him.’
Ellie opened her mouth to protest. She didn’t want to leave. She wanted to stay near him but as those thoughts entered her mind she realised how ridiculous she was being. Ruby was right. What was the point of sitting here looking at him if she wasn’t going to speak to him? She closed her mouth and stood up.
Ruby, Jess and Tilly gathered up a bunch of friends from the bar and invited them all back to Hill Street. Impromptu parties were one of Ruby’s favourite things and people had learnt to accept her invitations because it was always fun.
But Ellie dragged her feet. She didn’t want to leave the bar, not while James was there. Being in the same place as him was better than nothing. Despite their differences she hadn’t reconciled herself with the fact that it was over. She knew it was probably only a matter of time before their relationship would have run its course anyway. On several occasions she’d thought their attraction, their chemistry, was too powerful to sustain. Sooner or later it would exhaust itself, and them, but she wasn’t ready for the end just yet.
She escaped to the kitchen on the pretext of mixing a jug of drinks. She didn’t need any more to drink but it gave her an excuse to get away from everybody else. It gave her an opportunity for solitude and a chance to think about James in peace and quiet.
She crushed some ice and measured the vodka into the jug before adding some lime cordial and soda water. She grabbed a lime from the fruit bowl, selected a sharp knife and began slicing the lime to add to the jug. The kitchen filled with the scent of limes, immediately reminding her of James. For a small fruit it was very fragrant.
‘Hello, Ellie.’
The sound of his voice made her jump. She looked towards him, needing to make sure she wasn’t imagining things, and as her attention was distracted the knife slipped off the side of the lime, slicing into her finger. ‘Damn it.’
That was why the lime fragrance was so strong. He was here, in her kitchen, leaning casually on the door-frame as if nothing had changed.
She dropped the knife and lifted her hand to check the damage. The cut was shallow but bleeding freely.
He crossed the room, moving quickly to her side when he saw the blood. He took her hand in his and led her to the sink. He turned on the tap and held her hand under the running water, rinsing the blood away so he could see the cut.
‘I didn’t mean to startle you.’
She didn’t answer. She was staring at his hand as it held hers. She watched as the water ran over her finger, turning pink as it ran off into the sink. James’s fingers were resting over the pulse at the base of her thumb. She could feel the pulse beating under his touch, as he held her wrist and turned the tap off.
‘Does it hurt?’ he asked.
She shook her head. She couldn’t actually feel her finger. All she was aware of was his touch. The skin around her wrist was on fire and she could feel every beat of her heart as it pushed her blood through her body and out of her finger. Suddenly the image of all her blood running down the drain made her feel dizzy. Her knees wobble. Almost instantly she felt James’s arm hug her around her waist as he lifted her off her feet and seated her at the table.
‘Put your head down,’ he said as he pushed her head forward, tucking it into her la
p, holding it there with one hand while he held her left arm in the air with his other hand.
Ellie took some deep breaths, forcing the air into her lungs, and gradually she felt her head clear. Her senses were returning. She could hear and smell and feel but she still couldn’t talk.
She felt James change hands and then felt him wrap a cloth around her finger. She looked up and her eyes met bare skin. He was using his shirt to stem the bleeding. He must have taken it off when he changed hands. She would see the ridge of his abdominals, perfectly formed under his smooth, tanned skin and she felt herself hyperventilate again.
‘The cut’s not too deep,’ he said, ‘I should be able to hold it together with sticky plasters. Where do you keep them?’
Ellie pointed to a cupboard above the stove.
‘Keep some pressure on here while I get them down.’ His shirt smelt of limes. Ellie bent her head, immersing her face in his shirt and breathed in his scent, using the perfume to regain her focus. She lifted her head in time to see him stretching to retrieve the small first-aid box from the overhead cupboard. Her eyes were drawn to the curve of his back and the ripple of muscles around his shoulder blades. His beauty was breathtaking. She’d almost forgotten how graceful his movements were.
He came back to her, holding the box in his hands, and with every step closer her heart rate increased its pace.
He searched through the box, selecting a few sticky plasters of varying sizes before he unwound his t-shirt from her finger. The bleeding had stopped and he quickly taped the edges of the cut together before cleaning up the bloody knife and chopping board and throwing out the remnants of the lime.
Finally Ellie recovered the power of speech. ‘What are you doing here?’
That was a good question. He hadn’t really thought through what he was doing when he’d followed her home. He couldn’t think of much at all once he’d seen her at the Stat Bar. Her presence had consumed his thoughts and he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off her. He had been conscious of her watching him too. Their eyes had kept meeting but neither one of them had been prepared to cross the room.
